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Donster

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  • Birthday 09/18/1973

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  1. This is quite a common occurrance, where for one partner (typically the guy), porn is no big deal, and for the other partner (typically the woman in a hetero relationship), porn is tantamount to infidelity. In this particular situation, it sounds like it is not the porn itself that bothers the OP, but rather the husband's reaction to being interrupted (possibly mid or close to orgasm? That could explain his embarrassment), and the fact that the husband may have been hiding his porn from the OP. The good thing is that you two have talked about it (the fact that you are in a high risk pregnancy and cannot be intimate), and have addressed it as an issue, and have brought up the issue with a professional in an effort to find a fix. In my opinion, the porn is a good temporary fix...however, if it becomes obsessive, or if he begins to prefer porn over you (once you are able to become intimate again), then you have a major issue on your hands. With respects to the issue about the vibrator--if the porn, or the hiding of porn is that big of an issue in your mind, then you should let your husband know that it is threatening to you, in the same way that the vibrator is threatening to him. In that way, he can better relate to your concerns. The vindictive thing would be, as one other poster suggested, to just go out and buy one for yourself. But that doesn't really involve any teamwork to resolve a joint issue that is affecting you as a couple, and that type of vindictive behavior doesnt really help anything in the long run, and can serve to further split you apart. Anyways, good luck with your issue. Communication is key!
  2. Just found this old thread while doing a search...IMHO, the OP sounds pretty awful, and based on her description of the events, she more or less caused the fight in the first place! This was several years ago--who can say what happened? Hopefully both parties have learned from the experience, however it all ended.
  3. Ugh--I have now gone full circle in the cycle of life. I have gone from dumpee, to dumper. And I feel crummy about it. I'll write more in the near future once I have time to absorb and analyse all that has happened. But in the meantime, I will continue to feel crummy.
  4. Hi there, do you have an update on your situation? I (and a lot of other people on here) hope that you have been able to sort things out with your partner and are finding yourself in happier circumstances.
  5. Thank you Beebee and Tiredofvampires, for your nice comments. I'm still processing my thoughts and feelings, and the new love that I feel developing and deepening with this new beau. Strange but true fact: we've only had 4 dates so far. But you just get a feeling about someone. The shell around my heart cracked open after date 3, and I had my little epiphany. Now the shell has all but disappeared after date 4, and I feel free to both give from my heart, and to be receptive to love again. Right now, I also feel like I am waking up and opening my eyes again after taking a long nap. What a strange feeling. But I feel like I am at the beginning of yet another chapter of my life. TiredofVampires: I don't know the full situation of your breakup, but it sounds like you are still somewhat stuck. We've all been there. The last bit that you wrote is key, in my mind, to getting unstuck. There was a great post from Melissa1144 on this thread from 10-04-06. It was about how some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. It's very true. Her post helped me a lot in making sense of things. Sounds like you shared a great love with someone, who for whatever reason, built a brick wall around his heart after letting you in for a while. Sounds like you appreciate him for what he was, but you then have to realize that perhaps he was only ever meant to be part of your life for a brief period of time. But obviously he has changed you during that brief time. And you have probably changed him as well.
