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monkey1

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  • Birthday 05/13/1982

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  1. I do that sometimes with my bf. He's held on to my waist a few times when we were walking about, though he loves holding hands. Even if we're sitting down he'll hold my hand.
  2. my bf would prefer just for me to be on the pill, but i'm more comfortable using both methods.
  3. what type of protection do you use for sex?
  4. ok , i haven't lost a large amount of weight like some of you, but lost enough that people do notice. sure i look in the mirror and to me, i look exactly the same. sure i fit in smaller sized clothes than before, but to me i look like i did 20 lbs before or more. I used to feel weird about being half naked in front of my boyfriend or send him pics of me while I"m out and about because I don't want him to think "my girlfriend's fat, gross!" but i've become a bit more comfortable around him and i now feel ok changing in front of him or touching my not to slim hips. But I can imagine how hard it is to lose weight and then suddenly have people look at you or guys hit on you. I had an experience like that when I went to a club. Guys never have hit on me ever and then this guy was trying to get me to dance and talk to me. It was weird. I wasn't sure how to react. Makes me wonder would he have hit on me the way I was before?
  5. does anyone know how long it's been around, that is the shot? my doctor didn't tell me about it last year when i went for my annual, so i don't know if it was just released in the last year or so?
  6. i don't see that anyone's made this suggestion, but how about you have someone go with you to your appointments? that is if you are able to. i think having someone there would make you feel maybe calmer and have someone to talk to. you could also go into maybe taking to someone who specializes in phobias. they could help you try and work out and get over your phobia.
  7. Yeah I've only had one sexual partner, but since the stats are so high about how many women will get HPV once in their life, I figured it wouldn't hurt. I was tested for it last year along with my STD tests and came up clean. And I'd like to keep it that way. I've also told my bf who hasn't been tested in ages for STDs to please be tested. I had called my insurance because my doctor said they won't cover the whole cost, to see how much they'll cover. They said they'd cover up to $100 for the shot and my doctor said the shot cost I think $126 or so. I think it should be mandated too considering how early people are becoming sexually active. No one wants genital warts or cervical cancer down the line.
  8. I made an appointment for next month, along with my annual, to get the HPV shot. Last time I was in the doctor she said that I might want to consider getting the shot since I'm still under the age limit. Has anyone got this before?
  9. thanks for your perspectives. believe me, i was a lot worse before when it came to him showing me that he loves/thinks about me months ago. i've really learned not to get on him about it which is why i asked the question. i've discovered hinting and straight out telling him isn't working, so it's good to know that i could show him, well more, what i'd like without throwing it in his face like before. and i have made a big deal when he does do nice things for me, like the flower, card and dinner. i know it seems like i didn't appreciate what he did for me or that i don't appreciate the fact that my computer runs much smoother. but sometimes a woman, or i would think ANYONE, guy or girl like it when their partner goes all out for them, even if it's once a year, vday or not. he's anything but a horrible boyfriend. we all have our faults and this is one, well, one aspect of him i wish was a wee bit better, but we can't always get what we want from our partner. i've slowly learned to deal with it and try and think about it differently. like i said, he took excellent care of me while i was sick which in a way stands out above and beyond anything he's ever done for me. i can't change him nor would i really want to because he wouldn't be who he is. maybe one day he'll surprise me like i'd like him to, but for now, i'll make due with what he gives me and show that i appreciate him for what he does. and i'll try and show him as suggested. i told him about making dinner for him next time we see each other and he is super excited about it. we'll see how that goes over, assuming i don't burn or overcook anything thanks again!
