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Batya33

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Batya33 last won the day on March 17

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  1. I had very similar interactions with my oldest niece who is now in her mid 30s. She even went to live with her other aunt for a couple of months as a teenager and I paid for piano lessons. We also did sleepovers! Last one was for her 21st bday and she said - "don't have kids -my coworkers hate being moms " (meaning all the work/sleepless nights). Well -I didn't tell her but I was about 7 weeks pregnant lol. Now she has 3 kids and loves being a mom! I'm so delighted you've been such a part of her life -and that you're delighting in and beaming at the woman she's become!
  2. She's a small business owner so expecting some big company form of orientation is unrealistic as i your assumption that he had bad intentions.
  3. It seems like it's going well! I also waited months but was totally into the passionate kisses and related - is she concerned one or both of you won't be able to control yourselves (no I do NOT mean you would force yourself on her - just get carried away). Flowers were such a lovely gesture!
  4. Obviously he is a person with very poor judgment and has nothing to do with being "sex positive" -also he overshares. I'd avoid being around him. Nothing to do, either with "being on a break"
  5. No not insist or demand - simply suggest in a lighthearted way. For a first meet I preferred not to do a whole meal although lunch during the workday was fine. I liked getting coffee and walking and talking for awhile.
  6. I don't agree and why always agree to a restaurant? When I make new platonic friends who want to meet "for coffee" I often suggest a walk in our local park or along a nice trail which is often als very convenient for them. You can meet at a museum, meet for a picnic, take in an outdoor festival or a farmers market, etc. I had a first date at an outdoor art installation you walked through.
  7. All the others said it well. I agree. Wanted to add another suggestion - with all this focus on food - yes for sure bring something you and your dad can enjoy -or -seriously -I've done this - eat before. Be full. Quietly sip some water or a beverage and simply say "oh thanks I'm just not so hungry today I guess!" Then have some dessert with them or coffee -shift this inordinate focus on food. Dinner rolls -really?? Buy or make them for yourself if you're craving them. Also she might someday be the momma of the grandkids/your nieces/nephews. So play nicely in the sandbox.
  8. Worrying about people doesn't mean you're necessarily empathetic - just means you are a worrier. When I worry and put myself in someone else's shoes I only contact if that person would be helped by my contact -sometimes caring means giving space. When you suggested the sexual arrangement it was mostly for your pleasure right? Certainly you might be very empathetic -I'm sure you are -but I don't think that's your main motivation here. I'm glad you're going to leave him be.
  9. Perhaps because you're not happy/fulfilled in your relationship so it's easier to focus on the idealistic notion of the past?
  10. I totally get that. I agree! I mean my sister and I felt that way in the 80s if we took a new date to a popular ice cream parlor with awesome flavors and he ordered (GASP) plain vanilla ice cream -we felt morally obligated to warn about the boring red flag!! I am JOKING of course but I remember how horrifying that was LOL. Later on my husband explained that good vanilla is often hard to find so.... (but even he would't order just vanilla). Anyway yes I love how you put it and you are a very good friend and supporter. I got myself in a bit of trouble once -my friend's friend who I'd met started dating a guy I'd gone to school with who I'd kept loosely in touch with. I strongly believed he'd become very very unstable. I had facts etc. So I told my friend that I had some concerning information and she said -please tell me -I care about my friend. I put it as factually as I could. I don't know what was said if anything. They did marry, I believe they're still married and happy so perhaps he got help (this was NOT abuse or drugs -it was just he was acting very off plus very depressed -odd). Trouble was I felt like maybe I overreached since he wasn't dangerous just - not stable?
  11. But it kind of does - being in good health - especially keeping fit -moving around/exercise - helps with so much including motivation to date/sex drive etc. That stuff isn't coffee. It's a hot beverage and often has more calories than an entire meal I typically eat. I add some milk. No sugar. My mom taught me that when I was young - back then you tried coffee much earlier! She gave up sugar in her coffee. Also - when I met for coffee at a starbucks type place my coffee was around $2 because it was plain so if the first meet guy paid -it felt fine -often I'd simply say -oh I'll go up and order and ask what he wanted and pay if needed. No biggie. I am not athletic but am into fitness so if I were dating now I couldn't be with someone who didn't enjoy long brisk walks or hiking while on vacation/walking to explore - and that does require a level of good health/fitness. I agree that there are slim people who are unhealthy and people who are not and are.
  12. I mostly had a practical urge. Morally - I believe people can change or at least get to a place where they have the motivation and self discipline not to abuse (or abuse drugs etc) maybe with medication help/therapy. On a practical level dating him is too risky for Rainbowroses IMO.
  13. I read what he said to mean you don't have to date him out of some sort of obligatory "well he as changed and contributes so much to society so it's wrong of me to judge him" - he meant and I meant - you can be his friend even volunteer alongside him, etc but you don't have to date him to prove you're not "judgey". Like if I knew about his past and you were dating him I most likely wouldn't let him near my son especially one on one but I might take my son with me to volunteer at one of his causes etc. Certainly in dating it's ok without being superficial/judgey to simply choose not to date the person. I ended things with a recovering drug addict -sober for some years, active in AA or NA or both - because after 4 dates I realized I wasn't comfortable and he was honest that of course relapse can happen. Lovely person, intelligent, artistic, thoughtful. Not a good match for a relationship. I do think he relapsed actually. Very very sad.
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