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  1. Ha I think years of conditioning and brain-washing has left my parents stuck in a mindset where everything they believe is right and everything anyone else dares believe is WRONG WRONG WRONG!
  2. I am a 24 female living and have been dealing with these issues for better part of most of my dating life. My parents (mostly my mother) have this belief that people should date within their own culture. However, I was born and raised in Australia, a very diverse country....I believe people should marry who they choose. I have been dating someone who is of a different background for 11 months. I have met his family and they care nothing about our religious and cultural differences..in fact, they have told him that they think I'm wonderful and that they would love to have me as their daughter-in-law. Then you have my parents. Close-minded, traditional and surrounded by people that think like they do. They don't want to meet him, they seem to think that I will date and get it out of my system before I settle down with a nice guy from the same background as me...hell they don't even want to know his name or anything about him. I have tried talking to them, explaining that I am an adult, but they don't want to hear it. Unfortunately I still live at home. Partly because it makes more financial sense at the moment (I have some investments that I have high outgoings for) and partly because my parents believe that males or females shouldn't be moving out of their parents house prior to marriage. I have thought about moving out. I know though that this will make the divide between my bf and my parents even greater. All hell will break loose and they will blame him. They do not stop me from seeing him, I take my mums car when I do and she doesn't seem to have any problem with this. He drops me off and picks me up from the front of our house sometimes. I can come home whenever I want and have no limits/curfews imposed on me in that respect. They are a little naive and believe that I wouldn't spend time alone at his place with him...I think their ideas of pre-marital sex is basically they just want to believe what makes them comfortable- which is okay with me. I feel no desire to share personal details with them. I don't know what game my parents are playing at to be honest. My uncle recently got remarried to someone who isn't the same background and my parents opened their home to them for a week and were so nice and welcoming to her. Why am I getting the short end of the stick?????? My boyfriend has been patient more or less up until now, but he is finally starting to show some resentment towards the situation. He knew from the start that this would happen. I warned him at the very start and he said he didn't care. But in the last few days he has started to act cold and distant towards me and has told me (after me insisting that something was wrong and he wasn't tell me) the frustration is taking its toll. I am starting to feel attacked from both sides. It has driven me to tears of frustration because I am trying to make both sides happy and it results in both sides resenting me. I have considered applying for promotions in another city to force myself to move out and well, get away from it all. Or perhaps therapy to figure out what I need to do and how to do it- I'm perhaps not as strong as I would like to believe. I love my boyfriend but I am starting to feel like he doesn't understand and is not being supportive. I know it's tough on him, it would have to be really tough... but I am cracking under the pressure from both ends.
  3. Thank you for your replies everyone. First off I'd like to clear up something I wasn't very clear on in my first post- the feedback was being provided by only myself, and another manager. Other managers had input into the ratings but only 2 people are present during the feedback session. What is really surprising is that staff who have been performing exceptionally well have been given ideas on how to perform even BETTER and they have bitten our heads off. As these staff are contract temporary staff, in the beginning of the meeting before any other thing, we told them that we are overall happy with their performance and we would like to keep them until x date, which they were all very hapy with. But as soon as the feedback was given, they had arguments for everything. I personally hate the 1-5 rating system as well, but I am just doing MY job as best i can... I know I am not an experienced supervisor which is why I guess why this upsets me!
  4. I was recently required to give feedback to staff members regarding their work performance. These reviews were done with another manager a few levels above me, and the input of 4-5 different managers/supervisors was taken into consideration for each person. I have never had to give feedback in a formal situation before, because at my level in my organisation, it is generally not expected- except in my department. My manager who was running the feedback session did most of the talking and explaining, but I was present too and provided some input. During and after these interviews I was shocked at how oppositional and arugmentative a couple of people were about being given constructive criticism... Is this human nature? We had a staff member who got "excellent ratings" for all areas and a "good" rating for only 1 area, and this person started arguing, debating and not even listening to our reasons for giving that rating in that particular area. We have also had to give feedback to staff who have had ongoing issues that have been raised many times in the past ...but they cannot for the life of them understand why we would rate them as needing development. I know when I am told I need to work on something I listen intently and ask for suggestions as I believe there is ALWAYS room for improvement in SOMETHING. And this is what I explained to ALL the staff, we cannot give staff 5/5 for something that they can still improve. I can respect that staff want to understand why ratings are given and what caused a lower rating- but these staff members shocked me in their opposition and refusal to accept that they need to SLIGHTLY improve ONE thing..! The reason we point these things out is so they are more likely to be successful when applying for promotions. We want our staff to be as competitive in our organisation as possible. I have been quite upset by this as I feel they are not understanding why certain rankings are given for certain things. Is there any way to approach this to have both sides understand eachother better? Should I just let it go, or should I wait for them to come to me if they want to talk this through further? What is a budding supervisor meant to do? I am still a newbie at this and I feel a bit lost...!
  5. Thank you all for your words of advice. I do agree at that the end of the day I am being insecure. I have worked through most of my issues with the trust/commitment/fidelity etc with my boyfriend, and I agree that I shouldn't judge his friend- i don't even know him. I think I will just have to meet him and see how it goes...!
