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turqoise

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  • Birthday 03/05/1979

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  1. glad you`re still there...i had feared the worst. thats great you found a medication thats working, as well as someone who comes by and checks on you twice a week! i think depression is like breaking a leg - if its still sore then you dont tell someone that the pain`s going to go away because all that matters is what you`re feeling right now. yeah, i think you have every right to feel what you want to feel, but its great that you sound like your thoughts are getting a bit more balanced than before - that helps. how did you go with the PS and protein and things? did you give them a go? anyway, i only drop by here occasionally now as i found a site called myanxiety, which also has a sistersite called depressiontribe. really glad to hear from you. big hugs!
  2. hey, haven`t heard from you in a little while; how are you??
  3. totally understand. it`s like you feel alone yourself eh. me, im feeling alone AND lonely right now being in the house by myself. it`s a pretty horrible desolate kind of feeling. Hey, I`m glad you`re chilling out not doing much. That`s definitely the right way to go. You even got a bit of sleep; awesome. Just take things at your own pace; you`re not obligated to do anything. Plus it`s great that you got referred to someone, and that you at least have another 2 weeks off. Don`t stress about work at all, or anything for that matter if you can help it - if it`s any consolation I stopped working completely (I was relief teaching) adn haven`t worked for 6 months now. As for ending it all, don`t. I`m glad you`re saying how you feel though. It`s really serious (apparently the doc understood that that you`re feeling like this; it`s pretty much the pit of where depression takes you - basically it has depleted so much energy that you can`t do anything physically, or mentally or emotionally. So yeah, know that this is the illness doing its worst. So even if you`re feeling so low, don`t do it. Engage your brain with something - DVDs like the movies I told you about, checking out funny stuff on the net.
  4. hey no problem. i`m glad you`re writing out what has happened. wow, i`m not exactly sure I understand, i might ask you later about some of what you wrote. don`t worry about feeling sorry for yourself - a breakup can be a HUGELY devastating thing (that`s what triggered mine too -i was suicidal for about 4 months) that that`s definitely warranted! trying to remember that others are worse off is only going to make you feel like you`re more of a loser which you don`t need. if your mum`s telling you others are worse off, I would ignore it. she probably means well, and if you weren`t ill it would be the right thing to say, but as it is it`s that last thing you need to hear . you`re allowed to wallow in your sadness and depression, full-on, as long as you don`t commit suicide! ..and as long as you listen to me! (nah, just kidding!) thanks for answering about my question about sleep - wow that sounds chronic...poor thing! I understand the whole runaway thinking before bed - you just can`t control it eh. You know I got through it by falling asleep in hte lounge watching movies. Specifically, and only the ones by the guy that did `Spirited Away` and `Howl`s Moving Castle` because they engage your mind but don`t stimulate it the wrong way. There are few other movies that achieve exactly that. I watched them for about a month, back to back about 5 times every evening, until I fell asleep. It was way way better than lying in bed with thoughts spinning through. As for the supplements, no problem. It`s really good to hear what you`re thinking relative to what I`ve been posting, and hope you`ll keep telling me. I just know once you get them you`ll feel so much relief so quickly, I really wish those feelings of fatigue and no-energy or enthusiasm could show just a tiny gap so you can go get them and ease these horrible feelings you`re in right now. Just because I`ve been there too and I really hate to see you suffering so much. It really is very serious, despite the fact you might try to play it down. But I totally understand your unenthusiasm- in my case I couldn`t even get on the computer so my dad looked it all up and he went and bought them, and fed them to me. It`s great you`re already taking multivitamins - but the two that are the immediate mood boosters are phosphitydilserine and the soy protein powder. Just so you know, your doctor won`t know about these (as i said a japanese guy devleoped this himself with doctors` help, and it`s not like it`s a published study or anything), but they can be taken with medication, and are designed to especially help especially in the period until the meds kick in. Yeah, if you`re going to the doctor tomorrow that`s already an awesome effort, so i think that`s really good! I hope she`ll refer you to a psychiatrist or two at least... How is your thinking? What are you doing during hte day usually? lots of big hugs~
  5. sounds to me like you have depression, and maybe social anxiety too (it`s a chemical imbalance which you can`t change just by willing it, so seeing a doctor, or even better - a psychiatrist who can diagnose you better). i have these and what you`re thinking sounds really similar to me. check this link out; self-test for depression: link removed info and test on anxiety (often occurs together with depression): link removed info and test on adrenal fatigue (often mistaken for/occurs along with depression): link removed
