NiceGuysFinishLast

Thanks for all of your advice. Not one of you suggested that i stay with her. Well, i feel like a mug, but, i took her back. Things arent the same. She promises me she loves me, but if she really loved me she would have never have done what she did. I couldnt believe how devious and deliberately deceitful she could be, I mean this is my princess, my angel, my love. I find myself constantly thinking about suspicions i have had in the past and brushed them off, because i really couldnt believe she could be capable of doing such things. Now I cant help thinking she has done this before. The day after it happened she was so cheerful and bubbly, you really wouldnt have suspected a thing. I have never cheated on any girlfriend i have ever had ever, and i always thought that if i did i would never be able to hide it. But, this has been well hidden from me with a cover of smiles and niceties. She admitted if i hadnt found out then she would never have told me. So, when we are together I am constantly plagued by thoughts of her with other men, and even when we are not together i feel depressed and think about it still. I need to trust her for this to work, but how can i trust someone who turned out to be so very untrustworthy? Things arent the same anymore. On the surface, yeah we act like we are really trying to make it work, but i think we are overcompensating for the inevitable. Believe me, if i was reading this about someone else, I would say: "Dude, get a grip and get the hell outta there! This woman is the devil. You would be much better off without her." But, you know, its not someone else, its me. And without her i would be so lonely. I have alienated all my friends and made her my whole life. I really dont want to lose what we've got, well, had. I guess thats why I took her back, through fear of being alone. I mean, who wants to be alone? I dont. But then again, who wants to be with a lying, cheating b!tch either? I need some help, so i turn to you. Please help

Okay, this may sound silly, but no one had touched upon this idea yet. Maybe he KNOWS it makes you jealous and suspicious, and even though he knows he is not cheating, likes to entertain the idea that you think he is. Maybe he likes the attention, the feeling of being wanted, the extra effort you will undoubtedly make to 'keep' him through fear of losing him. Maybe he just wanted to know how you felt about him and acted subtly suspicious just so you would show your true colours. Remember, you said he has dealt with this situation in the past with an ex. Maybe he is cleverer than you think and knows what strings to pull to get you going? Just an idea. Its just what sprang to mind while reading through the posts. Either way, it doesnt sound like he is cheating to me. He may have been playing on your paranioa though. You said he doesnt do it anymore, so thats good. You have become less paranoid and more trusting so you should be congatulated. Congratulations. I hope all is well and you both have fun in your relationship together.

On Wednesday night my gf cheated on me. She slept with another man. I am 24, she is 19. We have been together for 2 years. We were out together on Wednesday night, at the cinema. After, I dropped her home at about 11.20. I asked if I could come in for a bit, and she said she was tired and she just wanted to go straight to bed. This caused a slight, very little argument, because i really didnt see the problem with coming in for 5 mins, you know, for a quick cuddle and kiss. We are usually really close and this wouldnt have been a problem. Anyway, after sending me away, I drove home alone. Then she called me to say sorry. It was a nice phone call, she said sorry if she takes me for granted sometimes, thanks for taking me to the cinema, and at the end she made kissing noises down the phone, and I felt great. I really felt loved. Little did I know, less than 3 hours later she would be shagging someone else. I found out on Friday, while she was in the shower, i read the text messages on her phone. She had messages to and from "natalie", saying stuff like "cme round now x x" at 2am Wed night/Thurs morn. I confronted her and she admitted it. She told me she was unfaithful to me on Wednesday night. My world fell apart, my heart broke. She couldnt tell me why she did it. At first I shouted at her and was just shaking and i was furious, but i didnt kick her out, after a long talk, we agreed to break up, I said how could i possibly trust her again after this. We even ended up sleeping together that night. The thing is, as much as i should hate her guts, I dont. I feel like an idiot, but I still love her so much. This came completely out of the blue. We were getting on so well. 2years together and i was having thoughts of being married with this girl, starting a family one day, i was and still am completely head over heels in love with this girl. I have made her my whole life, she is my world. She said that lately she has been having second thoughts about us. She just moved about 20 miles away from me about a month ago, to study at uni. I visit as much as I can, Wednesday nights and every weekend. Already, after a month at uni, this has happened. I broke up with her because she cheated, but i still love her and miss her so much. I want to get back with her. Even after what she done, the ultimate betrayal, I really love her still. My heart is broken, and i dont know what to do. Would it be a mistake to try to save the relationship, or should i just let her go? How could i ever trust her again after this? What should i do?

I think you know what to do, what is right. So grow some balls and do it! Dont be ANYONES doormat. She has done the worst thing ever in my book, the biggest act of betrayal and doesnt even seem to have any remorse. Tell her family, and tell yours, make her ashamed of what she has done, it is despicable. You know you deserve better, so why stand for it a moment longer?! Be a man, man!

