equinox

Thanks for such a detailed post, though I didnt' notice it until this afternoon

This isn't a poem, it's fiction. However, I've seen stories in here before and it is my own work inspired by alot of things I have strong feelings on so hopefully it's all cool Anyway, this is the first chapter of a story I'm working on. I'm really happy with the actual plot I've come up with (mostly the product of 5 to 6 years spent with no girlfriend and WAY to much idle imagination). The thing is, I'm at all sure I have the skill to write it. Thus, I'm posting a little segment of it here and, hopefully, I'll get some feed back. It's Fantasy fiction and I'm looking for brutally honest opinions. I can take it ********************************************************* Illis’Iyan, the jewel in the crown of the Empire. Its buildings wrought from the rock of Tirean by ancient elven masons, its streets wide and spacious and its walls high and thick. At its heart stood the mighty Temple of the Founding, with its pristine spire rising up from the city to pierce the sky like some great needle. Beneath this behemoth structure, spread throughout this city, were the enormous buildings and establishments of the Illisian Empire that saw to its governance and continued existence. If a bird flew above this magnificent edifice of man and had the mind to reckon such things, it would see a vast circular span accross the green land of Tirean. All shining white stone, broken in parts only by lush park lands and sliced through the middle by the fast flowing waters of the Eispon River, the life blood of the city. With such a wondrous city to behold, a stranger to these lands could be forgiven for thinking that all that dwell within the alabaster walls of Illis’Iyan had lifestyles that matched their home. This, however, was not the case for poverty existed within the heart of the Empire just as it did throughout its body. Such it is that we begin our tale within the less magnificent parts of Illis,Iyan; the slums. Under the shadow of the northern wall was a part of the city that was very different from the rest. In the place of the wide airy walkways and structures of white stone, carved and shaped by masters, there were only wattle and daub homes set into narrow dark streets. The unfortunate inhabits of this wretched place suffered greatly form it confines. Their lives were short and miserable, filled with long days of toil that served only to allow them to continue existence in such a sorry manner. It would seem likely that no one here could have any tremendous impact on our story but that would be an err of judgment. Within the dark streets of this slum were two small children. They sat in a hollow off the walkway, covered by filthy blankets in a vain effort to keep out the chill. To look at them, a passer by would not think much. They seemed little more than simply another two hungry children that many of the cities more affluent citizens would prefer to pretend did not exist. These children were related, twin siblings not more than four years old, a boy and a girl. Their short life story was a sorrowful one; orphaned at birth, denied a warm home, they were unwanted and survived on the charity of others. What part could two such beings play in the fate of the mighty Illisian Empire? Well we shall see in time. * * * * * * * * * * To the eye of a beholder, these small children shared a very similar outward appearance. Both had midnight black hair, pale skin and sky blue eyes set within deeply dark sockets. The girl had long hair that stretched behind her back; it also fell over her face, hiding it from view. The boy had short hair, his face was un covered yet marked in several spots by dirt and grime. He cradled his sister as she rested her head upon his chest while she slept. Truth be told, these children were not long for this world. How could two small children survive alone in the dark and dangerous streets of a filthy slum? Indeed, they could not. Whatever meagre charity a passer-by might render these sorry creatures merely delayed the inevitable. However fickle the card that the gods of chance had dealt these children, their lot in the world of Alnimus was about to change. Out of the gloom came three black robed figures, walking slowly towards the twins. Their faces were covered by their hoods and in the growing darkness it lent them a sinister air. The small boy saw them approach and looked down at the muddy street in hope that avoiding their gaze would avert any interest they may have had in his sister and himself. However, these black clad figures that approached the twins did not ignore them. Instead they continued their advance until they had halted just besides the crouching children. “Railis?” said the foremost of the newcomers, addressing the boy before him. The child did not answer immediately but he saw that the strangers were not going to leave him be by the unspoken will of his silence. “Y-yes” he answered timidly. The strangers exchanged glances under their hoods. Then the newcomer to the right of the one that had spoken crouched down to near eye level with the boy. “Railis, my boy” the stranger spoke, revealing the child her gender, a woman. “You are a hard child to find and we have been looking for you these past weeks. We went to the orphanage where we understood you and your sister to be but the matron told us you both had run away. Now why would you do that?”. To Railis’s ear, the woman sounded kind and gentle but the boy had learnt not to trust words so easily. How unfortunate it was that a child of his young age had seen so early in life that even the warmest of words can come from the coldest of hearts. “We had to leave” he answered the woman, “they were hurting my sister”. He nodded in the direction of his still sleeping sibling. The woman drew back her hood. She looked to be perhaps in her late thirties yet her hair was still a rich auburn and her face showed few signs of aging. In fact, the only thing about her that would give her age away was the look of great wisdom, the type earned over years, behind her hazel eyes. “They hurt your sister?” she asked inquisitively, reaching to brush the girls hair from her face. Her brother moved her back slightly and gave the woman a dark look. “Please, be at peace. I do not wish to hurt her” the woman reassured the child, seeing the expression on his face. The boy still however did not relax his tense posture. “Her name is Arifen, is that right?” asked the woman warmly Railis nodded and then after a moment he resumed a more at ease position. The woman smiled at him, “she is lucky to have a brother that cares so much for her”. Brushing back the tangled raven hair from the child’s face, the woman was saw that the girls pretty young features were marred with several bruises. She immediately looked back at her companions who in turn exchanged looks. Before she could render any sentence on the subject, the young girl suddenly awoke and saw the three black clad adults staring at her. Giving a brief yelp of fear, the newly awoken child buried her head into her brothers chest who gripped her tightly in response. “What do you want from us?” the boy demanded, suddenly frowning at the three strangers. “Please, do not be afraid” the woman said, trying to calm the children. “Perhaps it is time to introduce ourselves. My name is Vasca Shial” she said. Then the two standing behind her drew back their hoods revealing that they were two men of what appeared to be close in age to the woman that called herself Vasca. “And these are my companions, Mathyus Deail and Asiaer Rosca” she said introducing the two men who nodded in greeting to the children. Railis regarded each of the three adults in turn and was just about to speak when he noticed the pommel of a sword at the belt of the woman in front of him. “You’re soldiers?” he asked. The woman named Vasca shook her head. “No my young friend, we are warriors, knights of the Order of the Founding. Perhaps you have heard of us” she said, knowing well that the child would have heard stories of her Orders deeds which were legendary throughout the Empire. “Yes I’ve heard of you but why do you care about us?” can the boys reply. He continued to stare at them while still cradling his sister‘s quivering form, impressing the knights with his clear and unhidden desire to protect her despite him being just a child. Vasca took a breath and considered the child’s question before answering. “It is a complicated subject to explain to you Railis. I can see you have wisdom beyond the mind of a child yet this is not the place to discuss the matter” she said. She then held her hand to the boy, “perhaps you would like to come with us and then we can tell you what you want to know”. Railis looked at the knight’s proffered hand but did not move. “We can offer you a hot meal and a warm bed” Vasca said, hoping to temp the children into accepting her offer. Again the boy did not take her hand but instead voiced a question. “Where do you want to take us?” he asked. Vasca smiled at him. “A fair question my child” she said, “We wish to take you to our home, the Temple of the Founding”. The mention of the intended destination of the knights sparked an interest in Railis, for he had heard many stories of the mighty fortress of The Empire’s finest warriors and he had wished greatly to see the building one day. With a nod, he finally took the woman’s hand and stood up. His younger sister, however was not so quick to rise. Staying seated on the ground she held tightly to her brother’s hand. “Railis!!…” she whimpered through gathering tears, caused by an unvoiced fear of the knights. Railis knelt down to help her to her feet. He then whispered something into her ear that the knights could not hear but which seemed to have a calming effect upon the girl. She wiped her eyes in the sleeves of her dress and gripped her brother’s arm tightly while keeping her eyes on the ground in front of her. Then, together with the three knights, they set off down the street to whatever fate it may lend them. Thus is was that two beings from the lowest level of life began a journey that would one day re-shape their world in ways neither of their young minds could fathom.

