kissfrk101

HAPPY UPDATE, She did call & in the seven days of no contact she was more stressed than I was. We talked, I kept the conversation lite & upbeat avoided the issues. She finally brought up the problems we were having, within a 1/2 hr we had the hugh miscommunication we had going on figured out & what we were going to do to not fall into this problem again. The holding out respecting her feelings for space really paid off. Thank You to everybody for the advice & keeping me busy with the nice replies. Hopefully everybody's relationship problems will work themselves out & no contact is a big help. Good Luck to everyone I'll try to keep you posted over the next little while. Wait & see how this plays out.

I had an important doctors appointment today should I take it as a real bad sign if she doesn't call to see how I made out? She's gone with me to all my appointments in the past. She also had an appointment should I drop her a quick line or no. Were not in NC just she needed some space to sort her head out. Like I said i haven't talk to her in 7 days & it would be a short e-mail. Advice Please!!!

She knows how I feel about her & left it that 7 days ago, the ball is in her court now & I've got it in my head she's not coming back rather than sit around waiting. All the issues are her problem & how she has conducted herself, I've been rolling with the punches. Talk is cheap & I fell for the sales pitch, now I'm seeing the reality of who she is. If she wants to piss her life away on some fantasy with this guy that's her problem, not mine. She's going to have too make some changes to get me back. Tough talk eh! we'll see what happens.

I agree with everybody space is the way to go & I haven't spoke to her in 7 days & I'm ok with it. It's the constant flury of scenerio's going through my head of what the true problem is that I'm dealing with right now. Won't know the answer until she calls but I will if she doesn't. Stay strong & play the waiting game is my plan, I'll keep all you nice people with great advice posted. Thanks!!!

Oh I do see things but I'm thinking with my heart not my head at this moment. last night I was using my head. The longer the no contact the better I'll be. She just needs to figure out what she wants & I need to stop judging her. I'm sure she has very good reasons for her actions which only she understands. I've been very good to her except for my pressing to find whatever the truth is. I need to show her I love by letting her deal with whatever her issues are & hopefully she'll come back to me if not well life goes on. She needs to be happy before she can make me or anyone else happy.

Well until I hear from her I am moving on but the not knowing is keeping me guessing. I'm afraid my obsession with this guy has stopped me from seeing the truth which is what she is telling me. I'm sure she isn't going to end her friendship with this guy for me not knowing if things are going to work out at least this early in the relationship. Why lose us both? Need to just be patient & see how it plays out I guess! I can't understand why she would try this hard to decieve me if that is in fact what she is doing?

