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prizmpyxis

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  • Birthday 04/28/1987

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  1. Wow Emily...when I was reading this post I felt like I was the one who wrote some of the things that you said...because it seems like we have very similar personalities. I too am a very sensitive person which has lead me to have a lot of trouble in life, and I also get anxiety to the extreme! Cutting makes the anxiety stop...and that's why I started doing it. However, I can thankfully say that I have stopped the urges to cut A LOT and I have got myself under fairly good control. I know how you feel about the driving thing, and it sucks A LOT but it's not worth starting again. No matter how bad things are now...they will get better. You mentioned that you had been to many therapists, and in a hospital program...but have you ever considered medication, or been put on it? I've been on medicine the last year and a half...and it REALLY has helped me. If that's not an option, or if you've tried it already, maybe you should try to do other things that you like to stop the cutting urges. Sometimes when I get anxious now I make myself tea and watch television or a good movie. I also try to talk to my boyfriend or one of my best friends about it which helps. It sounds to me like your mother is not very supportive if she is always yelling at you...but I think that if you sat her down and had a talk with her she would try to stop being so mean. Tell her that you have been feeling depressed again and that her yelling at you does not make it any better. Another thing that might help would be to go for a run or to work out. Excercise makes endorphins release in your body, which literally make you happier. There are a lot of other options besides cutting, and it's not worth it. Please don't put yourself through this.
  2. Your S.O. is right, using elastic bands would just be the first step on the ladder, and I would not recommend it. I am happy to say that I am almost a fully recovered cutter, but when I began it was just with little things. I remember I would have a bad day, grab and scissor and stare at it...just begging myself to get the courage to use it. Then a few minutes later, I'd ask myself what the heck am I doing and put it away. It only took a few weeks of doing that until I had a REALLY bad day, so I grabbed a needle and scraped it accross my arm. It STILL scares me to this day how good that felt to me. It was like the pain I was feeling on the inside just came out, but it ended up being SO not worth it. Soon it progressed to scissors, then knives, then razors...anything that I could use. I had so many problems with my parents, I was depressed, and a lot of my boyfriends broke up with me for it. I eventually ended up taking pills and earned myself a night and day in a hospital with old women puking all around me. I then earned 2 nights and one day in a mental institution, which was a nightmare in itself. Trust me, you do not want that life. I am NINETEEN going on 20 years old...I am not a old person at all, and I could have enjoyed my youth and my high school years by seeking help instead of going through this! I definitely think that you should get a counselor or a therapist, because if you are having the urges now...then the actual thing isn't very far away. Cutting is like cancer...it starts with a little and then it spreads, but if you catch it early you can beat it. A therapist can help you talk about the reasons why you feel like doing this, and can help you get over the urges to self harm.
  3. As a almost fully recovered self-harmer, I can honestly say that it seems to me that your gf (or ex gf rather) is obviously very depressed and going through some VERY tough emotions. I feel that I identify with her a little, as I too would cut in order to gain some control over my surroundings, but I never once considered it to be manipulation, and I will explain why. Manipulation requires a conscience drive of what you are doing, so I feel that if she were cutting to exert her control over you...she would be aware of it and she would be trying to control your life in other ways. The thing about self harmers is that we tend not to think about things like that. With cutting particularly, there is always a trigger that leads someone to cut-for your gf if she gets in a fight with you, this is the trigger. If she really wanted to punish you or exert her control over you, she would probably threaten to kill herself, or say something like, "I'm going to kill myself right now! You better not break up with me!" but, she's not. What she is doing, is cutting herself and THEN telling you that she did it...and I think she honestly just wants help. I think that by cutting and having you console her, it makes her feel wanted and loved. Cutting is a cry for help, and she is begging someone, anyone to give her some attention and to help her...that's why she cut right in front of her Dad. I think that what you need to do is to tell her that you will always be supportive of her, but you can't be in a relationship with someone who cheats, and who won't get help for herself. I think that it is a good thing that she is in the hospital, because they can provide her with the treatment that she obviously needs. People who self harm CAN get better, I am proof of that...and while I still have bouts of depression and every once in a while I will feel the need to cut...most of the time I can repress it and get on with my everyday life. I don't think that at this time she should be in a relationship because she needs to focus on healing herself, if not for her then for her child!!! You should tell her that, and help her get the help she needs, but nothing more.
  4. The thing that really jumped out at me when I read this post was when you said, "I don't like that he's replaced me...it's been five months." The thing is, we girls are naturally jealous beings...I'm convinced that it's in our brain chemistry or something, and even though you clearly don't want to be with this guy anymore, you are still jealous that he has found someone new. Five years is a long time to devote to a relationship, and I'm sure that the bond and connection you developed with this guy was obviously very strong to stay in the relationship that long. What you are feeling is perfectly normal, and has probably been experienced by all women at some point in our lives. The thing is, you don't want this girl to form the connection with him that you had, and the fact that she looks like you makes this even worse in your mind because not only has he replaced the connection that you two had, but he's seemingly matched how you look as well. That's enough to make anyone uncomfortable. The best thing that I can tell you is that over time, it will pass and maybe you two will be able to work it out and be friends. I wouldn't contact him immeadiately because you are obviously still not over him completely, but I would wait a few more months, see how you feel and then give him a ring.
