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bambina maxima

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About bambina maxima

  • Birthday 10/14/1981

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  1. Good for you! I we forget that it's okay to "dump" friends who are not a healthy part of our balanced breakfasts. Or something like that.
  2. Thanks Dorsay. You're a pal. I was pretty distraught for a couple of days, but I think it was a temporary thing. I ended up sending him a pretty long email the day after we chatted telling him what I was up to, because ultimately that's why he wanted to get in touch -- and I was so upset that I didn't really give him any idea of what's been up in my world (which has been quite active, really). So, I offered the olive branch and told him what's transpired, and I feel relatively at peace. I haven't heard a response and don't expect to; the fantasy of him being the perfect man for me is finally demolished. I think he'll do alright, I think I'll do alright, and I'm content to go our separate ways now. I think I'll be moving to a new city in january or february...either that or go abroad for a several months teaching English. Either way, I'm excited. My grad school applications are due soon and I am STRESSING like crazy, but it's a good thing. Wish me luck getting in. Dorsay, I remember you saying you hoped to be on your feet and back to yourself by Christmas...so tell me...how are you doing? You seem well! It's good to hear from you...you were so supportive before. Thanks babe. You rock!!!
  3. Hey Dorsay. I didn't call, I unblocked him from gmail chat and there he was. The chat was incredibly disappointing. At least I have no longer have any desire to be with this person. He wasn't ill, he "cheated" and called because he wanted to know how I was, and thought enough time had elapsed. He thought his voicemail was "funny". Fair enough. But he's happy single, gloated about several things going on in his life (maybe not gloated, but it sure feels that way). I tried to be indifferent, but I suppose I take things personally. I wanted to have my head on straight when I talked to him. I didn't. It wasn't horrible, but I let my hurt show through. I wish I had been more disinterested, but I was as I am...honest. We chatted about half an hour, at which time I had no desire to ever speak to him again (though I didn't say this), so I told him to keep plugging away and tried to exit gracefully. Needless to say I slept badly, but at least I know this thing is totally finished. I feel like we don't even speak the same language. I see him quite differently. Well...that's it. My closure. Now there's no looking back. glad to hear things went alright with you.
  4. Chatting with him. He's not ill at all.
  5. silent always, I never expected a call.... I asked him not to call me so that I could move on with my life, and that I would call him when I was ready to be friends. I think you misunderstand me... this guy couldn't commit to me but was very good at stringing me along, so i said I was moving on, and to please let me do that by not calling. This was two months ago. I didn't answer his call earlier because I wasn't around to hear it ring. I don't expect him to call back now, not at all -- on the contrary -- I have decided that I will call him back, I'm just trying to calm down first. I feel a little bit harpooned here x_x It's extremely distressing to hear you interpret my words in this way... did you read my post?
  6. what's frustrating is how confusing the message is. This is what I hear: "Hey xxxx...it's XX...I might be permanently ill...that's when I was supposed to call you...I'm not...but I just thought I'd give you a call find out how you're doing...give me a call if you want to...bye" I can't figure out what this "I'm not" business is. I could be hearing wrong
  7. Lion guy, If I text him he will respond by calling. trust me I know this about him. I just don't feel ready to talk to him, not at all. thanks for the quick responses everyone...temporary insanity is loosening its grip a bit. I'll probably call him... I wish he was more explicit with his message...
  8. dnozzle...though I am in no way ready to be his friend, I still care about him deeply. That is something I cannot help. If he died and I didn't get to talk to him again, I would regret it for the rest of my life. I don't hold grudges against people who are very ill. I don't think he's dying, but if it's a serious illness I care very much. If it's minor...well, he asked if he could call me for minor illnesses, and I said DEFINITELY NOT (and I was livid -- if he can't handle the responsibility of a relationship but wants me to nurse him through a cold, he can eat his hat) So you see...I guess this just feels bad no matter what. Ta ree saw... should I call now? He called about an hour ago. Or should I wait till tomorrow? When I am maybe calmer? Why can't I figure this out myself?
  9. saturday night, not a sole on ENA...go figure...aaaaaaaaahhhhhh)#(%*@#)(% why did I have to stay home and take a bath. everybody else is out on the town. So I suppose I'll just deal by waiting it out a bit. he'll be there tomorrow if I decide I should call, right? Right. You just sit on it and try calming down, girl. 1...2....3....4.... Thanks for the advice, self. Breeeeaaaaatttthhhhh.