Thanks guys. I should just say that I'm not down really because I have no-one but more so because a certain girl whom I used to call friend has been rubbing my face in the fact that I'm single. Normally I wouldn't care. Thanks again.

This is a video up on youtube at the moment and I must say it's a very good one. I thank the girl for making it. It's about thouse of us who are not lucky and are alone on Valentines Day and if you are like me then you will probably forever be alone on Valentines day.

Well for me it will be the same as last year. No cards to send and most certainly none to receive. I think I'll work on a musical piece I'm preparing tomorrow to pass the time out-side of college.

Go see a doctor immediately!!

It is my experiance and total belief that one must never trust their feelings, they are too misleading. I had feelings for a girl recently yet my reason told me that she was trouble. I avoided her and I was proved right as she turned out to be a total harlot. Anyway, when faced with a choice, one must use their sense and reason.

Well by what you've written I wouldn't call you a "loner" at all, at least not by what I define the word as. I would never use it to describe someone but I would define it as one whom has absolutly no friends or out-goings. Now, you have said that you have a best friend, even if she leaves you it's still a best friend. You also have a boyfriend. That hardly sounds like someone that is alone. I just think you might be putting a negitive swing on your situiation. Try to look at what you have, you have an aweful lot more that many as some people have absolutly nobody to talk to, even when they need to. Relax

Well if you honestly don't need the money then I think that what you are doing is a very nobel thing. Like the others are saying, it is possible that you won't get your money back but you know your friend best so you know if she can be trusted to re-pay you.