Dude, more details needed! If I found out that 2 guys were staying over at my girls house, ooooh i'd be mad! On the other hand, she did tell you they were staying over, so she did not lie. And, in a funny way, 2 guys seems less threatening than one, but again more details needed. I mean shes not gonna cheat on you with BOTH of them. Would she? (i hope not) You know your girlfriend, so go with your instincts. Or give us more info!

I would just like to add: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. Someone on this site gave me that advice, and it helped in my situation alot. Is he telling you what you want to hear? Is he telling you he loves you but not showing it? When I love someone, commitment is no problem whatsoever, as i'm sure is the case for you.

I have to agree with friscodj on this one, no matter what the state of his last relationship, you are the rebound girlfriend. I know it sucks, and you dont like to think of yourself as the "rebound", but to me it looks that way. When a relationship ends, people usually need time to recover before they can love again, thats why rebound relationships dont usually last long. I believe the reason why you have been together for 5 months is because you let him treat you this way. I also agree with RayKays comments, if he says he is not ready to go steady, but still continues to date you, and you seem okay with this, what has he got to lose? If something better comes along he will feel less guilt dumping you because he will have the excuse: "well, it wasnt serious". My advice would be to give him an ultimatum, dont bother waiting two months, ask him for commitment or jump ship. Dont be afraid of doing this, if you end things with him, then he comes back to you, you know you mean something to him, if not, well at least your not his doormat anymore. Whatever you choose, follow your heart. Best of luck and keep us posted.

Dude move on! Sounds like you are being played, its not worth it, so just remember the good times, forget the bad ones, and keep moving forward. She is messing with your head, let the other guy deal with it.

I would reccomend you get some self help books and keep positive man! It worked for me. Once you realise all the blessings in your life, you wont feel half as bad as you do now, I promise. I would recommend End the Struggle and Dance with Life by Susan Jeffers (sounds cheesy I know, but it is proper good) or Embracing Uncertainty by the same author. It really does put things in perspective mate, and you will not only feel better about yourself, you will stand a much better chance of getting back with your girl, and if things dont work out, you will have the peace of mind to know that it will not destroy you. These books come highly recommended from me, and I've been there mate. Best of luck with however you choose to deal with it.

In response to this, I dont think she broke up with me to see this other guy, I think she broke up with me for what happened when we argued. Why she decided to see this other guy, I dont know, I wish I did, but I cant fathom it out. She says because she was trying to get over me. Anyway, I do agree it is a problem that she saw him again after we got back together, even though she said nothing happened between them, she still blatantly lyed to me, which i didnt think she was capable of. It makes me wonder if I hadnt of found out would she have ever told me? Even worse would she still be seeing him? This bothers me alot. She has promised never to see him again. As for the clubbing, she still enjoys it. She went out last nite, and I suggested that she came back to mine afterwards, which sometimes she does, but when she said no, I started having all these doubts again, like why not? Who are you going with? What are you going to get up to when your out? You know what I mean, driving yourself crazy with horrible thoughts that you dont really believe to be true, but cant stop thinking about. She said it was because her mate wanted to share a taxi home because she couldnt afford it alone, which is fair enough, I do believe her. But things like this never used to happen before she broke the bond of trust we had built up. I trusted her so much, thats why it was such a massive shock to find out she would do such a thing. Do I still trust her? Well quite honestly, I dont know. Would you? After someone betrays your trust, its hard to trust again. Does anyone feel like they can relate to this?

Well we have all been there, you will have sex again! Be patient, and sex will come. And hopefully so will you! HA!

The guy she is seeing is obviously a rebound relationship, and is going nowhere. As for you, dont you feel betrayed that she slept with another so soon? I feel for you man, I'm in a similar situation too, and it hurts like hell to know she has been with another. Is she doing this to get back at you in some way? Is she purposely trying to hurt you? Dude! What is she thinking! You must be having a right rough time, I dont know what advice to give you. Everyone deserves a second chance, including YOU, so I think a heart to heart with your girl may be appropriate. Be honest with her, and tell it like it is, I'm sure you must be hurting real bad right now. This other guy cant be serious, how do you base a proper relationship on what they have compared to what you had? Even I'm confused, so u must be completely driving yourself mad. Follow your heart man, best of luck

Well you do seem to be a truly lovely lady lvlyldy, you want him to be happy, even though it means not being with you. That is true love for you. And you WILL make it, this is the hardest part, and it will probably get worse before it gets better (sorry for being honest) but know that it WILL get better and one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong, dont be afraid to cry your little heart out, it hurts I know, but you seem to be a nice person so you will have no trouble finding love again in the future. Best of luck and take care

I know this must be really hard for you, but it has only been a few days. Wait a week to see if he calls you, then if he doesnt, call him. He probably feels the same way about you. Do you really want to play the "lets see who can be more stubborn" game? Wait a few days, then bite the bullet and call. You may be in for a pleasant surprise.... Its not like he is gonna be over you already, and he will be chuffed to hear from you.... Probably. Follow your heart.

In response to this, it was 3 times with the same guy... I dont know if that makes it better or worse.... Anyway many thanks to all who have responded, keep them coming please!