  6. to be honest when you didn't come back for a long while after starting this thread and i feared the worst...i`m glad you`re still around; and i haven`t even met you i guess it`s because your story sounds so much like mine. and YES, totally, in answer to your question! for me, what helped me realize that it would hurt someone, was visualizing what would happen in the hours, days etc after i did it, and my family. in terms of support i can see why you`re hanging on a thread. i totally understand too, how you say your mum thinks you just have to harden up. my parents were the same, and they didn't believe me when i mentioned suicide, telling me i wasn't the only one in the world with problems etc etc. my mum thought i was just lazy and a drama queen. But my dad finally took me to see a doctor after he happened to see a medical program about depression, which explained that it was an actual illness of the brain. im glad you`re going back to see the doc on Friday, though if you don`t think she knows much about depression then i would ask her to recommend a psychiatrist who you can see (not a psychologist). They are apparently better first points of call to diagnose mental illnesses and how bad it really is. They, unlike psychologists, can also prescribe you medication. The other thing you could do is get some supplements, which is what i did (these are listed on a treatment plan which was on a website made by a recovering sufferer of depression, in conjunction with several doctors, after research and experimenting on himself. It is a free site, and is getting tremendous feedback from everyone who has tried it. It`s in Japanese though.) But yeah, if you want to try it, it`s highly likely it can relieve you of how you`re feeling right now(until your meds kick in - as they`ll take about 3 weeks). I tried it out of desperation, and it helped tremendously, and really quickly - like within 30 minutes of taking it I felt a lot better. You can get these from a health shop - maybe call ahead and check if they have them all first. Ask if they have the SOLGAR brand for 2-4 (because that`s what i use, and every herbalist has told me they`re a solid brand, and if they sell them in nz i`m sure they`ll sell them in your country). 1. soy protein powder -take 3 times a day as per instructions (in milk/water) 2. phosphatydilserine -take 3 times a day, plus any time you feel down. 3. omega 3 -take 3 times a day 4. multivitamin complex -take 3 times a day 5. eat carbs and veges if you can each meal. They are all ingredients to make neurotransmitters and the associated systems. They are all natural. It`s a bit expensive, but if you compare that with feeling better quickly, then it`s worth it. These got my thoughts to chill out and stopped going in the suicidal direction all the time, and they continue to help me now. You might be thinking it`s too much hassle, but if you can just manage to buy them, then it`s really easy from there. So yeah, if you can, please try it too. (If you do, or anyone else reading this post does, please let me know so I can post up the info that goes with this, as there are some other tips and recommendations. These are the bare essentials I`ve posted here.) But yeah, the main thing is, please don`t commit suicide. If you get that feeling coming on, don`t wait until it`s overbearing - call a lifeline while you`re still feeling like you can handle it. it`s a bit embarrassing but like i said, they can`t see who you are; they know what to talk about so you don`t need to worry, it`s not like having a conversation with a regular person. Plus, you know you said you can`t sleep, what do you do at night?
  7. hey, don`t know what country you`re in but i found these sites. this site gives a list of hotlines in the usa you can call if you need someone to talk to in an emergency- maybe if you start thinking suicidal thoughts again it will help: link removed and this one gives you ones for the uk: link removed if you`re in another country you can google it; most countries seem to have a hotline you can call - and they`re there exactly to help people like you...you seem like the person who might not want to call lines like this, but they`re not going to know who you are or judge you in any way, so please give them a try too.
  8. mmmm. you poor thing; you`ve definitely got a huge lot going on there; that`s definitely too much for a person to handle, especially by themselves. Thank you for replying! I don`t know how much of a consolation this is, but i totally completely understand exactly what you`re saying (except maybe the not eating part - with me it was the opposite!) if you`re thinking about suicide all the time it means you`re really very depressed. Seriously, suicide is a selfish path to take, so please please promise me not to do it. this kind of depression, which sounds pretty much like what I have, is due to a chemical imbalance in your brain right now. That`s why you can`t concentrate - and you might not be able to remember things, or think as fast as before, but you`re always stuck in your thoughts, which might tend to tunnel. Not being able to sleep or eat are definite signs, plus you might find you`re having difficulty just doing stuff - lifting things, talking or even just sitting. I think it`s really awesome that you managed to go to the doctor, and took time off work - that must have taken so much effort, but you did the right thing!! well done!! - and I`m glad that he gave you the medications. I think they take about 3 weeks to kick in eh. What did your doctor say about your depression? have you talked to anyone who has been able to understand where you`re at right now adn is able to help you out in some way, or no? lots of big huge hugs***
  9. how about you tell us about things you`ve done to be kind to yourself so far?
