Jump to content

HeartAche

Members
  • Posts

    43
  • Joined

About HeartAche

  • Birthday 11/14/1973

HeartAche's Achievements

Contributor

Contributor (5/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

1

Reputation

  1. That's one way to look at it, but on the other side of the coin there's "out of site, out of mind". Don't let pride stand in the way of talking to her. Contact her and find out what she wants first. If she wants a break then, if you're okay with that, agree to it and immediately start NC. At the moment though, it sounds like you don't know where things are, so I would definitely try to establish where her heads at.
  2. Have you tried talking to her since then? Most people say or do things in the heat of the moment that, when they think back, regret later on. Just because she wanted her keys back and gave you yours back doesn't necessarily mean it's over.
  3. No I don't think the crying was fake. I think it really hit home when she went in the spare room to collect her stuff and saw all the "Me to You" Tatty Teddy oarnaments I've bought for her over the years nicely arranged. I must admit, at some points of the evening I thought she wanted to come back. One example was when she seemed to not know where to start with regards to what to pack first, I said in a joking manner "see, it would be so much easier if you stayed" and she said, "yes it would". I think she does still feel something for me because she said it was hard seeing me again, but she wouldn't let me hug her and when I asked if she wanted a hug she said "better not". I still love her but the way she said she'd "better not" to having a hug makes me think that she's already with someone else. Surely if she was still single and wanted to get back with me, she wouldn't have packed away her things? It's so confusing. I'd love to talk to her about it but, when I tried on Friday she just didn't seem to want to. Worst part is that it's opened up all those old wounds again just when I thought I was doing okay.
  4. Everyone knows that a healthy relationship is based on communication, "honesty is the best policy" etc... etc... Yet it seems that in some part of every relationship we all seem to play mind games with each other. Why? My ex broke things off about 3 months ago and I was doing reasonably well until last Friday when she had to see me to pick up some of her stuff. I managed to get through the evening pretty calmly where I could see her shed several tears every now and then. She admitted that seeing me was really hard but when I asked two straight forward questions - "Do you think about me much?" and "Any regrets?", I got the answer of "Maybe" to both. Why not just give me a straight answer? I'm guessing that, as she didn't say yes, the answer to both was no but she either didn't want to hurt my feelings or she wants me to have false hope in case she ever changes her mind. As annoying as those responses were, the kicker was when I asked for the house keys back. "I want to keep them" she said. After going back and forth with "Why?" and "Because" for about five minutes she came out with "I might want to move my stuff back in". What?!?! I knew deep down the real reason was so she could come and collect the rest of her stuff when I wasn't around, so why blatently lie and give me renewed optomism? Other lies throughout the evening included gems such as "I'll probably be single for the rest of my life now" and "I can't be bothered with sex anymore". Part of me thinks that there's been someone else on the scene since the day she dumped me and it's nice that she's not rubbing that in my face, but why mention anything like that at all? The old "me think the girl doth protest too much" rings loud and clear on this one. Anyway, for those questioning the whole NC thing, this is a perfect example of why you need to stick with it. I was doing pretty well, it took me a while but I wasn't hurting so much. Now after seeing her again, I'm constantly going over the evenings events in my head trying to find little snippets that could have an indication she might want to get back together and I feel I'm back to square one.
  5. I personally think it's a bad idea but I guess it all depends on your own personal situation. I split up from my ex 3 months ago, she had to come round last Friday to collect some more of her stuff and before I saw her, I thought I was doing reasonably well - I still thought about her everyday but it was no longer painful. Now after seeing her I feel I'm back to square one. I guess if you've moved on and are happy with someone else then it wouldn't be a problem. But if you're in my situation, you just try to analyse everything, why did she say that?, does that mean she misses me and wants me back? etc....
  6. "Little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. Those made her my wife. And she had the goods on me too. Little things I do out of habit. People call these things imperfections Will. It's just who we are. And we get to choose who we're going to let into out weird little worlds. You're not perfect. And let me save you the suspense, this girl you met isn't either. The question is, whether or not you're perfect for each other." Excellent bit of dialog. Nowt wrong with being a movie dork btw
  7. Nope, and didn't even have the courtesy to let me know she wasn't!