  6. A quick update. It has been a while since I have posted. I have been busy with work, busy dating. Basically just living life. And loving life. I've been happy with the direction my life is going, content with the state of my daily life, and OK with the past that I have left behind. But today I cried for the first time in ages. The last time might have been 8 months ago, or more. Long ago enough that I've forgotten what it felt like. I had no reason to cry. No reason to feel vulnerable. No reason to feel upset. My breakup was just over a year ago, and I have barely cried since the day I decided I had had enough. In fact, I literally danced for joy on that day. But I had been feeling for several days now that I needed a cry. Emotions were building up, and I didn't know what to do about them. But the tears wouldnt come. And yes, they were related to a guy I had met, but I couldnt figure it all out. I've dated plenty of guys, but there is something different about this one. Part of how I have protected myself following my breakup, and a reason why I feel like I have been able to stay strong despite the pain and vulnerability I had experienced, was to put a shell around my heart--a hard protective layer to prevent any pain from getting into the soft, vulnerable interior. The problem with having such a shell around my heart, is that I dont let anyone in. And I also don't feel anything. thereforeeee no pain, but also no love. It allows my physical and mental beings to continue with what they need to do, but at the expense of my emotional being, which stays locked up, walled off, and sealed away. But there's something about this guy. He has chipped away at the shell around my heart, allowing my emotional being to see the light of day, and is awakening feelings that I haven't experienced in a long time. And my mental and physical being doesnt know what to do about it. I was afraid, and my body just felt like it needed to cry. So today I went to St Paul's Cathedral for their Evensong services. St Paul's is a huge cathedral by the Thames in the center of London. It's a touristy thing to do, and it's the only time of the week you can get in for free, with free entertainment from the choir to boot. I'm not at all religious, but I do like exploring churches, looking at the art, and learning about their histories. It had been on my to do list for some time, and having free music to listen to was a bonus. And I felt like I needed some time alone. As I sat surrounded by tourists, listening to the voice of the choir echoing through the cavernous hall, tears started falling from my eyes. The music was beautiful, though I couldn't make out the words. But I thought about this guy, and many of the others I have met over the past year. I've been lucky to meet a lot of good people who have been very good to me, both in my time of need, and as I have begun the new chapter of my life as a singleton. But none have touched my heart as this one has. It scared me in the beginning, but I realize now what the feeling was. I was starting to fall in love again. And it made me afraid. My ex's mother had recounted a story once from one of her friends, who was a divorcee. Now well into her 60's, this friend just wanted to experience the feeling of falling in love again one more time, before she dies. Is love something that precious? And if so, why am I walling off my heart to prevent love from reaching it? And if it's at my fingertips, why am I not allowing myself to reach out and touch it, to experience this gift again? I managed to suppress most of my tears during the service. But towards the end, as the sound of the organ resonated through the hall, I had to get up and leave. So I found a private spot on the grass in the churchyard. And there, I wept. I wasn't sad. On the contrary, there are too many positive things happening in my life right now. Work is going great, I'm thriving in my new environment, I have a lot of new friends, and I met a great guy. But I wept because this guy had managed to figure out how to get through the shell around my heart, which I had begun to fear would eventually turn into an empty husk. He did it by showing me every nook and cranny of his own heart, offering me nothing but honesty and tenderness, opening up the world of his insecurities and vulnerabilities to me, and accepting me for who I was, with all my own flaws and insecurities. The last time I hugged him, I felt like I was going to cry, but the tears didn't come, and I couldn't fully figure out why I felt the way I did in the first place. Now I don't know what will happen the next time I hug him or hold his hand. And so, while seated in St Paul's, I experienced a renaissance, a rebirth. A different me emerged from the doors of the cathedral. One that's not afraid to let love enter his heart, and who will give his emotional being as much attention as he gives his mental and physical being.
  7. So this weekend marks the anniversary of 1 year of being single. I left a voicemail with my ex the other day to wish him a happy anniversary. Am I twisted? Slightly. Do I truly wish him a happy anniversary? Yes. Although it has been 365 days, hardly a round number, a year is a good time to think and to reflect on life. Like the 14 years that I was coupled, this past year of solitude has flown by, seemingly in the blink of an eye. And the old adage applies. Time does fly when you are having fun. Over this past year, I have done the following, none of which I would have ever imagined to be possible in my previous life: *I have traveled in 3 different continents, and by the end of the calendar year, I will have been in 4 continents, encompassing a total of over 40K miles of air travel. *I will have visited 10 different countries, and dated guys from over 12 different nationalities, and made friends with people from even more nations. *Slept alone most nights--and have been OK doing so, whereas a year ago, that feeling would have felt so strange and foreign.. *Seen and experienced more of the world than I have in all my previous years put together. Although I don't regret my previous life, I used to think "YES, this is what life is all about!", and now with my more wide-awake eyes, I can say again, "YES, this is what life is all about". [This is a weak analogy, but