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locolady

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  • Birthday 04/04/1984

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  1. thanks Kellbell, those are good things for me to consider......my mum always says what goes around comes around, maybe he's happy now but as you say if he is a coward once and has chosen not to care who he hurts, he wouldnt be a good bet in the long run. Thanks for your kindness, you've given me some important things to remember
  2. This is very good advice, thanks.....i guess i feel like my judgement is so impaired, everything i thought got turned upside down, i got made a fool of, i was the last one to know etc, i honestly thought he loved me.....i feel now that i dont know anything and when i think i'm doing alright maybe i'm really being a crap person, i just cant see it? Even when i feel good theres a voice inside me telling me "dont be ridiculous, you're rubbish"
  3. but it isnt his loss because he didnt want me, he thinks he is better off without me so surely he is......why would anyone want to be with me, i'm obviously a crappy girlfriend, i thought i was a great gf but clearly i was wrong. he is happier when i have no part in his life, i dont know how i can ever accept this - because it means i have nothing to give, that i make no difference to anyone
  4. thanks for replies, i understand you are right i couldnt control his actions....thing is he's not a loser - everyone adores him, he is popular, funny, everyone wants him to be around, he is happy, he expressed remorse for his actions and then moved on - mature and accepting. He has lost nothing and yet i've lost everything, he has a new girlfriend that he will treat brilliantly because he has learnt from his mistakes......the problem lies with me - i cant see this any other way?
  5. I think i mean, how can i be happy being me when i have flaws.....i know no-one is perfect and i'd never expect perfection in my friends but i want to be kind, thoughtful, beautiful, funny, thin etc....unless i wake up tomorrow and suddenly find i am different, how will i be happy? I try really hard to be a good person but how can you know if you are or not? I have lots of friends but someone i loved and i thought loved me betrayed and walked away from me.....if i am that replaceable then i cant have any worth. I guess i dont know what i lack, why he wasnt satisfied so i dont know how to improve myself. I want to improve myself but i feel like i try to be a good person already and that wasnt enough. Nothing i do ever makes him regret losing me or think i am worth being with so how can i ever be happy? I have been told/shown that i'm not good enough but i dont know how to change that.
  6. But how do i accept myself when i'm not what i want to be?
  7. i see on here and in advice everywhere that true happiness has to come from within, from your own perception of yourself, that you cannot be happy in your relationships until you are happy in yourself..... But i just dont know how to do this? How How How?? I'd appreciate any help with this one - so far i've tried.... - exercising, losing weight, changing my hair/clothes, doing nice things for others, spending time with friends, taking up new hobbies, changing my job, travelling, making new friends..... All these things should make me happy, i know they should but i still feel completely worthless.....my ex-boyfriend cheated and walked away, he never looked back and didnt miss me.....how can i be worth anything? So, any other ideas anyone??! Thanks
  8. wow thanks for all these replies, theres some great advice in here. I know i shouldnt put my self-worth into one person, i think now that i was so young and overwhelmed by my ex-boyfriend, i idolised him. It was exhausting trying to be what he wanted as it changed all the time! Thing is, everyone i know adores him, being with him is like having this light shining on you, he is such a great person - everyone else just thinks ahhh he made one silly mistake, it doesnt make him a bad person. Yet for me, it devastated everything. He now has a new life, new friends and new girlfriend who is much prettier and thinner than me. he's really happy. I guess thats what drives home that its me that is wrong and worthless, he has moved on and found someone else...i offered nothing unique or worth fighting for. The guy i;m seeing now is lovely, ive been honest with him and said i'm not ready for a relationship and he's happy to just spend time with me. He's great and has so much to offer but i cant help feeling a little bit sad everytime he compliments me - i just cant believe it - it if were true, my ex wouldnt have been able to walk away so easily. I know true happiness has to come from inside - but i have no idea how to do this. Nothing i ever do can change the past, nothing i do or become will make my ex regret what he did or miss me or think i'm worthwhile. I dont know how to judge myself other than from the way others react to me....no matter how many friends i have or nice things i do for people or a good person i try to be.....he still left, he never cared and he replaced me. Surely then everyone i know would be able to do that - i just dont matter that much or make enough of an impression. Even when im happy or i know things are good - if im having a great time with friends or something, in the back of my mind i hear myself saying "stop kidding yourself, youre rubbish, he left, you cant possibly be any good." I dont know how to change this. Thanks again
  9. thanks for your sensitive reply, i was half expecting to be told i was being a spoilt brat! In my heart though i feel that if any of the good things you (or my family or friends) say about me can not possibly be true.....if they were, he would have missed me, he would have come back. Instead he found someone better. I dont know how to explain this any other way?
