unicornq

Indeed I've thought a lot about voice projection but I've never thought about breathing techniques... sassa, thanks, I will definitely check out the book! I would love to have a low and sexy voice (I would spend a lot to buy one if I can). But the fact is my voice is a high-pitched, soft and girlish one. Only good for singing sorprano in choir, bad for speaking. I might be overcritical about myself. But during a training session in which I presented for 15 minutes, my commentators all pointed out there's something wrong with the way I sound. And one of them said there's something about my voice that doesn't sound assertive enough (She's not malicious because her judgements are always accurate and sensible).

Yes, I do feel like that sometimes. I realized people (well, at least my friends) are becoming less and less inclined to write personal emails. And as people become busier, they prefer to talk face to face or on the phone instead of typing words into emails. Next time you feel like emailing a wall, just pick up the phone or ask some friends out. You'll surely feel better.

Sometimes I'm so devastated by my voice. As my job requires me to do lots of presentations, my bad and soft voice always frustrates me by preventing me from presenting successfully. And this has caused awful consequences on my self-esteem. My presentation materials are well-organized and my appearance is fine. It's just my voice that makes me feel disgusted and it becomes the major obstacle in confidently getting messages accross to people. I feel hopeless because I don't know how I can improve my voice, which is a natural-born thing. I mean, if I'm dissatisfied with my appearance, I can have plastic surgery. But what can I do with my bad voice? In the place where I live, there's no voice coach or similar service. I tried to persuade myself to accept my bad voice but every time I open up my mouth to speak I just can't… I think my job is meaningful and I don't want to change my career path just because of this silly voice… Does anyone have the same problem? What do you do to overcome it? Thanks…

A gift is always a good idea. Try to give her something that has special meaning or that she can relate to (for example, something you two have talked about). If you're afraid of appearing as coming on too strong, you may hold back on the flowers for now. Give her flowers on other special occasions such as her birthday instead.

Chai and BellaDonna, thanks very much for your feedback. Chai, you got my questions right. I'm in the process of training myself into being capable of controlling, and then utilizing my emotions. I guess "not taking things personal" is the first step. I admire those people who never let their emotions get in the way, and some are even able to convert negative emotions into postive energy that in turn benefits themselves. My goal is to become one of them.

Prufrock, Thakid, FoxLocke, I couldn't help nodding and smiling from the heart when I read this thread. I can relate to much of your conversation here albeit I'm female. So I was in similar situation - it's always people that approach me instead of the other way round. And I couldn't help thinking it's awkward for me to start a conversation with anyone. But last semester, I met this girl I really had a big crush on and I decided that it's time for a breakthrough. So I summoned up all my courage and started talking to her. (To make it easy, I chose to talk about something related to the class) Trust me, once you started initiating a conversation, it wouldn't feel that awkward again. I mean, much of the "awkwardness" comes from one's own imagination before starting the conversation. When in reality, the awkwardness is not an obstacle at all as long as the conversation keeps going. FoxLocke and Thakid have already given good advice. I can't say I have wonderful advice regarding this because I'm still learning the perfect ways. But I think the key is not to be pushy. It's like juggling the right balance. You have to make your new friend comfortable by proceeding just a little step each time. And make things as natural as possible. Good luck!

Do you know any good resource on managing emotion? (esp. online ones) Something about how to control and even make use of one's own emotion is what I'm looking for. It'd be great if you could share if you know some good ones, thanks a lot!

Lollie, from what you've described between you and your friend, I have a feeling that this close friendship is going to a direction beyond close friends but not yet reaching a romantic one. The confusion is certainly imposing extra stress on you. Do talk to him and sort out the relationship between you two. You may risk losing the special friendship. But to be honest, this relationship is becoming emotionally draining for you, it's really time to sort things out. It's very unhealthy to be torn between the feelings of close friendship and possible romantic relationship. Do not let yourself stay in this grey area and let yourself feel miserable. Talk, and then either draw the line (be just friends) or take the relationship to a higher level with mutual commitment. Good luck.

