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QTpie87

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About QTpie87

  • Birthday 09/06/1987

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  1. ok so as some of you saw on my last post. I have a new bf, iv'e been friends with him for about 6 months or maybe more idk, the thing is he asked me out and I said yes thinking I would like him as more then a friend. but I litterally can not stand it anymore, im going crazy. don't get me wrong, he takes care of me with little things like getting my stuff together, sharring things, being nice, he's really cuddley, and yes that is some things I want in a relationship, but I just don't like him like that i guess. I'm not attracted to him at all, he's too clingy for me after the really rough breakup i just went through. and well, aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! I don't know how to break it off without hurting our friendship, or hurting him. we've only been dating sense like sunday or so, but rrrrrrrrrrrr, it's already just too much. any advice?
  2. QTpie87

    New bf

    ok so this friend that i've know for about 6 months now, i just found out (well i've kinda known, but it was just a clue i had) that he liked me last night and he is my ex's (whom i just broke up with like 2 weeks ago) best friends. Well he is a really nice guy, im not extreamly attracted to him, but he's average looking, funny, and really really nice. Any way he asked me out last night, and I told him that I would but he needs to understand that i am not ok with anything other then cuddling and kissing right now cause i've just been really really hurt by someone I gave all of myself too (my ex ian). I just don't feel like i'll be ready for at least a few months, and that will give me time to know if i like dating him and not just having him as a friend with out me just giving myself up when i don't even know yet. So I guess my first ? would be do you think that's messed up of me to want to wait a few months, is that normal, and do you think that will cause relationship problems? My second ? is basically I don't know, like I don't think that It wont work out and be a fun relationship, but is it normal for me to not want to get attatched as fast as I did last time, not be so clingy and touchy, is there a way I can be touchy and nice but not be like all clingy like relationships usually start with out him feeling like I don't like him. Im just worried so much that I me being hurt so much (and I mean really hurt) that I wont be as open and that it might turn bad. may I please get some opinions from you guys, I'm sure that a lot of you have already been through similar situations and this is the first for me so im a bit worried. thanks guys, love Qtpie87
  3. In slumber one suffers with truth and pain while consious the mind fabricates not only the living, but the dead Not showing the real world, only a lie made to be my truth but how beautiful are the songs they bring was it never theirs,did it come from me? emotions sing their songs while I sleep my own little wold where I can escape It has to be real, it can't be a dream. Dreaming is awake, awake is dreaming what is and isn't real? so beatiful but so far from reach was it ever, and is it now will this ever be my real world? no longer can we tell between the truth and a lie I don't have one true life this place may confuse you and I i'm you, you're me.... this dream must end, someone please wake me from my sleep.
  4. Do you ever feel like even though you are out of everything that's really bad, you have friends, and you are working to straighten everything out you just aren't going anywhere. I'm always so bored, I always have to find something to do, or it's ok let's go smoke a cigarette or get a little high and try to get your mind off of everything. I feel like im going totally crazy, like no matter what I do it's just not good enough, not so much because my family thinks it's not, but because I feel like it's not. I was so hyped and ready to go to the army, I love the army, and they wont even let me be non deployable because im diabetic. I didn't like want to go off to war or anything, i just wanted to be non deployable and work for them. I was so happy, then I call they ask me ?'s and they like everything, then they say well have you been to the dr for anything other then the flu or cold, and I said yes my diabetis they're all well that disqualifies you. rrrrrrrrr! is that something I can fight? im so lost in this huge world right now trying to grow up and can't.
  5. yeah having a friendship will be really really acward, but i'll never stop caring for him, i just want a way to make it work cause he still wants to be friends too. I don't know anymore. im so confused. Oh and the dude that's gonna be gone for a month, that's his friend, it's not ian so he wont be gone for a month his friend jason whom I started to fall for is.