I feel a bit like the blind prophet Tiresias from Greek mythology, who the gods transformed from man to woman for 7 years, and thus he was able to experience life from two perspectives] *Gone to zero weddings. *Have banished all the dark thoughts, feelings of depression and despair, and poor self esteem that I had become enveloped in over the years, and which clouded both my thoughts and my vision towards the end of the relationship. *Have experienced many days, and even weeks, without having thought about my Ex at all, or caring about what he is doing, or who he is with. (In short, I am living a very anxiety-free life. It's amazing how much anxiety he caused in me, and the insecurity I felt based on his behavior. I am so glad to be free of that. I can breathe freely and walk tall once again). This, if anything, has been the greatest gift that the breakup has given to me: Peace of mind, calmness of spirit. So where does this leave me? Here's what I wrote in the blog portion of an online dating site where I have an ad: What am I looking for? What a good question. I've gone out on dates where this has come up, and it hasn't been easy to come up with an answer. I've been single for exactly a year, after having been in a relationship for 14. So I've seen the grass on both sides of the fence, and I can honestly say that it is equally green on both sides. Am I enjoying single life right now? Yes. Do I want to be in a relationship again? Yes. But when? And with whom? Right now, I am enjoying life and everything that life has to offer. I'm exploring more about the world and learning more about myself than I have ever thought possible. Do I want that to end? No. Would I like someone special to explore with and share that with? Yes. But having been in a long term relationship, I am wary about losing myself in the relationship. I'm happy with the identity that I have created for myself, which was so different when I was part of this couple that everyone thought of as a couple, rather than as a union of two individuals. And I am wary of losing that individuality. And I am also wary of losing the spark of spontaneity that I am enjoying so much with my present life. And so here I am, caught betwixt and between. I think my present strategy is quite sound: I'm going to live life as fully as I can, and enjoy my own company and personal development as much as I can, and to see and experience as much of the world as I can. Alone. But at the same time I will keep an eye out for that special someone who will challenge me, and make me rethink my strategy, who will make me think more about "us" and "we" than about "I" or "me", and who will have a similar strategy and view of life, who is also waiting for the right guy to enter his life, and to alter it, in ways that neither he or I could never have imagined. This is how magic is made. And if you think you're the one who will make magic with me, send me a note. And that really does sum up where my life is today quite well.
  8. So I was back in Boston a few weeks ago, and, as I expected, I saw my ex together with his new bf a couple of times. Going into the situation, I didnt know how I would feel or react. Mind and logic do not always go hand in hand with heart and feelings, and although I am, and have been mentally prepared with the fact that they are together, as a couple, and that I would see them, I really had no clue how I would actually react or feel by seeing them. I don't view the new guy as a rival. That would only be the case if I wanted the ex back, which I don't. If anything, he is the one who is constantly having to wonder about the shoes he is trying to fill, and whatever memories and feelings the ex may have that he has to deal with. And none of it is my concern. I saw him, gave a polite hello, but I didnt really have much else to say to him. The surprising thing was that I was the same with my ex. We made some small talk. But I really had nothing to say to him. And, like the last time I saw him, I again felt absolutely nothing. And again, I don't know if it was a defense mechanism kicking in, to protect me from having to feel anything, or whether it is healing. But what did become very clear to me during this most recent trip is that our lives have become entirely divergent. Part of it is me living in a different country. Part of it is me being still angry about all the BS I was made to go through at the end of the relationship. And part of it is that I feel like I have now properly left the ex behind. Mathematically speaking, his life is still going on the same linear path that it was on before, although he substituted a couple of variables (new bf, new flat). Everything else is the same for him. And for me, now that I am free from the linear track that I was on before, I'm free to live my life on an exponential curve, freer, faster, and more open than I could have ever imagined. In short, I feel that I am changing. But is it harsh of me to not really care so much about what is going on in my ex's life? And although I know he still cares a bit about what is going on in my life, is it harsh that I feel like I don't owe him any details or explanations about my current life? I think from time to time that he really would have had a lot of fun here in London, or rather, we would have had a lot of fun together here. But I wouldn't be here if we hadn't split up, and I don't think it's my job to allow him to live vicariously through me in any way. Choices were made, and his choice was to not be with me any more and just like I wasn't willing to hang around and be his insurance policy, I also don't see how a strong friendship can be maintained. I recently met a fellow who is my age and who was also in a 14 year relationship that ended a few years ago. I heard about some of the pathology in that relationship, but what struck me is that they still talk regularly, and they even took a holiday together recently. But the difference is that even though they split up and live in different countries, I sensed in my conversation that there is some hope from both sides that they will get back together again in the future. I don't have this hope or desire any more, and perhaps that is what makes the difference? Because when there is hope, then there is some extra effort that one makes.
