bestfishinthepond

Precisely North, Precisely! A mirror shows an image of both inward and outward reflection. Although it cannot feel emotion, it does bounce to others your perception of yourself -positive, negative, reflective, aloof, confident, goofy etc. Truly look in the mirror and say "I'd like to go out on a date with you, Friday." Then do it. Get all jazzed up and treat yourself grand. Funny as it seems, I did exactly this. (and gave myself a good laugh by talking to myself in the mirror) It's awkward at first, but once you say positive (or negative) things enough times about yourself, you begin to believe it and you undergo a transformation to mirror that image. So, let your mirror show you and others something new, positively stunning, unique and natural. So date yourself... work on you, fall-in-love with you (Annie24 is dead on), and soon others will reflect that mirror, too. You are right on North, You are right on!

So, I guess this question brings out the aspects for self improvement. We are only a mirror image of our perception. I challenge each person, whether he/she agreed or disagreed to date one's self, to look into a real mirror and find one thing realistic changable characteristic (and only one, right now) that will positively enhance your "new" and improved...you. It isn't hard to do. For example: I needed a haircut...something simple and yet, something I've put off for 2 years. I got dumped and the next day I went to Great Clips and donated 12 inches to Lukemia patients. Talk about wonders for my self esteem! And...my friends say that my new looks (hair and minus 15 lbs. from the "lovesick diet" ) is attractive More importantly, moving through the healing process has allowed me to "fall in-love with myself" again. I love me, always have...but it was just clouded by my jaded perception. So my enotaloners...the mirror...one thing. It's a start and a beautiful one at that!

Fun question...Date myself? Yes...I love myself and I am happy (again). However, if I broke up with me I would have to definitely NC because LC has been too difficult to maintain with me. I am always talking to myself, texting me, voice mailing myself analyzing I and missing me too much.. :scatter: lol I wonder what Superdave71 would do?

Lady... Welcome to ENA. It looks like you have a wealth of supporters, including me. It was my first time being on the "getting dumped" side, and I had the (what I found out through ENA) classic lines of "Not you but me..." "let's remain friends." The first few weeks from the break-up are going to be HELL- physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (certainly if you were dumped but also for the dumpee..if he/she is a compassionate and concerned individual.) If you need any consolation you can read my thread under "Broke individual nc for mutual nc: square one to infinity." -some where around Nov 7ish. Yes…it is over. For your sake and for your peace of mind. Yes, for right now he is hanging around until the next best thing comes along-(no fault of yours). Anyway, be kind to yourself, seek friends and family frequently. Pick up old hobbies that you were doing before your ex came into your life and treat yourself tenderly. Keep reading and posting here on ENA…there are thousands of people who will empathize, support, advise and sometimes kick you in the rear while hugging you at the same time. Muddle through each day for yourself and when you get the "missing the ex urge" smile, cry if you must cry, and let it be. I still do. And, it's okay. Remember to love yourself first- you deserve to be loved equally. Well, I am two months from the break-up. One month of hell, one month from seeing him and finding resolution within myself to move forward. I wanted peace in the heart and not hanging onto to the “do I wait for him to change his feelings” and he wanted to date other people...so, we do what we do. I am stronger from 3 weeks ago and have a greater fortitude say from 6 weeks back. I still have a ways to go, but the Bestfish is swimming again. I am discovering the vibrant, amazing woman inside and I know what I want from life and what I want in a relationship. You will again be there too. Trust yourself and trust the love inside your heart…it is still there for you. And, you never know where love will take you…a new path or maybe, down the road full circle. Give yourself to love, if love is what you are after. Open up your heart to the tears and laughter. You must give yourself to love. Give yourself to love. (Kate Wolf) As far as the "friends" issue...Lady, it's too soon for you to even contemplate “friendship” real friendship…that takes time. If he truly cares for you, he will respect your feelings and remain out of the picture for you to heal…that is true love and a gift of friendship. Otherwise, he is either unaware of what he is doing to you (kindness can kill) or he is extremely self-centered. If you think mere friendship “could” be a future possibility (with no avante guard emotional desires) then address it and state that there is no guarantee that you will be able to maintain this level of contact but might be able to broach it at some point. Many people here advocate no contact…for me, it took a while to finally understand this notion. You may want to consider this as an option than remaining in present contact with him- sees how it is affecting your health and emotional well-being. Together in healing, Bestfish