  10. wow! wishing you all the best, we'll look forward to hearing about how fantastic he is when you get back online. Good luck! Xx
  11. I am 22 years old, female, i have a degree and have just been accepted to a graduate training programme at a PR firm in London (i move next week), i have lots of good friends, i go out plenty, i have travelled, i have a wonderful family, i've always landed on my feet, i find socialising fairly easy and rewarding, i;m seeing a great guy who treats me very well....basically i've had a good ride so far.... but i am also so unhappy. 18 months ago my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me, we broke up and he has never ever looked back. He has a new girlfriend now, we do not speak at all. I was absolutely devastated, i did and still do miss him in ways i never thought possible, i ache for him. I have moved on a lot and i'm happier now than i thought i would be....BUT i just cannot shake these feelings of worthlessness. I feel so utterly repulsive and i've just lost all hope that i will ever find love. I do not feel that i will ever be able to satisfy a man. Basically, i feel that no matter what i do, how i improve myself, how hard i work at my career, in the gym, no matter how kind or funny i try to be, nothing can ever change the fact that someone walked away from me, never missed me and never looked back. I am worthless, its a proven fact. I used to be such a romantic, all i dreamed of was love, i do still dream of getting married, being a fantastic, supportive wife but i'm so afraid that it will never happen. i thought i had a lot to offer but when he walked away he showed that i was wrong, i am wrong so what else is there in life to hope for? i have never wanted anything else. What is the point in working so hard to try to move on when the basic facts cannot change? i couldnt satisfy my ex-boyfriend, ultimately i was not good enough, ultimately i never will be. Is this thinly veiled pain, this facade of happiness that i have now (my friends are so sick of hearing about my heartbreak, and everyone thinks i should have moved on by now that i'm pretending every day) is this as good as life gets once youve seen the truth of disappointment? Thanks for any input, loco
  12. After a lot of thought, i think it might be time to try counselling for the problems i am having. Its been 18 months since my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me and i just cant get over it. I feel completely worthless and i hate myself for not being the one he wants. I torture myself about not being pretty or thin enough, i have serious jealousy and temper issues and although i feel like maybe im just wallowing and i should find the strength to pull myself together without any help, i just dont seem able to shift this black cloud. i find myself crying almost every day, i just dont want to get out of bed in the morning because i want nothing other than him back. im so afraid of being alone forever, i feel like no-one will ever love me or want me. i miss him every second, i just feel so sad. My mum works at my doctors so i cant go through them as my parents dont approve. Can anyone help me with how i can find someone to talk to another way? Thanks
  13. RayKay, you give such good advice! I like this one, i'm struggling at the moment to feel positive so i'll try to bear this in mind. I thought i loved the guy i dated for 2.5 years aged 15-17.5, then i fell in love for what i think was the first true time and it totally superceeded anything i had felt before....it was incredible. We had 4 amazing years together but it all ended in (my) tears and 18 months later i just cant get over him. so, i guess i'm not sure!
  14. thanks for the replies, i have considered getting some counselling because i do think i am depressed. i know its not usual to feel so bad for so long. I dont know how to go about it though....counsellings not really a big thing in england, or if it is no-one is open about it. i cant ask through my doctor because my mum works there and my parents think you have to sort these things out yourself. My mum had a lot of tragedy in her childhood and so believes you have to find the inner strength. is there another way i can find someone to talk to? Also, part of me feels so pathetic....ultimately i should be able to move on, people cope with far worse. Am i just being self-indulgent and wallowing? i dont know, but i just cant shake the sadness, i feel so despondent and scared of the future. i know people say you cant put your self-esteem into someone else but surely the truth IS that i AM worthless....if i had anything good to give, if i was beautiful or attractive then he would want to be with me....but he doesnt. I contrubited absolutely nothing to his life, he was able to devastate me then walk away, feel no guilt and never miss me....not one of our friends stood up for me or told him he was wrong to treat me like that......so obviously thats all i deserve. How can you change yourself when you dont even know whats wrong with you? i dont know why he hated me so much or how he could lie to me....how can i make sure this doesnt just happen again and again when i dont know what i did wrong. I couldnt satisfy my boyfriend or keep someone despite loving him so much......why fool myself then that i'll ever be able to? I never meet anyone even half as amazing as my ex, yet he's replaced me....i really cant cope with him having someone else, its tearing me apart.
  15. hi there, sounds like youre definitely on the right path.....trick it not to give up....if you eat one chocolate bar, say "its ok, i'll be back on track tomorrow", dont think "i;ve ruined it, i might as well finish the whole packet". Yep replacing white carbs with wholewheat ones is a good move and try to cut down on these to one portion a day. Snack regularly on fruit, seeds and nuts to keep your blood sugar levels up, tuna is good as well other white meats. Try to steam your vegetables and take a careful look at where you might be taking in unecessary calories (for example putting a lot of butter on toast, sugar in tea etc) Drink lots and lots of water and starting to exercise again is great.....well done! ten mins is not a bad start at all. Best to do a little every day (or every other day) and slowly build it up. Keeping a food diary is also helpful.....and be honest! Its suprising how the snacks can add up if you dont keep an eye on it. Also dont eat too little or it will be too difficult to keep up and you are more likely to put the weight back on later. Could you join a gym or ask a friend to exercise with you? maybe just going for regular walks, cycles, play tennis or something? making it fun means youre more likely to do it more often. Also at the gym they ae qualified to make a programme for you to help steady and healthy weightloss. Good luck, im sure you will look fantastic at the wedding....just stay positive and you will achieve your goals! Hope that was some help, im no expert but i'm sure someone on here is!
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