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willow2900

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About willow2900

  • Birthday 11/20/1980

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  1. My ex had a 3 year "rough patch" I was just gullable enough and loved him enough that I enabeled it to keep going. Now I am $19K in debt. But one date is one date. And it best not cost $19K or I need to learn new dating habits.
  2. Wow. That's one way to get closure.
  3. I couldn't do it. Not after they slept with someone else that quickly. I would always be wondering "What if they have feelings for someone else again? Are they going to go sleep them? I allowed it before so why not now?" But that's me.
  4. Whoa....ok. What else has he been dishonest about? The other posters on this thread are correct when they mention that lying about this is a precursor to a future problem, or one that already exists. Time to move on? Well, only you can answer that. You've got to decide whether or not you want to work at this, or to move on. If you want to work at this you have GOT to talk to him. I know that you said you have but talk again and be very clear about what YOU feel about her calling his cell. That it makes you feel like there's something to hide, rather than being open and upfront. Tell him those things. Or, if you want to end it. I guess go do that. It's your choice now. What do you feel?
  5. I agree with DN and Michelle - how did you get to this place? What is holding you back? What occurred that you now feel you you are less capeable of loving him?
  6. The only way you are going to find out why he lied about it is to ask him. Can you let it go? Maybe let him know that you are ok with her calling the house when you are there and open up that conversation. If you want this relationship to last you are going to have to figure out a way that you are not going to be filled with suspicion every time he's on his cell. You have to talk with him and discuss this if you want to marry him. This seems like an issue that can become really big really fast if you don't.
  7. No you can't hold your life for her. Are you going to miss her?? OF COURSE!! And since she IM'd back - she's thinking about you too. But like you said you can't hold out for her. Sometimes you get closure in the weirdest ways. Or maybe not closure, but that feeling of "what? what are they doing??" I got it after my ex called me a few weeks back and yelled at me for not inviting him to a party that I planned. He insisted that I should've let him know that he wasn't invited. So ya, in that sense, breaking NC can bring you a feeling of satisfaction that you are on the right path. Just be careful with your expectations. Focus on yourself. Get strong and happy.
  8. Well yes. You did break some trust by going into his email. It's your choice to tell him that or not. That's a tough pill to swallow, and you decide whether the realtionship is worth telling him that or not. I am concerned because yes, it is just a phone, but he felt he couldn't be honest with you about it. Why? It could be that he doesn't want you to think he contacts his ex. But that's kind of silly to me. If they have a child, they are going to be in contact with each other for the rest of their lives. Or maybe it's because he thought it would hurt you. But if it's that and you've willingly entered into a relationship with a person who is becoming divorced than you've decided to take on those challenges: one being contact with his ex frequently and regularly. Personally, I would have a problem with this. But that's me. Not you. If you want him to own up to his actions here you have to own up to your own. But I don't think you can just push it all aside either without it bubbling up later. Before you marry this guy get a clear vision of how his relationship with his ex is going to work. Sit down with him and ask him to be really specific (even if it's stupid stuff like "I call her to let her know I'm late...") But that way you aren't sitting and wondering. And maybe him being clear with you will help you to stop going into his email. It's tempting, but you have to stop that. Good luck. Hope you can work this out because you seem to really love this man. All the best.
  9. Well - good realization I guess. But why did you post this in getting back together forum rather than breaking up or healing after break up? Are you still holding out for her? Move on. Don't contact her. Try to forget about her.
  10. Maybe. For me any feelings I've had when someone is no longer a big part of my life are the anxiety and clinging feelings to what once was. I know now that I often mistake further loving feelings for just that. Any awakening feelings I have ever experienced with someone leaving have been more about reality sinking in and the rose glasses coming off and me believing truth and reality rather than what I wanted to believe or see. But that's just me.
  11. Good for you for not answering! It's hard, but good for you! The questions you have are natural and honest and you are dealing with them well. There are always going to be the why's and what if's. You can't fester on them too much though. It'll break you. Obviously she had nothing poignant to say or she would've left a message. Laugh about it, forget about it and keep moving on.
  12. That's the biggest thing I guess. Where would you be in a few months from now. No chance you could stay there? Would you want to move permanently? And 2nd fiddle, yes that would bug me too. I guess, unfortunautly, only you can really decide if you want to try and see if a relationship could work with him. But if he says he doesn't want to try, then that's half your answer. Do you see yourself being friends with him? Or would it be too hard? Is there something between you two that you feel is worth trying for?
  13. Her saying she is no longer with anyone was the door opening for you. Like DN said - go for it.
  14. I take it Tuesday is the graduation? If not, that's a funny deadline! Yup, seems to be that C is the one you like. Go for it. You never know till you try.
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