  6. ok so this might be a little long but I really need to vent and get some feed back. it's been a while that i've come here for help, but I really need it. Ok so I met this wonderful guy of my dreams through a friend. He was an ex druggy, I unfortunitly got into drugs for a while (totally out of them now) and I got him right back into them (he is also totally out of them now with me for about 4 or 5 months). Well anyway we sat up the night I met him until like 10am just talking about everything, a week later we both decided we really cared for the other and started dating. We had a great 2 months of cuddely and lovey dovey dating. We both grew really really attatched, but then the drugs started to mess everything up. We faught too much and everything went down hill. I was getting clingy cause I thought I was losing him and he was wanting more and more space. Now we stayed with eachother and didn't mess around with anyone for a long time like 3 or 4 months. But we weren't really dating we were just trying to fix things and then get back together. Well it didn't get better. I accused him of cheating and lieing to me all the time, and he accused me of lieing and kept telling me I should trust him. Well I met his best friend who he hadn't seen in like 3 years or more, and who is a whole lot like him, only treated me a whole lot better like My ex treated me when we first met. well jason (his friend) kept pulling me aside and telling me how beautiful i was, what a good person he thought I was, and that I could have anyone I wanted and Ian (my ex) should be treating me a lot better. so long story short with that part of the story I started to fall for his best friend while trying to fix things with Ian. I liked (still like) jason a lot, but the love I had and always will have for Ian kept me staying with Ian to try and fix things. Well we got in a lot of trouble (the three of us) for telling 2 of our other friends (who ran away) that the only way they could hang out with us this one night is if they let us take them home and stopped trying to hide from their families the following morning. Well we get caught before the next morning and jason is on probation so we tell the girls good by and go back to town to talk to the cops. Ian and I get off with a ticket and community service (yes i feel so dumb now). Jason keeps hiding out until he can talk to his probation officer. Well we had no where to stay so Ian went to stay at his moms that night and Jason and I went to one of his friends homes for the night. all night he keeps on telling me how beautiful I am, how I could have anyone, and we end up making out (Ian doesn't know about this I felt horrible cause I was confused). Well the next morning we go talk to his probation officer and he is taken to jail. He is all huggy and all and when he got in the cop car the cop told me I could go say buy but not to reach in the car. He askes me for a kiss and I felt so bad cause at this point I realize I really do like him yet I have to tell him no and told him it was because of the cop. Well as the story keeps going, I get pregnant from Ian cause things started to get back to normal and we were almost back together. the whole time I was pregnant he treated me like a goddess, went to my dr. visits, called around for me for info, took care of me, wouldn't let me do things that could make me miscarry. we were looking for names and everything. Then I have a misscarrage, and it was all because of how I drank the night we got caught with the girls (the run aways). He was so sad but didn't blame me at all. he kept telling me if god wanted you to have the baby you would have had it. made me feel a lot better (even though im still having bad times with it). Well then things went down again and got really really bad, worse then ever with my depression, getting clingy, and him blowing me off the whole time. We are now not trying anymore, we decided to just stay friends. and to be very honest, im so much happier not fighting and everything is just good again, yet im having a really hard time letting go of what we had. . I'm better, yet worse. I feel like im doing really good but then out of no where I have a break down and cry my eyes out blaming myself for everything. My mom and everyone said he was bad news and didn't treat me right but I loved that man so much. I'm only just turning 19, I shouldn't have this stuff happening yet. it hurts and I don't know how to let go. I feel like it might be acward being friends, I don't know how to not look at him as the man I love. I love him still, and it's not the same but there will always be that ? what if floating around in the back of my mind. Now I realize I really do care for his friend too and there might be something there, and when he gets out of jail in july (no he's not bad he just messed up a little) I'm willing to try it, but I can't get so attatched again,and im so afraid of possibly falling for him like I did for ian and getting my heart ripped out. Everyone says i seem so much happier now but I don't know what I am. someone please give me some feed back, say anything please. signing out, Qtpie87
  7. QTpie87