That's how things have gone for the last 2 months I let her call & decide when to spend time which was alot. I believe she was trying to be there for me & be the girlfriend she thought she should be. Things just weren't making sense to me. She'd be coming on to me 1 second then rolling over & going to sleep the next. Making comments on how I'm not allowed to fall in love with her. That I don't know her & may not like who she is. Just really negitive stuff then on top of that my suspicions about the friendship with this guy. Before I found out about the affair the way she would talk about this guy, like he walked on water. She even told him she loved him at the end of a message she left for him while I was standing there. She has just created such an insecurity for me I don't know what to believe. She swears up & down she has never cheated on me. I've asked her if she had seen him outside of work (He is a cop & they cross paths once in a while) during our relationship. She pause for a long time then said no (which would indicate she's not telling the truth to me). When I found the video tape we had a conversation where I said don't hide things from me. I hoped she would come clean about the tape & she didn't. Then I really lost my cool on Saturday when I found a recording of phone messages he had left of how much he enjoyed having sex & how much he loved her. I was under the impression until that point they had only done it once, realized their mistake & just went back to being friends. Another lie I caught her in surronding this guy. Yet she can't understand why I have such an issue with him. She did explain some things to me & I didn't break up with her like I was going to. I was hard on her but left feeling we could still make this work, she ask for the key to her house back & I left. When I got home & slept on it I wrote her this email: This is for all the readers again, lol I'll try to keep this short. I left last night unbearabley upset, I felt that you were willing to work this threw & I'm still positive we can if you decide that is what you want to do. Believe me I've thought about things all night & tried to put myself in your shoes as to why you wouldn't tell me the truth when I found the letter. I want you to please know that I do understand your feelings knowing how crushed you are about the fact it happened, the story you told me was the quickest & easiest way for you to deal with it & put it to rest again & that you weren't tring to decieve me intentionally. I BELIEVE that this was your reasoning. I BELIEVE you when you say have never lied to me about anything else & that you have been open & honest about yourself. I know you feel responsible the affair happened & you don't want his life ruined because of your mistake that is why you are concerned about it getting out & I can't imagine what a heavy burden that has been on you. My heart is so heavy & sad of the thought of you not being in my life anymore I can hardly stand it. I can't believe because of one bad judgement call that had nothing to do with us that it has come to this. We are so good together, from the first day it was like you were a hugh breath of freash air in my life. We've had so many warm loving moments together going for walks holding hands, cuddling on the couch, just the other night brushing your hair, not mention all the fun travelling around on road trips all the giggles & teasing each other. As tough as the last little bit has been we've had alot of great moments together it hasn't been all bad in fact it has been mostly great. We always seem to focus on the bad for whatever reason & not remember the good. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me & I don't want this mistake that was made in your past, to stop us from the happiness I know we would have together. I'm begging you Kel to try and see past this. In all your e-mails you say that you want me in your life & you care about so please give it one more chance. The air is cleared about things if we could just start over I know it can work. I don't know if it freaks you out to hear me say this but I LOVE YOU, the pain I was feeling last night at the thought of losing you I knew that I loved you I knew it before but there is no doubt in my heart now. I called last night to at least tell you how I feel about you. I know you have a lot to work out & deal with. If we have to stay apart till you can sort your feelings out I will do what ever it take to make this work. You are one of the most special people I have ever met the way you put yourself out for anybody and that is an incredible quality that few people have. We've all made mistakes but you make up for yours ten fold by being who you are & what you do for others. If there were more people like you in this world it wouldn't be the way it is. All I ask is that you take the time to think about what we could have together, you feel it the same as I do that there is something special between us we knew that when we first met. We wouldn't have even made it this far if there wasn't something there. I know your upset as much as I am & I hope your ok, my heart is breaking for you in what your dealing with. I forgive you for the lie, I do understand the position you were in & why it you told it & most important of all I TRUST YOU!!!! I know you were not tring to decieve because you've never lied about anything else.

Thank You all, I am listening to everything I am hearing & holding strong. I'm not hurting to badly just upset that I really may have misjudged who she is as a person. I'm really questioning whether she is the person for me at this point. Her morals or lack there of has me wondering. Everyone makes mistakes but for her to be around this guys wife & daughter once in a while with no sign of guilt makes me wonder. I can only imagine what this woman would feel like if she found out the truth. what I know about her affair & how she has conducted herself since is real & your right I'll never know the real truth as to why she needs this space. I think maybe the only way to win is to just move on & leave all the drama behind but there is that part of me that wants to believe in her. She did get me through a really tough time with my eyes, why would she bother & then just piss it all away. I think she is just a very confuse woman who has never had any real support from anyone & hides very well the hurt she feels. I'm getting all sappy here but I do see the good in her. When things are going good in a relationship it doesn't take a lot of effort. When things are tough it's when you need to be there the most to show you are supporting them. This is why I am giving her her space to sort this out for herself. I hope she realizes that what I'm offering her is a real loving relationship where as she is only a piece of a** to this guy with alot of sweet talk. Time will tell & I guess I'll make my decision when or if the time comes.

Yes, this has been a lesson. Gokker hit it on the head if she has that much selfish in her how is she going to treat me. Correction has been treating me, complete lack of respect for my feeling and now running away instead of working through the problem till we find a solution. Early warning signs of the future I'm sure!

It hurts most because I don't if she was just playing me or not. I'm usually upset with myself for giving too much to quick then looking back & realizing how blind I was. I kind of lost faith in relationships as you could probely tell by my 9yr break from them. So I thought I'd take a chance & here i am 3 months in & the same old BS. Seems to get worse as we get older everybody with tons of baggage. All I wanted for her to do is tell me the truth & she lied from day one, I guess i should be thankful it's only 3 months & not 3yrs. I guess I'm just more disappointed than anything. We keep pluggin though!!! Thanks for the words it's helped clear my head.

