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ladyblue07

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  1. I'm sorry that this had to end in a painful way for you, but in the long run I think you will be much better off from having broken up with her. I'm sure someday you will find a girl who will really appreciate the ring you give her and wear it with love and pride regardless of what it looks like.
  2. I don't think you should go to her house. It might make her feel like you are stalking her. I agree with the idea of trying to write a letter or email and then if she still ignores you, it's time to accept it just wasn't meant to be.
  3. I agree with the consensus that your fiancee was very selfish and immature for complaining about the ring. If I were really in love with a man, I would be thrilled to get a ring from him no matter what it looked like. Consider this a big red flag. If I were you, I'd get out now before things get any messier.
  4. Thanks for the input, guys. I'm glad that you explained to me that the simple "hi, what's up?" approach is probably best, because I don't think I would have gone that way if I was relying on my own instincts. My nature is to try to "talk things out" with people any time there's a conflict, try to explain all my reasons for what I did, reassure the person that things are different now, etc. but I know sometimes that can backfire by overcomplicating things. As for the issue of why I want to get back in touch, and if I secretly want him back, I really don't think it's about wanting to have a new romance with him. On a romantic level, I don't think I could forgive the fact that he chose someone else over me (but obviously, as friends, I don't expect him to put me as #1 in his life). I know he's still with the other girl and I don't feel jealous about it anymore. I stayed away from him for so long *because* I had feelings for him still and knew it would hurt to hear anything more about his relationship with the other girl. Now, though, I do think I could be happy for him being with someone else. With that being said though...there's a part of me that wonders if maybe it's easy for him to not care about our friendship now while he is probably all wrapped up in this other girl, so maybe I should gamble that they'll eventually break up, and then approach him at that point? I don't know if that would be a good idea or not, since a reunion seems increasingly unlikely as more time goes by, plus if I showed up right after they broke up he'd probably assume I was trying for a romance again. For me, romances have always been based on friendship first, so I really would love to have that friendship back even though the romance didn't work out. I once managed to reunite with a prior ex purely as friends after not talking for six months. With that prior ex, it was again a case where he was the one who dumped me and then cut me off. I sent him an instant messenger message on a whim one night, not expecting a reply, but that opened up the lines fo communication again. Now things are better than ever between us as just plain old friends with no hint of romantic intent (in fact, I've even had some conversations with that prior ex's current fiancee, who seems much better for him than I was). Unfortunately, it took me a lot longer to get over this latest guy, so now after a whole year, it seems like the odds of such a happy reunion are less. I am the type to have a few close friends that I get very attached to rather than a big group of people, so it's hard for me to lose one of them. I'd love to have our friendship back somehow even though it wasn't meant to be a romance.
  5. Thanks for the advice (and welcome), both of you. Yeah, a year is a long time. I am definitely afraid that he'll just ignore me or tell me he wants nothing more to do with me ever again...and I guess that does make me a little hesitant to say anything to him, because in a way the "maybe someday" ambiguity I have now is easier than if I found out for sure there was no more hope. But I guess the reason I feel like now is the time to try is because I've had a chance to heal from the rejection and I know I can handle being a true friend (as in, I think I could handle hearing about the other girl without being hurt as I was back when we tried to be friends right away). Plus he is going to be in my town soon for an event he goes to every year, so he's been on my mind more than usual (however, the event is specialized enough that I can't act like I went to it for other reasons and hope to bump into him to get the ball rolling...he'd think I was stalking him if I showed up at the event. For that reason, I'm thinking I'll wait until after the event passes to try to actually make contact). As for the issue of waiting for him to contact me, he is a pretty shy/passive guy in general, and the last he heard from me I was trying to pretend that I was over him and totally moved on. In our last conversation, he mentioned his new girl to me and that sparked my hurt/jealousy...so I responded to that by acting like he never mattered much to me and kind of bragging about my rebound guy to him (and I *think* that made him feel weird, so he decided to just cut me off). For that reason, I doubt that he would be willing to make the first move even if he did miss me. I realize this probably sounds like a bad idea. I guess I was just hoping that you guys could help me go about it in a way that would maximize whatever small chance of success there is. I like the idea of saying "Hey, how ya doing?" in a casual way, but considering how things ended up between us, I wonder if I need to try to offer some explanation for hwo I acted back then, or reassurance about my current intentions to have any chance of getting a reply. On the other hand, I also realize men often roll their eyes at getting wordy, emotional letters from girls, so I'm worried that trying to explain too much would backfire...see, I'm confused here.
  6. Okay, this is not really about "getting back together" in a romantic way...but I assume that most of you who reunited started off with frendly contact at first, so maybe you can help me? The trouble all started when he dumped me for another girl early last year. I was hurt by the rejection, but I truly did want our friendship to continue (not as a way of getting him back - just as a regular friendship), so we tried to stay in touch immediately afterwards. Not surprisingly, with my feelings being so raw so early after the rejection, I said some things that made things awkward between us and he decided to cut off contact. The thing is, I really, really miss his friendship. I'm not even thinking about the romantic aspect anymore - I don't even know if there would any romantic spark left after a year apart. I just wish I could have my pal back. So do you have any advice about how I should approach the subject in a letter/email to him? I know some people will proabbly say I shouldn't even try again...but we were friends first before the romantic stuff made things weird, so I'd like to at least try to see if something can be salvaged. Thanks for any guidance.
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