  9. Hi swtsmr, No, I don't have to see my ex. But, I am passing through my old home for work, and there are some social things happening that weekend where a lot of friends whom I miss will be present at. Because our lives were so intertwined for so long, a lot of these people are mutual friends, so if I see A, B, and C, I will likely see eX and Y as well (pun intended). I've exchanged a few emails with the ex lately. He knows how I feel. I am ok seeing X. But just not okay seeing X+Y together. Months ago, seeing a picture of the two of them together set me in a foul mood. How would I feel seeing them in real life? I don't know. More time has passed, and feelings have lessened. But they are still there. ----------- On the lighter side of things, I am still so amazed by the twist and turns of life. The ex, who at some point thought he wanted to be single, was alone for basically a day and found himself running into the arms of another. And as for me, the one who had always held being in a relationship as being the most important thing in life, I am finding myself rather enjoying single life and the unique challenges and opportunities my current status affords me.
  10. This is a story I found on the internet. ------------ A young guy went to his mother and told her about his life and how things were so hard for him. He did not know how he was going to make it and wanted to give up. He was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose. His mother took him to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her son, she asked, "Tell me what you see." "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," he replied. His mother brought him closer and asked him to feel the carrots. He did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the son to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, he observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the son to sip the coffee. The son smiled as he tasted its rich aroma. The son then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" His mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her son. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?" ------------ Although it's been almost a year now, I still have flashes of memories and emotions that erupt at the strangest times, triggered by odd things. We had a small birthday party at work the other day. And the chocolate cake reminded me of one that I had surprised me ex with at work many years ago. Seeing and tasting the cake made me shudder, and it almost made me cry (while I was surrounded by officemates!). My first instinct was that I have become the egg, that my heart had hardened after the breakup, and that I had formed a protective shell around it to prevent anything outside from getting in. And although I may seem like the carrot from the exterior, I can't think of any adversity or challenge that has ever made me soft. But how can I become the coffee, which becomes so much more than it started with after facing adversity? I will likely see my ex again in a couple of weeks. And this time I will probably see him together with his new boyfriend. How will I respond to this challenge? I will be good about keeping up the appearances of being a strong carrot, but I dont know what I will feel on the inside. Will I preboil my egg so that I won't feel anything inside? How does one become like coffee in a situation like this?
  11. Sounds like you work hard to create an open and supportive environment (with the family counseling, etc.) It's a complicated issue, that is all probably tied together (his pot smoking, questioning his sexuality, maybe some depression). One thing you can try to do is to deconstruct everything. The pot smoking is a form of self medication (others use alcohol, or other drugs, or video games, or pornography, or shopping, etc.) So there is likely some underlying cause (possibly his questioning his sexuality?). Just make sure your son knows that you and your husband will love him unconditionally no matter what, and dont just say it, live it. But also dont confront your son, because everyone comes out on their own timeline. One suggestion is to let him know that even if it turns out that he is gay, that you would still love him unconditionally. I went through my own phase of distancing (I ended up 3000 miles away for college), and some self destructive behavior (alcohol) before I accepted myself as being gay (something your son may not yet have done, if he is gay)...and it was many years later before I came out to my parents (and many years after that before they accepted it). Anyways, I ramble a bit, but I would suggest as a parent, you can control the environment in which your son lives (hopefully a tolerant one), but you cannot control when he will come out, if he even chooses to, or if he is even gay or straight.
