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ratherbesailing

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ratherbesailing last won the day on January 31 2006

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About ratherbesailing

  • Birthday 07/31/1960

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  1. lilyn - I hate to admit this but I've been together with my girlfriend for almost 9 years, and even though I pretty much detest my ex-wife, I still catch myself starting to call my girlfriend by my ex's name. I live in fear that someday it will happen because I know that she's going to take it just as you have. I'd have to say that there is a darn good chance that there was absolutely nothing behind him calling you that. He's with you. He wants to be with you. Be confident in your own value and just try to forgive him and let it go. Just tell him she's not allowed to hang around his place anymore, even to pick something up. I know it hurts to have his family involved with her at all but that is something that will fade over time and it isn't his fault and you just have to ignore it as best you can.
  2. Here - It really sounds like you need to be open with her and at least put the wedding plans on hold to take some of this pressure off you. Maybe taking away that deadline will allow you to see more clearly whether she can transition out of this tough spot she's in and you can help her along the way. There is no rush. Please do not get married feeling the way you do. If you do decide to leave, realize you aren't the only person in the world for her, there is someone else out there that will be more in synch with her lifestyle and who just wants to veg out at night. There is no wrong decision here, whatever you decide don't feel guilty.
  3. Hi DQ - I wouldn't write your mom off completely yet. I think you need to come up with a one or two sentence response for whenever your mother starts in on your fiance. Something like "mom, I love you, but I can't listen to you talk about the man I am going to marry that way. If you continue I'm going to have to hang up/leave." Just say the exact same thing each time she starts and follow through immediately. Don't try to argue or reason with her. She'll either learn or you'll have very short conversations from now on, but at least she'll clearly understand that she can't manipulate you and she'll eventually give up trying. Good luck.
  4. Hanging - After 2 1/2 years I think it is pretty normal to have those feelings. I ended up marrying the girl that I had my first relationship with and I remember having the same thoughts. I'd guess that no matter how many relationships you have though, that nagging question may always be there as to whether your significant other is your true soulmate. You'll never get an answer to that question. As Michelleth says, the real question is whether you are happy and compatible enough to make the effort it takes to make a relationship last a lifetime. So, if she broke it off with you tomorrow would you be crushed or relieved?
  5. I've been with my rebound girl for eight years now. I don't know what the statistics are but it seems that any relationship is a risk. I'd say don't push the relationship but don't avoid it either. It doesn't sound like you'd want him to find another girlfriend if it wasn't you so just stay available and see what happens.
  6. Bruce - She cheated a second time with the same guy. Of course you wanted to hit her but you stopped yourself and punched a hole in the wall. I'm not so sure that makes you evil. I think you showed as much restraint as anyone could expect of you under the circumstances. By all means get counseling for the alcoholism and depression but I wouldn't label you violent and I wouldn't listen to a word she has to say about it. Just patch the hole, kick her out and forget about it. You have enough to worry about without getting down on yourself over this.
  7. in the mirror - I wouldn't tell your boyfriend, we guys are insecure enough to begin with. As long as you don't act on your feelings for his friend you aren't doing anything wrong. Crushes come and go. Eventually your feelings for him will pass and you will go back to just being friends.
  8. I'd just forget about it and not try to read anything into it.
  9. Hi Sadie - My kids were 13 and 10 when I got divorced and they were my life. When I started dating I felt like I had nothing in common with women who didn't have kids. They seemed like a different species to me. I have to say that my life is so much more complicated by the fact that my girlfriend has two kids but I just couldn't seem to connect with the few single women I dated early on so here I am.
  10. awsome - I think you are reading way too much into what's in his head. We are guys, we are terrible mind readers. Calm down and tell him that this weekend you want to do something alone with him. Don't hesitate to be specific about what you want to do. It is okay to be specific with guys, we like that and hate having to guess what you want. Forget about the month anniversaries. Remind him in advance when a year rolls along. Give the poor guy a break. You said he's there for you at the important times.
  11. You have to realize that most guys are pretty immature at 21, that's why I asked. He needs some time to mature before he'll be serious enough for a real relationship let alone kids. If you can keep your expectations in line with his maturity level then don't take what he says all that seriously and just have fun. Just tell him you don't want to discuss marriage and kids for at least another year. If you are falling for his lines about kids and marriage then you need to get out of this relationship. He's not ready for you.
  12. Scared - I think you have the right idea. He is mixed up and he's not very honest. Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. This one doesn't have it. Give him some time alone and let him figure out what it is that he wants. Whether you give him another chance down the road is up to you, just remember he is lying to you and denying it when confronted.
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