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Makedamnsure

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About Makedamnsure

  • Birthday 06/15/1987

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  1. Well, not really much to report. I haven't seen him for almost a year, havent even run into him anywhere. Oh well, I'm pretty much over him anyway. Unfortuntely I still feel like crap most of the time. I got a puppy, which is helping to keep my mind busy, but it stills feels like somethings missing.
  2. Thank you very much for the input, it's also nice to hear the other side from your perspective as well Yeah, it has been a pretty rough time trying to realize why I think what I think. I dunno, it feels right to me, but I realize that everyone else around me would think it's totally f-ed up. It's hard to think I'll ever be able to meet someone.
  3. Thank you so much for the replies. My life has really started to change in the past 6 or so months. It feels pretty good actually Well, I was doing good until last night. Turns out there some sh*t happening between my dad and my mom. They've been divorced since I was about 5 and theres been confict between them since then. It's a really long story and I don't want to get into that right now. Anyways, this isn't helping. On the plus side, my minds occupied now and I'm not thinking about being Bi near as much. I dunno, things will work out eventually though.
  4. Exactly!! I feel the same way, I fall in love with the person, not the gender. I just wish that people appreciated that more. Well I told one of my friends a couple years ago that I was Bi, and she couldn't believe it. Except once or twice, she hasn't mentioned it to me since. Other than her no one knows. I probably shouldn't have let it get that way.. I've been thinking about telling a couple close friends, I'm just waiting for a good time to do it. I realize that being gay doesn't make you less of a man, but people don't really suspect the more manly guys as being gay. In that sense, no one suspected me which is why no one knows. I know that I'll loose friends because of this, but I'm pretty sure the friends I hang out with most will accept it, and thats all I care about. I don't even want to touch the thought of telling my family. They'll be the last to know, and I believe it's the best way to do it. Locke, I like that view. It's something to thing about
  5. Thank you for the replies. I guess one of the problems is that I live in a small one stop-light town. Theres not really that many new people to meet. I have a lot of friends though, and when I hang out with them for the most part I forget about it, and I have a good time. For the past 6 months I moved away for school, and now I'm alone a lot, which gives me WAY too much time to think about stuff. I move back next month though, I'm interested to see how things go, if they will get any better. I've thought about moving away, but right now my friends are the only thing I have, and being away from them just for 8 months is not fun. I guess I could always go to a gay bar in one of the bigger cities close by and see what thats like. Oh yeah, I forgot to say, what makes this worse is that I'm not attracted to any guy my age, though I get attracted to girls my age. I'm only attracted to guys that are older than me, which makes it harder for me to tell anyone because it just makes things that much more complicated. I mean, I can't imagine what people would think if I started dating some guy older than me. Again, I really dont know what I`m gonna do about this, but so far what seems the most logical is to suppress these feelings, or have a secret relationship or something. I dunno, I just feel like I`m in a really bad situation that won`t get sorted out for a loooong time.. I feel so confused @_@. It's like I have split personalities or something. I almost wish that people could just tell that I was Bi, and that I didn't have to tell them. But I'm the type of guy who likes working on cars and drinking beer, and my personality doesn't exactly scream gay at all. I'm not entirely worried about telling my friends, cause my good friends will accept me for it, and I can just say screw the people that don't, but I really REALLY don't want to tell my family. Especially my brothers and my dad. I dunno, I just can't imagine them taking it too well. Wow, it feels weird talking about this, not usually something I would tell anyone..
  6. I just wanted to get this out, I'm sick of keeping things to myself, it's starting to drive me crazy. I've just been feeling so unhappy lately, and feeling like I don't want to carry on for much longer. Somehow I got in this mindset that the best plan to deal with my problems is just to wait it out for the next year or two to see what happens, and if nothing should happen then just to put everything to an end. I think I got in this mindset because, I'm not comfortable about liking men. I don't know, I just never thought about it until last year. Before the feelings were just there, but I was convinced that nothing would ever happen with it. Then everything changed and I fell in love with a man. I realized how it felt to feel deeply in love with someone, to feel alive and truly happy, I realized that I can see myself being with a man with the rest of my life. It hit me like a brick walls, I'm Bi. What makes it worse is that since I fell in love with this man, my attraction to girls has gone down. Sure there are some girls out there who I can see myself being happy with, but I haven't met any girls that made me feel like as good as the guy did. (Well, there was this one girl that got pretty close. We were best friends throughout elementary school, then I moved away in Grade 6. I didn't see her much till high school, and when we hung out then I realized how much I had liked her. Then she got engaged and her fiance wouldn't let her see me ) Because I'm not comfortable with it myself, I'm not comfortable to tell other people, so I just bottle things up, which is starting to get to me](*,) Anyway, I'm done ranting for now. Thanks for reading.