  12. Every two steps forward, it's one step back. I don't know why, but I've been thinking about my ex lately. Maybe because I'm spending too much time alone these days? I really thought I was over him recently. I came to the conclusion that he probably doesn't think about me any more, given the new person in his life. During one of my travels, I got him a souvenir. And I gave it to him when I saw him last month. And then afterwards, I felt so stupid. Why am I wasting my time getting him a souvenir? I don't think I occupy that place in his life any more, even as a friend, where he would ever get me a souvenir. Or even think of me at all if he were on a trip. So why do I bother thinking about him? So I decided that I am done thinking about him, and that he no longer has a place in my life. And yes, he had mentioned that he enjoys hearing about some of my travels and experiences. But do I owe him this courtesy? I don't think so. In part because a relationship should be reciprocal, even if it's a post-breakup friendly relationship, without the reciprocity, there is no point. And is there anything about his life that I really care about, or that interests me? Not really. I know not much has changed. In fact, the only thing that has changed in his life is that he has replaced me with another. And so I thought I could dust off my hands, wipe away a couple of tears, and push all the thoughts of him away. Out of sight, out of mind, and out of my heart. I've been trying to get on with my life. But then the thoughts started creeping back in. Some of it was my bruised ego speaking out. Some of it was my jealous id...envious and angry that the ex so quickly moved on, and has someone else in his life. Some of it were memories, and things that I wanted to say to him, that perhaps I hadn't yet gotten out of my system earlier. Is it normal to fantasize about the ex wanting to get back with me, and then me saying no to him? Is it normal to have a conversation with my ex in my head where I ask him, after all the hurt he put me through, why I should even consider ever taking him back? Is it normal to still feel sad after so much time has already passed? Or angry? Have I really progressed like I thought I had? Or perhaps the facade of progression that I had put on, to try to trick myself and others into thinking that I was moving on, finally worn thin...thin enough that I am starting to see through my own facade? And is the honeymoon phase of the new life I now have finally over? To many of my friends I am living a fabulous existence in a bustling metropolis, with a jet-set life and 1000 new experiences every day. And in many respects, that's true. But at the end of the day, the reality is that I am writing this, in an empty apartment in a foreign city that's almost half a world away from what I know as home...alone.
  13. Oftentimes, when there is a puncture wound to the heart, or some other important organ, you leave the knife in place until you can get proper medical attention. You do this because the knife holds the blood in. If it were to be removed, the blood will rush out, you lose blood pressure, and the wound becomes more severe. A friend mentioned to me that the new guy in SFG’s life was planning to move to Boston to be with him. The news was like a punch in the gut. It was a twist of the knife that had become embedded in my heart when I first learned that they had gotten together, very shortly after we had broken up. I was slowly being replaced with substitutes when we were still together. And the replacement sped up when we finally split. And now we come full circle...when the guy finally moves in, the replacement will be complete. I told SFG when we broke up that he will always have a place in my heart. That comment is even engraved in an iPod I bought him as a parting gift. And now I think I know where that place in my heart is. It's a sliver of a knife that I'm afraid to take out, that twists and turns every now and then, causing me some pain. Most of the time I can ignore it, since it doesn't bother me too much. And some scar tissue has built around it, so that it doesn't twist around as much as it used to. But boy, every once in a while, that sliver just digs in and does a little dance. I'm writing this post from the city that I once called home, having just seen the man with whom I used to make a home. It’s my first trip back to the states since I left 4 months ago, and the first time SFG and I have seen each other during that time. We had dinner the night before I moved away, making him the last person that I saw. This time, we had dinner the night that I flew in, making him one of the first people that I saw. Is he still a part of my life? It appears to be so, but in a way that we are still struggling to define. How am I doing? And how does it make me feel to see him? I felt nothing. No numbness. No pain. No sadness. No emotion. Just nothing. Is that progress? I don’t know. I felt nothing when he greeted me at the door of his new flat—the one that he bought after we broke up, which I was seeing for the first time…a piece of his new life that I had not yet seen, and which I had not been privy to. I felt nothing when I went inside, and saw most of the furniture that used to be ours, but now was his, in an environment that clearly was no longer mine. I felt nothing when I saw pics of SFG with the new guy in his life, in frames that used to hold pictures of the two of us, in the same poses, in some of the same places that we used to frequent. He could have just cut out my face and pasted on the new guy’s. Am I strong? I don’t know. Am I compartmentalizing again? Probably. Am I putting on a façade? Yes. Will the feigned indifference eventually become the real thing? Hopefully. In the meantime, these defense mechanisms work to postpone my feelings, so that I don’t have to deal with them, and so that I won’t get hurt by them. I think that's what keeps me ticking.