Ya she has all the real issues to deal with, If you love something set it free, If it loves you it will come back. Just sucks! finally get back to work next week after being off for 5 months. Lost my eyesight in one eye because of diabetes. I'm sure that's been a good chunk of my problem too much time to think. She even mentioned that. Thanks Again!!

Thanks & I have been doing that. It just blows me away how such stupid things can get blown so far out of wack. It's just hard knowing when it call it quits. I usually tough it out till I get crushed & that's my fault. We'll see what happens next. Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll need some help!!!

I haven't talk to her In five days & unless she calls me I don't intend to. I don't want to feel it's over & then have her call me & want to work things out. I guess I'd rather deal with both scenerios so I'm pepared. I can go either way at this point.

Oh I've got tons of friends & interests I'm just really on the fence about this right now. Your right I just gotta get my head around that need to let her go, I don't like to give up so easily & it seems more like denial on her part. I'm holding on to how great we were together before this stupid issue came about & if we could get past this & whatever else is bothering her could be again. As tough as our situation is at times it been mostly good. I guess I need to hear from her first to know for sure. I'm hopeless I know.

Yes I gave her that letter last Tuesday before she left on her trip. I sent her an e-mail before I gave her that letter which was way off the mark on what her issues where. I didn't want her to leave thinking I'm not see her side of things. No I haven't thought about any future with her I'm not that far out of touch. Trust me I have thought about everything your saying over & over. Do I accept she was an evil person which she has admitted to being at the time or do I accept she was at a low point in her life & this guy took advantage of her by showing her attention & manipulating her. She feels she wants this guy in her life because he's been there in troubled times she just doesn't see him for who he is. Do I take a chance & play the fool (for awhile) or take a stand (which would surely end things in there current state). That is really my struggle, she may realize what this guy is up to now that I have given her my opinion on him because up until now only her sister knew about the affair & I'm sure she wasn't that forward. Again I don't plan to make contact, I've put myself in her shoes. She may feel ashamed to have me find out about this in such a new relationship the fact we've even made it this far says something of our commitment to one another but it is taking it's toll mostly because I keep dwelling on it. Here is a bit of e-mail she sent me last Sunday: As I said before I have some issues I am dealing with and one of them to me that has been my major issue(and I know it is my reason for holding back on the affection and being the touchy feely person that I am); I am having a hard time with letting myself fall in love with you. Its not because of you its because of me. I love being with you, doing things with you, cuddling with you, but I am not ready to give my heart fully to you and it has nothing to do with that man!!!! or you!!! Its me, I am not able to fully commit to anyone, as I have also explained to you when we were up north. I don't know if it is a protection thing or what it is and I am trying to understand it. You are a wonderful, sweet, caring, loving man and I don't understand what is keeping me back from letting go, other than possibly I fear losing you. As I have explained to you before I lose everything I love, so it is easier for me just not to love!!!! But I am sure that is not the whole issue. But because you have become so focused on the other issue, I find myself pushing away from you more and more, and not really wanting to understand what's holding me back from letting go and just loving you. I felt up till last night that eventually if you could just let go of the past issue, we would have a wonderful fun life, but honestly I really don't know anymore. I don't know where I want to go from here. I have so much else emotionally I deal with on a daily basis that I can't control , I just don't know any more if I want to try and make this work. I agree it could have been something so wonderful. I have fought for us for 2 months now, and frankly I am just exhausted from this fight!!!!Two people who care for each other should not be letting anything interfer with there relationship, yet you have let it WHY, WHY IS this been such a big thing for you???? I have tried to understand really I have, but the way I look at things life is too short and I don;t know that I have the fight to make this work anymore because I feeling like I am going to find myself walking on egg shells or wondering if you will be going through my stuff, whether or not you are being open with me, what is bothering you when I sense something is wrong, etc. I don't know what to say to you at this point as I don't know what I want to do. I need to get my head on straight before I can really figure out whether I want to fight for this relationship or not. Answering that question now would not be fair to you or me, so I leave it in the air for now. I am sorry but thats the only answer you will get from me right now. I am barely functioning, please do not push me for an answer.