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vertigo911

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  1. She didn't explicitly give me this ultimatum. But it is kind of implied. She wants to get married and if I don't then there isn't really a future in the relationship. She's not selfish at all and is pretty fair to me.
  2. Hello everyone, I'm really having a hard time coming to this decision and I'm looking for advice. I've been with my girlfriend for 5.5 years and she recently brought up the subject of marriage (if we don't get married we will break up). I have many doubts and worries about getting married and it's causing me a ton of stress. On the other hand, breaking up is not an easy decision for me because there are a lot of good things about the relationship. I'll start with the reasons why I'm doubtful first. First off, at the very beginning of the relationship, my feelings for her were a little bit forced. I think that I rushed things and at times regretted getting involved with her. Nevertheless, we continued to see each other and develop our relationship. There were (and still are) many things about her that irritate me. She is somewhat high-strung, needy and unadventurous, prissy and kind of a ditz about things (although she is an intelligent person). A lot of times I don't feel like she is compatible with me. Sometimes I feel like she has prevented me from growing as a person because I feel like I have to always worry about her and cater to her. Throughout the relationship I felt like there was no way I could be with her for the rest of my life. However, I could never bring myself to break up with her. On the other hand, there are many things that we have in common: we share the same values, like doing the same kinds of things and care about each other very much. She loves me a lot and is extremely supportive of me. I don't imagine there are many others that could care for me as much as she does. We share an INTENSE physical connection. When we are together, we can't go 5 seconds without touching, kissing, hugging one another. However, I think some of it (from my end at least) has been in substitution of a more mental and emotional connection with her. Another positive point is that I think we are both very dedicated to the relationship and would be willing to work problems out. I tend to be a very analytical person and find it difficult determining my true feelings (which is why I'm looking for advice here). Also, I'm a very critical person and take her and myself too seriously. As a result, I get irritated with her easily and pick at her flaws. I don't really have any friends other than her and, thus, I think that I expect too much of her (i.e. expect that she fills all my social needs). We have been involved in a long-distance relationship for the past 2 years where we only see each other about twice a month. In this time I think she has grown up a little bit. However, it's next to impossible to develop any more compatibility because we don't see each other than often. I don't feel confident enough about us to get married. However, I love her and don't want to lose her. I understand breaking up is hard to do and sometimes you have to put your feelings aside to do what's best for yourself. Maybe I should have ended the relationship a long time ago but could not bring myself to do it. On the other hand, maybe I'm being way too selfish and/or critical of the situation and should be thankful that I have her and move forward with the relationship. Any advice?
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