Batya33

My then extremely shy husband asked me out the first time after meeting me 3 times over 8 months at huge work events (same large company, different departments and floors of the office building) because he said I did that -touched his arm - I barely remembered doing that! We'd been having maybe a 15 minute conversation standing by the bar in a gorgeous hotel ballroom (which was part of what we were talking about) and he was wearing a suit- meaning if I touched his arm it was on his suit jacket not skin LOL. But that and a pep talk on a conference call from his friends -gave him the courage to ask me to lunch during the work day -which I didn't actually know he meant as a date. He is still more on the reserved/quiet side but he grew out of his shyness that he had in his mid-late 20s when we first met in the mid 90s. I'll also add -at that company - there was tons of hooking up and affairs going on so especially at a work event and back then -touching someone's arm would have been totally fine.

Becoming more "communicative" means nothing as far as whether he changed his mind and wanted to be with you in any serious, committed way. Unless the "communication" was "I changed my mind - I would love to see you and talk about how we can make this work for the future - I hope you're still interested and I can't wait to see you again!" - like that.

Lol nope and no interest in doing so. I watched a bit of it - looks interesting!

And assume you'll never know if he typed that message or typed all of it, etc so no need to analyze.

Best feeling. So glad !

I'd add that four dates in four days doesn't count - get to know a person in person over a period of time- a month or more as TeeDee suggested. Please have zero expectations of in person chemistry.

Same exact from me -all of it.

But why would you attempt to take her phone away? I don't need to label that with psychospeak/disorders -I'm not a mental health provider but common sense - as I wrote above- unless I'm missing something I don't know many people who would tolerate a romantic partner or close friend doing that without speaking up right then and drawing a line in the sand. I've had to do that with people in my life who did something extreme like that to me or my son.

It's too much if you ask him if he wants to come to your place for a home cooked meal wink wink but asking about the coworkers -sounds run of the mill to me.

You've asked this many times and you're barking up the wrong tree. A man or woman who chooses to be with another person potentially for the long term isn't "influenced" in that way because people are not puppets. Men and women can change their minds about future potential or change their minds while in a committed relationship -no guarantees. But a person who wasn't available to date seriously because of major life changes who was reasonably healthy and reasonably thoughtful would tell another person who obviously wanted to be with him or her "hey I really like you, I like hanging out with you - and right now with all this turmoil (fill in the blanks) it's not the best time for me to focus on you. How about I call you in a few weeks or (month) when I'm settled ... and if you're still interested and available we'll see where we are." That's rare but it happens with authenticity - why in the world would a person risk not showing up as her best self if she saw serious potential and have the other person lose interest? And lots of things can influence level of attraction -when I was sleep deprived with a newborn I wasn't much interested in sex (nor was it allowed, doctor's orders), and there are many things that influence attraction to one's partner -mental and physical health, stress etc but I don't think any of that influences whether the person feels chemistry, a spark. It simply influences the level of attraction at a given time - someone with a gross cold might be repulsed at the thought of kissing their partner but it's not an issue of whether that person is generally attracted to their partner. Also some people have that friendship caught on fire experience -all of a sudden one day that platonic friend - you're like -wow - I feel a spark -this is so weird! Happened to me at least once and can happen like if you work with someone for years and a situation changes -someone is single again etc you see that person differently. I don't think that applies AT ALL to your situation.

I agree with Ms. Canuck's input. Whether he "knew" or "didn't know" doesn't matter -maybe to his mother, his therapist, etc - I was attracted to my ex bf much of the 7 years we were together-on and off -I loved him -and I had core shaking doubts that I chose to listen to and not proceed to engagement or marriage. I figured it out months later -an aha moment - so sure it could be he doesn't know. He does know he doesn't want to be with you in a potentially serious relationship (reread what Canuck wrote) and the rest -the "why" - is irrelevant. I wouldn't worry about the attraction to others or lack thereof -be proactive, put yourself out there- find ways to be around people you have stuff in common with. And consider that your attraction is fueled when the man is challenging because he's unavailable. Then the attraction is not to him but moreso to the thrill of the chase. Then if you actually "win" your "prize" poof goes the attraction.

Oh ok you are a person who doesn't have close friendships where you care that much. I think you two are oil and water if you feel like you can try to take away her phone in the situation you described.

I mean - unless she was about to dial 911 because her UberEats was delayed and she was furious - or took a call from a known scammer and was about to give out her credit card security code - why in the world would you ever try to take someone's phone away as a reaction to something she might be doing "wrong" in your opinion? Yes you are supposed to sit and watch her do something "wrong" rather than try to grab her phone. Saying something like "are you sure you want to ...." is ok - if you think she doesn't know - but otherwise -yes you let her do something "wrong"

It's because typed words have limitations especially when we're basically strangers. And you're referring to a multilayered situation and inner situation wiht lots of 'history" you've written about. I don't think a romantic relationship necessarily brings out any different sides of someone than a really close friendship unless the person has issues with romantic relationship or physical intimacy. (I was fearful of saying yes to my husband about getting back together after 7 years apart -for about 60 seconds - and for some inexplicable reason saying yes to forever till death do us part at our wedding felt- natural, magical -no fear. I mean what's more vulnerable than promising, essentially -forever? And that brought out inner peace, joy and excitement and magic - not fear/anxiety or wanting to run away. Even though I'm type A, tend to be more anxious about stuff than average maybe, etc. So I don't buy that theory and I do think what's going on has something to do with your past. Much more to do with this particular person.

He's a stranger for romantic purposes -how do you even know he wrote that? He didn't meet you because he didn't want to so take his words in that context. You have no idea if he was a workaholic or whether his absences were because he was wilth his wife, girlfriend, a lover. I agree with Wiseman. I'd ignore the message and not waste time trying to analyzie it.