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tackypersona

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About tackypersona

  • Birthday 08/04/1992

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  1. theres nothing wrong with your spelling and grammar. i see few errors in your posts. i don't discriminate you. at first i thought it sounded weird that you have an imaginary friend, but we can't change the way things are =/
  2. similar problem here. i do have friends, but only a few. i've problems with trust too. i feel like i should hang around them little more to entrust them with my problems. in elementary, i was literally stepped on cause i was the nicey person, couldnt speak much english, helpless. but quick learner i am. i grew more assertive by 5th grade. because back then a 3rd grade friend pushed me around. then some stupid kids made fun of my race, asian. i learned to be real wary, why i'm shy and hating it. i'm on the road of being louder....... now in 9th and im still not that expressive around other people. so many subculture type thing going on. afraid of other's opinions. afraid of what they might think if i randomly bring up a subject. people probably know me as a quiet boring person on the surface, only my close friends and few other friends know my real personality. i have major trouble starting a convo with someone, cause what if they thought i was weird, all of a sudden starting up a convo with them. what am i supposed to talk about that'd interest the other peer? how will they react? i'm empty of ideas
  3. i can't call the problem friend. i immediately hang up after the first ring, low self-esteem and all. i even want to wave but she took no notice. her friends will not like me. i met one of her friends before and she seemed like she was only following the leader. i am afraid they'll think who that was if i called. i get the feeling that they don't want to spend time to make another friend. all of them seem to be upper middle class families. what should i do? i can never relax in the quad with all those groups hanging around. did all of you thought that its easy for anyone to be themselves? my real self isn't that interesting. it's what i grew up with. i tried so hard to push the negative imagination away. i only made it worse constantly worrying about it. i have terrible social health and i need major help.
  4. hey i'm chinese too. i'm only 14, i've spent most of my life in the US and 4 years in shanghai. this summer, i went to china for a month and went to guilin. plus visited my relatives. i forgot all the writings but i definitely know how to say it. i dont want to reveal my name. wo shi si sui. wo shi ge (what's freshman, highschool level in chinese?) jin nian zai shanghai wo zhu zai wan ke (its got yellow and green colored apartments) wo de (cousin in chinese) zhu zai da tong hua yuan (heard of that?) wo xi huan guan (malls in china) he nanjing lu, heng duo shi ping (food and starbucks coffee) wo you ge jiejie, ta (21 yrs old), wo de fu mu he jiejie dou shi shen zai zhong guo, zhi you wo shi shen zai meiguo and that is all i can think of, please correct my pinyin as i think i forgot the spellings of it.
  5. oh people please help me i think i've social phobia. when i dialed the friend in question (above message)number i immediately hang up after the first ring cause i'm so afraid that i can't continue to convo or she's busy or she just doesn't want to talk to me. i'm so worried about what she will think of me. what if some of her friends were there and i have to make her leave her friends temporarily. i'm always thinking that her friends will ask "who was that?" i've been running away from this for a week now, i keep telling meself that i must resolve this and my low self-esteem. but i always process the negative outcome. i can't make the mental image go away. how can i just easily "be myself"? im even worried than my real self will be boring. it's easier said than done! i've always went to the bathroom with my normal friends to hide. because i don't want her and my crush to see me. we still go outside to wait for the bell, but i hide behind my friends. i hate doing this as they probably think i'm weird.
  6. it's not about her being gay anymore. i feel like she's jealous that she's not my only friend. for example, a morning in the library, i found my friend A and her sister working on english project, the friend in question, w, was there too i greeted both of them and worked on my homework also. A's sister left before the bell, then the bell rang and me, A and W get up, i was packing my stuff while talking to A about work, then W decides to leave, saying i'll see you later, we usually walk part of the way to our classes. then this morning in the library i found A working on the project. i had journalism work so i sat down and W came behind me, i noticed her and said hi. then i got into a convo to A about geometry and then W tries to talk to me also. i didn't know who to talk to first, i didn't want to hurt anyone so i just turned my head left to right. while listening. she always leave without me when the bell rings. when A isn't in the library we walk to our separate classes together.
