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PhilliesFan001

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PhilliesFan001 last won the day on October 24 2011

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About PhilliesFan001

  • Birthday 01/08/1986

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  1. Okay, I don't particularly want to re-write the entire message, apologies if it came accross as flaming although that was not the intention. All I will say is, abuse does happen between children, even with a small or no age difference. It happens all the time, it's a fact, not an opinion. I'm not saying that's what happened here. I'm not saying the OP was abused or wasn't; all I am saying is, she's clearly upset about what happened, it's causing her problems, and she should see a counselor. Your abuse has nothing to do with her, and neither does mine. It's pointless to compare any of them, and I found it "unhelpful" that you told her the experience was trivial compared to your "real" abuse. That's all. It's really not worth debating further. And to reply to your statement - no, I don't find Freud particularly relevant today.
  2. I have to disagree with everyone who said that it is normal behavior. There is a big misconception that children cannot be abused by other children, and that simply isn't true. It makes things that much more difficult for people who've gone through this because it's so hard to understand if what happened was childhood curiosity or actual abuse. I was sexually abused by a slightly older child for years and I've never told anybody for this reason - people wouldn't take it seriously enough. Plenty of children do experiment, that is indeed a normal part of growing up. But, if you didn't want to do it, if it was upsetting to you, or STILL is upsetting to you, if you felt like you had to do it or were pressured into it..that is not normal at all. It's not easy/appropriate to label the other child an "abuser" in the same that you would an adult, because (A) she may have been abused herself, or (B) she most likely had no idea that what she was doing was unwanted/harmful but the point is, it's something you didn't want to do. Don't let anybody tell you it wasn't a big deal, that you should ignore it (seriously?) or that it was normal if it makes you feel this bad. There's a great forum online called After Silence and there is a special section of threads dedicated to child-on-child sexual abuse, I suggest you talk to some people there who may be able to understand your situation better. And absolutely seek counseling.
  3. Hiya, You have the same age gap as my boyfriend and I, except I'm the 19 year old. So obviously I say that your seven year difference isn't a huge deal and I don't see anything wrong with it in the slightest. The worrying factors are his baby and girlfriend. I notice there's no *ex* attached to that, so right off the bat I say do not get involved with him. Personally I find it wrong to get with someone who's currently attached to someone else, especially if there is a child involved. It sounds like you're very confused about the whole situation. I suggest taking a step back from him. Let him get his life together a bit. If he really loves you, tell him that he needs to decide whether he's going to be with his girlfriend or you. If it's the former, back off.
  4. It's just rambling on my part, I was thinking about it today. I mean really, what makes one relationship work over another? Is there some kind of magical formula that allows two people to stay together for 60 years, and another two to break up after 6 days? I've heard every trick in the book from the older generation for making relationships last. Don't have sex until you're married, wait a while before you have kids. Live together first. No, don't live together first. Wait, you should have premarital sex so you know what you're getting. They keep changing their minds. It's confusing. Couples that have sex before marriage get divorced. Couples who wait until they're married get divorced. Couples who have kids straight away break up, and so do couples who wait years. People who dated for 2 months beforehand end up staying together for 55 years, while couples who date for 5 years end up staying married for less than 1. You do one thing, it's no guarantee of success. You do the exact opposite, it's the same deal. You do what feels right to you, it doesn't work. You listen to the advice of others, it screws you over. Is it just me, or does it seem like relationships are a total crapshoot?
  5. Exactly! Although I have to say, lately I've found myself extremely attracted to James Gandolfini. I was watching "The Sopranos" and even though he's a big guy, when he took his shirt off I really liked it
  6. Is it odd that I would say either C or D? Don't get me wrong, I drool over Calvin Klein models and their perfectly chiseled abs, but when it comes to boyfriends--someone I can picture cuddling with and those kinds of things--"average American" guys come to mind. Like Vince Vaughn.
  7. Hi, I have exactly the same age gap as you, seven years. I met my boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 23, but we didn't begin dating until the summer before I left for University--I was 18, he was 25. We've been dating nearly a year now. So trust me, I understand the torture. During those two years that we were friends, I had romantic feelings for him, but I knew I couldn't pursue it--regardless of how great a guy I know he is, I knew the police would definitely not see it that way. But that turned out to be a blessing. Instead of jumping right into a relationship (since we couldn't), we took the time to develop a very deep friendship based on communication, trust, and strictly friend-related activities. When we actually started dating, that made everything much better, because we'd already laid the foundation of a great lasting friendship. So my advice is to wait. I know 3 years seems like an eternity--and by then, you may have found another guy . If not, then (and only then) pursue things with this guy. For now, think of it as nothing more than a friendship. No harm no foul in that.
  8. I'm not sure exactly. I know a lot of young women who would love to marry rich and mooch off their husbands forever. I'm a college student so of course I'm always broke, but I'd never dream of asking my BF (7 yrs older) to pay a single cent of anything for me. I even feel bad when he buys me gifts for holidays or birthdays. So I guess it depends on the woman. I was raised to be really independent so I don't need my BF, his money, or his stability. I'm not with him because he makes me feel secure or taken care of at all. I want a romantic partner, not a father. I'm perfectly fine on my own, even if it means I need to work 3 jobs to pay off my student loans.
  9. I moved out at 17 for University. Now I'm 19 and just about to move off campus into my own apartment, so I don't plan on moving back home.
  10. I'm with RayKay...I prefer it if the actual intercourse part of sex doesn't last longer than 10 minutes. That's around the right amount of time for my boyfriend & I. Plus, to me, all the good stuff comes before
  11. I've been in one for nearly a year. And, if all goes as planned, will be for another 3 years (I'm in college). Ideally if we're still together, my plan is to move to the UK after I graduate (but not because of him, I've been wanting this for my entire life.) During the next 3 years, one of them will be spent in the UK on study abroad, but the other 2 will pretty much be the same LD as it is now. And I'm perfectly fine with it.
  12. I don't know really, I guess it's the whole maturity thing. Though I have to say, I've been attracted to older guys, younger guys, and guys my age. I'm 18, and I'm not at all put off by the "immaturity" of teenage guys at all. Most of my guy friends are my age and I love being with them--sure they're a bit immature, but so am I. My current boyfriend is older than me but I didn't start dating him for his maturity (because he isn't always the most mature guy around), I didn't date him for his age or anything like that. We just clicked, in the same way that I've clicked with guys my age and younger who I have a good time with.
  13. My boyfriend and I started dating when I was 17 (a month before 18.) and he was 25 so I don't see a huge problem. Depending on where you live of course there are sexual laws, but as far as dating I don't think it's too terrible.
  14. That's fine then, no worries. Just do what makes you happy.
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