Picotazo101

I've tried, man. Between her busy schedule and God knows what else, it's been abosolutely impossible to get into a position where I can really tell her how I feel. I'm not hoping for a moonlit stroll on a beach somewhere, but a quiet, collected moment where I can really look her in the eyes and tell her how I feel would be great. I just can't get it. It's always in a busy coffee shop or crowded student union, walking to class or a quick conversation on the phone as she drives home from work before she has to hang up to do something with her family. At this point I wouldn't have even wanted to see if I could be certain if she felt the same way, or let some worry about getting the "just friends" runaround stop me. I've been crazy about her since I met and I can't keep it bottled up anymore, but now I just need to vent it some other way. I don't have her number anymore. I was pretty thorough.

Ah nevermind it. I've thrown out the phone number and I'm calling it quits. I can't take it anymore; this banging my head on some invisible wall. I can't take the mixed signals anymore. She must just want to be friends and I'm reading into it more than I should. Thanks anyways for the advice.

Well, I know what I want. The signs I get, I feel, are all over the place. Most every time we've ever been out, it's been for coffee, for a drink, a quick dinner, and so forth. It's always between classes, for lunch or before something else that she has to run and do. What I'm trying to say is that we've never been on something I would really consider a "date". Meaning I pick her up, or we even meet somewhere, and really spend a few hours talking, doing stuff, really getting to know one another. A place where we're there isn't a class looming or she has to take off to pick up her mother or something else. When we're together, we talk a lot. Never run out of stuff to talk about but I really don't feel like I'm crossing that threshold and learning stuff that people who aren't close to don't know. When we part to go to our separate classes, there's never an opportunity for me to really go in for a hug or a squeeze of the arm or anything. If I really wanted to go for it I'd have to tackle her or something, in a manner of speaking. She always seems up for meeting up, she counter-offers if she can't get together when I propose we do, and she's even gone and asked me a number of times. I don't feel like I'm ever given that chance to really make a move. THis is driving me insane! I'm so crazy for her but I can't tell if we're just friends or what.

Ow ...OW! Sounds like he needs to go see a doctor. That's definitely not normal. I can't imagine that sorta shape.

She sent me a text a little while ago: "Hey i forgot to say thanks alot for the drink and it was nice chatting with ya talk to ya later." I think the only reason I've had so much trouble in the past is because she's a very busy person. She's kept busy with the family and she works a lot at her job. I guess one of my biggest worries is that she's already got so much going on right now that she might not be too interesting in a possible relationship. I'll probably call her tomorrow and try to ask her out. Thanks for the words of advice.

Well, I could write an essay here, but I'll try to be as brief as possible while not losing any of the message. So, I'm in college, and I've known this girl for over a year now. We met in a class, and took a second class together the semester afterwards. She invited me to an Asian New Years show at her old high school and introduced me to her sister and her younger brother. We went to lunch a couple times, got coffee a couple times, she brought me this mexican hot chocolate that she knew I wanted when I found out it was sold at the store she works at. Basically, I could never figure out if she was interested in dating, or just being friends, or what. That second semester there was a lot of tension between us. I did in fact ask her out a couple times. The first time I had thought we would go downtown but it wound up being changed to grabbing a bite at a restaurant near her house because she had to pick her brother up (she has seven sisters and two brothers). The second time she called me at the last minute and told me that she had to work late but proposed we get some drinks and we did. We hadn't talked for a while, but I called her a couple days ago. She was driving home from work. Whenever she and I talk, she never seems to run out of things to talk about and we chatted for a little bit until she got home and then had to clean up because a toilet had backed up. But she asked if I wanted to get together for some drinks and said Sunday was her only day off. That was today, and it was nice to see her again. We wrapped up because she had to pick her mother up but said she and her brothers might go play Bingo and would call me if I wanted to come along. The answer is probably staring me in the face, but I have never been much of a dater and I suck at reading the language of male and female interactions. I am crazy for her and I have been since we met. I know that, when it comes to Asian families like hers, family comes first and I'm fine with that, but I am wondering if anyone has ever had a similar experience? Any advice would be appreciated.

Because your ego has been wounded and I think that's what is really bothering you here. You enjoyed knowing that somewhere out there that other guy was still obsessed with you while you got to be free and have fun with a new man, but you decided to keep your ex on the backburner just in case. That's wrong, and manipulative. You gave him back his stuff and cut off contact? Good. He's got a new woman, and hopefully he's over you so he can start a new life with her. If you care about him at all, instead of your own feelings and ego, then leave him alone and let him be happy with his new girl.