  7. last friday, me and a friend were walking to lunch. i look left to where the front office was and i saw the kid. at first the reaction didn't go to my brain. then i wanted to wave hi but i saw the girl i had mentioned in my post in friendship and friends talking to him. he saw me but he didn't say anything. today in music class i sat down but he didn't say anything. i thought he's ignoring me so i avoid talking to him. near the end of class he poked my instrument string with his bow but i didn't know how to respond cause i'm slow and never expect these things to happen. stayed quiet. didn't like the awkwardness. then i turn to my stand partner who was talking to me about the teacher spitting at her (front stand closest to teacher) it was funny so i smiled and turned back. i saw him turn back also from side vision. i think he was staring somewhere. now why did he have to do such a weird thing?
  8. my current problem was stated at the bottom of my message: there's this popular girl who i was friends with last year, during summer i went to china, but got back a month later and i thought everyone else was hanging out everyday with their friends so i didn't call anyone. she asked why one morning. during lunch another day she asked if i had a myspace. i felt guilty lying. i did have one but i deleted because i sent her a message which IMO was embarrassing, i didn't like myspace either. then she starts to ignore me. sometimes i'm walking right infront of her and she doesnt say anything. sometimes i wanted to say hi, but she doesn't seem to notice me so i thought she didn't want me to talk to her. at lunch one day her bf told me he was transferring into my orchestra class, she was holding his backpack and standing away from me. why does she hate me all of a sudden? i want to resolve this, and i have fear of phoning her at the wrong time.
  9. go hang out with other friends, or try talking to her. seems like she needs anger management. if she keeps doing that, i'm afraid you might have to end a friendship
  10. is it true that if you're shy, you'll be shy all your life? i've been shy since 2001, and i'm sick of it. everyone who knew me from year 2001 thinks that i'm boring person, shy. i've no self-esteem in all the years i've been to school, when i came to the u.s. i didnt know english well. so i could only stay quiet and let people walk over me. i've been judged, taken advantage of, stereotyped, ignored from grades 4-7. grade 8 was better than all those years, but i thought i was still ugly with the asian face and unmanageable hair. then got a perm straight in january this year, more confidence, couldn't smile cause of malocclusion. my cheap dad wouldnt pay for braces. 9th grade started a month ago, i was the same. there's still subcultures(preppy, skater, emo etc)sometimes can't make convo, definitely can't keep one going. there isn't anything to talk about to anyone. i'm serious. i will have nothing to say to someone i know. other people seem to have tons of ideas. those people are always the popular people. need major help on making friends who dont just judge by what you wear, or looks. help on ignoring how some people listen to others convos. help on calling friends and having a neverending convo on the phone. oh and there's this popular girl who i was talking friends with last year, i didn't call her all summer, she asked why one morning. during lunch another day she asked if i had a myspace. i felt guilty lying. i did have one but i deleted because i sent her a stupid message, and i thought that myspace is boring without friends. i was afraid of what people think. teenagers are really mean these days. plus my crush problem in conversation tips forum.
  11. today in orchestra, the kid wanted me to say that he's stupid in chinese, yeah i'm asian, does it matter? he leans in and says he wont repeat my name anymore. i say i dont mind the name repeat thing and he says "fine", i thought i heard some attitude on the word. is he trying to make me hate him? then we had some talk on family guy. we both watch it, that show is hilarious.
  12. today she told me that the guy we knew in science last year, E, kept appearing in her dreams. so i say that she does like him, and she still says no she doesnt. i see my crush in my dreams, how can she possibly not like E if she keeps dreaming about him? could this determine if she's gay or not? i dont want to falsely accuse and possibly lose a friend.
  13. wow i never thought of that! answering many times back! but if i continually saying what, the conversation will/might end, thus creating an awkward moment. i just cant think of anything to say! that's not because of shyness, its because i truly can't think of anything. i could have nothing going on in mind. like a person spacing out.
  14. sometimes he gets my attention when he repeatedly says my name, what should i say back that isn't embarrassing? i dont know what to say to him! all ideas are drained when i look at him. i sit next to him in orchestra! that makes me even more nervous! today, he sometimes glance or stare at me. then i get nervous and i can feel the temperature rise in my face. i'd ask what calmly and stare right back, even though it was killing me inside. i can't believe my self-consciousness is so high!
  15. she could just be an admirer from far away, she doesn't have to want a relationship. i'd really like her to still be my friend even if she's gay, no offense to all gays but i am not used to gays' behavior. it shocks me as a straight person.
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