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bulletproof

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bulletproof last won the day on August 27 2012

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  1. I don't believe that there is only one person that touches us that way. Otherwise, people would never fall in love more than once, and that happens fairly frequently. It's just a novel. Writers exaggerate a point to create a feeling.
  2. I really don't think this is something that's meant to be taken literally. I always understood it as, When you are not obsessed with finding someone, you will give off a good energy that will attract people to you. I've found this to be very true. But, in order for someone to see you exhibit that great energy, you have to go out. And socialize. And be part of something. So that's where the "putting yourself out there" comes in. I like that it's a 50/50 deal. A little effort on our parts, a little rewarding from the universe for being positive and not obsessive and miserable while single.
  3. fyi, this thread is pretty old. Glegend, did it sicken you when you were the one with the gf? How come nobody else in the world is entitled to be happy when you're not? I would imagine that if you think other people are losers and you are primarily concerned with getting a "hot" gf, you are going to have a very hard time ahead of you.
  4. I think this is why a lot of people advise not to tell- because some people do conduct their marriages this way, and sometimes interfering can cause more harm than good. To the o.p., I just wanted to tell you that I have a friend who found herself in a very similar position to yours, although she was a bit younger when she found out her father was cheating on her mother. I forget how she found out; it was something extremely subtle that she picked up on. What she did was write her father a letter (even though they all lived in the same house at the time, she felt that she couldn't confront him face to face effectively) and told him that if he didn't tell her mom, she might have to. Her father did own up to it, did tell her mother, and now they are divorced and he is living with the woman he cheated with. Regarding the other woman in all this... there's zero reason to confront her. It won't change anything and she is not particularly relevant to your life. The person you need to talk to is not the other woman or your mom, just your dad. At this stage, you just need some answers from him because you don't really know what happened.
  5. Nope. Honestly, out of that very long list, I'm sure everyone possesses a few of the traits. But overall, when I found the right person, I was a very loyal, very committed and very devoted gf and very interested in the long-term. And I am pretty sure I will be the same with the next person I am truly interested in.
  6. My issue with it is defining it as some sort of legitimate disorder, when nine times out of ten the person just didn't want to date the other person. There are loads of personalities out there that are not going to mesh with ours long-term for whatever reason. Deciding that the other person has something 'wrong' with him or her is a great way to soften the blow to our ego.
  7. Because they can. Because someone (or many) allow them to. Because maybe some people are just inconsiderate, and selfish, and not very nice. But it doesn't mean that they have a mythical disorder. I can speak for myself when I say that I would back off from people when I feared that they would become too attached and I knew I wasn't interested in them for the long haul. It was because I wasn't interested in that specific person. I wanted a serious relationship. Just not with him.
  8. Having spent my late teens/early twenties as the person who did the leaving in relationships, I can safely say it's because the guys I dated were not the right ones for me. It may have appeared to the outside world that I was "commitment-phobic", but when I finally met someone who I wanted to be with, there wasn't a doubt in my mind. It sounds like this just isn't the right guy for you, OR you are rejecting him before he can reject you (hence you backing off when he started to back off).
  9. I agree that the whole commitment phobia idea is just a way to make ourselves feel better. Everything is so overly-labeled and categorized just so humans can make sense of it. I prefer to face reality- he wasn't interested in being with me anymore, period. His loss. I find that significantly more empowering than making myself a victim of someone else's "illness".
  10. I don't think anyone is saying it would be okay. There's a difference between something being okay and the opposite end of the spectrum, which is assuming that all manner of things went on between them. The bottom line here is that it happened, most likely as a result of drinking way too much as opposed to a problem in the relationship itself. He can either accept her apology and move on, or break up with her. The third option of staying together but continually distrusting her and bringing it up won't work.
  11. I seriously doubt anything happened. Who puts their clothes back on after fooling around? I would be more concerned with the fact that she drank so much. Are either of you addressing that aspect of it? Because chances are she wouldn't have found herself in that situation if she hadn't been drunk, and that's a problem. Was this the only time she's ever been that drunk? The only reason I would say that you should end the relationship is because you can't seem to let it go. That's your right, but to stay with her and continue to bring it up or worry about it seems pointless. So I guess you have to ask yourself: can you move on? If the answer is no, best to break up.
  12. You still have not answered the question, though, despite prolific posts arguing other people point by point- how is that there are average-looking, and "unnattractive" people dating and getting married all the time? You're still using illogical arguments and examples. You have no idea why the two women you met in person after speaking to them on the phone weren't interested. Even making the jump and saying you can read minds and you know that they weren't necessarily attracted to you, then that does not automatically mean that you yourself are inherently unattractive. My roommate is now dating online. She has gone on so many dates, and while she might be very excited after e-mailing and speaking to potential dates on the phone, she has not met one guy in person who she is remotely attracted to. And they were all reasonably attractive guys. She just felt nothing. There are so many nuances to how someone looks and behaves in person. You can't tell me that you can't think of one person, celebrity or real-life, who is not considered good-looking but just has that something that makes him interesting, sexy, attractive. We all know people like this. Why can't you work on becoming that, and forget about blaming it all on your alleged bad looks?
  13. Again you use the argument, "what I have seen". What you have seen is only your experience. Plenty of people have a completely different experience, and it's not because they are better looking than you or anyone else. So how do you explain that? I have a suspicion that you are determined to hold on to these beliefs, despite the fact that they have not worked for you, ever. The whole point of succeeding at anything is to make the most of what you've been given to work with. Just lamenting the unfairness of it all is pointless.
  14. But don't you see that you just proved your own theories to be false? If looks matter so much, then why is the less attractive girl in your office married with two kids while the other one is not? Obviously, someone finds her very attractive, enough to marry her and share a life. That seems a lot more significant and important than getting attention from a bunch of male coworkers. Your argument and theories are illogical. You're basing them on your experiences alone. This doesn't make it fact. How would it explain the millions of average-looking people who find someone? And so what if attractive people get attention, anyway? What does that have to do with you and your particular situation?
  15. Here's the thing: what you look like won't matter one bit if you are as shy and bashful as you say you are. How can anyone possibly get to know you if you are not able to express yourself comfortably? Have you ever taken any steps to become less socially anxious? Have you ever given any thought to why you might not want to date someone of your own race? You might think it's just your preference, but if you don't even like women of your own race, do you even like yourself being a member of that same race? Maybe this self-hatred is very obvious to potential partners? Sense of humor is actually very attractive, but it's just like anything else- there has to be something to back it up. People are not one-dimensional. Surely you see people that are similar-looking to you, or less attractive, that are in relationships. You ask why you are alive if you can't find love? Because we as humans have lots of purposes here, not just to find a relationship, and it is up to you to find and fulfill whatever those purposes are. Staying home and dreaming about finding a girlfriend is not helping you to live up to your potential as a human, or helping you find love, either. You are in NYC, (which I am also) the biggest city in the world, with something amazing to do every single day. Start living the way you were meant to, and deserve to.
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