  10. ok i think you might be the only one that gets me, or kinda sees what i'm saying. believe me, all i wanted most from him was some flowers and a card. i'm not fussy in that sense like other women are in that oh they want an expensive restaurant, expensive night at a hotel or a hot air balloon ride or something. we could have had finger foods for all i care. we had a rocky year last year and i think because of the fact that neither of us had seen each other in a long, long time, and the fact that i was out of work (and depressed) for a good part of last year, i was trying to get some kind of closeness from him. in the beginning of our relationship, we never really sent each other anything and it didn't bother me or him at the time. i was cool with it. but i think the more we became involved with each other and developed stronger feelings, i got to the point where i wanted some romantic gesture. and if anyone has ever been in a ldr, you now how much any little thing means, even a card in the mail can totally make your day or even week. i read the other thread Batya33 posted about actions vs words when it comes to relationships and some women say oh words mean more than actions to me or vice versa. i got the words going for me in the relationship, but i'm kind of not getting the actions very much which is important in a ldr. i'm not saying that he failed and did a horrible job because he didn't. i got the flowers and the card i wanted, even if he did have to ask me. he could have NOT got me either and taken me to McDonalds for our meal. for the most part, i've usually just received a card for xmas and my birthday. it's rare of if he sends me a card any other time of the year or a gift. and i have discussed it with him and it's usually turned into an argument in the end with both of us upset. i've decided to drop it because i don't know how to explain it anymore. maybe it's totally retarded to think that someone is verbally very affectionate and loving would have no problem showing it in actions or being romantic. but then again, i think men and women have very different ideas on what's romantic and how you show your partner you love them. seeing each other last november helped us and i think especially me feel more cared about. i needed the physical aspected of love. verbal can take you only so far in a ldr when you want something tangible. something that you can look at or tie meaning to that will help you get through not being together. as for moving closer, we haven't yet discussed it since he's looking for a more stable position. that's currently up in the air. we've both had rough times since we've been together career and money wise so it's not like i don't get that he's struggling because i have too. but he's going to try, once he gets a job, to come out and visit for a while in april or may.
  11. Oddly enough, my best friend sent him an email about vday. i wish she hadn't because it was kind of weird. he mentioned it to me saying that she said she hoped he had something planned because i was looking forward to vday. and the impression he gave her and that i got from him was he had something planned. not to say dinner wasn't planned. seriously, i was the one who made the suggestion about us making dinner together. i wanted something low key. i wanted us to spend time together at his place just enjoying each other's company. i didn't want us to go to some nice restaurant and spend lots of money. i wanted us to have a nice, low key intimate dinner which is what we had. that made me happy. i also didn't snub my nose at the fact that dinner was my gift. that's fine. all i'm saying is that asking me about flowers and a card kind of took the element of surprise out of the equation. it would have been nice not to tell him. i don't know if he expected me to say "oh no, honey that's ok." i guess the thing that i don't get here that folks are saying is that i'm materialistic or that i'm asking for too much. i thought it would have been nice if he just got the flowers and card on his own without asking me. i mean what, do i give him a list of flowers i like? i don't know. i'm asking here is how CAN i communicate with him what i need/want without offending or making him feel bad? i don't want to cause an argument. this is why i posted my situation.
  12. oh no. when i went to the doctor's i was going to pay with my debit card, but sadly, they didn't take it and only cash. i didn't have enough and luckily he had cash on hand for it. he paid for it and i thanked him and told him i'd treat him to dinner. he said he'd rather have the cash back and i said that was fine. if he wasn't worried about money, he said he would have paid for it, but i said i wouldn't have let him either way because i don't want to have that whole lending/giving me money on my mind. he's offered to give me money in the past before when i was strapped for cash and i've refused it. i don't want that kind of stuff hanging over my head. if we were married, well that'd be different.