  10. I'm shaking all over. It's been no contact for almost 2 months (he called thanksgiving time, no message, I didn't call him back) Well...he's called twice tonight, and left a message. The message was a little unclear but he made it sound like he is permanently ill, but he knew he wasn't supposed to call. Last we spoke, I told him he was to contact me only if he were dying, seeing someone, or ready to take me seriously. Should I take it as he is dying? He didn't sound like it. I don't know. If he is telling me he is permanently ill just to get me to call, I feel I will forever hold it against him. But I feel like in this case I have to give him the benefit of the doubt and call him back. Help. I feel completely vulnerable. Scared that something's really wrong, scared of being used. It feels horrible either way it goes. Please some advice asap. I am feeling extremely distressed.
  11. sorry kicked in...guess sometimes I see the word "need" and red flags fly everywhere. I should have read more carefully. I am sure you'll get on. We're here for you!
  12. "She isn't caring about me the way I need"....kicked in...I think this is the key as to why you are sort of stuck in this emotional vortex right now. You feel you need her. That isn't love...needing somebody else to make you happy, fufilled, isn't healthy. You WANT a caring, nurturing relationship, and that isn't wrong. You should definitely require those things. She can't offer you the things you WANT in a relationship. Ask yourself why you feel you need her...really try to answer that question. If it's a matter of feeling some self-worth...you are looking for validation in someone else. What do you really need? You need to trust that for now, you are going to be alright by yourself. You need to know that right now she misses you and is confused, but can't give you a healthy relationship. What you really need is to find some piece of mind and right now that doesn't include her.
  13. Wow, in that excerpt it almost sounds like she's holding it against you because you haven't had a divorce. Like "Oh, my emotional pain is so much bigger than yours because blah blah blah". Anyone who tries to make a COMPETITION out of MISERY is just out of their mind. She is trying to make you feel guilty for not having experience the "depth of pain" that she's been through. Whatever. How can she presume to know what you have or haven't endured emotionallY???? I'm sorry kicked in, but that just p####s me off. She has no right to assume you are less emotionally traversed than she.
  14. Kicked in, you are hanging on to a fantasy. You are doing SO WELL; don't jeapordize yourself any further. Whether she means to or not, she is really messing with you, and it's taking a toll on you. You're in deep, I know...but keep walking. It WILL get better. You've brought up this talk of planning a june wedding a few times. Here's the thing: it was just talk. There was no actual planning. She was vocalizing a fantasy. You must try to grasp that the talk of a wedding had no grounds in reality. In order for that to even be a remote possibility, right now you both need to step far, far away from this and get to where you need to be emotionally on an individual basis. What's brewing now just reeks of codependency... You can't hold her hand while she works through her commitment issues. She's got to figure it out for herself. Maybe she needs outside help, but it sure as hell can't come from you...you need to heal just as much as she does. Take your time, believe in yourself, you'll get through it. She isn't looking out for your well-being...you need to do that. If she keeps peeking through the barely-open door, you need to just slam it and lock it and not look back. HOw long has this been going on?? Can you really say the good times are outweighing this misery? Real love isn't like this, my friend. Love is about caring, respect, honesty, committment, understanding. I dont' think there's a whole lot of ANY of those things going on here. Please try to think about this with your brain and not your heart. Eventually your heart will catch up to your brain...believe it!!
  15. Hang in there kicked in. Right now all you can think about is the ex, but soon it'll start dawning on you that there is so much more to life than your ex. Try to think about the big picture here! four days is a great start...keep strong. GIve yourself credit. You can find happiness...you don't need a woman to do it. I know it feels like you will be alone for the holidays, but surely you have others that you care for in life. Redevelop those relationships. Lean on them. That's what they are there for. In the meantime, try some calming exercizes. It's okay to think about her, but breath deeply and know that you don't have to lose your sanity. Seriously -- a little meditation or a long, long walk will do wonders. It won't stop you from thinking about her, but it will redirect the energy from frenzy into a more focused kind of rationality. I myself am almost to two months. I can't tell you what a huge difference a little time and absolutely no contact has done for me. Do whatever you need to do, but DO NOT contact her !! That is the key to your well being. It's time to look out for number one ! Good luck!
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