Seraphim

Thank you so so much for your encouragement and support. It means so much to me . ❤️ I don’t feel so dark and unhappy and dead inside. I am starting to really live . I didn’t know what it felt like to not be abused . I was abused in some form from babyhood because my mother was being abused by my dad and then directly emotionally and psychologically abused from toddlerhood/ very early childhood. So I have always been in survival mode until probably the past year. I mean I will always be recovering but it won’t always be so painful or dramatic. If my life story helps I am always glad to tell it . Silence only helps abusers. I won’t be silent . I refuse .

Yup, we are at 1.79 a litre today. Bastage. In BC it is well over 2.00 a litre. I have found that the more confident and less anxious I feel I can now go into public bathrooms and lock the door without seeing spots before my eyes and almost passing out . I have found it doesn’t bother me at all. My brain is changing . For the better . Wow, almost 45 years into recovery and I am still recovering. Some things I don’t think I will ever recover. I didn’t have the life I envisioned. That was stolen in part and decisions in part. We all pay for our decisions. I couldn’t make the most of my intelligence or skills and talents. My life’s potential will never be recovered. My life has and had value . I saved my husband and son from an ugly world . That was my choice to spend my life on them and not myself . Fear and anxiety severely held me back from my potential. I am lucky though to constantly be improving. I was stuck for many decades but I have been very steadily improving for at least 8 years. I think metformin and mirtazapine have made a massive improvement to my anxiety levels. So much so that very seldom I have bad anxiety anymore . When I do have some I can control it and make it go away. With increasing control and mental calmness I am able to think clearly and not with an over emotional mind. I can have clear boundaries that I can enforce and not feel bad . I was reading some of my responses to people’s threads from over a decade ago and yes, I was writing from emotion. I was commonly overwhelmed. I would say I am 90% less emotional and constantly hurt .

I would run fast.

Tomorrow our gas goes up by .17 cents a litre to about 1.80 a litre which is over $7 a gallon I believe . I am about to die. Someone and his carbon tax is killing the nation.

The river is going to flood this weekend . We have flood warnings going all the way south. We have had heavy heavy rain this Spring .

Today in 1982 our Charter of Rights and Freedoms and the Constitution Act was signed by Queen Elizabeth II and Trudeau Senior. Before that the British North America Act was our “ Constitution “ . It still is but now there is the Charter and the Constitution Act to work in conjunction with the older body of laws and rights .

Four horse men of the Autistic Apocalypse

My husband is doing a course to become a safe ally for LGBTQ plus people in the military. He is a certified contact for peer mental health support and now will be one for peers that are LGBTQ plus.

Working is really coming along on the house. I have a functioning bathroom upstairs now . The kitchen is partially in and the sink going in today. We said goodbye to our old house and our march out clean passed with flying colours on Monday. Saturday we move my mother up . All connections with the South will be less. Our siblings and MIL will be there , my honey will be there another year, just a year I hope .

I would also tell her maybe text is easier for you.

Maybe do video calls when you particularly have something to talk about . My son is Autistic and he communicates when he has something to talk about other than that he can be very silent .

Are you sure you are 20? All this nah nah boo boo but what are you sounds more like a middle schooler.

I miss my honey so much . 😓

I guess he doesn’t realize citrus fruits are very high in sugar.