  14. So I'm living...and starting to feel more in the process of living...something I had not been allowing myself to do. I think this means that the ice is starting to thaw a bit, and the compartmentalization that I have been so good at has started to diminish a bit. I just had a great second date tonight with someone who I was quite starting to fall in like with. And then over dinner, I find out that a recent boyfriend has just come back into his life, and that he wants to give that a go. sigh Isn't it Murphy's law that sometimes in life you meet someone great that you seem quite compatible with, and with whom there is both connection, shared interests, and chemistry. And for whatever reason, they are unavailable. Or become unavailable. Tonight felt like a little mini-breakup all over again (even though it was just a second date). I actually shed a few tears on my walk home after we parted ways...something that I thought was very odd. The timing of our lives was in sync for about a week and a half. But from this night forward, my life will go in one direction while his will go in another. Will our lives intersect again? And in what way? Who knows. That's where the quirkiness of life will come into play. I'm sure I'll see this guy again, if anything, just as friends. But where will either of us will be in our personal lives? Who knows.
  15. {note, I'm talking about the hormone oxytocin in this post, not the drug oxycontin!!) I was trained as a biochemist. In modern science, we break everything down into individual component parts, each of which can be studied in isolation. This applies to organs, cells, proteins, and even individual amino acids and pieces of DNA. I try to apply some of this deconstructionism to better analyse and understand my emotional life as well, although we are complicated beings and it oversimplifies things tremendously to justify our behaviors and feelings based on a handful of molecules. Only in recent years has the science of behaviour become better understood. I've been thinking lately about oxytocin, the so-called "love hormone." Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that is released in the brain that facilitates bonding behaviour (love). It's also released during orgasm and by certain stimuli like massage. It helps induce labour and stimulate milk production in expectant mothers. In others, it can shift the flight-or-fight response towards a feed-and-breed response. And in the prairie vole (a monogamous rodent, very rare in the animal world), oxytocin plays an important role in pair bonding. If you tinker with a prarie vole's brain, you can make them promiscuous! In humans, the hormone is believed to increase feelings of trust, and concentrations of the hormone go up in people who are falling in love. I want some oxytocin. One of the things I have been struggling with lately is to figure out how and why my ex so quickly found himself in the arms of another. It would be easy to just call him a lout, to write him off, to forget about him. It still stings. In the words of Alanis Morissette, "it's a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced". The net effect is that I don't have a lot of respect for SFG these days. We still talk on occasion. But the lack of respect makes me question whether or not I want any sort of relationship with him at all, even the "friendly" one that we currently share. I don't typically become friends with people I dislike or whom I don't respect or who have done me wrong. We may overlook some of these things in business, since you can still have win-win situations with people you can't stand. But whereas we can't choose our families (at least not often), but we do choose our friends. And I can't decide if I want to choose SFG as a friend. But one thing I am starting to realize is that he is probably an oxytocin addict (not to be confused with an oxycontin addict). You've heard of people who are addicted to the feeling of falling in love. Or who fall in love (and sometimes out of love) at the drop of a hat. I think these people react more severely to the bursts of oxytocin that occur when you meet someone that you fancy. And I also think that is why some people find themselves rebounding so quickly when they miss their regular dose of oxytocin. SFG only lasted a day before he needed his fix. And when I look back to the beginning of our relationship together (seems like eons ago now), I recall that he was almost ready to tell me he loved me after just a few dates. I have no doubt that he has already told my replacement that he loves him. Oxytocin makes people do strange things sometimes. He was also always quick to confuse lust, love, and infatuation...and for that I can also point a finger at the effects of oxytocin. It's just too bad that he didn't have the wherewithal or strength to modify his behaviour so that the oxytocin couldnt control him. Yes, I look at him with a little bit of pity now, like you would look at a drug addict. Oxytocin and me And so I find myself wondering about oxytocin's effect on me. I've fallen "in like" quite a few times during the half year or so that I have been single. No love yet, definitely not to the level that I once had in the love I shared with SFG. But I have definitely fallen "in like" with several people whom I've dated. Would it have eventually turned into love? Who knows. Would I have allowed it to turn into love? Who knows. That's the million dollar question these days. But this is why love is like a drug. It feels so good when you get your dose. And of course, once you feel the high, you want to keep it up. And that's why breaking up is so hard to do (yes, a cliche, but so true!). It's quitting cold turkey. I remain positive that the right person will come into my life who will do wonders to my oxytocin levels. I'm not desperate and I don't need a lot to be happy. But I am ready for another fix.
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