Here, Here with the poison ivy! I never got it or had it until this summer. Ohhh, dreadful stuff. Go to your primary physician. Better to find out and get on with the healing than to keep scratching yourself and wondering why? For poison ivy I found this stuff called Zanfel really helped with mitigating the itching. It's a bit expensive -approx 14.00 a tube, but what a relief...it has an abrasive that you rub in... orgasmic to a point Good luck!

LJ, Stunned, All ENA-ers and L. This is my last post. I am closing the thread. Thank you for your support, advice and the sharing of your experience. My thoughts will be with you as you find inner strength, trudge through the healing process, discover amiable resolution, and as you grow in faith for prospects. I wish you all peace, strong love and future happiness with new loves, ex's, spouses, GF/BF, and most of all, with yourself. Love yourself first, and all that you have to offer. Give yourself time to heal and to discover the amazing qualities that make you unique, gifted and beautiful on the inside. Loving yourself takes time to reconnect: Don’t give up! Sometimes you are at a point where you can only receive love, and that is okay. As time allows you to work through the hurt, release the pain, and reconcile issues that will never be resolved, only then are you ready to give love; otherwise it is giving affection. Have faith. Love from another finds you only when you truly love yourself. "Holding on" is only "holding back" from what can be even better between you and a mate. I finally understand this. Right now, I am so filled with love that I have enough for me and everyone who wants it; friends, family and to that special someone. However, there is a more powerful energy building; for me, for "L", for both, for each individually? I can't tell. It's there. It is moving and it is pulling me towards the center. Our meeting was positive, amiable, open for future possibilities, and remains between “L” and me. I love you “L” and this place is now yours. ENA is a place for healing and a place to move forward. With inner strength, and the support from the masses (who share similar hurt, painful experiences, wisdom, constructive advice, blunders and epiphanies) you too, will move beyond. Or perhaps, like in my case, ENA served as a learning of a new language, a focus point to start discovery, a recommitment, and as well as, reinforcement to what I truly value. I may still visit from time-to-time when I need to read the expressions from around the world, or to scribe my feelings, tuck into a bottle and cast into the ocean of comment. However, for the present, I am discovering places inside my waters that I’ve never allowed myself to explore. Swimming Freely, Bestfish

Captain, we steer the same boat but towards different directions. Perhaps, we will meet at the same destination. You and your mate and me and my mate will find that same place called loving together. I'd like to row the boat with him when he is ready. Mine was a postive, sad, loving, relieving, and communicating experience with an amiable solution for the present...mutual nc for now. For more, you may read my end post "Broke ind. nc for mutual nc". I wish you peace, strong love, and future happiness. bestfish

Captain...we steer the same boat! I am meetng "L" at 11:00 to X-mas shop., today. We talked very positively last night and still want to see each other...maybe not to shop as much but to talk. Yor sediments speak very close to mine. He offered friendship right after the initial split, I was in too much pain to even consider it. However, now I'd like to reconsider that as an option. An yes, it will hurt if she is dating or wants to date others. However, you and I should have that same opportunity too. If that is the case, and there is potential for establishing new boundaries of a new relationship: pure friendship, dating but not exclusive, or a commited relationship, then these boundaries should be discussed. Remember that boundaries are only place keepers to work within a frame work. They can be expanded or pulled in through negotiation and actively listening to each others needs. So, I'm going to listen to him. For once in my life, I am going to shut-up (for the most part) and not play therapist, martyr, mother, sister, or teacher...I am going as a partner and more importantly, as a friend. Peace will be, bestfish

I had another VERY POSITIVE phone call from "L"...we kept it light and it felt for me, like we were right next to each other. We both said we are looking forward to seeing each other again. I am still nervous but feeling at peace (can that actually co-exist?) I am finally getting to see him; something that I've wanted from the beginning...to see his eyes, body language, vocal inflection, and to listen, just listen to him. My program was a huge success... I am going to sleep so well tonight.

