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Lansing

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  1. I have been still thinking about you but realizing now, as hard as it is to realize, that we were not communicating well at all. I wish we had communicated better from the early stages but this was something very different for me based on how things started between us and I think I based a lot of my actions out of fear. I am starting to understand better the reasons why you acted the way you did, and some of the struggles you are facing dealing with ADD. I wish I had found these things out earlier. I don't think it would have been a magical solution but it would have helped me better understand you and would have given us a better chance at "working". It has been over a month and at this point I feel like I am committed to not initiating contact with you again. I feel that you need to feel comfortable enough to be able to contact me again before we can communicate as friends again. I hope that together we can try communicating better and re-build the friendship that we had before.
  2. when you say "came home with him" I imagine you meant the ex-bf? Or did you mean the guy she went to the club with? I guess the BF got jealous?
  3. I am starting to realize that I was not as open as you would have liked but I was waiting for some feedback/interest from you to open up. I needed to feel like you genuinely cared and that you wanted to get to know me vs. just having fun and enjoying my company. You never communicated what you wanted until we broke up. I assumed that you wanted things the way they were. I know I should have had a more indepth conversation with you about things but I felt like every time I brought up issues that you kind of were scared to talk about things.
  4. ok.. Definitely offer to pay and mean it.. Just be like "how much should I chip in" or whatever.. just say something.. First date, maybe not as much as an issue but at least take out your wallet and then the guy can be like "oh, don't worry about it"... But, have money in the wallet in case he does want you to pay!! I am seriously considering stopping to date a girl who has not made an effort to pay once in 4 dates... I think she has some messed up notions of the guy should always pay. I have tried bringing it up twice in a light hearted way....I am giving her one final chance... she is a student and her previous job wasn't a big "money maker", but, still.... I find it really rude and it is really starting to outweigh all of her positive aspects...
  5. What he is thinking is "she wasn't interested in me"
  6. Maybe she thinks you just want a girl for the benefits, and that you don't want to be BF/GF.. Maybe she is tired of the "friends with benefits" thing and actually wants to be your GF but figures you are not up for that (because of your talk before)
  7. What I am saying is I am not going to jump to conclusions about whether I date her or not based on this one thing. I will give her another chance and see how she acts on a second date.... I am not saying she has to pay....Just her reaction when the bill came out made it feel weird for me. Maybe because it was teh first time it happened to me. I think my lesson learned is that I am going to stick to more of a casual first date.. I.e. just a drink, or coffee in the future... As for her not saying thank you.... Yeah, that is what bugs me more... But, I have had situations where I have forgotten to thank a friend even for taking me out to dinner only to realize in our conversation,etc I didn't formally thank him....
  8. See.. the thing is... every other part of her personality would lead me to believe that she is not materialistic and would have offered to pay. Like I said, I don't mind paying... but, I feel much better about paying if the girl "offers" to pay and I have to say "no, I got this one" or whatever... My point was, if I a girl doesn't offer to pay... and I pay..... I don't feel as "good" about having paid.. if that makes sense...
  9. I went out on a first date with this girl last week.... Yes, I invited her, so I guess my default I am "expected" to pay. Normally I would not go out for dinner on a first date but because of circumstances instead of just a "drink" (as I normally would do it) we got together for dinner... Well, we have dinner, bill comes, she makes NO effort to even pay her half or anything. I was thinking , "hmm, that is unusual" (I have never had a girl not offer before). Then, we go out for a drink after. I am surprised she doesn't offer to pick up the cost of the drinks (or her half either) and it just feels like an akward moment..... As a guy, I feel much better when the girl offers and I can say "no, no, I got this one" instead of the girl just letting me pay without offering (first time this has happened so I didn't have anything to compare it to before!). She wasnt' even very thankfull (I don't recall her being overly thankfull or if she even said "thank you for the dinner" at the end of the date or anything... It makes me hesitant to want to call her back... in all honesty! So, for girls who wonder if they should offer to pay, etc,etc.. yes, you should.. and yes, you should mean it! (I.e. if he agrees to take half payment or partial payment don't get annoyed by that!). I am curious to hear from a women's perspective.
  10. Do NOT call him.... You can get a guitar yourself. The staff in the store will be helpfull I am sure or research it on the net first.... Despite what you say, it is an excuse to contact him (or, you are trying to use it as a reason to). He didn't call you back, he might still call you back but if you call again it will send the wrong message to him. Just step back from the situation and let things develop at a more "normal" pace...
  11. I think it is better for the girl to be upfront....... Say that she isn't interested or whatever. I think many times it isn't because they want to be "nice" to the guy (since when is lying to someone nice?) I think it is because confrontation (or an explanation) makes them feel uncomfortable.
  12. One of my biggest frustrations (i.e. pet peeve ) is girls that say for example "I will be in touch soon"... or "I will call you on Saturday night" or "I will let you know" or "I will call you tonight", etc,etc and they don't.... Why do people do this? I am curious to hear from girls that do this in particular..... Like.... Why do you say you will do something and then not follow up... Did you have no plans of following through when you said "I'll call you later" or do you really just forget?? I find it odd behaviour. If girls do it to show they are interested, I think they are better off making it clear they lack interest instead of pretending that they will call,etc... I am sure guys do it also, I just don't understand it....
  13. Avoid contacting her... Not a good idea.... You left it open for her to contact you as a friend. If you contact her now it will look like you are making excuses to contact her...
  14. Yeah, seriously, I wish more girls would just be upfront about things...
  15. Well, you didn't really ask her out.. You were like "let me know if you want to go out next week" which is different than "hey, how about lunch on Tuesday".... I wouldn't sweat it... Make it casual.. and say "hey, you free for lunch today" one morning when you run into her...
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