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Cardinal

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Cardinal last won the day on October 21 2008

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  • Birthday 11/20/1979

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  1. In my experience, it doesn't work well if you fear developing feelings with a fwb. It works better if you realize that feelings will develop and you are perfectly okay with that. Good friendships do involve feelings anyhow.
  2. Hopefully he has had an orgasm by now =D
  3. I am with matius in that I think PE is far more physiological than psychological. Older men have changed (and generally lower) hormone levels. That is a big driver in being able to last longer. But so is experience. 20+ years of consistent sex can teach a person a lot I would assume. Add that to a person that is really 'into it' and chances are they will learn their own body well enough to make lasting longer a reality (with the help of lowered sex hormone levels due to age). I can do a lot more now at 27 than I could at 18. And most of it is physiological. I have about 1-2 minutes warning most of the time before I blow. That is a lot of control time to work with. At 18? No chance in hell could I do that.
  4. Just wanted to let you guys know how this panned out. Turns out in a lot of ways I was worried over nothing. My g/f doesn't seem particularly interested in oral, giving or receiving. However, she is definitely not faking orgasms now. She relies on a massive back massager vibrator for her orgasms everytime. She generally can't last more than about 40 seconds when she uses it. She is also not into any kind of manual stimulation internally (but really enjoys it externally). I honestly can't remember the last time I had a chance to go down on her. Overall, sex with her has been rather interesting getting used to.
  5. I am going with...it depends on the frequency, the severity of the lie (white or black)...do the lies span accross the relationship, could they foreseeably control the lies, do they lie around everyone. Then just look at it in the context of the whole relationship. Chances are it can very much be a reason to end it. Being around someone who lies constantly and isn't even remotely good at it gets very lame very fast. Everyone lies pretty much everyday. It is easy to see if you look at a particular situation when too much is too much. Lies by themselves are not inherently good or bad.
  6. I'd go with the EC pill and plan on using a second method in the future. EC pill will have side effects likely though if you choose that route. Just depends on whether the extra protection is worth it to you.
  7. Are you disgusted that your girlfriend like to watch dudes kissing? Or are you really just disgusted by the idea of two guys making out? So many men love to watch girls kissing. Lesbian porn etc is a huge turn on for many of us. The reverse is less common I think but plausible. If it turns her on, it turns her on. I don't think she should try to squelch that thought. But I don't see why you two need to mention it or bring it up in your sex lives. It disgusts you. It turns her on. Big difference there.
  8. G/F is on the pill. I use condoms. Condoms alone wouldn't work for me at all. Too much risk.
  9. the penis rings trap blood. you can even have sex when you othewise wouldn't have an erection...i.e. the rigidity is gone. the blood is left in there and thereforeeee makes for a functional unit. More blood also means more sensitivity usually. More sensitivity makes achieving an erection easier if you had just lost one. the little condoms try to push blood out. the really crappy designs are very tight at the tip. Applying a squeezing pressure to the tip is one suggested way for a woman to help a man keep from orgasming and to make him lose, not gain an erection. If the condom is too small you often can't even get all the blood in there from a full erection. add in the psychological factor having to wear something to small and down it goes. You don't have to disclose tmi. Many people who have used 5-6 brands of condoms probably have found at least one that is ill-designed like that.
  10. You are in a reasonable position now. You could just enjoy the relationship as is and wait it out until he is ready. He is man, let him come to you and initiate when he is ready. He is too equivocable. When you two decide to have sex again, if I were you, I'd make sure he doesn't have a chance to equivocate. That is really what seems to leave things so awkward. Focus on the responsibility aspects of it more too. Doesn't seem like he is ready in that regard.
  11. To think, perceive and act. In philosophy, understanding the above is much like understanding why F= mass*acceleration in Newtonian mechanics. Such a simple equation. But a veritable universe of information at the tip of your fingers. A goal of physics is to explain nature. A goal of philosophy is to explain knowledge and existence. Thinking rationally, what we have to go on in life are our past experiences. The value of those experiences in shaping our choices in life depend on our perceptive abilities. I am a goal oriented individual, with happiness as an ultimate goal. To have any influence over that outcome requires action (or more pertinently reaction). A scientific approach is very intimately tied to my understanding of nature and how I structure my life and acquire knowledge. It reaches to the core of who I am. That I use a scientific approach to relationships should be obvious. It is much of what gives me my drive and ambition. All theories are wrong. Haven't we heard that one before. The value of a scientific theory is in its predictive and explanatory power. The rub for me in a relationship sense came when I first tried to apply generalizations without adequately considering individual differences. That approach fails in both its predictive and explanatory power. In short, its a crappy theory for relationships. So I had to throw that one out. But, advocating sexual awareness, education, experimentation, research and general education on a societal and invidual level is, as shadowslight has alluded, a great example showing the potential benefits from applying a scientific approach to sexual relationships. So far this appears to be a good theory.It represents progress. Ignorance and apathy represent regress. I'd view a disinterest in learning about a partner as more than selfish. It would go against everything I have learned so far in life. Why did I formulate my current approach to looking at this rather myopic little issue (faking orgasms)? Because I think it will do the best possible job at predicting and explaining the situation I find myself in. There is a fine line between making an assumption that a woman is faking an orgasm and gathering evidence that simply support a view (evidence ~ experience here). This issue technically isn't a math problem. But it does involve degrees of certainty.....which makes it a little probabilistic. Conclusion? Like it or not, an analytical nerd like me can make anything a math problem. Be careful not to take a scientific approach too literally and assume it will make an experience like a lab assay. If anything that would be a gross misinterpretation of what I am trying to get at. Finding out what works for you as an individual through experience (sex is all about emotion)...through participation in these forums by research, sharing ideas, integrating concepts...thinking, perceiving, acting...understanding nature, in this case human nature. That is exactly what I am getting at.
