cobro

I'm 26 and have had lots of short term relationships, and one long term relationship. I'm at a point where I'm kind of ready to meet someone and possibly settle down. I just bought a house and my life seems in order. Except for the relationship thing. I met this girl about 2 1/2 months ago at a church group, we've been seeing eachother casually since then. We have not been "dating" because she does not want to date this soon. I don't blame her, I like to take things slow so nobody gets hurt. She won't even let me kiss her, not even a peck on the lips. Plus, here is the kicker. She is moving away forever in 9 months. So I was faced with a girl who was somewhat interested in me, did not want to date right away, and was leaving in 9 months. I have a great job, family, roots, everything here. I was born and raised here. She was expecting me to move away with her. I had to consider my options. Do I stay in the "friendship" and wait for it to turn into more, just to have her leave? Do I drop my great life here to move just so she can be near her family? Or, do I end it now so nobody gets hurt 9 months from now. I chose to end it today, because: 1) I'm not leaving 2) I do not see things progressing past the friends stage due to differences in culture and personality (she's from the middle east and very conservative) 3) She didn't like it that I drink socially 4) She's going back to school for a Master's degree in her own city 5) I can't even kiss her 6) We are just not on the same wavelength on some things. I'm fun loving and need someone a little more outgoing. She's very very introverted. To top things off, I had a New Years bash at my house. She was out of town, so she was not at the party. I hit it off with another girl there, who is also in our church group. I ended up making out with her later in the night, we both had a few drinks. I feel extremely guilty, but I was not dating the other girl at the time, nor did I feel we were progressing. I didn't consider it cheating, I would never cheat on a gf. As a result of that night, and us hitting it off, the girl I made out with likes me and I'm a little interested if anything is there. We both agreed to give it time and for me to figure out what I'm going to do with my other situation before persuing anything. She came back in town days later, I did not tell her I made out with another girl because we were just friends, plus I did not want to hurt her. Which brings us to today, I had the "talk" with her about what she wanted, she told me she was definitely leaving and it was up to me if I wanted to follow her. I told her we just needed to be friends, because I'm not moving. She seemed cool with that. We agreed to go somewhere later for dinner. 2 hours later she texts me saying "sorry, I can't go". I think she found out about the kiss, or she's pissed because I'm not moving away with her. Either way, I'm relieved I'm single again and I can persue whoever. But I feel bad for hurting her, but then again, she wouldn't let it progress past friends and kept talking about moving away. Did I do the right thing by ending it now, avoiding possible heartache 9 months from now? Should I have told her about the kiss? I made the last contact today, left her a voicemail after her txt, asking her if she's ok, she hasn't called back. Should I just let her be and let her make the next contact?

Well everyone, she called me last night after getting off work. We had friendly small talk for about 10 minutes, then I was like "Hey, about those flowers...I didn't mean to freak you out, I apologize if I did. I realize I may have been a bit pushy lately, please be honest and tell me if I am and I will stop." to which she responded that I have not been pushy and its ok, she is not freaked out anymore, its just never been done for her before and she didn't know how to react. She said she realizes it was just a sweet gesture. I told her I was going to back off some and not call her all the time, give her some space. She didn't really respond to that and changed the subject right away (lol). We continued to the small talk for a few more minutes until she got home. She said she would see me at the meeting and I wished her a good night. So, it sounds to me like she might still be interested. But, I am going to do what I told her, back off some and just play it cool. I don't need to be scaring any girls off. Does this sound like a good plan?

Normally I would agree with you. But, she comes from a different culture and is very traditional, nor do I think she has dated much before. She's from a middle eastern country and has lived in the US a few years, but is new to my town. I remember the first time I tried to put my arm around her, after 1 week, she wasn't comfortable with it. I don't think she would be down with me kissing her so soon since she is so conservative. With every other girl I've dated, I've made a move and much sooner, even sleeping with them within 2 days (yeah I know, not the best thing to do). With her, its different because of her culture, upbringing, and she's really shy. And like I said, I don't think she's ever been in a real "relationship". This whole experience has been different for me.

True, the only thing is that we are part of the same church group and will most likely both be there tomorrow. Should I go or not?

Yeah that was kind of hard to read, but its cool I probably was being way too pushy. Just never met anyone quite like her. I seriously thought the flowers were a good idea, just to let her know where I stand. I guess it wasn't.

