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lanty3

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  1. i think you have to look at individual cases. it seems this person has abandonded his wife for electronic erotica,dirty pictures and his own hand.
  2. if you want to get technical,definitive,"letter of the law" etc.,then maybe it`s not cheating ,but for all intents and purposes i think that`s pretty much what it is.
  3. i`d call it cheating. it`s marital infidelity. i`m not sure ,but in your case this situation could be legally construed as a type of abandonment. pornography can definitely be addictive and your husband is addicted. i can`t see why a man ,who has a real flesh and blood women who wants to be with him, would prefer internet fantasy and masturbation. it`s regressive; arrested development perhaps. you don`t sound like you`re overreacting. he needs help or you need to leave. it sounds harsh but that`s how i see it.
  4. hello R&W, if there`s a reason fate led me to this website, it`s to talk to people like you. i`ve been in your position most of my life . i`m 46! and i have nothing to show for it. the advice you`ve gotten so far is good. i would add that you need to be patient with yourself ; but not so patient you become complacent. practice doing things,even small things,right away. this can build up your sense of initiative and confidence. don`t be afraid to take chances,small ones at first,but keep trying. something will come out of it. i know it`s a cliche but, IT`S TRUE ......you`ve got your whole life ahead of you! if you sit around and develop fear and self pity you`ll end up looking back on alot of empty , wasted years. i`m still a relatively young man but i hate to see guys like you lose thier early adulthood.
  5. hi , i`ve been taking anti-depressants for over four years now. i`m currently on effexor. several months ago i began having SEVERE headaches. i told my doctor and he asked me how much coffee and soda i drink. turns out i was drinking way too much coffee. i cut out the caffiene and within a few days the headaches were gone. you can ask your doctor or switch to decaf and see what happens.
  6. BUT are there any men who want to state their thoughts on what my friend said? Please men, I need some help here! hi scaruff , i`m a man( i guess) and i`ll try to help. first: you seem to be overly sensative toward negativity. i have the same problem. that`s something individuals have to learn to overcome. ( maybe that`s why he said those things knew it would bug you.) which leads to my second point: most of these men your "friend" spoke about look for women who are susceptible to thier line of B.S. and obviously they find them. like elektrahere said,YOU have to be able to decipher the difference.
  7. the most memorable perfume i ever smelled was worn by a customer where i work. it was like strawberries. it was so delightful i nearly complimented her on it.
  8. hi dako , the first line of your reply actually made me laugh. thanks. i went to counseling and therapy for a while. i`ve been on ad`s for 4 years. various meds and doses. sometimes i feel good but my situation never changes.
  9. i`m sorry but this may ramble a bit. i`m in another depression. i think i`m hitting bottom. this could be good , after all there`s no way but up at that point , right? no , i could get stuck here. that`s not living. i`ve led a closed ,horribly closed ,cut off existence. my parents , who are gone now, were too damn old, repressed,bitter and unhappy to raise a child. my mother was over-protective,my father was emotionally distant and happy to leave me with my mother. he would never admit to it though , he did everything he was supposed to do.....he paid the bills. i`ve touched on most of this in previous posts. in some other posts on the suicide topic someone mentioned "steps" one goes through in life. i never took those steps. i think i stopped growing emotionally at 12. adolescence , time to begin the separation from parents. i couldn`t do it. i got no help,no encouragement. i never really did break away. i don`t even know my real self. all my reactions are based on my based on my weird,scared upbringing. what really kills me , what puts a hole right through my heart are things like this : reading all these posts and all these problems. people who reached out beyond thier families,out into the world. you have feeling , you have emotion , you put your hearts and egos on the line. that is what life is. that`s living. real living. i couldn`t and wouldn`t . i pissed 46 years down the drain. i have nothing to look back on and nothing to offer anyone. i take up space.....i`m a benign growth...deadwood,flotsam and jetsom. i`m tired of 1 step forward and 2 steps back.i don`t have the energy and heart to put up a fight. i have no anger,no sadness...nothing, not even a sense of resignation. i wish i could just fade away.
  10. hi dako, i was taking wellbutrin for a while. it seemed to help my depression but i got really anxious and irratible.
  11. hi dako , i`m sorry about your dog. i know what good friends they are. my dog is lanty. lanty3
  12. hi awalls , what we have in common may not be immediately apparant to you. i see it though. my parenys are both gone now. my father 4 years ago, my mother 10. they both lived with me till the end. my mother was smothering and overprotective. my father was distant and was critical and very impatient with me. my mother was not very educated and had a terrible temper. yelling was the main form of communication in our house. i have a brother and two sisters , all much older. i was 9 when the last of them got married and left. my emotional growth was stunted. actually i stopped when i was 12. i never even made the jump to adolecsense let alone adulthood. till the last few months i lived as an "old child". no , i have no family of my own. no girlfriend,ever. no independent adult experiences to even look back on. i`ve been to therapy and taken medication for 4 years now. i`ve also been talking with my siblings. chats with my brpther have been the main thing that have helped ; and what i`m about to say may be of value to you. finally, FINALLY!! someone honestly tells me that mommy and daddy were wrong !! the self doubt and guilt trips are losing thier grip on me. now i can move on with MY OWN life. i`ve respondeed to other posts similar to yours. like you ,they`re much younger than me. i hope you see what can happen if you don`t take action in your own self interest. i`m not starting over,i`m starting my life...at 46?
  13. wow ! , we seem to have alot of commonalities. i too have missed alot and i`ve only started to try and establish my own life.(i`m 46). you don`t want to lose your young adulthood. i only have a couple of years left as a relatively young man but i`ve managed to curb my urgency and anxiety about doing the things you spoke about. i think it`s best if you just look out for yourself right now and be willing to accept the outcome whatever it may be. don`t accept the blame for anyone elses responses. i understand all about your fear of being cheated by fate , hit by a bus etc.. i believe that`s your sub-consious fear trying to hold you back.risk is all a part of getting out in the world. it`s the only way to have the things you want. you`ve cried enough and hurt enough and you may do so again , but if you do what you feel is best , you won`t have this anguish and regret.
  14. hello again awalls37 , i relate completely to your not feeling like a capable adult. my parents turned into a lifelong child. please try not to feel guilty. THEY did this to you ,just like my parents did it to me. my parents are both gone now. my mother went first. i spent 6 years alone with my father. i`ll never know if they ever truly realized how thier bitterness affected me. i think they did but couldn`t deal with it. i would suggest not confronting until you develop a strong sense of your own identity apart from them. as they said back in the 60`s : " find yourself.". you said your boyfriend is great , stick with him and your close friends. and there are people out here who do truly understand. you can pm if you like.
  15. hello awalls37, getting away is best thing you could have done. congratulations. i too am coming to the realization how unhealthy my upbringing was. my mother was just like yours;the yelling! usually over minor things. she was the most bitter person i`ve ever known. and very manipulative. if you don`t want to see them....DON`T ! you have a golden opportunity here to begin looking after your own self-interest and starting your own life. mgirl is right....do what you think is right , WITHOUT GUILT !. i wish you well.
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