Jump to content

marthamydear

Members
  • Posts

    54
  • Joined

marthamydear's Achievements

Contributor

Contributor (5/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. yes, i realize that sexuality is human and normal, even for parents. and yes, i'll admit that i look at porn now and again myself. most people do look at porn, from what i understand. the real issue for me was that I CAUGHT MY DAD IN PERSON, when he was intending to hide it. if i had just found it on his computer, yes, i would be a little disturbed, but it's the fact that it accidentally popped up while i was there with him in person, just having a normal conversation. WE BOTH KNOW that i saw his porn. i had to watch him be embarrassed and struggle to make the window close and the porn stop playing. i'm more embarrassed for him than anything... i just know he is humiliated because i without a doubt saw and heard it on his computer. and he admitted to it. if parents were just open about sex with their kids, the world would be such a better place. that's all.
  2. Today I was stopping by my dad's house to get my mail (I've moved out recently), and was talking to him in his office. All the sudden, windows media player pops up on his computer screen, which was in clear view. It was definitely a porn clip, with sound too. My dad kind of chuckled and said "Dad porn! You caught me!" and then closed the window. I was mortified. I just looked away and didn't say anything as he was closing the window, but I had to hold back my tears. We continued talking for another 10 minutes probably, and managed to have a relatively normal conversation, although I felt like I was going to puke and scream and cry. This wouldn't be such a big deal, but I am a girl, and my dad and I have never, ever had any discussion about sex, pornography, birth control, or anything in that domain. When we see movies with sex scenes, I get uncomfortable, just because my family NEVER, EVER talks about sex. I'm freaked out. I feel like I'll never be able to see him without thinking of this. I'm embarrassed, for myself, and for him. He must feel completely mortified as well, that his daughter caught him. Maybe this feeling will pass in a day or two, but right now I'm ridiculously preoccupied with it. I'm trying to keep one thing in mind though: I could have caught him masturbating, and I didn't. It could have been A LOT worse. So, anyone caught their parents with porn? Did you get over it or do you still think about it every time you see them?
  3. my ex and i have been nc for about 3 months now. he dropped me, so there was no "break up" talk or discussion about the relationship ending at all. he has about 15 of my favorite cd's, as well as a few books, and a keyboard that i let him borrow. i have some books and dvd that belong to him. it is wrong for me to break nc to ask for my stuff back? i'm still a little uneasy about the whole break up, so i don't want to stir up bad feelings. but he has a lot of my crap, and frankly, i don't think he should get to keep it. any of you have advice for getting your stuff back? was it worth it? did it mess things up even more?
  4. so, i've been out on two dates with a guy. he is very nice, has a good job, is a hard worker, very intelligent, respectful, not too ugly, and apparently interested in me. the dates have both gone well, and we've both had a good time, but honestly not much flirtation or chemistry. i felt pretty neutral about seeing him both times. well, on date #2 he gave me a rose. i have to admit, i was a bit taken aback. a rose on the 2nd date! eek! at this point, i haven't found myself attracted to him at all. my friends always tell me i'm too quick to judge guys, so i've given this one a try by going out with him twice. he's a really great guy, but there's just no "spark" there, at least on my end. the dates have been fine and i've had a good time, but i'm just not attracted to him. so what do i do? keeping going out with him and hope he grows on me? how long do you give someone to "grow" on you before you know? another factor-- i was in a brief relationship a few months ago that i'm not quite over yet. i fell intensely in love with a guy, and he cut me off after having sex with me a few times, no warning or anything. it's been mutual nc for 3 months now. he broke my heart, the first time anyone had truly broken it. i'm still not over him, and although i know it's over, there's some small part of me that hopes one day he will realize what he did and want me back. so, i'm not sure if my fixation on this relationship is skewing my views on the new guy. how do i know? should i keep seeing him? is it just the old guy who is keeping me from be attracted to the new one?
  5. I've got a guy trying to take me out and so far I've been ignoring most of his calls and texts. I don't really know him yet but I'm open to going out with him. I have talked to him twice, and I think he's called/texted a total of maybe 5 or 6 times. I need tips on how to play hard to get. If he leaves a message, should I return it or just wait for him to call again? What's appropriate avoidance and what's just inconsiderate? At what point in dating should I be doing this, or when should I stop if it seems to be going well between us? Just at the beginning? I don't want to manipulate this boy, but I want him to have to work a little bit if he actually is interested in me. I hate to play games like this, but I'm trying to avoid mistakes I've made in the past. I really messed up with a guy I was dating before and I don't want the same thing to happen again. Basically, I fell really hard and ended up chasing him instead of it being the other way around. He got tired of me pretty quickly and eventually dropped me with no warning at all. I really think if I been less available, he would have been all over me and things would have worked out. I've done the same thing with other guys too, and I'm tired of getting rejected just for being honest about my feelings and desires. Oh, being a girl.
  6. yes, i was lurking, but i really DID NOT KNOW that i opened the chat thing just by clicking the stupid link!