  5. I'm not even sure if this belongs on this thread, but it's confusing and it has to do with his ex so I might as well put it here. Basically, simply put, my boyfriend's ex is driving me INSANE and she's not even a part of his life anymore!!! I feel like the dumbest, most idiotic person on the planet because I practically stalk this girl and she has nothing to do with him and he wants nothing to do with her. --Ok, so that's an exaggeration. I stalk her, but she doesn't know that I do it. Every day I log onto his facebook/myspace/google and look for new pictures of her, new messages from people, or emails. Sometimes, I do this multiple times a day, and it makes me feel so bad. At this point, I know who all her friends are, I know what she looks like, and I know almost everything there is to know about her...yet we have never had one conversation. In the beginning of our relationship, this girl was constantly on my boyfriend's back, trying to convince him that he should be with her. However, eventually he realized how much it bothered me that she was doing this, and he told her to stop calling him. Since then, she has called him once to hang out and he declined this offer politely. So...he gives me no reason not to trust him. I have told him that if he really wants to hang out with her he can, and he says that he doesn't and will not. So why am I acting this way? He dated her for 3 years, and from what I can tell she was madly in love with him and thought that she would spend the rest of her life with him..but he didn't really feel the same way. He claims that he just stayed with her because he was afraid that he would never find another relationship. I have been dating him six months, and we both feel that this is it...that we belong together. However, it's the little things that bother me...like how we can't have this *certain* song because it used to be their song, how I go over his house and there are pictures of her that his Mom forgot to take down, there are photo albums filled with pictures of them, notes, and just all the remnants. Last weekend I got so upset because I couldn't take it anymore and while we were at his house he ripped up a few pictures of her and threw them in the garbage. Then he went around his house and took down the pictures that his Mom still had up. They lost their virginity to each other, and I hate that he loved someone before me. I know that he loves me more and that I am very insecure but I can't help it. Does anyone else have this problem...or have any suggestions? Thank You.
  6. I have been cutting off and on for a good 3 years now. My cutting progressed to the point where I became suicidal, took pills, and ended up in a mental institution for a day. My parents were just like yours, when I told them about the cutting they would yell at me, call me names, and make me feel genuinely bad about myself. I felt like I wanted to die, and the pills were my solution. However, after I took the pills, something amazing happened to me, and that was that my parents started to care! I will never forget the day that my Dad, who abused me, my siblings, and my Mom for a good portion of my childhood, came up to me in the institution and just hugged me. He did not yell at me, or reprimand me, or call me crazy...he just hugged me. Your parents love you, trust me. They are just like mine, and they do not know how to deal with this situation. You need to take control for yourself. Only you can do it, and you need to move past the hurtful remarks. Underneath it all, your parents are saying these things because they care and don't know how to deal with it. Bottom line: They are afraid of losing you. Not cutting anymore is something very difficult to accomplish, and I'm still struggling with it. In a way, I'm just the same as you. I recently just went away to college...new school, new relationship, new life, and everything was fine...but today I lost it and slipped. I felt so weird and horrible, and most of all disappointed in myself for doing that. I want to stop, but it's hard. What I suggest is that you go into therapy, or if you are in therapy currently, stick with it. You want to stop, and that's the first step in doing so. The important thing is that you recognize it's a problem, and there are many people who don't. I think you should at least be proud of that. Finding someone to talk to is really important in stopping, because the reason we cut is because we have these overwhelming emotions that we cannot recognize and bring to the surface. I really hope I helped you.
  7. I have to be honest, I often look up my exes on myspace, but not because I am not over them. I look them up just to see how they are doing, because I am still friends with a few of them and curious. In the case of your ex, it could just be genuine curiosity...but the way you described the situation doesn't make it seem so. What bothers me about this situation is the fact that he called you the name of his ex, and mistook you for her a few times! That is probably one of the most hurtful things he could do. I really think that you need to sit him down and discuss the situation...without him making excuses about why he's looking her up online. Explain to him how much this hurts you and don't get angry about it. In my experience, getting angry only makes the situation worse.
  8. Hi everyone, I am new to this website, and I am having a big problem. I am a 20 year old girl, and I just went away to school, where I met this amazing guy. I have been dating him for 2 months now, and everything seems perfect...except for just 2 minor details. One: He dated this girl for THREE years, broke up with her before he came here, and when she found out about me, she wouldn't leave him alone. Finally it was making me so upset that he told her to stop calling him, and that he was with me now. Now they don't talk at all, but she's still an issue. I have such low self esteem that I feel as if I will never compare to her, and that he could never love me like he loved her. Is that wrong? He is definitely almost if not completely over her, because like I said he does not talk to her AT ALL and genuinely shows no desire to. It's not even possible that he could be hiding it, because he is a very honest person. I get so upset about her though and it drives me crazy!!! Two: I'm from Long Island, and he is from upper New York, which is about five hours away from me. For the next two years, we will both be attending the same school...but he made a comment to me last night saying that after that, things will be difficult. At first he said that he thought that I assumed we would break up after school and that's why he said it...but really he didn't know what would happen. I said that I didn't know what would happen either, because that really is my honest opinion. I hate thinking that I have this limited amount of time with him, just because we live far away. I'm probably going to grad school up here, and if he loved me enough after 2-3 years, wouldn't that not be an issue!? I guess I'm reading into this too much, because he did say he had the same opinion as me after the whole conversation, and that he didn't know what would happen, but still. Why would he say something like that? ](*,) I do have anxiety disorder, and I'm already assuming that I'm panicing over little details and getting upset for no reason, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. This guy is the best boyfriend that I've ever had and I feel more strongly about him than I ever had about anyone.
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