uninhibited

If this girl realized that you have feelings for her, it probably changed the way she looks at you. No one can tell for sure if she likes you, but she KNOWS that you like her. thereforeeee, she can figure with some certainty that you focus on her more than anyone else in a group. Perhaps she's flattered or intrigued with the idea that you like her. Its like blood in the water for a shark. You released a little compassion, a little love, and she is happy to have received it. So she threw some back at you. Sorry to say, this doesn't prove she feels the same way. You let your feelings slip and now she has more confidence when she's around you. Advantage, her .

Is this high school? I can't tell from the message and a lot of work places have cafeterias these days, not to mention college. Personally, I would wait until she's alone or with just a friend or two. If she is at a whole table full of girls that may be too much to deal with right off the bat. But i'm not sure of your motives. Are you a private person or do you like announcing your feelings to people who have no reason to know?

What would you say is the best way to remedy this problem? I feel like i just need practice. I could sit around and read all day. I could also just go out and start meeting people. Lol what did people do before there were advice columns and books and dating forums?

Is it just me or does the whole idea of hitting on waitresses and receptionists and other women at their work seem inappropriate. I mean, when you think of how many people of the opposite sex these women must see everyday, with exactly the same idea in mind... all i'm saying is that first, a woman at work doesn't necessarily have dating/sex/men etc. on her mind, she has work on her mind. Second, if she gets hit on all the time at work she could be sick of it or numb to it which could distort her view of someone she might like outside of work because they are just coming up to her as "another horny customer". Now i'm not saying i'm 100%, or even 50% right here, but it seems like when men try to hit on waitresses or receptionists they are just smitten with the fact that a women is right there in front of them. At a party, and just in general, getting the woman to notice you and listen is a large part of it, right? But these "work meetings" are like shortcuts when the woman notices you because she has to - remember its her job. Perhaps there's a more appropriate time and place for all of this socializing. I'm not trying to burst your bubble usdaprime, I just wanted to give another viewpoint. Since you're feelings seem strong and genuine, there's no point in stopping now.

I would tend to agree with what has been said. I find this topic very interesting. Maturity is most certainly not a function of age, but rather, personal circumstance. I consider myself to be mature in my though processes and what I know to be important in life, however, I am still very much in the dark about what kind of person I am and what I want to do with my life.](*,) A co-worker of mine, the same age as me, is engaged and knows exactly what he wants to do in the years ahead. The point is, there are so many different types of people out there, that I think you need to just be patient and keep looking. The person you're looking for is out there somewhere, it just takes some work. Try to nestle your way into a social scene that you think has the maturity level you're looking for.

I wouldn't call you stupid for taking a risk, i'd tend to call you brave. Mrwrong, you aren't hopeless, you just need some practice. I have a fear of rejection too, so i don't know if i would take the risk if I was in your position. However, i think you will be a better person if you do take the risk, rather than do nothing. Catch 22 -- you have a fear of rejection, and you want to eliminate that fear. To eliminate the fear you must risk rejection. You have a wonderful opportunity right now to make a difference in yourself. I say take it. If you win, you'll have a great girl. If you lose, prove to yourself that you can handle the ugly side of love. Please go for it, I think it will be great for you either way...and it'll make the rest of your week pretty exciting

I don't know if you like the passiveness and hinting that was scattered all around your story, but personally I get sick of it. It seems to me that she is interested in you, and I think that, unless you like playing games, you should start moving in. It's not always smart to try and date someone you work with, considering the potentially horrendous consequences if it goes sour. I'll leave this decision for you to make. Be absolutely certain she doesn't have a bf. Since you don't have a gf, and you both appear interested, start making a gradual move. Invite her to spend time with you and only you...then get to know her and see where it leads. If you get definite signs that she isn't interested, leave it be. Keeping control of the situation like this will enable you to make your move and allow you to bail out if things don't go as planned. good luck

Thank you for that advice diggitydogg, and to your surprise I am more than happy to accept the truth in what you said and change my ways. Unfortunately it's easier said than done and my fear of others' judgements aren't just something that I can turn off with a switch. I think about the relationships I have and those I wish I could have when i am in the shower, when I am at work, when I eat dinner, when i exercise, and worst of all when I am trying to fall asleep (obsessive thinking is not a sedative by any stretch of the imagination). It is one of many problems that I feel I have and one that I know would benefit me to get over.

Joe is the first player in the jealousy game. He took a time out. Maybe he's struggling with the same issues you are. I would venture a guess that Julia is less sure of what she wants than anyone else in this situation. Sometimes the info gets so sketchy and the situation get so complex that its best to stop torturing yourself with thoughts and assumptions. It seems like this girl has some things to figure out for herself, and this is one reason why i am hesitant to suggest that you tell her how you really feel. However, if you are tired of holding your feelings up inside, the chance is here for you to finally open up. You never know, maybe you will be the one who clears up your problems as well as hers.

Generally, I would consider the locking of eyes to mean an attraction, or interest at the very least. However, I don't think that this rule is etched in stone. If a girl is shy or insecure, she may be intimidated to look directly into your eyes even though she is attracted to you. Your above-average height adds another factor, and i would tend to think that this accounts for a certain percentage of those many "eye locks" when you are walking on campus, though not all. Try to think of what it means to you when you lock eyes with someone. Are you always attracted to that person, or is that just your nature? I tend to keep my eyes fixed on those of the person to whom i am speaking, regardless of my level of attraction for them. This makes me think that the "eye lock" is more of a complex signal then some would have you think.