Yea I hear you there. The thing is, she lives close to me and as we are in the same course we travel the same way to college almost every day so it's very difficult for me to avoid her.

I have but one female friend but I fear that she may not be my friend for much longer. It's a slightly long story but I'll try to keep it concise and to the point. I met her when I started university and we seems to get on very well. She had a boyfriend at the time but I didn't really care until she told me that they were through so I tried to cheer her up, allthough she didn't seem too bothered. She told me that on a monday, we finished college for christmas the thursday after that and to be nice I decided to drive her there (we live fairly close to each other and we're on the same course). When driving home I asked her if she wanted to come back to my house for some tea and she said yes. Now my parents were away so we were on our own, we watched a movie later and she was sitting almost on-top of me. I'm not used to being with women but I didn't mind her until the movie was over. So we ended up making out and I wasn't too happy that I did as I really didn't want her in that way. Anyway, I didn't ask her out or anything but I drove her home then I drove myself home and went to sleep. The next day we were back in college I felt a bit weird around her but it wasn't so bad. We were talking fine and I was thinking about asking her out. However, she tells me the next day that she had spent the whole night with her "ex" at a movie and a gig. I was taken back by this as she had told me, a meer six days earlier, that they were through. It turned out that they were only fighting and not really broken up at all. In other words, she cheated on her boyfriend with me. I was and still am annoyed by this as I would never kiss another guys girl on pourpose but she had told me they were finished. This is where things started to get nasty. I took her up on the fact that I was annoyed that she never told me the thruth but she tried to tell me that she loved him and that she was confused but she never once asked me how I felt. This put a dent in my respect for me but I just shook my head and told her it was her choice. I felt both annoyed as I had helped a girl cheat on her bf, I'm normally a very honest guy, and I also felt a bit un-wanted but Im used to the latter. That was the end of that really. From that point on, I've treated her cooly. I definitly don't trust her but I still try to help her with her studies and I have driven her to college to be nice to her. I'm not a social guy and one day, after I had driven her to class, we were talking and she called me a "loner". I was hurt by this but I let is go. She also passes comments on how I love games, calling me "sad" and "weird". I never took her up on this and I have not yet. On tuesday, I drove out to college but I took a different route that I normally take and I didn't pick her up. Her bus didn't come and she gave out hell to me when she found out I had driven. I told her that I wasn't her personal driver and it wasn't my fault that the bus didn't come so she went off in a huff. Afterwards I felt bad as it was a bitter cold morning and she had been out in the cold so I called her to appologise and I gave her a lift the next day. I know this was a bit spinless but I also know that I really don't want to fight with her as I'm worried that she could spread roumors about me to her girlfriends in college and that is something I want to avoid. This morning, I met her to get the bus with her. She wasn't very talkitive as she usually is but we were exchanging a few words. Just as a joke I said something about her being behind in maths in a silly way but she took offence even though she has pass many, many more comments to me in "good humour". A bit later, we were sitting waiting for lectures to start and I was writing some music down but I had to draw my own staves. I said "god dam it, why does the shop here not sell manuscript paper!" and she turned to me and said "god!, I'm gonna sit somewhere else, you're pissin' me off". At that point, I just turned to her and said "listen, I'm getting sick of your attitude towards me, I go out of my way to help you and you treat me like an expectation". She then got annoyed and started listing all my personality flaws. Apparenty, I'm "arrogant, unfriendly, rude....", I don't believe I am any of these and certainly not to her. We went on a bit but she left after the lecture and I haven't talked to her since. That's it so, I know it's a long post but really I don't know how to handle this. Am I being mean to her, I don't see how, or is it time I found a new friend?? Thank you.

Well I haven't been called pretty for many years but I was mistaken for a girl until I was about 6 lol.

I wouldn't give any skank money so have sex with me, that's like paying to get an STD.

I'm not a guitarist, I'm an electric bassist and you're not that bad at guitar. Your problem might simply be your approach to pratice. When you pratice it's vital that you don't mess around playing lines that you know over and over again. Try new and increasingly difficult work. Theory is a must for music, perhaps you allready know theory but if not then I promise you that if you learn theory you'll do much better. Oh, that is a big one but pot most certainly will not make you better at guitar at all.

Yes I agree. I think that females are geneticly programmed to think about releationships while males are genetically programmed to think about the world around them more. I am 20 and allthough I have done very well in terms of mental developement I am almost clueless as to releationships and women. Really, I'm terrible lol. It's strange, I can read through a computer programe and make sense of it but I wouldn't know what to do with a girl on a date.