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Axel3sRoxas

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  • Birthday 10/08/1986

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  1. I feel like my life has come to a complete standstill, but I'm only 20. I have no job, no friends, no uni degree, I hardly go out at all and the only person I speak to that's my age is my boyfriend. He's the only good thing in my life at the moment, but I can't be with him all the time. It's when I'm alone I feel so damn miserable. I've always been the same ever since I was a little girl, always crying and moping. I thought things would get better not worse. I've been on anti depressants for five years and I hate it so much I could scream until my lungs burn. I've lost all motivation to do anything; my mum cooks for me and cleans for me. I find myself getting up at midday only to do the same old thing over and over, like my life's just repeating myself. I can't even bring myself to do the things I enjoy, like reading and writing, and it frustrates me because my brain and mind seems to have just given up.. I hate this circle of going round and round, I can never keep a job, I always failed at school, I failed at college and now I fail at life. I'm usually picked on wherever I work, though I'm not ugly or weird, just shy, and managers and other staff seem to pick out the worst in me and highlight it, sending me even further into depression and leading me to either A) stay off alot, resulting in being sacked, or B) quitting of my own accord because I'm so depressed that I just can't cope. I wish I had enough self confidence to just get out there and not give a about anyone else and how horribly nasty other girls can be. The depression stemmed from being bullied in school and I just can't shake it off. It always comes back. I'm so very sick of my lifestyle, I feel dead already.
  2. I've been on Dianette since I was 16, and I think it really depends on the person. They're great for me, helped with period pains, mood swings and skin problems. They might react differently with other people or something, but I think they're pretty good.
  3. haha... I'd rate mine a big fat lame 1.. Probably because I was so nervous I almost chucked up.. But we had been going out a fair few months.... was still rubbish though. Glad I'm not with him anymore.
  4. Sometimes, it is possible for a relapse, but note that the most likely times for this to happen are in the weeks/months after giving up. She won't be at a vulnerable stage now and can most likely deal with problems without reaching for any implement that would aid her in self harm. I used to self harm when I was 16. To this day I still get emotional about it, and wish I didn't 'ruin' my arm with scars. Someone looking at them, or touching them can tend to bring on flashbacks. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and although I'm not awarely self conscious of them, I do wonder if he hates them, though he tells me they're part of me and have only made me more beautiful, in heart and soul. Please breach this subject carefully with your girlfriend; when she feels ready, she won't hide her body from you and will open up more to your touch. Cutting leaves alot of emotional baggage behind, and often when hysterical with sadness, feelings of needing to self harm can sometimes occur, but she'll be strong enough not to give in. It's understandable that you feel depressed. You've just learned that a girl you adore very much has felt so down and lost in the past that she has been forced to do this. Don't think about it too much; when shes hides from you, be sure to just take her hand and let her know that shes beautiful. Time is of the essense here.
  5. Does this happen to any other women? I don't have sex during my period (because in my opinion, it's nasty) but after the 5 days or so of bleeding is up, it's always painful for my boyfriend to enter me once we start having sex again. It's sort of like a bruising pain. Is this normal, or just due to the break in sex?
  6. (Spugley fuglet you always give such great advice) itsallgrand, I think you need to just let it all go. Not in the sense of ending your life, but in the sense that you need to leave all your hurt, all your anger and pain far behind you. You say you're scared, but so is every other human being you encounter in life. We're all scared of ourselves for one reason or another.. Just breathe, and let it go. Only when you decide to leave problems behind can you move on.
  7. I effing hate bullies. I was bullied much like you, from year 9 up until year 11. I was gentle and smart and couldn't understand why they were doing it. Sometimes it's just someone they happen to have targeted on random (though me being not-so-popular and having red hair didn't help) They often prey on insecurities; for example I was quite shy and quiet. I told the head of year, who got them suspended for a few days, but like yours, they didnt stop. What did get them to stop however, was showing I had a backbone. One day I just completely snapped and picked each one out, sinking as low as possible and firing back insults about their hair,clothes,looks, stupidity.. They didn't even dare look at me and left me alone from that day forth. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of retaliation. I'm aware this isn't the best of things to do, as it could backfire for you and make the bullying worsen. Is it not possible to get one of them on there own and have a 'talk'? I also agree with someone else saying make as much noise about it as you can, don't quit telling teachers,heads of years, the headmaster. However, don't feel like you need to cut. Bullies and depression led me to cutting for a year, and the scars just aren't worth it. It leaves so much emotional baggage as well; once you get into cutting it's like an addiction and you don't want to get to that stage. Have you any friends you can confide in? Avoid being alone if you can, walk with people from your class, even if you don't know them that well. Good luck. Keep us updated.
  8. Have you ever smiled at her before? Waved? Has there been eye contact? If the signals you get from her are positive, I'd say just go up and introduce yourself, saying you've seen her around. For an easy subject, you could just start off by talking about something you know she likes, eg track running. If you bump into her in the gym frequently, it's definitely a good time to start talking. What have you got to lose? Go for it.
