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violingirl

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  • Birthday 08/24/1975

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  1. Your poem expresses what many of us here feel all so much.
  2. I'm not sure if you want a woman's opinion here, but I can tell you that I feel the same way. It hasn't been easier for me just because I'm a woman. I have never been approached by droves of men and I have faced a lot of rejection in dating since my breakup 2 years ago. And, yes, rejection only makes me miss him more. So, like you, I'm single but still missing my ex.
  3. Hi Rhonda, Thanks for answering questions here. My commitmentphobic ex-boyfriend broke up with me 2 years ago. He is 41, never married, the dumper in almost all of his relationships, lived with his parents until he was 39. We were together for 19 months (my longest and most meaningful relationship). In the beginning, he pursued me and wanted to spend all his free time with me, talked about marriage and kids; I completely fell in love with him. After 7 months, even though our relationship was going great, he started freaking out about commitment occasionally (unprovoked by me); he later moved out of his parents' house, but then wouldn't ever let me stay in his new apartment (even though we went shopping together for furniture for his new place); he then needed more and more space; towards the end, 5 days after we got back from a trip where he had met my parents for the first time, he made out with an ex-girlfriend (I didn't find out about this until long after the breakup); 2 months later, he broke up with me, saying he needed to be alone to work on his issues. I later found out he left me for another ex-girlfriend (a woman he had encouraged me to be friends with and who he claimed to be "just friends" with). During our relationship my ex would tell me that his commitment freakouts were about HIS issues (or work stress) and that I was "perfect" and deserve happiness/marriage. However, months after he broke up with me, he accused me of being "manipulative and controlling", that he had felt "trapped"/"suffocated" and that I had put him under "duress" to say "I love you" and forced him to say it once a week (not true and he had never said that before). Last year (after 11 months no contact and 10 months of me being in therapy because of all this), I contacted my ex with the encouragement of my therapist. My ex and I talked numerous times about our relationship and he "apologized" for moving our relationship along so quickly and aggressively pursuing me in the beginning of our relationship, and said that he probably had not been over his prior girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) and that he may have been rebounding (never told me that before). But he never apologized for cheating (he didn't consider making out "cheating") or for leaving me for another ex-girlfriend. Even though it's been 2 years since the breakup with my ex and the breakup (and how he betrayed me/abandoned me/sabotaged the relationship)devastated me, I still miss him. He was the love of my life and the only man who has ever loved me/understood me and we were great together. No matter what I've tried - therapy (ended after 10 months); trying to date others with no success; no contact; getting a better job; moving to a new apartment - I still miss him and think about him every day, although the pain has lessened over time (I haven't had any contact with him for 3 months; haven't seen him for 2 years). I feel like I'll never be able to trust anyone again. I just can't go through this type of pain ever again. Is there something wrong with me? How can I get over this? Will I ever find love again?
  4. In my last relationship, I said "I love you" to my ex after 7 months. He didn't tell me that he loved me until we had been together for 1 1/2 years, and then he broke up with me less than a month later (left me for his "friend," an ex-girlfriend of his).
  5. I should also note that I recently took a 6 1/2 month break from dating.
  6. I've said this a few times before on prior posts, but I do act pretty (but not overly) enthusiastic on my dates. I show interest in my date, ask him questions, listen and respond. I make sure to smile a lot and laugh, too, without overdoing it. I think that I am rather friendly to everyone I meet. I should also mention that I never talk about my prior relationships. I have good manners and am intelligent, have a sense of humor, have a good career, nice apartment, etc. So, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
  7. Like Batya, I also go on dates with the goal of finding someone to marry and have a family with. Flings are just not my thing, even though I've had a few to get over prior relationships or to fulfill my sexual needs when I'm not in a relationship. I've gone on about 30 first dates (and about 3 second dates and 2 third dates) in the past 2 years, and I can tell you that it's not fun anymore. I'm tired of repeating my life story and asking the same questions over and over. It's like having 30 job interviews. I feel stuck at the basement level of dating. It's fun when you really get to know someone and have a level of comfort with them already established, but that doesn't happen when you are stuck on only first dates. It's just not fun for me.
  8. birdgirl, I wish I were like you and didn't mind rejection. It just hits me so hard, because I haven't had any success with men since my ex broke up with me 2 years ago (it was my longest and best relationship). I do feel like my time is running out and miss having that companionship. At this point, I don't think it's going to happen for me. As for the guy I had a date with - it was the best date I've had in those 2 years; we talked non-stop for nearly 3 hours; we had so much in common (he's a violinist/conductor; I used to be a violinist); and I felt attracted to him. After giving him 2 days to respond to my e-mail (which I sent 5 days after the date), I clicked "not interested" on his profile and archived it. I was not going to wait any longer. Over the weekend, I noticed that he did not go on the dating site at all, but then he checked it late last night. So, it's very possible that he has a girlfriend. Who knows?
  9. I have had much the same experience as you - good date, guy says he wants to see me again, then nothing. See thread: It's beyond frustrating. I say that it can't hurt to e-mail him or call him about 3 days after the date if you haven't heard from him, but just play it cool (say that you enjoyed your get-together and ask if he'd like to meet up again). At least you can say that you tried, even if you get no response.
  10. Batya, you really met over 100 men from on-line dating in person? Wow!! How long did it take you to have success (find a relationship) with someone? As for me, I just can't take the constant rejection anymore. It's no fun riding the emotional rollercoaster of (delusionally) thinking that I just had a great date where the guy said he wants to see me again to the horrid emotional low of never hearing from the guy again, especially when (like here) I really felt that we clicked in person and had so much in common (he's a violinist/conductor; I used to be a violinist, etc.). As I mentioned before, I don't have a thick skin. Rather, the lack of dating success just wears whatever confidence I do have down to bits. Still no response from him, btw.
  11. He hasn't responded to my e-mail yet. Looks like it's not going to happen.
  12. I just sent him an e-mail telling him that I enjoyed our get-together and asking him if he would be interested in meeting for drinks again. I'll let you know what happens, if anything.
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