  6. I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and it has been going really well. We were friends for about a year before we got together, thereforeeee I know a lot about his past, which, to say the least is quite colourful.... He was quite a womaniser in his youth (20's) and so were most of his buddies. He is now older and wiser (30s) as are most of his friends. They have all settled down with partners, wives etc. As has my boyfriend, He loves me dearly and talks of marriage, kids and a great future together. BUT.... There is this one guy I haven't met yet but I have heard about. This friend of my boyfriends is still behaving like he is a 21 year old punk- womanising, cheating, lying and basically sleeping with different women as often as he can. He has a girlfriend who knows nothing about this who lives out of town. The thing that is the REAL kicker for me, is that back in the day, he and my boyfriend used to hook up with random girls and have threesomes and god knows what else.. (Makes me shiver just typing it). These are all things I found out from my boyfriend directly telling me the (at the very start of our relationship). Since we have been together, he has met up with this guy about 2-3 times. Each time I basically have voiced my disapprovment at this guys behaviour and my discomfort that my boyfriend seems to be associating with someone like him. I just let him know it made me a bit uneasy that they are sitting at a restaurant and this friend is relaying all the sleazy details of his last encounters to my boyfriend. Now the icing on the cake is that my boyfriend wants me to meet this friend for dinner/drinks tomorow night. He mentioned it out of the blue..they had dinner plans for tonight but they fell through, so my boyfriend suggested all three of us meet up tomorrow night. I have told him that I am super-uncomfortable with that idea....just sitting there knowing that they used to f$#@ around together makes me feel ill. My boyfriend thinks I am being silly and that it is all in the distant past, thereforeeee I should just let it go. Am I being silly, or do I have a right to feel weirded out?
  7. Thanks Kellbell! I really appreciated your advice, it helped me a lot. I think he is doing is because he is grasping at straws to figure our new ways to upset me or get to me..ignoring me isnt enough anymore. He needs to make it personal. Do you think i am safe in assuming this? As i said- i feel if he just didnt want the toy he would have thrown it away- by throwing it back in my face it's like him saying "take THAT!"
  8. WELL! An update- I get into work today after being off sick for 2 days and what do i find? The gift i got him on his birthday thrown on my desk. It's just a stuffed toy, but there it was, on my desk, he had just dumped it there. This toy used to bring us hours of amusement and was a private joke between us. By dumping this on my desk he is trying to get to my very core to hurt me- i was FUMING when i came in to work.. Every single person has said DO NOT REACT....DO NOT GIVE IN...DO NOT GIVE HIM THE SATISFACTION. Just ignore him. Go about your business as normal. This is what willl make him even more upset and frustrated because he has realised. 1. ignoring me didnt work- i havent given in. 2. flirting with another girl didnt work- i ignored him. 3. now he is trying to "rid" himself of things that remind him of me... i wonder what the next step will be when this doesnt work?!! He could have thrown the toy away if he didnt want it- by giving it back he is trying to make a statement- i know this. He is a child! And i refuse to continue to play these games. So i just took the toy and dumped it in the back of my drawer at work, i didnt say anything to him, and i went about my business as normal. He briefly walked past me during lunch and looked me in the eye, i just looked away and kept talking to my friend. Everyone has also been commenting on his behaviour at the xmas party and how he made a total fool out of himself- and how everyone thinks he is such a jerk. So this is his latest tactic..what a joke!!!!
  9. Belle and Kellbell, i think you have both given me the best pieces of advice i could have ever hoped for! I was thinking all of the things you both said, i just needed to hear it from someone objective. Yes, i guess the silent treatment and him carrying on with the other girl did hurt my ego and make me feel bad- but i realise he is doing all of this because in essense HE is the one who cant deal with the situation. He cant deal with the fact i had the final word and decided that it was best for us to be friends. This guys ego is too big for it's own good- there have been many times where this has been made quite clear to me. He likes the idea of having someone to feed his ego and to make him feel like "the man". How sickening. I will continue on with things just as they are..im not going to give into his stupidity- if he wants to continue down this path of immaturity and childish behaviour then so be it! Ill be the bigger person and let it wash over me.
  10. Just need some guidance on the best way to get over this situation..tips on how to get over it and move on, as i am having a hard time getting my heard around it all..... i was seeing someone for a while who i work with...we would always end up in silly misunderstandings and disagreements, and at the end of it all, we decided to be "friends". We werent even a couple to begin with really but we did spend a good 5 months seeing eachother. We both wanted something "casual" and not serious...but due to the arguing we decided- let's just keep it friendly from here on in to avoid further fights and uneeded tension. ANYWAY so a week after mutually agreeing to this, and a generally friendly week of platonic behaviour, he asks me to hang out. Which we do. And at the end of the evening he leans right over to kiss me! To which i react to with pulling back and asking him what he was doing and that i thought we were just friends now?? Long story short- this happened at the beginning of a car trip-I thought to myself at that point- he has invited me out tonight, not for my company, but to try and get one last shag out of me. at the end of the car trip i asked him if we could have a few mins to talk about what happened ...he reacted with telling me to get the hell out and just go, he doesnt want to see me, he needs to go, and that he wants me out of his car and gone. So we had another fight...we exchanged words for about 5 minutes and then I got out and left. I msged him an hr later to say i dont understand why everything needs to end in a fight with us and that i hate fighting with him. No reply. Hasnt spoken to me since. So it's been over a week of the silent treatment. I see him at work perhaps once a day briefly..where he continues to ignore me, as we work on opposite ends of the floor. Last night was our work christmas party. He spent the entire evening with another girl we work with, sitting next to her and carrying on like a fool on the dance floor. This girl has a boyfriend. It was obvious that the behaviour was intentional, most likely aimed at me. We have had 3-4 fights where it has ended with the cold shoulder from him. He has ignored me for days, so this isnt anything new, but ive always been the one to make the first move to speak to him. This time, i am so angry and fed up, that i really feel he should be the one FOR ONCE to make ammends...instead of acting like a jerk. I dread the thought of running into him at work because i know he will look me in the eye and walk right past me- as he has done before. How do i deal with this, i feel like i am basically making a fool of myself over this idiot. Do i avoid him, do i confront him? I just want to get over the anger and let this whole thing go- NOT to make up with him- but to give myself closure and the ability to move on and hold my head high without feeling bad about the whole thing- but what would be the best way to go about it?
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