Marie, sorry to hear about this. I have the same problem. My frienship with a friend is rather one-sided. While I'm always willing to tell her about me and initiate all contacts, I don't get the same from her. I'm honestly at my wit's end too, but I don't want to give up on this friend yet. All I can do is to try and keep in touch, and let her know from the small things that she's indeed my friend, say, occasionally sending her emails, including her in my friends' gathering, sending her greetings etc. Over time, I guess either she'll realize a true friendship is there or I'll give up with less pain.

Thakid, when I spotted the topic of your post I just couldn't help thinking it's interesting. Because I'm the exact opposite - I can be talkative and have good conversation in one-on-one situations; while I spent 90% of the time being quiet in a group of friends. You and I are on the very extreme ends of the continuum. I have one and only one trick that makes me good at talking in one-on-one situation, that is: to ask questions. For me, it's a good strategy because: 1. By asking questions, I show interest in my companion and I can know more about him / her. 2. My companion's answers serve as very good material to carry on the conversation and lead to more interesting questions. 3. After my companion gives his/her answer, I can tell him/her my answer as a way of exchanging info or point of view. 4. I can take the pressure of having to speak temporarily off myself and let my companion do the talking. For me, talking one-on-one is a situation in which I can devote my attention to one person. That makes talking a lot easier for me. I know it sounds silly - in group situations, I find it really hard to make quick, clever and humorous comments, which are all that people always expect to hear.

Sheyda, thanks a lot for sharing your experience and giving advice on healing. Really appreciated it! Couldn't help but agree that sometimes we could be blinded by love to make good sense of the situation. And if I can't gain a friend, at least I know hopefully I can learn something from my experience. But oops... this time my friends rely on me to do the contact for the gathering - which means I must email my crush to ask about joining the gathering. And this has put some stress on me though I know I shouldn't take things personal as it is a group gathering, not one-on-one, I'm still afraid my crush will think I'm making up excuses to meet again... Because of this, I have emailed all but my crush...

Hope everything is fine for you and your kids. And glad to know that you have found new homes for the pets.

Thanks for your feedback. This is exactly what is bothering me. Although we don't see each other regularly now, I find certain part of my emotions are still dependent upon my crush. I haven't explicitly done so. But I did befriend my crush a lot thorugh chatting and emailing when we were in the same class. I also gave a small goodbye gift and a card (without personalized message). I guess my crush may have sensed that I have feelings. The last time we met we had a very good friendly chat and said keep in touch. I think my crush may want to stay friends or is just being polite by acting kind. I think I'm unrequited because I don't feel an equal footing in this "friendship". It's always me who initiated contact (albeit my crush's feedback is positive).

It's very natural to be attracted to people. We cannot easily control the feelings of having a crush on the people we find attractive. But we do have great control over what to do with the feelings. It's entirely up to you to decide whether you would act on your feelings (befriend your crush, develop friendship / relationship) or not to do anything. It doesn't matter if you have a crush on somebody when you're having a steady relationship, what it truly matters is what you choose to do in that situation. I had been through that situation not long ago. When I confined in friends, some of them did mention that if I could love somebody else in a steady relationship, that implied there was something wrong with my current relationship. But I take this opinion with skepticism. In my case, I fell for the other person because I realized personal qualities that I would appreciate in my partner which I couldn't find in my current partner. But then I think nobody / relationship is perfect. My current partner does have a lot of other good qualities that I appreciate very much. It was just by chance that I met another person who appeared to have the missing qualities. I had a big struggle as to whether I should take any action to pursue my crush. At the end I just let things go their nature course, nothing dramatic happened.

crossflow, I feel sorry to hear that she did something like that to you. I'm also concerned about the pets. Please do try to find new carers for the pets. Think about it this way: It's a matter of life and death for them.