I met this girl a couple of months ago. I just asked her out about 3 weeks ago. We hung out alot, almost every night for 2 weeks, went on an awesome date this last Friday. We spent all day Saturday together just hanging out having a good time. She held my hand and was all into me it seemed. We ended the evening by watching a movie at my house, my arm around her. She went home, gave her a nice hug goodnight. Didn't even kiss her because I know she likes to take things really slow as she has told me before. I'm surprised she even let me put my arm around her. Obviously, she liked me. So Sunday comes around, I stopped by a friends house we were supposed to hang out at. Stayed there for a while and left, she called me that night. We normally talk every night. We didn't have much to talk about, I was kind of in a blah mood and I think she could tell. We got off the phone kind of awkwardly. I just wrote it off and didn't worry about it. Then Monday I made a big mistake I think. I sent her a dozen white roses that were to be delivered on Tuesday morning, with a card that read "To a very special person. Thank you for being a part of my life." I figured after the good weekend we had and the interest she showed, it would be ok to send these. I called her Mon. night around 8pm just to see how her day was, left her a voicemail. She didn't call me back, which has never happened. Keep in mind she hadn't received the flowers yet, they were to be delivered on the next day. So the no call back sent up a red flag, maybe I need to give her space, but ooops there are flowers on the way and I can't stop them. So Tues. morning comes around, no call back. She gets the flowers, calls me and says "thank you, it was really sweet, you didn't have to do that. to be honest i was kind of freaked out at first but its ok, don't worry" then she immediately launched into "i'm so busy today, i'll be working until 10:30 pm, etc..." without even me asking her to do something, its like she was trying to seem busy and not available. I just responded in a positive way "thats cool, well have a good day, i will talk to you later" like I got her point. Sooo, what i'm thinking is that she is freaking out, needs some space, or I did something and doesn't like me anymore. Keep in mind, as late as Sunday night she was planning on doing stuff with me this week. I'm not sure if anything has changed, but I sure do get a feeling something has changed. I'm not sure how to proceed. Eveyone is telling me not to call her, which I agree, I'm not going to. She knows I like her, the ball is in her court. Do you think she is just going to disappear? I hate appearing desperate, and I'm going to stop now. She's a very honest person and we communicate about everything, which is kind of shocking if she just decided to not tell me she needs space or if things aren't working out. What should I do? Thanks!

I've been in those situations many times. It's not fun at all. In fact, I quit going to clubs unless I have a gf or a really good friend who I know will not run off and leave me hanging. I'm kind of shy too and don't like to approach strangers so I know what you mean. I've found if you have someone there who you can hang out with its alot easier.

I have told her in the past that I liked her, and some of the conversations we had last week pretty much implied that I still do without me having to say it. I have talked to my friend about it, he says he is not looking to date her right now, but his actions speak differently. I think the brutal honest truth is that she likes him and he likes her, and judging by what she has told me they might be more compatible, which is why I don't have that spirit to fight for her. Maybe deep down inside I know she is not the one for me. I don't really know what's going on in my head, his head, or her head. I just need to avoid all situations that involve just me, him and her and I end up being the third wheel.

This is a confusing situation. My best friend and I like the same girl. It all started at the beginning of this summer. My best friend got dumped by his gf. We started hanging out with some new friends. In our new group of friends was a really cool chick. She had just broken up with her bf. I started to like her, he started to like her. I didn't know then, but she liked him too. So basically, they both liked eachother and I didn't know so I continued on with my feelings for her. Later, I found out they liked eachother, so I stepped away and tried to end my feelings, which I was able to do to some extent. My best friend then got back with his gf, the girl we both liked was kind of sad because of this. He couldn't talk to her anymore. So I took the opportunity to step in and be more of a friend to her. I tried very hard to not develop feelings for her again, but I did. I thought it was ok, because he was out of the picture and I was just really enjoying getting to know her, and she often initiated contact with me. She admitted to me that in the past he got jealous when I used to talk to her. This week, my best friend got dumped again for good by his gf, and now he has started hanging out with our girl again. This time around, I still kind of like her, and I know he is looking to rebound now that he is definitely single. I don't want to "compete" with him for this girl. I know she likes him a little. I've already accepted that they will most likely end up dating. I am trying to stay away from situations involving them because it just hurts me to see him "working" on her, it really sucks. I told him I know he used to bothered when I talked to her, but its not like that. He just shrugs it off like no big deal. Yet whenever I'm talking to her, he walks up to get involved in our conversation. I feel like he is still jealous or sees me as a threat. I feel like if he wasn't there, I would have a chance with her, judging by the way her and I connected when he was out of the picture. But he's my really good friend and its totally up to her who she dates. But still, its hard and I've never been in this kind of situation, where I don't want to fight for a girl with the fear of losing my best friend, I just don't feel its worth it. I'm avoiding all situations now that would invlove hanging out with them together. I will hang out with him if its just us and the guys, but when she is around, I can't handle it right now. I'm not going to mention any of this to him or her, I think they know it bothers me but they don't care. I figure actions speak louder than words. She knows I used to like her and probably can see I still do. He probably sees that too, so he's making his moves. Sigh....any advice? Thanks!

I'm back to throw a wrench into this: I found out she actually likes my best friend and he is currently trying to get back with his ex. He kind of likes her too, and his ex. He's leaning towards his ex, and things are looking good for them. It makes me mad that she likes him and not me, what did I say or do, or is it me? Who knows...I know he got to know her before I did and he is a little more outgoing. So I have my answer why she doesn't like me, she freakin likes him, but he's not available....but I am! It's been non-stop drama the last 3 weeks (mostly between my best friend and her and it affects me) and yesterday I made the decision to walk away from this stuff. Heck if she doesn't like me and is pining for him, whats my purpose right now? I'll still be their friends, just will be laying low for a while. Maybe she will miss me? Fat chance. I'll just let things work themselves out. Any advice?

