Batya33

Yes I wanted to add your feelings are your feelings! I'm 57 and when I was in my 40s I couldn't stand when my mom seemed to favor my sister -again - even though we were in our 40s/early 50s and hanging out at my apartment lol. Parent-child is complicated!

Agree with Kwok. I personally would not get engaged unless you're ready to set a wedding date. With rare exceptions like teenagers/still finishing college etc. Also you live together so when you two start talking about the future simply share that you're not quite ready to get engaged given that it's not a year together yet and you personally find that too fast.

People who routinely share with me lifestyle changes they need to and plan to make - one friend in particular - around my age, mom of teens. Getting a part time job, exercising, eating better, reading more. Then just as fast the lame excuses as to why it’s not possible or when she will implement the plan - meaning timing “after (spring break/ baseball season / graduation etc) “. Never has not one plan. I NEVER comment or give input. She did ask once - how to start a job search. Seemed appreciative of my suggestions. I never followed up and also told her point blank I wasn’t going to give input on starting an exercise routine since it’s so individual. So I stay in my lane and silent and simply and blandly acknowledge her plan. And make no comments about my way of doing things lest it imply judgment. And. Really annoying all the talk and none of the walk.

Yes. Our son is 15. He got his phone last year. We paid for it and pay for service. He knows we can monitor it if we choose to. We rarely do but that’s the deal for many reasons we feel comfortable with. What about in your house?

Who pays for your devices?

What if she'd asked you not to move away? I think you're overreacting -your mother -don't know her story at all just the facts that she is now an empty nester and has the flexibility to move. Good for her!! I'm 57, our son is 15 and for the first time ever I'm not joining them on a family vacation -to Disney! -yes I checked in with my son earlier this week about my plans after all not to go. He was good with it -taken him there twice -and the last time I was solo with him one of the days two weeks before the world locked down in 2020. I desperately needed me time. I don't do rides and I wasn't going to spend $$$ to get into the parks. Plus I wasn't going to do any resort related services. So it ended up not making sense and my husband was fine with it. So much less packing and organizing and prepping for me too - a dream. But certain of my mom friends were judgey - I'm not doing "family time" -how many vacations till he goes to college (we're going away next month -tagging along on a business trip) - etc. Moms get judged like this all the time -how dare we want me time, space, able to make a "selfish" decision that doesn't involve caretaking in a situation where the child is fine as you are - you don't even live there. Please try to see this from her perspective. I wrote about me because yes my decision is shorter term but "radical" given the stereotypical silly notion of Mom having to sacrifice -what do they call it these days - "self care" for their kids.

I agree and if she is participating there's a big risk of a crash and burn. I would never have participated in this kind of fantasy talk before meeting and most women I know who are looking for serious potential and reasonably healthy might meet the person but with great caution and keep it short. Obviously anything is possible.

Four months to me is long enough to know what his intentions are and I am surprised he didn't share that yet. How often do you see each other? If it's about once a week then for sure ask him "what are your intentions about us?" It's a broad question but a person who wants to be with you and sees serious potential will want to make sure you know that -why would he risk you thinking otherwise and you dating others and leaving him? All relationships require a level of risk and vulnerability. Totally fine if the benefits are not worth the risk of him saying he wants to keep dating but not with any serious potential or whatever. The benefits are avoiding rejection. You are allowed to choose fear over potential closeness. Consider whether that works for you in your life.

I think people can be themselves and work on being more open and approachable and do that while being authentic -it's about stretching not drastic changes. In my early 30s I worked on not being too chatty -it was hard work ! - but the benefits were massive. It was actually my future husband who pointed it out to me -in the best most genuine caring way - (even though we didn't marry for another 11 years!). I have friends who took improv lessons and public speaking lessons to improve social and professional interactions.

I would avoid giving him the benefit of your friendship since you can't be a real friend to someone you want to date who doesn't want to date you. He didn't talk about "us" because he doesn't see you two as a couple so there is no such talk. Focus on what you do know. You know he doesn't want to date you and doesn't see serious potential.

I don't think any therapist who is a professional would dare diagnose someone they don't know -heck you don't know this person either in any relevant way and have no idea if he typed that message or the whole message. I'm sorry you are struggling and I'm glad you are in therapy. I hope it helps you to move on to meeting people who you meet in person ASAP or of course meeting people in real life.

My then extremely shy husband asked me out the first time after meeting me 3 times over 8 months at huge work events (same large company, different departments and floors of the office building) because he said I did that -touched his arm - I barely remembered doing that! We'd been having maybe a 15 minute conversation standing by the bar in a gorgeous hotel ballroom (which was part of what we were talking about) and he was wearing a suit- meaning if I touched his arm it was on his suit jacket not skin LOL. But that and a pep talk on a conference call from his friends -gave him the courage to ask me to lunch during the work day -which I didn't actually know he meant as a date. He is still more on the reserved/quiet side but he grew out of his shyness that he had in his mid-late 20s when we first met in the mid 90s. I'll also add -at that company - there was tons of hooking up and affairs going on so especially at a work event and back then -touching someone's arm would have been totally fine.

Becoming more "communicative" means nothing as far as whether he changed his mind and wanted to be with you in any serious, committed way. Unless the "communication" was "I changed my mind - I would love to see you and talk about how we can make this work for the future - I hope you're still interested and I can't wait to see you again!" - like that.

Lol nope and no interest in doing so. I watched a bit of it - looks interesting!

And assume you'll never know if he typed that message or typed all of it, etc so no need to analyze.