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psu11

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  1. thanks everyone for your advice, there is some good stuff here. beec, thats the problem...im not quite sure how to put my foot down. we dont really talk on the phone so i feel awkard calling him, and i see him maybe once every six weeks, so i feel awkard saying the next time i see him. online perhaps? but is that too cheesy? i guess im basically looking to give some sort of warning or heads up not to try to perue me while dating others and trying to move on
  2. this is the same guy who broke up with me in june out of the blue... then after wanting to prove how much of a mistake he made, i gave him another chance. to which case, we were together for two months before he proceeded to break up with me on my birthday 2 months ago. this is the first time in two months i have seen him. sure, im thankful he walked me home and i did thank him. i dont mind the fact he has been with other people, we are not together and what he chooses to do with his life is his business. we were making conversation and asking eachother a bunch of questions on the walk home. the problem is when he tries to hook up with me even after he ended things. he is now dating these other girls so there is another factor involved. i feel bad for these other girls. i personally would not want to start dating a guy and find out he tried to hook up with his ex. when i start a new relationship i take no baggage with me because the new love does not deserve it. he hurt me twice, his pattern is cyclic and i just want to put my foot down because i dont want it to happen again. and by dogging me i mean he forcefully kissed me, and i was offended.
  3. hey everyone, i really dont know what to do. this past weekend i saw my ex while with mutual friends and all friday and saturday afternoon, we made small talk but didnt really say much to eachother. saturday night, i end up getting hit by a car (not hard) i just got a small bruse on my hip. i felt fine enough to still say out, so i limped to the bar. while at the bar a few friends were already there, my ex included...while on my way to the bathroom to look at my bruse he pulls me around and asks what happened. he asks if i needed to go the hospital and what he could go to help. i told him he could order me a beer and that i did not need a hospital because nothing was broken. while standing at the bar with him, his ex gf of 3 years (the one before me) starts freaking out at him saying..."i see your talking to your ex, your missing your chances with me" and all this nonsense she told him how jealous she was of me while acting like a lunitic. quite frankly, me and my limp did not want to get involved so i stayed out of everything. after all, my ex an be with whoever he wants, its not my place to stop him. well after everyone leaves, he helps me home cause i needed someone to hold onto while walking. we get back to my place and he dogs me! i was so offened. here he is forcefully kissing me after breaking upwith me on my birthday! i was floored. he says to me "everytime you look at me and smile i have to kiss you, and i dont think that will ever change" (ahem, lame) i asked him how many girls he has been with since me and she said he had a one night stand and he was on three dates with someone else. i dont understand why he would continue to try things with me when he already has someone else. i felt bad for this girl i have never even met and here he is, not even asking me if i am serious with anyone, he had no reguard for my moved on life. now, i feel disrespected and i hate the fact that he will still try things while not wanting the commitment. he tells me he is dating other people, but he keeps comes back!! i want to say something to him but i dont know how, i do not deserve this. i really need some advice and feedback on this one.....](*,)
  4. thank you very much for your replys and insights... both of you bring up good points. i guess its hard for me to accept these reasons because they seem too unreal to end a two year relationship over. astaro, i competely agree with working through problems, whether its personal or relationship issues, that in part is why i was really confused when things ended the first time. ive been through break ups before and each time it was a "build up" to a break up. but this one was completely out of the blue, no warning, no fight, no lack of interest. nothing. at this point i definitely do not want him back, im cringing at the fact that ill have to see him again.
  5. the short version of my story is... i dated this guy for over 2 years, we broke up in june and after months of no contact, we got back together in october. from oct to dec things were going as well as they were before. we had a great relationship, we never fought and there was a lot of shared interests and trust between us. he broke up in june due to his own life issues like is job etc... and i respected that and gave him his space although it was really difficult. i accepted him back in oct because i figured since the break up was not based on reasons due to our relationship directly, it could still be salvaged. fast forward to my birthday on new years eve. we go to dc to visit mutual friends. i click on his phone to check the time and a message popped up that read "thanks for the flowers they were beautiful" before jumping to conclusions, i learned he gave them to a girl he was talking to this summer who recently had surgury. at this point i was confused with were i stood so i asked him about it. he then tells me he only sees me as a friend (while we were cuddling). i asked him what he is looking for in someone and his reasons were he prefers more of a girlier girl, someone who doesnt like football or can drink with the guys etc... i was really hurt by this because its not like my personality has changed in two years, he also said he cant see himself having kids with me. in my opinion, these reasons seem pretty lame. since my birthday, i have not spoken to him. it will be almost 2 months of NC, but i will see him in a week when im around the same mutual friends at college again. in a previous post a few months back, i asked advice on what to do when i see him. now, im more nervous than ever to see him because my feelings toward him are different. the first time, i was not angry toward him and i accepted the break up because i respected the fact that he did not lead me on, and now i cant help but see him as a liar and someone who took advantage of my feelings for his own selfish reasons. i dont think i deserve what he did to me and i dont know how to go about seeing him again. i guess the advice im looking for is do his reasons for breaking up seem legit? and if you were me, and you heard these reasons, how would you approach seeing him after 2 months of not speaking? thank you kindly for your time and advice.
  6. i lost 20 lbs on the south beach diet. you basically load your body with protein and good carbs. the best part about it is if you work out on top of it, your muscles recover in half the time. for the first two weeks its really restrictive, but after that you add good carbs like bread and fruit back into your diet. I like this plan because i had a problem with my dessert and sweet cravings. after two weeks of not eating them, my cravings were basically gone. combine this diet with exercise and you'll be lookin fab in no time! if you go on the website, it will give a more detailed description of this type of diet.