    baby names

    Ok so I am having a baby now with someone I love very much so it's kinda cool. I'm looking around at baby names and don't really see anything i like. It's all the same. I wanted some good sites to go to with original not too out there but pretty names. or just some ideas. thanks. Qtpie87
  8. Ok so a few days ago I met this new kid, I have absolutly no attraction to him, physically or mentally. He's nice and all, but eh I just don't like him like that and im still getting over a really hurtful break up. that's really beside the point through, I wouldn't be attracted to him even if I wasn't going through this break up. Anyways, we go out with some friends, spend all night going to mesquet, ordering pizza at this little bar, making plans to come back and go dancing on saturday night, then we get back in the car around 3:30 in the morning and I fall asleep. When I woke up It turns out I ended up leaning up against him some where during the drive (while I was sleeping of corse cause I don't like him) and sleeping like that. When we were almost back he woke me up and got all flirty with me, I played cool and was nice to him and all but wasn't enjoying it at all. We get back to the dorms and I get out, he's all can I walk you to your room? I was like oh well that's sweet but my friends are over there on the bench and I wont be going to bed for a while, so he walks up and trys to kiss me. I put my hand up to block his face and said no, then I put my hand down and he decides to dive in again for another try, I put my hand up and put it on his forehead this time and told him NO kinda loud. he looked all hurt so I gave him a hug and then left to go talk to my friends. was I a little mean. should I have kissed him?
  9. I can't tell anyone here how bad I hurt right now, I've never felt this kind of pain. People I've loved have said things to me before that I have to admitt have really really effected me and hurt but nothing as much as tonight. One of my best friends told me he hated me. I know it might sound silly, but I love this person more then anyone on the planet right now and to hear that come out of his mouth just kills me. You didn't really mean it----- How can you say such unkind words? there's already enough hate in this world. You said you wanted to stay friends forever, nothing would take you away. It took just one night, You saved my life, you changed me. How could you hug me like that and then say you hate me? No words have ever hurt this much. I've been told to go to hell, go kill myself, but none could cut so deep as these words tonight. Live with this pain or die, I choose death. I lost one of my best friends, my brother, I hoped someday you'd be my lover. please say this will all go away, tell me you didn't mean it. I won't take my own life, I wouldn't do it, I'll die of a broken heart. You can't feel how much it hurt me. I care for you so much, please god don't just leave me. You told me you cared, looked me in the eyes and swore you'd always be there. with out your love and friendship, I'm nothing, im hurt and lost, my soul just wont be there.
  10. would it be a bad Idea to tell him how I feel and tell him I wont be fake and that I just want another chance and if he doesn't end up likign me then that at least I would feel better that I, myself, the real me got a shot?
  11. Well he is my ex now but I believe with everything in my heart that he is the one. I met him cause I had decided to go hang out with some new people (kinda just invited myself and now they are all my best friends) at college the first week. We were going to the water fall. I met him in the parking lot, the first thing I thought when I saw him was wow this guy thinks high of himself, well we get to the waterfall and he's the only one who wont swim, drove me crazy, lol. Long story short we ended up being good friends, I ended up dating his loser room mate (who is now gone thank god), and I didn't know this till a while ago but when we were all drunk and my other ex wasn't there daniel said I messed up and should have dated him not his room mate (didn't remember cause I was drunk, shameful I know). I didn't want to date him for a long time and he just kept trying and tryign and told me to stop shrugging him off, I finally did and we ended up really liking eachother and goign out. We aren't dating now and that's mostly my fault but I want to get him back so bad cause I feel empty with out him.
  12. Ok I really need some help on this one. See my ex and I broke up like a week or so ago, and sense then have become really good friends. He spent a lot of time with me telling me that I needed to straighten out, go back to college and basically be me (stop letting people walk all over me). I've done a lot of thinking about all of this and decided I would stop being fake and trying to please everyone all the time. Now I thought I would be ok with just being friends, I thought I could make myself not love him, but it's gotten worse for me. I've fallen even more for him, and hard. I love him so much, and to think of him being with anyone else just hurts so bad I start to cry and can't stop for a long time. I feel bad cause he got to know the basics about me, like what I like and things like that, but for the most part I was fake. FAKE FAKE FAKE!!!! I wanted too much to make sure he would like me, I didn't want to take any chances of him not liking me so I thought well hey maybe if im this other person he'll like me. Turns out he would have probably ended up really like me for who I was, like before we were dating and how much he liked me then, which is why we ended up dating. I want to ask him to give me another chance, but don't know how to go about doing that. All i know is that if I had another chance and he ended up still not caring for me like he did to begen with that I wouldn't feel so bad cause at least he would be dumping me, not the little shy nice girl I acted like. What should I do???? Please someone this is so serious, I love him and don't know what to do.
  13. This shy thoughtful mind has nothing left to hide. I'm done with dreaming....my heart is burning. there's a voice inside. I won't run and hide, i'll stay and face it's rhyms. The days kept ticking faster, I won't sit around and wait for someone with the answer, tell me how to change. No mor elittle nice girl, I won't keep being fake. If im talking don't you dare turn your back and walk away. you have a problem??? Say so! but don't be surprised when I sock you in the face. It's time for me to grow up, set my inner child free. I don't care what you want to see, f being nice, I won't let you walk all over me. don't get me wrong, I have no beef with you, my problems with your face. look at me like that again, talk to me like you know who I am. I dare you! i'll lay you out, put you in your place. YOu're gonna hear my opinion, know what I have to say. So now you know, that's just who I am. If you don't like me, then get the f away. I wrote this because for the last year I've been trying to be someone im not. I've hidden my anger and I've tried to do everything possible until the point of me litterally breaking to make others happy and have friends. Well As my ex brought up to me the other day, I don't have to be fake to please people, if they make me mad and are being rude then I should be who I am/used to be about it, if it's little then let it go but if it's really bothering me then say something and fix it or deal with it my way. The only people I have to worry about being nice to are my family, no one else.
  14. Yeah it's not so much the goofing off. it's that I take things way personally, I can be joked around with for a min or so but after that I don't like it. I get butthurt easy, and when it comes to defending myself. Like they want me to joke back and have like a joking war but I end up getting too hurt. then I guess Im a push over, I've worked on being nice to everyone in every situation for a year now so im really good at it, unfortunitly even when I don't want to be. I need to learn how to be mean when it comes time. and most of all I'm not extreamly intelligent. Like im smart for me, but when it comes to people asking me questions that a lot of people know like capitals of states and where the state is sadly I have no fing clue. I know things that are odd that most people don't know. I don't have a lot of general knowlage. I feel dumb. hmmm I just kinda answerd my own post huh lol. well that's cause I had a few hours to think really hard and had a huge convo with my ex which also helped. he put me in line big time, not in a mean way, he wants to help me not f up, which brought a lot of this to my attention. does any one know how I can begin to fix this, i know what I need to do for the too nice thing and the joking thng, but not the knowlage lol. thanks people. love Qtpie87
  15. I think that it really depends. See I say the first time your bf flirts around with other girls, that you should let it go, it's natural and we all do it from time to time. However, when you confront him about it and say that you don't like it and he continues to do it anyway even if you tell him right at that moment it's ok to be jealous cause he is acting like he doens' t care that it is bothering you. Guys do have other girls as friends though, they can't just hang out with only males that would be weird, lol. It all depends on if he is actually flirting or if he is just holding a convo with an old friend. good luck.
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