Oh yeah, I know she's just one girl. She's pretty cool, and I'd like to get to know her better, but I am in no way distraught. As far as investement goes, there's more to this to than I told in this post but that I put in earlier posts. What sorta started this all is when she asked me out (sorta). She asked me if I wanted to go to see a play with her one day after class, but it never happened because she got down there to get tickets and they were all gone. A couple days later she asked if I wanted to ditch class with her and go to her sisters High School where they were putting on some exhibition of Asian cultures to celebrate. But that's a whole story in itself there.

Good points. Considering I know her fairly well at this point, I was considering just asking her out, in person, and making my language very evident that it was going to be a date and then proceeding, at that very moment, to arrange a date and time. No more crap over the phone, because we've had so many miscommunications over the phone that I can't even text her anymore without feeling weird. I don't mind if she spends a lot of time with her family. You see, my last girlfriend was extremely high maintenence, and I think that a girl who actually has a life and responsibilities would be a welcome change of pace from a girl who calls me 2-4 times a day to whine about how bored she is. The damning thing is I can't be sure if she sorta flaked on the date because she really honestly had a good need, or just wanted to sorta cut it short without completely rejecting me. She's all over the spectrum here, and its confusing.

Well, I've made a number of posts before this on the topic, so I won't bore you with a long account of events, but I feel I outta at least highlight a recent event that has really made me wonder. There's this girl I've had a couple classes with. We've known eachother for perhaps six months now, and have taken a few classes together. I feel like ever since the semester has started there's been this tension building between the two of us, and I can't tell if she's shy or just plain not interested. We've had lunch together a few times before class, gone for coffee, I went with her once after class to look at a car she wanted to get. In the past, she's said things like "Let's hang out", and at least at the beginning of the semester she was very talkitive and inquisitive towards me in class. Since then there's been this awkward tension building, or maybe it's just me. We sit next to eachother, but often she will come into class late and hardly say anything to me, and answer my attempts at conversation with short, curt answers and minimal eye contact. After class, she'll often chat quite a bit before we part to go to our next classes. Yes, I did try asking her out. Twice. Both times were disasters. The first time, around Asian New Years (she is Vietnamese), I called her when she got off work and asked her out, but got put on hold twice when her sisters called her and after I asked her out, when she said yes, she told me she had to hang up but would call back. She never did. We never wound up going out because I had no idea how to interpret this. The second time, a week ago, I asked her out for the Sunday before SPring Break. She said yes, but as she was sick and her voice was giving out we decided to hammer out the details later that week. I had asked her the previous Sunday, so we saw eachother all week. On Friday, before we parted, she sorta mentioned that I should call her over the break and we could go to lunch or something, and I brought up the arranged date and jokingly acted affronted. She smiled and laughed, and I didn't know what to make of any of it. But that night I called her up to arrange a time, and she asked if we could reschedule to Saturday because Sundays she's usually busy with Church and her family. I said sure, and on Saturday morning she sent me a text that said to pick her up at 8:30. Well, 7 rolls around and I get another text from her. She asks me if I had a place picked out already. I did, a little Italian place downtown which would leave us ample opportunity to have some fun after dinner. She asked instead if we could go to this Asian place near where she lives, a place she's mentioned a few times to me (where they serve chicken feet, among other things. I had told her once or twice in the past that I wanted to try that at least once.) I was a little put off, but I sent a message back saying that it sounded fine. But then I got another text saying that she had to pick her younger brother up at 9:30, and would meet me in front of the restaurant at 8:15. This really threw me for a loop. Now, she does in fact drive her little brothers around a lot. And she hangs out with family members a lot, too. But I couldn't help but wonder, does she just not want to go on a date with me? Is she just cutting this as short as she can without canceling altogether? What's going on? I didn't want to just meet her for food, I wanted to go and pick her up and take her on a genuine date. Well, I sent another text back saying that she sounded really busy and that we could just do this another time. She sent me one saying that it was ok, but if I wanted to do it some other time that was fine too. I said to her "Another time then. DOn't leave your bro hanging" She sent me a final text saying "sorry. now I feel really bad." I just said it was ok and told her to drive safe (it was raining pretty heavily). So does anyone have any advice? Should I just give this up and move onto some other adventure? I don't know what to make of any of this.

