confused1111

There are days that I can deal with losing you much better than i am today.... I still can't believe after 4 years and everything I did for you how selfish you actually are. I see it now that I've had the time without contacting you. To think that I would've done absolutely anything for you. Catching you in all of your lies at the end and the fact that you cheated on me for god knows how long absolutely ruined me. Not that you'll ever know that or give a damn even if you did.. I wish there wAs a fast forward button on myself that I could jump right to the day that I no longer hurt over you... I'm tired now.

Walking away from any hope of us getting back together was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But what I've learned in this time is that you weren't right for me in soo many ways. I do still miss certain things about you terribly and I miss the closeness more than anything but even if you changes your mind at this point we could never be again. I think that's what hurts the most right now is that knowledge. I could never forgive you for cheating and lying to me. So I could never ever trust you again. I wished you and your new guy the best of luck in my final email last month when I found out what you did and I meant that. It's now time for me to let go of you. Best of luck to you, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

I gave you everything you ever wanted. I always did without for myself to make sure you wanted for nothing. I broke my back 7 days a week to make life comfortable for us to get through the financial rough spot that you KNEW was almost over. Did you appreciate ANYTHING?! I gave you comfort, security, and reassurance. I bent when we had disagreements, and I kept quiet when I knew there was no solution. Yet you refused to EVER bend. Not even an inch on the issues that you knew truly bothered me. You refused to set your attention craving, selfish, lying, sneaky, self serving mentality aside to put yourself in my shoes just one time and understand WHY!!!!! our arguments started turning into days of awkward silence. Was I wrong for that? YES, but I got to the point that your refusal to show any flexibility just sent me into a hopeless confused slump and I retreated into myself to cope. You spent 4 years taking. You took everything I had to give including my very heart and soul. But I was happy to give it because I adored you and I still do. You came out of the blue and dumped me. Only 2 days after talking to me about vacation and dinner plans! How long were you actually thinking about doing this? Why did you string me along like that? Was I just convenient?? Did you EVER love me or was I just a means to an end?! Telling me things just aren't the same anymore, things aren't like the were in the beginning. At least be honest once after all of your sneaking and lying. Just tell me you fell out of love with me so I can have some closure. Stop telling me you love me, stop telling me you'll always have feelings for me. Just STOP in general. It's been 7 days since you dumped me now. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't take you back RIGHT THIS SECOND. I pray everyday for you to call me asking to work things out. I would drop everything and run to you. I would do whatever it took to start fresh and be better. But I'm starting to also have moments when I ask myself WHY? GOODBYE my angel. I don't know what my future holds but I know you no longer love me and nothing has ever hurt me more than that knowledge. As hard as that is for me to accept I have no choice but to cope with it and let you go. I do still wish you the best. I will miss you baby.