  10. you know what, it sounds like the kind of thing i would do if i were sort of getting over someone. I hope it`s not the case with you guys; i`m just offering one point of view here... when i tend to start getting *** over little things that didn`t matter before, it means that the incompatibility i was ingoring before is coming up to the surface...i used to get annoyed at one ex for tiny things he did, and ended up doing it all the time because he would always take it. it was different to if i did really love him, because then i would have only gotten **** at things taht really mattered to me, and even then i would have made an effort to talk to him about it to fix it. it may be the same in your case, especially if she`s not into sex any more. the thing is that you say she`s really jealous of you, and that`s another thing that`s consistant with my experience. it was funny, when i was in a relationship where i really liked them, but not loved them, then i would end up getting annoyed at them all the time, but then i would get if they showed even the smallest bit of disinterest in me, and would cling even more onto them. I think it was some kind of emotional attachment taht i was taking out on them, and i didn`t realise i was doing it at the time; i was even totally upset and cried for about two weeks when he dumped me - even though at the bottom of my heart i knew that i would have never married him or anything and he wasn`t the right one for me. i have heard that this happens to people who don`t have much self-confidence - a `get who you can` sort or syndrome. again, i hope that this isn`t the case with you guys, but if it is, then despite the fact that you love her, you might have to rethink you`re relationship for someone who will have all the things she has as well as the other things that she can`T give you, because she might be finding the same thing - that you are not able to give her everything that she needs... lots of hugs
  11. here`s a nice video - lots of hugs for everyone
  12. awesome. if you feel happy inside, that`s totally the right decision! good luck!
  13. glad you seem to be working through it, lots of hugs!
  14. hi guys, I thought the people who like this kind of ideology might like this music. They are my favorite. These guys are a jawaiian group, so you may only just pick up the English,but their vibe is really contagious!
  15. huh, interesting! thanks for the encouragement too, I will keep you updated. heehe, karvala, I`m not going to argue; you`re obviously a strongly evidence-oriented person! I appreciate what you wrote about neurotransmitters etc - OK I gave very simplified examples or it would`ve turned into a book, but I understand what you`re on about I did find what you wrote about the mismatch in pumps and receptors interesting though - that`s the first time I have heard of that. I have read as much as I can about my physical condition as is accessible, and would be keen to read about this further. As for SSRIs etc affecting the levels of serotonin etc, and the outdatedness of the serotonin uptake theory, that`s interesting; I wonder if New Zealand is slow. I agree that with your health you want to be especially careful how you go about fixing it. There are old wives` tales which don`T do anything, and there are century-old cures that work. Science works by building strings of Hows, and deducing Why, so I think it provides a good indicator of which is which. However, the big drawback (which is so often overlooked) is that it is only ever progressive to the point that it has gotten to (eg. CFCs, asbestos), which is often not the whole way. So even evidence is not truth, and has to be taken with caution. This example sort of illustrates my view: it has been known for centuries, probably via watching people and experience etc (ie. not scientific evidence, but experiential) that laughter is good for health. Studies came up with scientific evidence of this fact only in the last 3 decades (less, I think); now we know specifically why and how it`s good, but it doesn`t change the fact that it has been good all along. So regarding depression at least, I think science is still taking baby steps, albeit fast ones. Like cancer maybe. So while I do appreciate and heed scientific findings and explanations found thus far, I don`t know if I would necessarily put my trust in it over more methods which have actually cured people. Yes, there are less controlled studies or hard scientific evidence in this area, and I`m sure there are people who haven`t healed this way, but there are visibly more and more people (thanks to blogs and internet) who have been cured following a specific natural treatment, without side effects, steadily and naturally - they themselves are living (if not scientific) evidence. But yeah, I`m all for neuroscience and it discovering more in its own terms, definitely. It would be great to understand what goes on in that obscure grey mass.
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