So, there's this girl I've known for about six and a half months now. We had a class together last semester, and in that class I broke the ice with her and over the course of the semester we got more and more comfortable around eachother. Went to lunch a few times before class, got coffee once, nothing serious. This semester, we arranged to take another class together (even though both the class before and the one now are classes she doesn't really need). Again, we've sat together and gotten pretty comfortable. I guess we're friends, but it's not like we call eachother every day and hang out all the time. We exchange texts fairly often. She's asked me out a few times, though the first time it was sorta last minute and didn't fly (no more tickets left to a play), and the second time was a little awkward (long story, but not awkward because of our relationship with eachother). We get along really well. Lots of joking, smiling, laughing, eye contact, and so forth. We've kinda had a bit of tension build up a couple of times, but I've always managed to re-break the ice and each time she comes back being friendlier than ever. She is Vietnamese, though she has lived in the USA since she was eight, and is very American in her behavior and attitudes. She has a huge family, lives in a part of the city where there are a lot of other Asian folk. I don't know if cultural factors can come into play here, or what they are, but I've been mindful. Ok, I've asked her out for this Sunday before Spring Break, and she said yes. Sunday is the only day she doesn't work, so it's all I had to work with. I am wondering, though ...it's been six and a half months, have I missed my chance? I mean, when I asked her, I was very careful not to make it sound like we were just gonna "hang out as buds". The actual language escapes me, but I believe I was pretty direct in asking her to come to dinner with me, and making it obvious it was a date without actually using the word. I am feeling nervous now, mainly because it's been long enough that I think some of the initial excitement of knowing her (she is beautiful, by the way), has worn off, but I am wondering how much I should flirt with her. She's a cool, interesting girl and I would definitely like to know her better, and maybe take the relationship to a higher level. I am wondering if, during the date, I should take a couple opportunities to initiate some physical contact and see how she reacts. Nothing heavy, mabye a hand on her arm for a moment or on her lower back as I point something out; you know the drill. She's requited physical contact in the past. Not hugging, but touches on the arm and so forth. I've gotten the feeling a few times, as we're parting ways after class, that I outta go in for a quick hug, but I never took them. WOmen are scary. Anyways, sorry for the long post. I tried to summarize it as much as possible. Any advice on how I should act? I plan on being myself for the most part; I have an easy time making her laugh and smile, and it's easy to get her to talk and make eye contact. Any subtle hints on how I can flirt to let her know I am interested in more, and signs I should look for? Thanks much.

I tend to prefer long hair myself, but I think that, on some girls, short hair can look great. It all depends, I guess. I think it's best, if you're a girl that wants her hair short, try to find a style that looks great on you, and not try to wear it like some other girl or celebrity. Sorry to answer your question with a ramble, but honestly I don't know why. I guess it's just a cultural thing.

Argh ...ok. I just thought I would get an idea. It seems to be pretty common. Damn, I need to just ask her out in person. I think I will do that on Monday.

Hey, I have a two-part question. My first question involves text messages on cell phones. Is it at all common, on newer phones that are more than merely phones (cameras, mp3 players, whatever) to lose text messages, or have messages arrive a very long time after they're sent? Say, if it's between two different services? I ask because I have an older Verizon cell phone, that is a cell phone and nothing more, and I guess is more "stable" than newer phones that stuff a whole bunch of features into a smaller package. I've never had a problem sending, or, as far as I know, receiving texts, but I wonder if other people do? Also, there is a girl I am interesting in. Long story, but a week after the semester started, she texted me and asked me if I wanted to see a play with her on campus that evening. I called her and we spoke briefly, and she went to go get the tickets, but when she got to campus the tickets were all gone. She texted me, and I tried to call her, so I could ask her if she wanted to hang out anyways. Unfortunately, she was in the library, so the signal was weak, and then broke and died. I told her I wanted to call her (over texts) because I had a question. She asked me what it was, and I texted her my proposal. forty minutes later, no response, so I sent one more text saying, "Ok. See you tomorrow, then." And she messaged me back saying something to the effect of "Uh, ok! Your funny! See you tomorrow" Sounding a little confused. I am wondering if I should tell her on Monday that I tried to ask her out that one day. Would be that be a little weird? I just think she might not have gotten the text and felt I was sending her weird mixed signals. Or maybe I should just (in person) ask her out and get a sure reponse from her. Things between her and I are a little odd. I am somewhat shy, and have been trying to ask her out for weeks now. We get along great, lots of talking and eye contact and smiling, but every time I've ever tried to ask her out something's happened and thrown a wrench into my plans.

A good point. I do feel a certain amount of tension when we're together in class, like we're both waiting to see what the other is going to do. I suppose sometime soon I'll try asking her out for something casual like coffee or lunch after class or something. Try to re-break the ice.