Well, I couldn't wait any longer, so I told her how I felt. Told her I didn't expect anything from her at all, I just had to tell her that I kind of liked her. She said she didn't want to date anyone right now, it would make things awkward in the group, and she thought that I didn't need to date anyone right now. Told her I didn't want to date anyone right now either, I just had to tell her. Thats all. So basically, she's not interested. I told her I still want to be friends as usual and hope things wouldn't be weird, but I couldn't keep holding it in, even if it meant losing her as a friend. She said things would be cool and not to worry. I think I'm going to pull away some and just let it be, so I don't freak her out anymore. I'll just hide under a rock for a while. Oh well, win some lose some. Although I do feel 100% better after telling her, and knowing her answer. Thanks for all the advice.

I thought about this too. But in reading some posts here, telling a girl how you feel too soon may not be a good thing, especially if you act like a "nice guy" like me. I'm really leaning towards laying low for a while.

I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm 26, I met this girl and she is 24, and part of our little "group" of friends. She's beautiful, smart, funny, and just overall I think she's amazing. She's one of the nicest, sweetest girl I've met. She is really shy, and I like that. I really, really like her. I haven't felt this way towards a girl in the last 3 years. I've always been the one on the other end, they like me more than I like them. Now it seems like its the other way around! She is just getting out of a bad relationship and I don't want to persue her just yet. I think she knows I kind of like her, though she doesn't push me away. She never initiates contact with me, I'm always the one who has to (which is cool, although I'm not used to it). She's told friends she's not interested in dating anyone right now. I even skirted the issue this weekend, we were talking about dating in general and I told her the same thing...even though I like her deep down inside. So bottom line is, I don't want to scare her away if she finds out how i feel about her, so I don't think i'm going to tell her right now...maybe a month down the road? I am trying to hang out as friends but its hard because i like her so much and want to know what her feelings are, if any, but i'm afraid to ask in fear of scaring her away? So as a result of all of these crazy thought I'm having, I've pulled back and haven't been contacting her as much and acting like I don't like her (which is the opposite of how i feel!) Ahhhh this is so confusing. What should I do? Tell her I like her, and risk making things weird between me, her and out mutual friends? Or just make it through hanging out as friends even though its hard because I don't know if she likes me? Or just forget it all together because she's told people she doesn't want to date anyone right now? I just want to tell her so bad sometimes that I really like her, and I normally don't like someone right away so its really different for me, and I don't expect anything from her at all, but I would like to continue to be her friend, no expectations. Help! Thanks

I'm at a point in my life where I have finally discovered who I am. I'm 26, single, good job, new house, attractive, good personality, just a bit shy sometimes, but I have overcome it numerous times. The times I do come out of my shell, people love hanging out with me and I meet lots of girls. The only problem is that these are the wrong kinds of girls. Girls who like to party all the time, who aren't interested in settling down eventually. I feel like an old man already. I'm tired of the club scene, I've just joined a Christian singles group in the hope I meet some nice girls. The last time I was in love was 2 years ago and I still think about her often. Last I heard she was getting married to the guy she started dating after me. Since her, that's the story of my dating life, all the girls I've dated ended up marrying the guy after me. Seriously. Heck my last gf is hooked up with my former roomate, notice I say former. So I'm tired of just being in the hole the last two years, I've messed around way too much and I'm surprised I came out of this a better person. Yeah, I did learn alot about myself and life, sowed my oats so to speak. I am relying on God now to show me the way and bring someone in my life. I just now realized I have been hanging out with the wrong people and persuing the wrong girls. I have few friends now after kind of pulling away from my other friends, I think they were a bad influence on me. I'd rather do the right thing now and in the process I've discovered who I am and what I want. The nagging feeling that won't go away is that I've only been in love once, and that was over a long time ago, and I want to love someone again. I feel like I have so much to offer, I just haven't been exposed to the right girls who will see this. Maybe this singles group will work out. But its just frustrating to see all my past gf's happy and I'm just now resolving my personal issues, I hope it's not too late. I swear I would do anything for the girl I love. I'm also being cautious on being too clingy or pushy, I feel myself pressuring myself and I have to stop and think sometimes "they can sense this too". Oh well. I just had to rant about the way I feel right now, if this makes sense to anyone feel free to give any advice, it would help. Thanks.

Yeah I agree it is gross. I'm trying to get past this, and me and him are still "friends" but not on the same level at all. More like we just work out at the gym on the same night, and talk every once in a while on the phone just to say what's up. I will not be hanging out with him, much less him and her. He's expressed to me that he is scared of commitment and gets knots in his stomach when he thinks about her with another guy. He's getting feelings for her already, and he says he is scared because he sees her getting control and hurting him in the end. He kind of regrets everything he's done and says he wants to date other girls, but I'm sure its hard for him since she is practically throwing herself at him. She's really friendly and outgoing, and I can see her being all about him. He has been single for 3 years. Who knows, it may work out for them? In the end, it doesn't matter because I will always have a scar on our friendship and it will never be the same because of his poor choices. I will be left with my dignity for getting out of the situation and moving our friendship to a new level of "less friendliness". It still hurts to think about it but it's getting easier day by day. I guess you can't really trust anyone.