Jump to content

justagirl88

Members
  • Posts

    9
  • Joined

justagirl88's Achievements

Rookie

Rookie (2/14)

  • First Post
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later
  • One Year In

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. Bless your heart. It is so confusing trying to understand how we can still love a person who doesn't love us back. She is unhappy with herself, not you. For some reason her heart was broke (from where ever or whomever) somewhere along the line. She has become dysfuntional and may need the constant turmoil for attention or simply to feel. It is normal to hold on to all the good memories, you don't have to let those go, but you do need to let her go for self preservation. You may miss her a very long time, but one day a wonderful woman is going to give you a fantastic smile that will touch your heart and it will be like a bandaid on your soul.
  2. To never forgive, to me...means living in anger and hate. I HATE what he did...I HATE how I feel...I HATE he can not see me as is little girl. But FORGIVE? Yes, forgiveness is the beginning of any healing I believe. The hardest part to me, is forgiving myself. For what, I am not sure. Some philosphers say that we ASK for everything by our actions. But enough of that. I do forgive him because I am a Christian and know that is the right thing to do. He is the evil one. Thank you for your passionate response. I wish anyone would have had that passion when I was "telling". Maybe I would not still be dragging this around at 42 years of age. Keep your passion girl! Thank you.
  3. Thank you SO MUCH for those words. I always feel torment over "Why is he mad at me?" Your words made a lot of sense and comforted my confused mind. Lord help me, I am really trying. Sometimes,I think it was just better when I blocked it out of my mind, but I am certain that feeds addiction and many other problems. Thanks for being here.
  4. Thank you for all of your support. This seems a differant type of therapy. I have been thinking of persuing this matter legally. My sister just under me (There are 2 younger than her) said she would GLADLY testify. As far as counseling, I will seek out a new counselor. Insurance or no, it will be money well spent. : ) I just didn't have the heart to go through the whole story all over again. You have all inspired me to seek help again and to face this. It is odd however, opening up seems to have brought back the bad dreams. They are so grose. The last one, he came into my shower and was so MEAN about it. I can't get a grip on why he is so angry with me at MY pain. Is this normal that he is angry at me?
  5. Thank you. Aren't I too old? What about statute of limitations? He recently had a quadruple bi-pass. My little sisters may hate me for it. It is just so much. I did see a therapist for a while. I loved it. She was so wonderful. Bless her heart, when she heard all of the craziness I have experienced .. she said I should write a book! Then she quit working at that office and my then insurance wasn't accepted at her new practice. I just felt dumped. Now I have no insurance and am afraid to open up everthing again and they will quit eventually too.
  6. God Bless you that yo have such love for your Daddy. Your poem is wonderful and full of passion. For everthing there is a reason. I too am certain your Daddy loves you. Hold on to faith. : )
  7. Thank you ALL so much. I thought, "who would respond to me?" It is complicated. My condition to come back to my town where Daddy lives, was for him, his wife & myself to all sit down and let me confront him and he tell his wife the truth. (I was 24 years old at that time) He got on his kness and begged my forgiveness and admitted to everything. I was FINALLY at peace with it. ALL of the horrible, horrible night mares I endured for 7 long years .. TERRIFED of sleep, finally began to slow down. As time moved along, he would get drunk, grab a breast or my butt..."accidentaly" fall on me a get a hand full between my legs or a nasty UGH.."wet sloppy kiss". He ruined everything. It is all back. EVERYTIME I go away for a long time, then I miss him, go back and see him and he is Mr. Appropraite then eventually he does the same things. Never Rape again, I would kill him. It is the most confusing situation of shame, anger, love , hate, betrayal , rage, sadness and fear. Most of all I just want him to look and me and love me like a daughter. I know this will not happen , he is sick. I am 42 years old. #$$** can't I get over it? I did before. But now it seems even more insulting and degrading because I have confronted him. 2 weeks ago I went to see him. He begged me to sleep in his bed with him, etc..I cried and begged him to not treat me like this then I brought it all back up. His exact words were.."Jesus Christ...that was so many years ago, don't blame me, you wanted me to shoot you up..." As far as authorities, I did everything a child was taught. I told my Mother, Step Dad, Daddy's wife, Daddy's Ex, 2 uncles and NOTHING. NOT ONE SOLE TOLD AUTHORITIES. And YES he has done it to many children..my 2 little sisters (I recently found out) my brother and God himself only knows how many other children. I TOLD. Nobody came. I felt if I went to the police when no adult did that I would be ignored again & feel violated all oveer agin. Is this being a drama queen tell everyone on here? I just don't know how to get it out of my head.
  8. Well, I have never done this before. I see how wonderful people treat one another here, so here it goes..I hope you will pardon if it is too lenghthy. All I ever wanted was a Daddy. Mine left at age of 5. My step father was extremely physically & psycologically abusive. One day my dream came true, my Daddy showed up when I was 15. It was like prince charming had arrived to rescue me! When he would hug me & put me on his lap I loved it! I had never been hugged my my step father and rarely Momma. One day he called me into his room and gave me a shot of Cocaine I fell back on the bed. I loved this free feeling. The next thin I know he is on top of me inside of me. I cried and said NO NO NO. He just kept on. When he finished raping me, he looked at me and said you are just like your mother, you will never please a man, you don't have a sensuous bone in your bidy. I am now 42 God help me there is so much more. This went on & on. I ran away, when my baby sister was murdered I came back for her funeral. Daddy was there. I confronted him about everything. He apologized. I eventually came back to this town and he always seems to violte me. kissiing, inapproriate touching. I HATE IT I JUST WANT HIM TO LOVE ME AS A DAUGHTER. None of my sisters or Momma can understand why have have such a need to be loved by him. Am I sick?
×
×
  • Create New...