EddieRentz

that's like asking someone if they are a cheater because you've been cheated on in the past... shows at the very least he lacks tact... probably has baggage...

2003 was when I should have done what you just did... may have worked toward making the ex get help... maybe she wouldnt be an ex, or maybe she'd have gotten help but went on without me... or maybe I just wouldnt have had to feal with the pain these last 3 years...

sjv Stay strong - he doesnt deserve your thoughts or your vibes Hugs Eddie

Eli - I have been watching your threads for a while now (I think our breakups happened at almost the same time). I am feeling EXACTLY what you are talking about. You are gonna just keep getting better and better my friend!!!!

UPDATE Emailed her this morning.. felt I needed to take back control of the situation. Told her I didnt mean to insult, but it was patently unfair for her to contact me without telling me why. I had to illustrate why it was unfai, because ex is not very good at empathy. Used an example of a an old friend of hers to illustrate. Anyway, she wrote back and apologized, said she wont contact me anymore if I dont want her to... but that the reason she did contact me is because she values my opinion, insight and that she misses me and enjoys talking to me. Also that a reconciliation in a couple of months would be really hard without some sort of contact. She brought up the reconcilliation not me. She said that the above stated were her reasons for calling and if they arent good enough she'll stop. I wrote back and said, "that's all you had to say," and left it at that. She wrote back to me and said she was glad (smiley face included) and that we shouldnt speak everyday, but we should be friendly with each other... blah blah blah. Call her if I want any advice or input, she's there for me... and all of that. ACTIONS NOT WORDS... I know, she is a somtwhat stoic person though, so for me to get this much out of her was a lot. Anyway, I feel now that I have regained some semblance of control over myself and whether I should pick up the phone, but also required her to express something (or better yet, give me a little something emotionally) in order for me to pick up that phone... If she comes back to me, great, I can make a decision as to what I want from there. I do still love her dearly, we are the yin to each other's yang... which sometimes pisses both of us off...but if she doesnt come back, then so be it. Other ladies will no longer be on hold. I feel a lot better. Most important thing was, I stood up for myself.. and I got what I wanted... for now...

Thanks guys!

Broke NC after 7 days... told my story elsewhere, but I committed to the challenge so here it is again... should be able to stick this time...

OK - I screwed up... I think, maybe I did the right thing I am confused... I thought I sent her an email telling her I got that call, then noticed I hadnt sent it. Got to the office the next morning and saw it in the outbox, planned on deleting it, but hit the send/receive button first (my work email gets aout 500-1000 emails a day)... so it got to her, she called again today at 12noon. I picked up, told her I was with clients and hung up. Called her back later... left message. She then called back this evening. She asked how my move was, yada yada yada, small talked for a while... SO I said.."Why are you calling?" Her response was "to find out about the move," to which I asked, "but why?" She went into this thing about how we had a great convo last week and that we were together for 5.5 years so it is normal for her to want to know how my move went and how I am doing... SOOOOO - I told her that the letter I wrote her two weeks prior specifically told her no contact unless it is an emergency or she was willing to have a convo that was clear INTENTION. I said, "wondering how my move went or how I am doing are content issues, you are not being clear in your intent." Amyway, I found out she is not "with" anyone and that she thinks alot about the promise we made to each other to try things again in 6 months (4 now)... but nothing more. No "I miss you" no "I think about us alot" no "lets take things as they come"... just mixed signals. I told her that was not enough to justify her calling me, that her calls confuse me and set me back in my ability to move forward with my life and other people, and that if she calls again it should only be for emergency or for a conversation about us. We then said a weird good bye... I am having second thoughts, shoulda just talked for 10 minutes and made an excuse to say goodbye... but that wouldve just illicited another fone call next week... and while that may be a better tactic to getting her back, the truth is that I dont want to be confused anymore, I dont want to sit here sonfused by a weekly Wednesday night "test the waters" call from her. I want to make decisions and moves in my life based on what I can have an effect on. I am in a non-committed LDR with a model in LA and have an NFL Cheerleader that wants to go out with me... THINGS ARE GOING WAYYYYYY BETTER THAN I IMAGINED THEY WOULD IN MY SOCIAL LIFE. I am not shallow, just trying to illustrate the extent to which I am being set back here, my single and married friends cannot get why I am still pining.... I have been putting things on total hold or into slow motion with both situations because of these phone calls... I want to make decisions about them that are not based upon what might be with the ex, or these false hope calls. I want her to make herself clear... What do you guys think about what I did? I may never hear from her again...

Big - your best days are coming. Trust me, self respect will kick in big time soon and you'll get past from there. Just be good to yourself everyday and you'll come out of this on top.

HA! I actually feel better about not returning her phone call from last night than the smashing... She called to see how my move went... nah, I dont think so.

Day 5 NC - she called last night to find out how my move went... didnt answer. I toyed all day with the idea of emailing her to apologize for not answering and to tell her to call after a certain time... thought I sent the email...THEN I got home, checked my outbox and realized I didnt send it!!!! What a relief, modern technology kept me in check. Sleeping at the new place for the first time tomorrow night, hope I dont break for lonliness... I better go out and party a lil.

Thanks i2 1 - threw out all the stuff (smashed it even - HA!) 2 - resolved myself about the short and sweet... she will be calling again, so I have to deal. I would like to reconcile, maybe, I dont know... I am so confused. I just at least know it would never happen on anyone's terms but my own. Then again, she'd have to initiate so... Whatever, on to the next one. Thanks guys!

Ang... can I be you when I grow up? You are so together. Now if I could invent a time machine and send you back to 2003.... Seriously though, the way people are towards there family bears heavily how they will be with friends and with lovers and with relationships. No sex drive doesnt necessarily mean gay... some people just associate the wrong things with sex.

Better off Dead is Cusack's best CB!!! Great 80's comedy. I have mentioned this 100 times on the boards, but Fight Club is the movie that has gotten me through this to some extent. Probably really only for the fellas, but the themes in the film really resonate for me when I have gone through my last two breakups... For those who haven't seen it, it is really about dealing with disenfranchisement and feelings of inadequacy... not a bloodsport... I love the one line so much, "It is only after we have lost everything... that we are free to do anything."

Big - You have far worse things to worry about than her wanting to get back together or her being perfect for you. She is on a rampage of self destruction here. I am no psychiatrist, but this sounds like she has a serious issue (perhaps Borderline personality disorder or she is Bi-Polar). Sex in front of a crowd... its really bad, but maybe forgivable. Drinking and having unprotected sex while pregnant with your child..........NOT FORGIVEABLE. Not anytime soon. The abortion... I am really sorry man, I would contact an attorney, not sure what your state's laws have to say about father's rights depending on the stage of the pregnancy. Try making a list of the horrible traits she is exhibiting now and focus on them when you cant get her off your mind. DO NOT TALK TO HER!!!!!!! More importantly, do not beat yourself up over this. She may have been hurt that you took a step back, but you did so for valid reasons. You were concerned about her drinking and partying while pregnant right? Well, instead of reflecting and calming that garbage down or continuing to do what she was doing she decided to turn the volume to 12 and try and destroy herself and your baby. That is ALL ON HER - NOT YOU!!!!! It is not your fault Big... but the pain you endure becomes your fault if you keep picking up the phone... so start with just one day (or even better 1 week) of promising to yourself that you will not answer her calls. Dont let her take you down with her.