fanoftheallmans

Follow up: I also made my wife give me her email login information for work. I checked it this morning when she left and found 351 items in the deleted folder. I didn't have time to read all of those so my plan was to read through them sometime today. I logged back into it when I got to work (about 15 minutes after my wife arrived at work) and found that she had logged in and deleted nearly 200 of the deleted items. The items dated back to about the time the affair was discovered by the other man's wife. I immediately called her and asked her what she was doing. She said that she was just trying to occupy her mind to keep from dwelling on the mess at home. During our discussions she swore that there was no communication via the work email because it is monitored. I know it is monitored and believed that they wouldn't be that stupid. They had set up another fake email and were corresponding with each other using a lycos account. So up until now I believed that she didn't use work email to communicate. Hell, why would they their offices are 2 feet apart from one another and he is her boss. Using the lycos account (she said there was only one) they would create emails and save them as a draft. Then they would log in and check the draft to see if there was anything new from each other. I forgot to mention that the affair (she calls is "friendship") went on from November 2003 to the end of February 2006 when the other man's wife found out. So anyway, I believed that the lycos account and phone (not to mention daily work-related contact) were how they communicated. But what do I believe now? She said that she stopped deleting the deleted items before I called because she remembered that I now had her login information and it might have looked suspicious to me. Somebody tell me how to know when the lies stop and the truth starts.

I wonder the same thing. We have been having multi-hour discussions since she told me. Last night was no different. I pressed her on an answer as to when she was going to confess. She swears that she was planning to tell me in the next few weeks anyway. She put in for a transfer at work and this week will be her last with the co-worker. Since the other man's wife found out she has been aggressive towards my wife (cussing at her, yelling, hitting, etc.). My wife said she was scared and wanted to get away from that situation and get her head clear. I don't believe her. She could have told me no matter how angry the other man's wife was. Don't you think? I have started to enter a dark place that I never thought I would be in. While she was in the shower this morning, I went to get her cell phone out of her pocketbook to review the call log. When I opened her pocketbook I couldn't help but wonder about what might be in there. In a matter of seconds, I had emptied the contents all over the kitchen table and was franticly searching it for something (evidence, verification, I don't know what). She walked up on me. She didn't appear to be mad, just disappoinnted that she has caused me to question everything she does and says. Should I keep digging? Should I let myself be consumed with this distrust? I know I shouldn't, but when I give into the temptation, I quickly spiral out of control. Somebody please talk me down.

She is very apologetic and remorseful. She cries and says she is so angry at herself for messing up. She says that I am a good man, she has a good family, and she does not deserve any of it. I love her and it pains me to see her like this; just as it hurts her to see my sadness. She wants to stay together and says she will spend the rest of her life doing everything in her power to prove her love and loyalty to me. As you can imagine I have flirted with the idea that an affair on my side would make me feel better. I know it won't, and will only make me feel worse and the situation worse. Truth is, one reason I couldn't revenge cheat is that I love her and don't want her to ever be in pain.

I did forget to mention some of the specifics of our relationship. We have one, small child. Honestly, my child was the only thing that kept me from walking when I initially found out. I love my wife and have known her for 15 years (married for nearly 9 yrs.). I really never thought this would happen and am having a hard time accepting that I'm not dreaming. We have always had a really good relationship. In fact, I've heard her friends comment that we had the ideal relationship and friendship that they wanted. It feels like a bad dream. Imagine, without warning or suspicions, your spouse comes walking in and drops this on you. This can't be happening.

First, I am glad I have found what appears to be a decent forum for this topic. I am into my fourth day after finding out that my wife had an affair with her coworker. A few days ago, my wife came home and told me that she had something to tell me and made me promise to hear her out. She then proceeded to tell me that she had cheated on me with her coworker that is 20 years older than her. She told me that they slept together three times while out of town at conferences. She said that the other man's wife found out about the affair and forced her to tell me. My wife confessed that she had no plans of telling me in the near future. She said that someday she would have told me. Since being told, my emotions flip-flop from anger to rage to sadness to humiliation, etc. Yesterday, I met with the other man's wife. She told me that she had suspected something for months and had gotten enough information together to confront her husband. He admitted it to her and for the last 5 weeks she has been confronting my wife and pushing her to tell me. She discussed the things that made her suspicious; phone records, emails, etc. Most shocking was that she said that her husband said that they slept together "at least 10 times." I confronted my wife with this information and she adamently denies it. With respect to all of the details that she told me, I want to believe her. However, I can't understand why the other man would tell his wife that it happened at least 10 times. When I met with the other man's wife she told me that her husband was mad that I knew and he has refused to communicate with her. The other man's wife said that he answered her questions when first confronted and since then he has been uncommunicative and gets mad when she asks him about it. When I found out he got so mad that he left her for a couple of nights before returning. His behavior is erratic and unapologetic (from what I can gather). It is not consistent with the way a rational person would act if they were caught and wanted to work things out. I guess I want to know who to believe with respect to the number of times that they had sex. Outside of work they had limited opportunities because of family obligations and the times that their spouses (me and the other man's wife) were around. They did however, work on work-related projects outside of normal work hours and away from their spouses. My wife said that nothing happened during these times. Help!!!! I don't know what to believe or where to turn to get over this. I am so sad.