  7. Well, if you truly love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him, (which is the whole point of marriage, right?) then you would not let this bother you unless he actually does cheat on you(if he loves you he wont). If you do have doubts about him and don't feel comfortable with him or the marriage, then maybe you shouldn't marry him. I would spend some time to yourself and work some stuff out in your head. Some food for thought; Would you be scared of him cheating on you if he were straight? Is that any different? Would you feel uncomfortable if he watched straight porn? Is that any different? It seems completely understandable to me as to why he didn't tell you about the relationship with the man. Also, if he hasn't been checking out guys while he's been with you, then I think he's sure that he wants to be with you and only you. Blender, your just stirring up sh**. Pardon the pun
  8. One of my best friends came out of the closet for a bit, but I guess he got scared and went back in. The best thing for everyone was just to let him go, be who he wants to be. If your friend doesn't want to be out yet thats fine, don't rub what you know in his face. If I were you I'd let him go for a little bit, give him some time to think. If he still hasn't forgiven you in a month or so maybe it wasn't meant to be.
  9. Just tell her how you feel. I mean, it sounds like she just doesn't care, and theres no way you should have to put up with that. You already gave her an extra chance and it doesn't look like she's taking it seriously. And don't feel bad about it either, because it's not exactly your fault that it had to come to this.
  10. How long did it take you to get over him? It's been 4 1/2 months since I've seen him and I'm still not over him! I dunno, I just wanted to see him one more time, and not necessarily tell him I love him, but tell him I'm Bi, just to let it off my chest to someone in person to see the reaction, you know? I figure he'd be the perfect person to tell since A) I never see him, so theres no awkwardness to deal with, and B) I feel that it would help me get over him. I dunno, I could just be speaking crazy talk, but I kind of want to get it off my chest. Anyways, thank you so much for your input, it's given me something to think about. It feels so nice to be talking to people about this, even though it is over the internet. I guess this is one of the baby steps
  11. Wow, I'm quite embarrased I wrote all that Those are deep deep feelings that I normally wouldn't mention to anyone. But alas, alcohol has made me open up about things, haha. I dunno, I'm starting to accept it, but apparently it's a long process to fully accept it. I just gotta realize that my true friends will stick with me, I'm just scared as to how many of my friends will accept me. Thank you guys so much for the advice , every little bit counts. I don't have anyone to talk to here so I need all the advice I can get! Haha, I apologize for the thread title. Is it possible for me to change it?
  12. Wow, I didn't mean to write all this. I think I've had one too many beer. This Probly is a mistake, but here goes... I miss him so Much. I miss his smile, his laugh, his voice, and how he always seemed happy to see me. He touched my heart in ways I cannot describe, and it makes me believe that he’s the only one I can be with. It rips me to pieces knowing that I cannot be with him, even though it feels so right. I can’t imagine anyone else ever giving me that feeling. I am hurting so much, yet knowing that I am hurting for him makes me feel happy. Every day my thoughts are littered with images of him, and how much I want to be with him. I can’t believe someone has touched me so much, I’ve never become so close to anyone in my life. Every time I listen to a sad song the lyrics seem to warp and twist into a story that describes exactly what I feel about him. The sad songs remind me of how much I yearn for him, and it has turned into some of the only music I can listen to. I wish so bad that I could see him again, just to see his face, to hear his voice, to smell his scent. I’m head over heels in love, and I can’t even tell him! I feel like I am only half myself right now, only half of what I’m capable of. When I was around him, I suddenly wanted to strive to be all I could be. I wanted to show him that I am a worthy human being, in slight hopes that he would consider me as a worthy friend. Now that he is gone I have crumbled into a useless heap of crap that got scraped off the bottom of someone’s shoe. It’s killing me, it really is. Death has become a frequent thought in my mind. I can’t imagine living my life without love. To make matters worse, I start thinking about how I shouldn’t be in love with him. He’s the same sex as me, he’s like, 30 years older than me, and he’s married. The amount of things wrong with that kills me inside. Despite what my heart wants, I can never express my love to him, or even tell him that I want to be friends with him. Death seems like a welcome escape from this awful truth. The worst part is, even if I manage to get over him, this is what my life is going to be full of. I’m always going to be falling for that type of person, and I’ll never be able to be with any of them. I feel like I’m living an empty shell of a life. No one can accept me for who I am here. No one can accept me for who I am anywhere. I’ll always be in hiding, and if I’m not in hiding then I’m not showing my true self. And the stupid thing is I don’t want to change, because for some reason I am happy with who I am. Instead of wishing I could change, I wish the whole world can change. Unfortunately that f*cks over any chances I have to ever become “normal.” So here I am left to question; what should I do? Do I keep these thoughts to myself, and surely go crazy in the next couple of years? Do I kill myself so that no one can find out the horrible truth about me? Or do I accept who I am and suffer the consequence of the rejection that I am sure to receive? Unfortunately, I don’t like any of those options, and unfortunately “to never have been born” isn’t listed. Alright, now tie that all that in with the fact that I’m in college, worried about my grades(starting to slip), worried about what future I could have, worried about money since I got “accidently fired”(don’t get me started), and all the other small crap I have to deal with. I taste blood a lot, I have anxiety attacks, and I am so incredibly depressed that doing anything is a daunting task. And people ask me why I smoke cigarettes.
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