  12. Shadowslight: Thanks for sharing your perspective. It definitely has made look at things in a different way. A lot of people will benefit from these ideas. Definitely, I feel this will apply to me receiving oral as well. That is definitely a piece of the puzzle that is missing for me = being a more active participant. I'll likely get to experience something of this nature. My girlfriend is very much into acting and we have both already discussed the very real possibility of role play. To open my mind to this sort of artistic expression of sexuality will be a challenge for sure. If there is anywhere I would be comfortable doing something like that, it would indeed be in the bedroom jimthzz, You are very correct. I tend to focus very much on what I have to work with. Especially when that something tastes like smooth sweet honey. Honestly though you are right. I am definitely making an effort to look at the bigger picture at the moment. Will provide a quick update in a minute that should provide decent analytical corroborating evidence of that =D I definitely won't make that mistake. A womans orgasm is very unique to her. I'd suspect most women are quite capable of varying degrees of freakiness when it comes to sounds and thrashing about at the point of orgasm.
  13. Have you told her you love her. You said you express your love. Just need clarification on that. Seems plausible to me that she is legitimately having trouble committing to you. Could you elaborate on the stress factors in her life. Could also elaborate on the depression issue? Has that happened before. Does she have a genetic proclivity toward depression? The approach a lot of us may take in help you with this is to try to extract as much information about her and about your relationship as possible....since your main objective is to understand why right now. May be a tough thing to answer if she remains closed up about it. Good that you don't seem to be pressuring her. Bad that she is not showing interest in satisfying your needs. I'd imagine your whole intimate life is suffering due to lack of sex at this point. Like apple is suggesting....very likely she is having some problem she is just withholding the info from you. Tough to guess at it. Best chance at success may be to have patience, wait it out and do everything you can to be a good b/f....darn it there I go proposing solution.
  14. Aussie, Thanks for posting that. This issue matters to me primarily because I care about pleasing my partner and I don't want her to feel the need to fake orgasms with me. While that may serve a decent purpose in some relationships, I want the best for ours. And I don't think that is likely to be the case if she feels the need to fake orgasms. I am not a religious person. I do not have blind faith in anything. I try to form opinions based on reason and based on the experiences I have with a partner. My goals in life revolve around seeking happiness for me and those around me. Funny you bring up the issue of cheating. It is quite possible I don't have a jealous bone in my body. If by happenchance, I discovered a partner cheating on me, I would likely not react in any violent or overly emotional way. If a partner chooses to cheat on me, that is ultimately not in my full control. It is her decision. I'd be more than happy if my girlfriend went to clubs as often as she liked to and talked or danced with any number of guys if she so chooses. So far in 2 months, I have gone to the movies with a female friend once. My g/f trusted me, but not without verification. Once she was convinced I wasn't attracted to this girl, she more or less let the issue slide (a picture could have proved the point but so far has been unnecessary). When she talked about it, she was very cautious in asking me questions, but at the same time direct in the sense that she needed to know if this girl mattered to me more than as a friend. Trust, but only with verification. In the two months I have been with her, we obviously haven't been in bed the whole time. I know a lot about her religious upbringing and her strong family values. In short, I have noticed no indication that she might cheat on me and so far every indication that she would indeed be faithful. So if anything, we have built trust in that part of the relationship based on learning each other (how our minds work, our morals, our ethics, upbringing etc) and based on having spent real time in a exclusive relationship together. Similarly, I intend over time to build the same level of trust in the orgasm department (by learning everything about her body and mind wrt to sex that I can) and by allowing enough time to pass to build that trust. So, no I don' t go into a sexual relationship and immediately blindly trust a partner not to fake an orgasm, especially when there are quite a few signs that it may not be real. If I had maybe 10-15 good clues that my girlfriend was cheating on me and only her word that she wasn't, I'd be pretty foolish and naive not to question things, now wouldn't I (especially if I had only been with her occasionally for 2 months)? But please do not assume that just because I don't trust my g/f in some areas that I somehow distrust her or that there is any rational reason why our relationship should eventually wither and die based on my approach. I only doubt a SO when I am given good reason to doubt. Keep in mind I have read quite a few stories about how women have faked with men for years. I have also been with at least one partner that admitted doing it. I hardly think the best approach for a man to take would be to sit back and be oblivious. Blindly trusting a partner without paying attention to everything about her where it matters itself is doomed to fail imo! That doesn't help either partner and is likely part of the cause of the problem. Of course I hope my g/f orgasms are real. But from what I have to go on now, I am biased in the other direction. I have her word that they are real, but every other indication that they may not be. There is no reason that I need to draw a stubborn unyielding conclusion just yet. I can take all the time I need to observe. With time and patience many things become clear.
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