  7. it sounds like he doesnt have the balls to completely end it. he may be keeping you around as a security blanket or he may be saying "for now" to ease his own guilt. either way, i think you should take control of this situation and become the dumper. he says "I want to break up for now" you should turn around and say...break up "for now??" how about "forever!"
  8. skyblue, a great way to build up your legs is by doing squats and lounges. this will give your quads more defination which in turn will make them a little bigger. also, if you eat more protein, that will help in building lean muscle mass. hope this helped a bit!
  9. you could of fell for this girl hard for lots of reasons....your right in recgonizing it could be due to the fact that you are looking for someone to fill the void of your ex. but also, is this new girl the opposite of your ex? if thats the case, you may subconsciously think if you didnt love the qualities of your long term ex, then the qualites this new girl possesses must be lovable. also, if shes not into you as much, you may be more obsessed with the art of chasing rather than her as a person. either way, i think dating is completely healthy after you break up with somone, but it is important to reconigize that you, to some extent are probably still getting over your ex. best of luck to you
  10. i think time will help you think about your ex less. its natural it think about an ex often, especially when you first break up. after all, you thought about them while you were dating and its hard to turn off that switch. but now its your time to be selfish. i cannot express the importance of putting yourself ahead right now..even if you have to train your mind to do so. eventually the changes you voluntary make within your own life (ie: working out, hanging out with friends, taking up a new hobbie) will become like second nature. and who knows, you could meet someone new in the process!!
  11. hey ashley-- i definitely think you made the right decision. the fact that you had doubts would of been enough of a red flag that something was definitely not right. and even if he wasnt looking at other girls, its good that you didnt lead him on and you ended things based on your instincts. if you did lead him on, you would be setting yourself up for a more disasterous for both sides. hang in there, it gets easier. trust me.
  12. hey kevin-- in my opinion i think her flirtacious behavor is her testing her limits to see how you will react. if she knows what boundries she can cross, she will do so. since you guys havent hung out in 2 weeks, she may be curious to see how you will respond to her. she may wonder if she could still have you if she does decide to go back. my problem with this situation is i feel like she is keeping you on the back burner until someone else comes along. im curious...you say you were on your way to the bjc...is she a freshmen who lives in east? because if thats the case, you seem to be a bit older (considering your celebrating your 21st) it may just be a sign of immaturity on her part. happy birthday by the way!!! i hope all goes well. ps: wandering sword...you are hysterical, i love the "crotch first" addition
  13. hey kevin-- if i were you, as much as you like this girl i would move on. if she really wanted you, she would be with you without any question, no other guys would be a factor and there would be no gray area. i think if you go back to her, you will be setting yourself up for heartbreak. and who gives her the right to toy with your emotions? i think you need to get back control of this situation and continue with nc, let her have that other guy because reguardless if she "chooses" you or not, would the relationship still feel the same knowing she had feelings for someone else? and besides, since you go to psu, you know theres plenty of women there i wish i still went there, but i graduated in may.
  14. hey everyone, this post if for those who have been the dumpee at some point, whether its your first or second time around. i hope my story will help all of you: after breaking up in june, i joined this forum and it has been wonderful to find people who are going through the same thing you are. i did the whole NC until i felt as though i would be emotionally strong enough to see him again (i will always see him because our life long friends are mutual) in october, we were tailgating and my ex fell off his truck, and since i know all his past history, i went to the ER with him and sacrificed my time at the game i was excited to go to for weeks. as a sidenote, i would have done this for any one of my friends, this was not a plea on my part to get back with him. (at this point, i happily moved on, and was dating another guy). after the weekend was over, i came home to flowers from him thanking me for helping him out the past weekend then i get a call from him that wednesday and he said he wanted to meet for lunch just as a thank you for helping him out. i accepted his invite because at this point, i had no problem establishing a friendship. after we went out for lunch, he basically told me how much he missed me and how much he regrets ending things for this own selfish reasons. he said he still loves me and never stopped. at this point, i was hesitant because i didnt want to have my heart broken again, so i told him he needs to prove himself to me again, and that i am not getting back into a full fledged relationship that quickly. he told me he had all the time in the world to do so. ever since then, for two months, he was wonderful and things were going really well. on my birthday (which happened to be new years) i realized i was ready to get back into a relationship again. because he was waiting on me i wanted to say something to him about it before the new year. he then turned around and said he only sees me as a friend. i dont understand why he would waste my time for two months and led on like he wanted to get back together, just to throw the friendship card in my face. i was not the one who came back to him and i moved on. the saddest part is now im left with more bitter feelings than the first time around. i am angry that he led me on and wasted my time. i was content enough to be his friend in october and now want absolutely nothing to do with him. when i asked him why it didnt work this time he said he prefers a girl who "is more of a girlier girl" because "i like football" and "i can drink with the guys" in my opinion, after dating someone for over two years, these reasons are lame, because its not like my personality has changed since we first started dating. to the dumpees out there, the positive part of all this is i truly believe he has done me a favor, because now, i have no regrets as to what "could have been" so if you get back with an ex and it doesnt work out again, think positive....you may not be walking away on a happily ever after note with that person, but you are walking away with greater sense of closure. and realize that someone out there will one day love the qualities that make you who you are. until then, learn to put that love you did for another person into yourself by taking up a new hobby like working out. and always remember, you control how happy you want to be.
  15. hey erin... i was in a similar situation myself. i got back with my ex after he contacted me in october, and we ended up breaking up on my birthday which happens to be new years. the second time around is easier in a sense because you already know what life is like without them, so that fear of a life without them is not as strong. its still hard because your losing that person again, on top of feeling like a fool for going back. my best advice to you is take the second break up as a clousure. you now dont have any "what ifs" and you can completely move on knowing that if it didnt work the second time around, its not going to work at all. best of luck to you
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