YankeeGirl02

Heh well it's probably just because I'm young and up until now I haven't had to do much future planning. It's stressful.

I'm in the States & he's in England. But there's a strong possibility I'll be going to an English university..it's just that I wouldn't be starting until next year

Sorry if I seem like I'm being snippy or defensive or anything. I'm not having the best week. I guess ultimately it's my decision and all I can do is make it based on the present and not the unknown of the future, you know? Ah, I don't know. I'll figure something out.

1. I know 2. I know that too, but I am not using it as an excuse not to. 3. I do have enough money for visits & so does he 4. Noo definitely not. We first met in person (didn't meet online) & hung out and just decided to stay in touch. 5. He's not 17, he's a bit older. I know it's possible that when I get older, if it doesn't work out, I'll look back and say that it was a horrible decision. But I have no way of knowing that unless I give it a shot. I'm not going to make decisions based on how I may or may not feel about them in the future, it just doesn't make much sense to me.

Unfortunately no. I'm not thinking far into the future, just until next summer when I can see him again. I know I'll change a lot as I get older, but I'm not willing to throw something away just because there's a chance I'll regret it when I'm older (which probably sounds like typical teen talk but it's just how I feel). He's my first choice, and I want to make sure that absolutely nothing can ever happen with him before I go settle for some guy around here.

To make a very long story short, I have completely fallen for someone (I'll call him 'J') who lives a huge distance away. It's been a year since I've seen him, and it will literally be another year before I even CAN see him again. This doesn't matter to me. I know what I want, and it's him, and I'm willing to wait a year if that's what it takes. But because of my age, my family thinks this is a bad idea. They're constantly telling me not to tie myself to one guy, to have fun, and forget about J. This just isn't possible for me. I've had feelings for him since we first met a year ago, and those feelings aren't going away. I've experienced a few guys around here, and I don't want to get involved with any of them. I know I'm young, and I shouldn't be getting caught up in J while he's so far away, but I honestly believe (from things he's said and done) that the next time I see him we'll start something, and the wait will pay off. Even then, it'll be a long distance relationship, but I feel like he is beyond worth it. Am I being completely stupid and naive? My family and friends don't understand that I don't want to just settle for a guy around here. If I know how I feel about him, how he feels about me, and that he makes me happy, why should I let them pressure me into dating others just for the sake of dating?

Eyy, another Yankee fan eh?! When he comes back from Ireland (if he hasn't already) then sit him down and talk to him. Now that you know what's bothering him, it'll be easier to alleviate the problem.

Absolutely not! It sounds like you two have a great thing going. You should be looking to the future with hope, not expecting something to break down! I'm glad you found a guy you seem to really connect with. Good luck to ya both! P.S. The age gap is tiny Enjoy it.

I'm far from being the most cynical person in the world. If anything I'm a complete romantic who believes in soul mates and spending the rest of your life with someone, etc etc. But, aside from one, every marriage in my family has failed. We just suck at relationships. I've seen countless marriages fall apart from things as simple as boredom to things as serious as cheating. Everyone in my family--parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins--has been divorced at least once, most of them twice. And then I keep hearing things like "Humans weren't meant to spend the rest of their lives with one person." I even heard the analogy that "You wouldn't spend the rest of your life eating one type of sandwhich, would you?" (actually I may have read that on here, haha). So anyway, when you're constantly surrounded by all this negativity about marriage, hearing about how divorce rates are climbing, it leads me to question if it is possible for two people to stay together forever, or if all marriages are eventually doomed for one reason or another. Even if you love someone more than anything, it's still possible to have problems, or even get bored with them, isn't it? This bothers me. What do you all think?

Just go for it. He may not be the kind of guy who wants to "sow his royal oats". It couldn't hurt to see if you two make some kind of connection.

Thank you everyone RC, is it possible to start suffering from PTSD years after the actual traumas happened? I always thought PTSD was something that occurred right away.

I'm so astonished by what you were able to overcome. You're truly a very strong and amazing person.

I went to a counselor last year once or twice, but it was really uncomfortable so I stopped going. I'm not sure I even could talk to anyone. What if, somehow, I'm just making all of this up? I mean, if I honestly can't remember it happening, did it even take place? I'm so lost.

I've heard from a few places that if you go through something very traumatic, your mind will block it out so you don't have to deal with it. Is this true? From the time I was about..eh, I'd say ten, to fourteen, I went through plenty of drama. Divorces, death, sexual abuse, etc. The thing is, I don't have memory of it. I've read diary entries from that time period, and they were all about all sorts of struggles I was going through and a lot of them were even suicidal. But when I try to think back, I cannot recall a single one of them happening. I don't remember what it was like living with my dad and stepmom, I don't remember what it was like seeing my dad abuse my little brother. Hell, I can't even remember what my ex-stepmom and ex-stepbrother looked like anymore. It's like those couple of years are a complete and utter BLUR. And yet all of those memories are written on pages in my journal. Especially my stepfamily. According to pictures and those entries, they were hugely important people in my life for years. I know they were. I remember my dad and stepmom's wedding. I remember going to visit them in Virginia after they moved away. But that's it. I don't remember what they were like, or what those visits entailed, nothing. A bit after that I was sexually abused by my stepdad. Again, I know it happened. That's the reason my mom and stepdad got divorced. But thinking back, I can't remember those days at all. What's going on? Either my memory is repressed or I have some sort of Juvenile Alzheimers. I don't understand. Sorry, I just read this over and realized I'm not making much sense. I don't know how to explain it. I can't even remember which events happened first. I understand your memory blocking out single things, but entire years? Is it possible? It's absolutely scaring me that I can't remember those years at all. I don't even know how long my dad and stepmom were married. I just don't remember anything. It's really troubling me.

I see nothing wrong with it, personally. To me, the only thing that matters is the people involved. Some people find the person of their dreams at 40. Some find them at 17. I am 17, and if I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, even at this young age, I would. If the relationship was so phenominal that I couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else, and they proposed, I would say yes. For some people, it works to test the waters and experiment with lots of different people. And for others, all they need is that first love. I know many people who were married later (my aunt, after countless boyfriends, married my uncle when in her late thirties). And they're on there way to divorce. Meanwhile, my friend's parents, been together since age 15, and still going strong after 35 years. Likewise, I know people who married their first loves and got divorced. With relationships there is certainly no mold to fit. Every situation is entirely unique.