loveistough

I agree, this is what I would do. Just keep it light.

I don't really have a problem with what YOU have said blender. It's not totally accurate because you don't know the entire situation. I can understand why you would jump to that conclusion. Evening_light is twisting my words into things I never posted and I can't help but wonder if he/she read my post AT ALL before responding. Respond to what I am posting, not something you twisted it into being. No one has explained to me why he decides now to end things with her after we started talking again. That seems to be skipped over. He has not even told me they have broken up, I found that out thru a different source. This is not fresh for me, the pain of the situation is over and has been for a while. I am frustrated because he was contacting me and seemed like he wanted to reunite after I made several things very clear with him and then he all the sudden backed off. I don't even know if the back off had anything to do with an ugly situation happening between him and her.

Ummm, I left him. I didn't say I knew more about his ex than he does. I said I don't know if he knows she is dating someone else and that he doesn't know that I know that I am aware of some of the things I am aware of. He's already showing me that he misses me. Look, it is a really long story and I don't care to give you all the details. You can draw all the conclusions you want and not want to "hear" what I am saying, it doesn't really matter to me. He came after me aggressively and it took me a long time to even date him. He wanted me, I didn't want him. I was the one to end it. I wasn't willing to be part of that situation. If he "loved" her so much as you say then why did he end it with her?? Hmmm, something to think about there. You haven't explained why he wanted to end things with her and DID end things with her if he loved her so much. That doesn't even make sense. We just recently have started talking again and he has initiated a lot of it. Like I said before, it really doesn't matter now. You and blender have made assumptions which are easy to make on a bulletin board without knowing all the facts. Again, I already said I had gone NC. It was my own idea and I continue to do so now. I didn't say I knew what was best for him, where did that come from?????? You are putting words into my mouth that I never said. I don't think guys pursue women as hard as he pursued me just to "fill a void" as you say. If that's all he wanted he could have found a much easier catch, there was someone that liked him that he wasn't interested in because he wanted me. Usually too, guys don't take "void fillers" home to meet their family. We didn't start dating a few months ago, we broke up a few months back. Things were working out GREAT actually. This was a guy begging me not to end things between us. I also said I DID put a lot of blame on him. Apparently you must think I just came to my own conclusions, didn't happen!! I don't think you read my posts very carefully.

Thanks for the advice. I was the one that chose the NC. That was my idea. He's not missing her and she won't be on his mind. That's definetly not the issue. He told her it was over. She was pressuring him to stay together and he didn't want to. She has finally moved on and found someone else, probably a rebound for her. She knows about me. I believe she made one last attempt at reconciliation with him while she was in town and it didn't work and it got ugly and he wants time alone. Everything else is confirmed, the only thing I don't know is what happened when she came to town, the only thing I know about that for sure is that she said her trip "sucked." It's not about her suddenly having a new boyfriend, I don't even know if he knows that. I only mentioned that because I was glad she had finally let go because she has been stressing him out terribly. If he missed her so much then I think he would have gone to visit her when he has had plenty of opportunities to do so but he has never once tried. And yes I know that for sure.

It has gotten lost now. My OP was the point of my thread. I guess it really doesn't matter now. It has steered too far off course.

He's not perfect but I don't know anyone else that is either. It sounded to me like you were doubting everything I said even though I said I had concrete information that came from somewhere else other than him. I think you were assuming I was being naive and believing lines he was feeding me and that simply wasn't the case. We have been broken up for several months. It took me a while to find out the truth and realize he actually was being honest. Oddly enough, some of the information I learned actually came from HER. It is a complicated, odd story. As I said before, I am NOT a very forgiving person. I am quick to jump to conclusions and I did with him but it turned out I was wrong and he actually was being honest. It is highly unusual yes but it does happen. If HE was the one telling me all those things and that was all I was going on then what you said might have been true but that's just not the case here.

