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p_fred

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  1. So it has been a while since I have seen my ex. I gave up trying to talk to her in Oct just before her birthday. She basically dumped me in July but then we had limited contact a couple of times after which really messed with my head (I'm guessing she felt guilty or took my offer I still want to be friends). She showed up in my life again in Nov and I think she may have been upset I didn't contact her for her birthday. I broke NC and emailed her before Xmas but never heard from her. Nothing on NYE either and it wasn't until March she showed up where some of us were hanging out (but she didn't say anything to me) I'm at the point where I think I feel happier single. I'm conflicted because I don't really want to be single but it feels "safe". Trust is a bit issue with me and if I'm single I don't have to worry. I still really miss her but she also frustrated me to no end - probably because she caused me to learn about myself, caused me to see my problems, and she told me so! Ouch, the truth hurts. So I'm posting today because for some reason a lot of things have come rushing back and its really annoying. 6 weeks since I saw her last (and I felt like a deer in the headlights because I wasn't expecting to see her, played it cool but I was freaking to even see her.. why? I don't know! I feel totally afraid of her after what happened) I think I might have seen her in passing last week in a store out of the corner of my eye but I'm not sure, maybe this is why I'm feeling this way today. I'm pretty sure she dumped me for another guy but she has never told me... sometimes I feel like I was just convienent for her at the time and paid for her meals. The worse part is some common friends keep bringing her name up in conversations and telling me what she is doing in the future (I don't say a word!) so I don't feel like I can trust them now either. She seems to always have lot of guys chasing her. I'm not sure if she wants me to know so I will contact her or if they are trying to find out how I feel. Its like another poster said "Mexican standoff" but I'm not sure if she is standing at the other end! LOL Well, she knows my phone number if she wants to call. Anyone know a way to overcome trust issues? I don't even feel like dating. Doesn't seem worth the effort at the moment. I also miss Mac4ever's posts! Glad to see he has moved on.
  2. Mac, Those seem to be some long phone conversations... take things slow, remember you have to find YOU again first before moving on to another person. I'm not sure you should be spending so many hours talking on the phone, maybe just once or twice a week to start. You need to be happy on your own first before getting involved with someone else... try for 60 days NC now I think I'm past 30 days NC, actually from my side for sure. She did show up about a month ago at a lounge where some friends and I were hanging out but we didn't speak to each other. Haven't heard from her since and I'm okay with that. I need my space and I'm happy again. Threw out some music that I started listening to when we were together and am listening to MY music collection again. I like it much better To everyone else out there.. delete any profiles and accounts you have online. Go live life in the real world and start talking to random strangers in real life they are much more interesting than reading blogs and comments on myspace/friendster.
  3. I think part of this challenge should include deleting any web blogs YOU have. Myspace is a nightmare when you are hurting from a breakup. Just don't do it! Delete your page and if your other friends ask tell them it got spammed or something. You need to disappear so having a web blog isn't going to help! I know I felt a lot better when I deleted mine, it was a total waste of time for me anyhow. Day # ? not sure. I thought it was still March so I'm way ahead now that I see its April! LOL !! Mac, you sure its such a good idea taking a job so close to your ex?
  4. Mac, Good for you! I know how difficult it was - I was ahead of you because I spent time picking out the perfect card and buying it (since then it took a trip to the paper shreader) I stayed true to NC and it was soo hard - looking back it wasn't as if she invited me to any birthday party anyway. So you saved yourself some money and a lot of heartache! Congratulations. Stay strong, Stay away. Have you ever thought that maybe your need for meds is because of the pain of your ex? I saw a good program on PBS the other day that had a guy on stage with a glowing ball at the other end of the stage. He said that the glowing ball was the universe and it provides for you 24/7 - you don't need to know how, it just does (just like you don't need to know how your body works it just does) its kind of like "The Secret" what he was saying. What you focus on is what the universe provides. It can be a happy place or a sad place, it is all in how your mind makes it out to be. Made sense when he said the harder we try to look for things the more empty space we find (like water for example, made up of H2O, which is made up of molecules & atoms, which are made up of other things, and it goes on and on but they can never find the end only more things surrounded by more empty space!) So think happy that she is gone, it makes room for someone better to enter your life!
  5. macgyver4ever: NC NC NC NC!!!! NO CARD Don't waste your money on her. IF she truly misses you it will really set in on her birthday - and the ONLY way for her to miss you is for you NOT TO BE THERE! If you contact her on her birthday I don't think she will miss you! Plan something on her birthday to distract you. Go to a movie with friends or rent a lot of DVD's ( 007 James Bond Night ) and watch them. Its all about you now! Your healing. You get to be selfish and its ok! Do what YOU want to do! You are FREE!!!! I'm making it my mission to get Mac4ever to stick to NC!
  6. Things like this happen in life so you can learn about yourself and your values. I think you need to be honest with yourself and say yes you were the type of person that sleeps with a married man. Hopefully you have learned your lesson and you are NOW not that type of person. A ring on the finger is a sign to stay away. If you are single do not talk with married men - talk with single men who are available. I think some single women talk with married men because they think they are "safe" because they are married.. next thing you know that "safe" person isn't so safe and you end up sleeping with them. Not good for two reasons: 1) your faith in men is shot down because now its not possible to trust a man to be faithful and 2) your self esteem is shot because you stooped so low as to sleep with another women's man. Don't do it.