  7. i dated a guy for 2 months, and fell hard for him. my feeling weren't reciprocated, however, and he broke up with me by simply discontinuing all contact (no break up talk, email, or anything). there has been nc between us for about 2 months now. this morning i was on okcupid, the website where we met. after we broke up, i deleted my profile and created another, without any photos, so he wouldn't know it was me if he ever ran accross it. well, this morning i was on the site, doing a little stalking, or perhaps just lurking. i saw that he was online, and i clicked a link to message him, without knowing that just clicking it would actually send him a message. when i realized this, i freaked out and logged off. he sent two im's responding to my accidental message (to the effect of "hello?" and nothing more). so, now he's probably looked at my new profile. he might not know it was me, but there is some identifying info (age, location, race, height, etc), as well as my favorite music and movies. there's a chance that he may not connect it with me, but i doubt it. should i contact him over this and apologize for lurking? what could he be thinking right now? that i tried to contact him and just chickened out? or that i'm a creep who is stalking him? should i delete this profile in case he looks at it again?
  8. thank you. i know all of this in my head, but it's so hard when i have these overwhelming emotions creating a blockage. i know this is an opportunity for me to confront and address some serious personal problems that i have been suffering from for years: my low self esteem, independence, and self respect. it's just taking me so incredibly long to get over this, and i just wish i could stop feeling this way!
  9. i am a 21 year old female, and the guy in question is 26. we had been dating for a couple of weeks, and we both seemed very interested in each other. in retrospect, i realize that early on, my level of interest in him was higher than his interest in me. at the time, however, i was oblivious, blinded by the overwhelming feelings i had for him. we moved very fast physically, and i (very stupidly) initiated sex after only about 2 weeks. at this point, i anticipated that we would be in an official relationship very soon (i would not have slept with him if i didn't think we would be together). we kept seeing each other for maybe two weeks after that, and sleeping together, but he started seeing me less and less and avoiding my calls and emails. i freaked out, seeing he was losing interest in me, and briefly turned into a "psycho," calling and emailing way more often than i should have. after about 5 days of NC on his part, i decided to do the same. there has been no contact for almost 2 months now, save an email he sent about 2 weeks into the mutual NC, apologizing for his lack of communication, saying it was due to a serious family crisis where he had to leave town for a few days. at the end of the email, he said he would call me. he hasn't, and i haven't responded. i can't stop thinking about him. i know that i only knew him briefly, but in that time i felt an attraction and chemistry that i've never felt before. i went through a severe episode of clinical depression for about 2 weeks after he disappeared. i lost 10 lbs, couldn't sleep, called in to work almost every day and fell totally behind in my classes. i felt worthless, slutty, immature, ugly, undesirable, desparate, and pathetic. since then i have gone on meds and have pulled myself together somewhat, but the pain is still there every morning when i wake up, throughout the day, and every night when i lay awake in bed and wait for my sleeping pill to knock me out. i've been on a few dates with another guy who is very nice and interested in me, but i can't help but compare him to my old guy. he just seems boring and plain, no one who could ever really know me. i wonder if old guy thinks about me at all, if he lost all respect for me, if he finds the thought of me repulsive and hopes he never has to see me again. i wonder if he's dating some beautiful, smart girl who won't just give it away like me. i feel awful. i regret my mistakes so much because i know there was potential for something real and meaningful, and not just sex. the times before we got physical were wonderful and fun and comfortable, and i know that at first he felt that way too. i got carried away, was too available to him, and he couldn't take me seriously. my mind tells me that i have to get over him. but i just don't want to. for some reason, i am holding on to this dearly. i can't accept that it's over. i tell myself constantly that he won't contact me, and i'll never run into him in public. but i'm still hoping that he will realize i made a mistake, and underneath there is a girl who could be something amazing to him. is there any hope for us? should i break nc? when do i give up? how do i let go?
  10. I am 21 (female), and i am just recovering from what i think was being used as a rebound. this guy (26) and i dated for about two months after knowing each other for a couple weeks just as friends. he had broken up with his girlfriend of 6 months a few weeks before we met (it was his first sex). i really fell for this guy, and my feelings made me act very aggresively toward him, both physically and emotionally. i wasn't asking for an "official" realtionship, but i was demanding with his time and got pretty upset when he didn't return my calls. toward the end, i could tell things were tapering off as he called me less and less and started to look bored and frustrated when we were together. toward the last couple weeks, it had turned into just physical stuff, and we had sex the last three times we saw each other. he went out of town for a weekend and i didn't hear a word for two weeks. then he sent an email apologizing and saying that his sister had attempted suicide and he left town for a while to be with his family. i did not respond, and haven't heard a word from him since. this was about a month ago. i fell into a severe depression for about 2 weeks. i thought (and still think somewhat) that i was in love with him. i have never been in love before. it seems to me as though he used this story as an excuse when in reality, he just wasn't interested in me. i know this must have been coming from a good place and a desire not to hurt me, but damn! using your sister's suicide attempt as an excuse? that's really questionable and has made me think about what kind of person he must really be. i want to contact him, just for closure. i've been waiting because i am still in a lot of pain since he dropped me. should i? i have things i want to say, and i want to confront him about the sister excuse. i also have a tendency just to completely cut off people from my life when things go wrong, and i want to make an effort to start mending things so i can at least be on civil terms. i'm afriad i'm not ready to talk to him. the pain is lessening day by day, but part of me still feels such a strong desire for him. i have never felt this way about someone before. should i wait another month or so til i feel more "over" him? my fear is that he will have totally moved on and will have no empathy for what i've been dealing with. is it inappropriate to ask for closure so long after its over?
×
×
  • Create New...