  9. I'm a 20 year old, young woman; the world should be my oyster but instead I feel it's my cage. I feel that nothing can get worse and that my life is already over. I've always been depressed, stemming from school, I thought it would go away once I left, and I could get on with life without this dark cloud hovering over me, but alas. Left sixth form when I was 17, too stupid to take A-levels. So okay, I thought, lets go to college, too stressful. Tried work, again, too stressful.. I used to stay off alot. I worked in a childrens clothes shop up until a few months ago, where I couldn't cope with part time work, don't know why, had to do with this crazy guy coming over from australia (its all in cyber relationships, under a thread called 'crazy IM friend') Last few months starting staying off alot, ending up in a spoken warning from the nasty manageress. Had my job for 7 months, longest job I've ever held out. The people were horrible, but whatever job I'm at, I don't get along with the people. Attendance has always been a problem, too, ever since Nursery school (can you believe that? Nursery!!) I seem to have grown up like it, not being able to shake my bad attendance records, been getting warnings my whole life... Every way I turn is a dead end. I don't have any friends, but I do have a fantastic boyfriend (of 3 years) whose always upbeat. I'm the exact opposite though, my mood swings are terrible, one minute I'm crying, the next laughing, then crying again. He knows how I feel but doesn't understand why I'm depressed and neither do I. I hate it. I need a nap three hours after I wake up, I'm constantly tired and run down. All I do is see my boyfriend, sleep, do occasional household chores and play with my rabbits. I stay on the computer most of the day, writing, reading fanfiction and playing games. I'm like this huge child, my mum washes, cooks, cleans for me, she always has mollycoddled me, my brother being the smart independent graduate. I hate the way I've become, I hate my way of life, yet whenever I try to change it all comes crashing down. I used to self harm when I was 16, for a year, and I don't want to find myself slipping into this frame of mind again. I'm also finding myself less interested in food and don't want to lose loads of weight like I did last time. I looked like a walking skeleton. But what can I do? I have no one to talk to and I find myself longing for another girl I can do things with (although I love being with my boyfriend, I need a girl sometimes, y'know?) I don't socialise much, because I hate going to pubs and clubs and the like. I feel really abnormal. I'm petrified of going out there and getting a job, because I don't make friends easily, I know that I give off bad impressions on first meetings because people have told me so. I don't mean to, I just don't smile all that much nowadays. I need someone to kickstart me into getting out of this sad way of life. I don't want to go back to college or goto uni, I'm not confident enough. My self confidence is so low it's almost non existent. I'm on seroxat,40mg, anti depressants, the highest dose. They don't work, I think it's them that're making me moody and tired. Whenever I go to see the doctors I always have this feeling that they think I'm making everything up because of their body language, the way they look at me, etc. I'm so unbelievably fragile right now.. I know it's been a long post, but to get this all off my chest is something I had to do, so thanks for reading this, if anyone does.
  10. Be sure to buy the small ones too, not those whopping great, ancient things. It will be uncomfortable at first, and when first trying to insert, it's best to have one leg raised on a toilet or something, or to stand over a mirror. There's always instructions included, so don't worry about it.
  11. Gah, don't suggest cucumbers, way too hard. If it's penetration you want, try a softer 'jelly' type dildo. It's going to feel odd at first, and won't be pleasurable until you've tried masturbating with your finger a few times (don't wear false nails, I know alot of girls don't actually get off on this and much prefer to rub against something soft like a pillow, edge of the bed, soft toy, etc. If you're worried about lubrication, buy some.
  12. I'm from near London, so feel free to PM me, I'm always around to talk, and often thats what can get someone through the most hardest times in their life. Ive been through the whole cutting and not eating thing, and I know its so terrible. Times when you're so numb you can't even cry, thats when you turn to self harm. When you find yourself thinking about your ex, try to turn the thoughts to something else; read, write, paint, listen to music, do anything but think destructive thoughts. I really feel for you, but I'm afraid the little advice I have to give won't be a lifesaver. You'll get through this, every cloud has a silver lining, m'dear.
  13. Time heals all wounds. It may take ages, but you will get over the grief.
  14. When having any changes in the birth control pill, you are supposed to wait a month before having unprotected sex. Perhaps its best to face up to the worst here, and go an buy yourself a home pregnancy test... The pains could just be due to a changing in the pill, but put your mind at ease and buy a test. Good luck sweetie.
  15. I was shocked when I read this, because It sounds so much like myself (apart from the ex boyfriend) All the rest is so familiar to me. Its so hard when all your old friends start to get new friends, and you're left behind isn't it? Although, I'd just be a hypocrite to offer you advice, seeing as I don't take my own. If you wish to chat to me, feel free to pm me. Who knows, Maybe we can help eachother out.
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