  13. interesting responses. i'm not really materialistic. i don't ask for purses, don't ask for a lot of stuff. i don't say "please buy me xxxx" i have never asked him to buy me something. i know it sounds like i'm saying it was the worst valentine's day ever. i just wanted a little element of surprise. i wish he could have said "i'm going to go do a little shopping. can i meet you here in say, 20 minutes?" i would have been happy with any flowers he picked or card because he put some thought into it on his own and without my help. really i was happy. i gushed about the flowers after i had them which he was glad about. and i was totally happy with the dinner. i told him how much i loved that he cooked dinner for me and such. and it's not like i don't do anything for him. i send him cards and little gifts once in a while when we're apart to show i'm thinking of him and so on. i'm not buying him ipods or expensive stuff because i too and on a budget like he is. but i do little things like that because i love him, not because i'm always expecting something in return. it's not what i'm thinking when i'm writing him a card or sending him a box where wrote down all things i love about him. and while i was there, i cleaned the kitchen several times, made him tea, helped pay for gas, groceries, bus fare, dinner, paid for my doctor's visit and medicine (i got sick while i was there), etc and I didn't say "What are you going to do for me?" or expect anything in return. i was sick for half the trip and he completely took care of me which i was so grateful for. sophie hit the nail on the head because i think it's more about the romance factor. as for settling the table, it was a split second thought, but it never once that day complained or didn't show i didn't appreciate what he had done for me. i could see on some level he may have been afraid of disappointing me, but i didn't sulk about anything to him. i accept him for who he is, but i also think it's important to be aware of your partner's tastes and needs. and that maybe you get so comfortable around each other you forget that doing something romantic, vday or not, goes a long way. i try to pay attention to what he wants or talks about. like he recently lost all his cds and he loves music. so i decided to get him a gift certificate to the itunes music store which he liked a lot. i just wish that it was the other way around sometimes. like he complained the last time we saw each other that i didn't have a pic of us up in my room. he kept going on and on about it and i said "well, how about you print a pic of us and frame it and give it to me as a present for xmas or vday?" that costs less than $10 and i thought i'd be perfect. i point things out, but it doesn't quite register with him for some reason. i think i just have to point blank tell him what i want next time xmas comes around or my birthday. i think the other issue is that he tends to think about what he'd like as a gift and then decide that i'm the same way and gives that to me instead, like the ram and airport card. i dunno.
  14. i recently was able to visit my boyfriend for a week and while i was there, it was valentine's day. i was excited because it was my first vday and i was hoping he'd buy me flowers and we'd do something special. i've been upset about it in the past thinking he doesn't care about doing romantic/thoughtful gestures towards me but now, i dunno. i think he's kinda clueless. come vday, well, i hate to say it but i was a bit disappointed. i feel horrible for thinking it. this was my first vday ever and i wasn't looking for some grand gesture or what have you. just a little something that made me feel special and that he put some thought and planning into the day. basically, while we were out for the day, he asked me if i wanted him to buy me flowers and a card. i didn't know what the hell to say. i didn't expect him to ask me, but i said "yes" to the flowers and said "i bought you a card" when he asked about a card. i picked out my own flowers which i found awkward, but i guess at least he tried. he made me dinner that night which was nice. he had me set the table and such which i didn't really want to do, but i did it anyway. the dinner was my vday gift and later than evening he gave me my card. it was a simple card saying that he hoped it was a nice vday and such. i gave him his card and he then said "aww, that's nice. i wish i had written more in your card." he opened his gift which was a scarf and a hat which he liked a lot. he still was going to get me a late xmas gift and i had told him previously i wanted something girly, you know very cliche because i never get jewelry or just typical things like that. i had taken my computer over for him to install a newer operating system and he then said "i'm putting in my old ram and airport card and that will be your xmas present, ok?" not exactly what i had in mind, but i said it was ok. he is also a little worried about money because his job (contract) is ending in a few weeks. anyway, i've come to the conclusion that he doesn't get it. that he really is clueless when it comes to knowing what i want. i've tried to tell him in the past which has turned into arguments and him saying that nothing he does is right. he's verbally very good about telling me he loves me and such which i appreciate greatly, i guess i just wanted him to get me flowers or a card without, well asking me. i wanted him to take care of everything and all i had to do was just sit back and relax and enjoy the day. but it didn't quite happen that way. i've chosen to accept him for who he is now and not to get on him about how he doesn't do certain things for me because i don't think he understands. plus i think if i told him what i said here, that maybe vday wasn't all i had expected, that i didn't want to be asked about flowers and cards, he'd be hurt and upset or worse, it would cause and argument between us. so what's the best way, for future reference, to get him to think a little more about, well what i would want? should i straight up tell him point blank? get my friend to tell him? send him an article about gifts to give your girlfriend? i need help.
  15. sounds like where you're moving isn't the issue. sounds like something's up with your marriage. you should try and talk to him and see what the problem is. maybe find someone to talk to about this ... thearapist? i love monterey. i was just there a few weeks ago showing my bf the area.
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