  7. I've finally came to the conclusion that I must have needed more from my ex. Maybe she knew this and this is why she ended it. My partner should be supportive and it should be about "us". Maybe she has changed. I know I have. I am working on myself to learn to be better for my future. When I get married one day I want to have the right skills so my marriage will be strong and last forever. I stopped wondering why she showed up the other week. I'm moving forward and will "go with the flow" I'm just going to let the future unfold. I feel now in the "its about me" stage. The thing I noticed was that I felt a very strange vibe when she showed up. I don't know why but it must mean something wasn't right - like two magnets of the same type when you push them together. I feel disappointed about the past but yet happy that I learned a lot about myself and I know I tried my best. That's all I can do.
  8. 7 days since she showed up briefly at the dinner party. I've managed not to make contact but I really really wonder what she is feeling and if she misses spending time together (why do I have to be such a curious person!) I'm still baffled. Not going to call. Not going to call. Not going to call. I'm starting to think being just friends wouldn't work for me either PS: macgyver4ever... NC for her birthday! No Card!
  9. Ugh, I'm not sure I want to type it all out again I feel better already. I guess it means that I'm pretty much healed. I'm at the point thinking "Would I try again with her? Has she changed? Can I really TRUST her? What would OUR future together look like? Maybe she isn't the girl for me like she said" I just wonder if there was a reason behind her showing up. I'm also wondering IF she calls me (which I highly doubt) what should I do? answer the call? ignore it and see if she leaves a voicemail? I went through a lot of pain so I guess now I'm very apprehensive. I know quite a few times I called her and she wasn't there to answer my calls. I'm not even sure what we would talk about if I did talk to her. short version = knew each other for about a year, dated for 3-4 months after that, had a really great time, I started to get paranoid because she was so sarcastic (my issues: hard for me to trust people), made me feel insecure & eventually she broke up with me (I think she was dating someone else, perhaps even at the same time or before me as she did mention not ready for a serious relationship) then dated a few more times, she started to complain about everything & stopped being affectionate. Eventually I went NC because after saying sorry it didn't help. That was probably about 5 months ago. Now mutual friends occasionally bring up her name.. her & her friend (female) were out drinking here.. doing this.. doing that.. Almost like they are trying to tell me "she's available" ... plus she happens to show up where I go but not speak to me? So basically I'm sticking with NC until I get real contact from her (ie: she actually speaks to me or calls me or emails.. none of this showing up where I happen to be - as in standing right beside me! and then disappearing without talking to me) PS: macgyver4ever, don't do it.. stay NC for her birthday
  10. Honeyspur, No I don't need to be punished! Her showing up totally freaked me out - it makes small hurricanes in my head. I was talking with the other people and after she left I couldn't think straight for 10 minutes - couldn't name the cross streets for directions which we walk accross every day! It was like someone used a big magnet to wipe out my brain. Still wondering why she showed up. Maybe testing the waters? She is the one that ended it with me (I think maybe for someone else but never said so) so I don't feel that I should call her. Feels like maybe she is either hoping I will call, is looking for attention, or maybe I'm the backup guy. I'd rather think she is missing me/loves me and is thinking to try again. Help SD!
  11. mac4ever, I don't think you should send her anything for her birthday - you could re-establishing a possible position of "backup plan". Try NC until she contacts you. My ex (of 3 months dating) "broke up" with me in June and I have been NC since Oct (tried to be friends - bad idea). A small slip around xmas when I sent her an email although she did not respond. I stayed with NC for her birthday in Oct (very hard.. I did buy a card but threw it out) I have been healing fine and lately mutual friends have been dropping her name in to conversations - very frustrating when you are thinking NC. This weekend she dropped by a bar a group of us were at and talked to a mutual friend for a few minutes. I guess I broke NC by offering her a place to sit which she declinded and then she left after finishing her converstation. Does it count as me breaking NC?
  12. Glad to hear you are stronger now! Go celebrate and do something just for you.
  13. NTL, Do as your boyfriend wishes and DO NOT CONTACT HIM AT ALL!!! Next, phone up your friends and hang out with them. Don't talk about your relationship or problems.. go have some fun... what do you like to do for fun? Also, how about this guy you were talking about earlier that lives close by? Why not hang out with him as a friend? I think you need to give your boyfriend his space and go enjoy yourself with some male friends (co-workers? your Dad? do you have a brother?) and see how they treat you. Then you can make a comparison in your own mind. Stop thinking about your bf and his reactions/feelings, we are all seeing how you are driving yourself crazy. You need some space for yourself so you can step back and think.
  14. I just read your entire thread. You have come a long way and become a much stronger person. Congratuations! Keep busy in your life and try not to worry so much about your relationship. Maybe asking about his interviews might not be such a good idea. If they are not going so well (why so many?) then he might not feel so good about them. I don't think he would feel good telling you "I was rejected again" I bet if he has a good interview and gets a great job you will be the first person he will call. Maybe when he calls try to talk about something you both enjoy instead of the relationship and his work problems. Something that is positive in your lifes and makes you feel good. Don't call/txt him
  15. My thought would be forget her if you believe you did nothing wrong and she broke up with you. Don't waste one of YOUR vacation days. Go to work like normal and do your normal job. Hopefully you are far enough apart that you don't run in to each other without trying. If she wants she can come to your area to say its her last day and wish you well. If not at least you didn't waste one of your vacation days. I know I sound harsh but remember that she can walk and knows how to dial a phone just as well as you do. How does she even know that you know its her last day? Any after-work "going away" party planned for her? If you feel strong enough you could always call her in the morning and offer to take her out for a "going away" coffee (hopefully you have some coffee shops near by) in the morning or afternoon break time.
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