  8. Jue, I feel for you, I really do. It's horrible after you've been with someone for so long to suddenly have to contemplate life without them. Knowing that after a long day at work you've got to come home to an empty house. It's difficult and made even worse by the fact that your ex is out there enjoying themselves with someone else. Unfortunately all you can do is try to start living again but for you this time. Easier said than done I know but you don't want to waste your life thinking about him anymore. I know the lies are annoying, I have similar issues with my ex - she arranged to come round tonight to collect her things and discuss our joint financial issues, but didn't bother turning up and didn't even have the courtesy to let me know - you just have to live with it and use things like this to your advantage. He's a liar, would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't trust? Get angry about the fact that he's lying if it helps, start keeping a journal of how you're feeling and write down everything that's on you mind. I find that getting all your feelings out on paper is quite therapeutic.
  9. I know exactly what you mean CheddaBoy. My ex is supposed to be coming round tonight to pick up the rest of her belongings and discuss our financial issues. Due to the time I don't think she's coming anymore but everytime I hear a car pull up or a noise outside the front door, my stomach does a quick spin.
  10. Well, a few weeks ago I would have said yes. When she ended it, she said she didn't want a bad break up and force me to sell the house. However, she also agreed that she'd take it easy on the spending which she's obviously decided to change her mind on. What's more annoying is that she said she's been doing lots of private work, which I bet she's been paying the money from that into her own account. To be honest, I think I'm more annoyed by the fact that I'm unable to go out and have fun because I'm worried about the financial situation yet, a mere two weeks after she ended it, she's off having a fantastic time in one of Londons most expensive night spots. This makes me wonder who she was with and basically undoes 4 weeks of hard work where I've been keeping it together and moving on with my life. I could do with a night out in London myself, but I'm sensible and know that money is tight at the moment. Why do I have to be the sensible, responsible one and she can get to act like this?
  11. The only thing is that I don't want to sell the house, although I guess I may not have a lot of choice. I'm just going to have to bite my lip tomorrow when she comes round and calmly mention that I thought we weren't going to go stupid with money until things are sorted. See what she has to say and take it from there.
  12. Not really as two of her loans are in my name and, after this little spell, I wouldn't trust her to continually make the payments. Plus the secured loan can't be split accross two accounts.
  13. Quick recap for those who don't know my story. Broke up with my Fiancee 5 weeks ago - she initially said a break, we agreed on 2 weeks the after the first week she ended it. Because we were together for so long our finances are somewhat intertwinned - joint mortgage, joint secured loan, joint account and she has two other loans that I took out for her. The day she ended it (via email btw), I asked about the finances and she said she'll continue paying into the account for now. Obviously not ideal I know but it'll give us both time to sort something out. Last week she said she's getting a van to come and pickup the rest of her stuff next week (tomorrow in fact). I asked if she had any thought on the money thing and she said no, have I? I said no and we agreed to discuss it on Tuesday. She's crap with money and knows money is extremely tight, I've been staying in at the weekends and stuff to save a bit of money until things are sorted out and was expecting her to do the same. BUT, just got my bank statement throught and noticed that last week she splurged £136.95 in a clothes shop and the very same day, withdrew £50.00 (with a £1.75 cashpoint charge no less) at one of London's night spots! She obviously spent the lot that night because the following day she withdrew another £30.00 from near where she works and she's obviously not using this money for food because that day she also spent £44.19 in the supermarket. Plus it's not for petrol either because the following day she spent £63.20 on a train ticket, followed by withdrawing a further £40.00 out of a mysterious cash point!! I mean, how selfish can you get?!?!? Together 5 years yet I obviously meant so little to her that she can go out for a night on the town!! No money and yet she's spending it like it's going out of fashion!!!!! Now I've got her coming round to pick up her stuff tomorrow and talk about money. What on earth am I going to say? ](*,)
  14. It's not just men, it's also women. My Fiancee of 5 years decided at the age of 27 (almost 28) that she was too young to settle down. The big kicker was that SHE asked ME to marry her 4 years prior! I think the problem comes when you've been with someone a while, gotten comfy, the intial "honeymoon" effect has long gone and then you get a bit of attention from someone else that makes you feel special. So you start to think that you should always feel this way about someone - butterflies and all that stuff.
×
×
  • Create New...