If I didn't know what the "issues" were I would say exactly what you are saying. I am not making excuses for him. Without going into details, she is emotionally unstable. Like I said, I was furious in the beginning and didn't believe him. He is not the one that convinced me he was telling the truth. He never told me she was too sensitive to hear the truth yet. I think you are under the impression that he told me all this stuff to convince me but he didn't tell me all that. I tried to convey that before in my previous post but I guess I didn't make it very clear. I learned it in another way that he doesn't even know about. It is easy to make harsh judgements about someone without knowing them or the entire situation. I made some pretty harsh judgements about him myself and thereforeeee ended it. After taking some time to reflect and eventually learn what was behind it I realized that he wasn't the bad person I thought he was. Believe me there is not 1 single thing that you have said that I have not already considered. Then I found out the truth. He doesn't even know I know everything that I know. If he was really as bad of a guy as you have made him out to be then why did he decide he needed some time alone to think and be alone rather than trying to get back together? As I said before too, she was there for him when he lost his brother. He had a difficult time with that. Other people I have talked to have told me it can be difficult to walk away from someone and hurt them when they helped you thru a situation like that. I can see how that could be. I know how much his brothers death affected him, he's had a hard time dealing with it. It's not his pattern, it really is about her "issues" and I guess some of his "issues" too. I was quick to come to that conclusion too in the beginning and want to lump him into the "cheater" category but as I discovered things I realized I was wrong for jumping to conclusions. I am not a forgiving person and I am not naive so for me to come to this conclusion really took some concrete information, it's not based on something I just want to believe.

No he didn't cheat on me. He was cheating on her with me (just to clarify, I didn't like that either). Yes they were only talking on the phone. She was clearly under the impression that she was still his girlfriend. They never saw each other the entire time we were together. I was uncomfortable with the situation and I didn't understand it at the time and I didn't really believe what he told me. She was recently in town over the holidays and I think that may be when they officially ended things. We were slowly getting back on track and he would always hug me when he saw me and at the same time he was becoming more and more distant towards her. Then out of no where he suddenly says he needs to be alone. At that time she was in town and I think something may have happened. I think the break-up may have gotten ugly and he is sensitive so I think he just needs time to clear his head.

That is a valid point and is why we broke up in the 1st place but I learned that everything he told me when I confronted him with it was actually true. I didn't believe that at the time though. He did lie to me but I understand now why he did. I still think it was wrong but his intentions were good but it wasn't the right thing to do. She was having some serious issues that I have since learned about and she needs attention and after she was there for him during an extremely difficult time in his life he couldn't turn his back on her. They never saw each other so it was more of an emotional relationship. I had to find it out on my own before I believed him. She moved away before I met him. This is a guy that took me home to meet his family on our 2nd date. We knew each other for about 3 months before we dated so it wasn't like we had just met. I am pretty sure he still cares about me. I do still care about him a lot and would like to get back together with him. I think he needs time to think and reflect before he can consider that though.

So I just learned that the girl does in fact have a new boyfriend. I guess things really have ended between the 2 of them so maybe that is why he feels he needs a break from it all right now. From what I have heard about her I don't think it would have been very pleasant(sp.?). I am still giving him his space but it's been really hard the last couple of days. I was doing really well up until about 2 days ago and now I can't seem to get him off my mind. I did end up texting him on Christmas Eve but it was to apologize for turning away from him the day before when I saw him. I didn't want him to think I was upset with him. I told him that it was a little uncomfortable but I wasn't upset with him. I didn't expect a response at all but he responded by texting me back "ok", nothing major but I guess at least he acknowledged it.

I saw him tonight while I was at the mall helping my brother shop for his wife. We were going up the escalator and he was going down. He looked straight at me and I turned away. I didn't feel comfortable speaking to him and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable either. I really didn't want to see him so I wasn't thrilled about the situation. We didn't leave it on bad terms but I still didn't want to see him right now.

You are right, he already knows. I guess I will just see how the day (Christmas) goes and see how I feel then.

I wouldn't be expecting a response. I want to go no contact which is why I am hesitant to send it. I don't want to confuse him or complicate things anymore. But I don't want to seem cold or uncaring to him to not send him a quick text saying "Merry Christmas". Partly because I know it is a tough holiday for him. I probably will send it but that is it. Thanks for your help.

Thanks! I will go back and read it.

Thanks. I do really care about him a lot and I think he does still care about me too. I told him that if he needs space I will give it to him. Don't really know if I will be what he wants in the end. I want to respect his space but I want to send him a text on Christmas (less intrusive than calling) to wish him a Merry Christmas. Should I send it or should I leave him completely alone right now?