Many Happy Returns. Stunned. You have thousands of ENA-ers from around the world cellebrating with you. It's kind of amazing to think about and we are thinking about you. So, cellebrate and take us with you today! =D> Bestfish

Hp...I'm just checking in to see how everything is doing and if you have found resolution to your situation.

Ah...I am done! Finis! I visualize myself presenting tomorrow and it will be a phenomenal program. Now, I am going to treat myself to a hot, alluring and seductive bubble bath for one. Candles, book, wine, music...I'll have to skip the massage for now. Everyone needs to do this! In fact, Right now! Everyone needs to take a selfish indulgence of the heart, mind, body and spirit. So, if you are reading my post, I want you to stop, constructively indulge and post what you did. I want to hear about it. It would bring me a good laugh, smile and warmth to find out what you crazy ENA-ers do for a healing pleasure..Oops, gotta go..water awaits the bestfish.

Stunned, I am celebrating your strength and willingness to help yourself by seeking and accepting professional guidance. I'm not familiar with online licensed therapy sessions...geez, everything is online these days. Oh yeah, I'm online too. My friend says that she met with 4 therapists before she met one that she felt she clicked with. I am considering doing the same...for me it is for the supressed appetite and sleeping issues It's really taking toll on my body and mindset. I'm forgetting things at work. Everything looks blue and hazy. I can't tell you when the last time I smiled...and I am always smiling! Well,I can guess there are other people who can relate. I am nervous. I have two big days ahead. Friday I am teachng a new program I developed. It been very stressful and time consuming in the making stage. It's a 2nd grade physics program...I'm still tweaking it, so I'm not overly excited about introducing it, yet. Give another 24 hrs, maybe I'll have the bugs worked out. Saturday: I get to see "L". Sigh. It's amazing how distance and one-way communication via email and phone messages escalate anxiety...so many misinterpretations, so many unspoken words missed from the absense of body language. I'm not "hoping" for anything from this meeting, but I do have faith that everything will work out for the best of our situations. I'm nervous and I am pleasantly wanting to see him....I guess that is a good thing since I am just now really coming to terms with what all has transpired over the last month. I think I'm moving out of denial which I must have skipped and went plunging into grief then merged into acceptance...now, I have to go back and start over from the beginning and work my way through each step again. I'm going to try to sleep now..I'm exhausted but...hmmm, maybe I'll be posting again in a few hours.

L.J and stunned...thank you for your support and guidance. I called him. We are going x-mas shopping for his son. We agreed to meet and just be ourselves and see how it goes. I know this sounds again "flip-flopish", L.J but you know otherwise. There will be resolution...we move forward...together, or not. It is positive...I've let go of two things I can't control...him and the future. I do have control over me though and I feel very good about me...I love me and I love "L."

"I know where I am...I've been lost here before!" [my brother] L.J, I've decided to sit tight and do nothing- at least for this 24 hr period, or until I change my mind again...flip-flop! I am visalizing the mantra of SuperDave71 and Relationship Coach. SuperDave: "If someone wants space, give it to them...and I mean completely. No calls, no letters, no ANYTHING....YOU DO NOT EXIST ....period!" Relationship Coach: "NC is all about getting you over this whether you were the dumper or the dumpee is not important. You need to avoid all contact with him which includes emails, IM's, texts, letters, smoke signals, skywriting and musical dedications! If he is not willing to respect your desires for NC, he is selfish and putting his needs before yours." Nice and clear, huh. I will give space and time. You know L.J...it's at the bottom of the ocean where the flounder lives, or should I say "flounder-er."