I couldn't agree more. Especially during the cold winter months, i would personally be thrilled to just hang out with a girl that I like and talk for a couple hours. I would drive quite a distance to do this too. This is just me, but I am shy and it sounds like this guy is too. Sometimes you'd be surprised how easy it can really be to please a guy.

Thank you so much for the replies, especially PocoDiablo (for your thorough analysis of my situation). The comment that I may be reading her wrong, that she may not even be interested, never occurred to me and you might be right. The co-worker who told me this was her manager, not her close friend. I agree with annie, that it is best in the long run to be honest. If honesty was never accompanied with guilt and other negative side effects I think I would always try to fall back on it. However, unless the topic presents itself, I don't plan on ruining our last get-together with an awkward discussion of what very well may be just my assumptions. I am just going to try and have a good time with her.

I should probably start with a little background. I am (what i believe to be) a painfully shy person. I often find that i need to psyche myself up before talking to someone and i always have a hard time dealing with the fact that i am being judged by people. I have struggled with this my whole life. I have never had a girlfriend but I have had certain selective instances in the past where i thought i was very close to developing something with a girl (sadly, they never worked out). I enjoy being by myself sometimes, but at the same time I struggle with loneliness and i constantly obsess over what other people think (or may be thinking) about me. With that said, here is my situation. I graduated four months ago, and since then I have been interning at a company. About a month into the job, a girl came in as a full time employee. We are very different. She is outgoing, i am introverted. At the start we clung to each other as a matter of circumstance - we were both new employees getting our feet wet. She would invite me to go out with her and her friend on the weekends and I was happy to go because i don't get out much and i am otherwise alone in a city far from home. I felt guilty that she would always go to such trouble to find fun stuff to do and I would just tag along with her invitations. I tend not to go to the lengths she does to plan a get-together, but there again, our differences shine through. Seeing her nearly everyday in work coupled with our time spent together on some weekends, our friendship developed. Eventually i learned from her co-worker that she was interested in me as more than a friend. I found myself flattered by this, but at the same time I was frustrated because I didn't feel the same way about her. Mind you, I am a very lonely person and I really want to find someone special. I tried and i wanted to feel something for her but I just can't. As a result, I was unsure of how to proceed. I chose to simply not acknowledge the fact that she had feelings for me because I didn't want to hurt her. It seemed like the most logical thing to do because she keeps her feelings fairly low-key herself (remember, her co-worker informed me of her interest in me). So i went forward and just made on that our friendship never experienced this little "bump". She appeared to do the same thing, aside from hints that she gave me from time to time in her AIM profile that reflect what i figure to be her true feelings. One of these hints was a list that described all the attributes of her "perfect man". I met all the criteria except one - I don't salsa dance. A few weeks later she arranged for me, her, and her friend to get a free salsa dance lesson. She also kept asking if i would be going to the company christmas party. I started piecing together what seemed to be a passive attempt of her to morph me into the person that she wanted to date - and I started getting irritated. I simply wasn't interested in dance lessons. Refusing to do this with her was the first time I had refused any invitation, and she got irritated with me. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and her coaxing wouldn't let up. Thinking back now, I want to kick myself for letting her make me feel guilty about this. Aside from the fact that I really had no interest in learning to salsa dance, I did this as a refusal to continue taking part in this immature game. For one, I got tired of her passive behavior and hinting, and I also don't appreciate the fact that she doesn't respect my personal decisions. I refused the invitations she has given me to go out for the past few weeks because (for her sake) i don't want to risk leading her on any longer. On one hand I feel that I am being insensitive by acting like this but on the other hand I have her best interests in mind. I couldn't lead her on and make her think that I felt something for her. I acted completely indifferent about her feelings at the onset and she still tried to push it on me. In all honesty I am not trying to punish her but one of us needed to stop this game and it became evident that it wasn't going to be her. She had asked if i am avoiding her but i typically give an excuse like blaming my laziness on the cold weather (which isn't a complete lie -- the cold weather really does make me want to stay indoors). I tell her its nothing personal, and it really isn't. Our friendship has taken a definite downturn, and as far as i'm concerned it's all because the friendship was trying to develop into something more. I know that because I have somewhat isolated myself from her it has made a definite change in her attitude toward me. This saddens me because it has resulted in a loss of our once beautiful friendship. I feel that she is being immature by not being straightforward with me about the way she feels. I am just confused about whether or not I am handling this the right way. After this week, I will be leaving the area and I am not sure if we will stay in contact or not. She doesn't seem to have the courage to address the issue, so does that mean that the future of our friendship rests in my hands? We plan to go out once more before I leave. Should I say something or just leave the ball in her court? I have never been involved in a committed relationship before, but I am aware that what is happening here is quite immature. This is the primary reason that I decided to keep her at arm's length. I don't want to enter into a relationship where I can't speak to the other person about my true feelings. That's the way my relationship is with my family and it is NOT the way I want to live my life. It is just ironic that I say this in spite of the way i've handled this situation. Unfortunately, i couldn't come to any better solution given the fact that I don't share her interest in me. It makes me sad that I am 22 and she is 24 and this is the extent of our circumstances. Do we need to take a step back and spend a little time growing up first?