moondog627

I prefer to simply grab a couple drinks at a bar or lounge on the first date. Like Chai said, this first date is simply a screening process for both of us. And I try to keep the date around 2-3 hours long. If it goes well, I'll ask her out to dinner/bowling/pool/whatever a few days later. If a woman suggests dinner on a first date it will usually turn me off and suggest to me she's simply out for the free meal. Less is better. Save the pricey stuff for later on.

While I'm sure everyone has their own method to dating, I also go by the Sun-Thurs dating routine AT FIRST. I've been on so many dates this past year and gone thru so many women that I'm DONE with wasting my valuable weekends and any significant money, at least in the early stages. My first 2-3 dates I set up for after work usually during mid-week at a bar over a couple drinks just to see if there's anything worth pursuing. After 2-3 successful dates then I'll go for a weekend date. For me, this strategy saves a lot of wasted time and money.

Like everyone else already said, I wouldn't call her. However, there are steps you can take to avoid getting wrapped up in the future. Firstly, you may want to date women a little closer to your age. Secondly, I would HIGHLY recommend you date more than one woman until you decide to pursue something serious with one of them. This takes the focus off any one of them and helps to give you that "I don't care" attitude that is ESSENTIAL in early phases of dating. Best of luck in the future.

I agree. While I think it is better to leave phone conversations to a minimum and save all the good material for in person, I don't think there has to be such stringent rules on making the conversation as short as possible. If you're wrapped up in a moment and in a good conversation GO WITH IT. I'm not advocating every conversation being 1-3 hours long. But if you talk for 15-30 minutes, so be it. If a person is into you then going an extra 10-15 minutes won't hurt you.

Both Heloladies and Diggity make good points. My personal opinion lies somewhere in between.... When dating you should never take things too seriously and never show any weakness. As you date more you'll become aware of the power struggle which takes place early in a relationship (a lot of times this struggle can carry on throughout). If you're lucky enough to find a relationship where you don't need to have this power struggle... then congratulations, enjoy it. But most times this struggle takes place as a means to keep ourselves in check and not allow ourselves to be hurt by the other person. There's many more uses to having the "power" early on, such as being a challenge, but overall it's best to have a very non-chalante attitude at first. Gradually, you and your potential mate can open up more and let the walls down, so to speak, but worry about that when it happens. When it comes to contact, if you don't hear from a woman you probably shouldn't give up after one shot nor take it personal. However (and this is where I disagree with the link Heloladies provided) you should never continually contact a woman without receiving any signals back from her. The guy mentioned in the article that if he calls a woman and she doesn't pick up then he'll keep calling her that moment until she does. This is a BIG no-no. Most women will brand you a stalker and have nothing else to do with you. So if you don't hear from her right away, fine. Try again. But be out if you still see no results. In the OP case, I think he should walk. If the girl does contact you do NOT give her a hard time about it. Maybe don't bring it up. Act as if you never even noticed. She will be turned off if you get easily offended early in the game. I agree with Heloladies that talking on the phone for a long time isn't necessarily a buzz kill. However, I wouldn't waste ALL your material for over the phone. Also, not having time to talk on the phone makes you look busy. But if you're caught up in a good conversation there's no reason to cut it short simply for the "rule" of keeping phone conversations to a minimum. Heloladies is right in saying that you should vary up your game. Don't be scared to try new strategies. You might even be able to pull different types of women by changing things up. However, there isn't always a way. You're gonna fail. We all fail, even the best of us. The best relationships are the ones that feel effortless. There won't be all this work. These are simply "tools" to help you get in the door. The best attitude to take with dating is to ALWAYS BE COOL and not let stuff get to you. That's not to say you should allow yourself to be walked upon or disrepected. But a lot of times giving someone nothing is more of an insult than giving them a reaction. A good way to balance out your emotions is to date more than one person. I try to keep my "crop" at 2-3 women a time. Anything more can become too complicated. To the OP, you're a young guy. You have a long way to go. Have fun with this.

Yeah, get used to this man. You'll probably fall into situations down the road where you may get even further with someone only to have them cut contact with you. Happens to a lot of us. All part of the game. Never get wrapped up in someone early on. Protect yourself and just have fun. No worries about this chick.

I can deal with the whole living at home to help a family member scenario. However, if the woman I'm dating has NEVER lived on her own then I'm out. Becoming a self-reliant, independent person is a major and necessary step in the process of becoming an adult.

Heloladies, I really like a lot of your advice. However, I have some comments about your last post. I agree with this. Ok, maybe it was your technique that was faulty. But you tried gettin with this girl a year ago. Isn't there a chance that SHE has changed since then? Agreed. Many times guys will diss a girl if she's not into him and find blame with her. Everyone should strive to improve their game. But this is the thing that gets me. All these girls aren't good girls man. Just like all guys aren't good guys. And it's even more of a stretch to say that they're all relationship material. I agree that people should try to constantly work on their game. However, some people simply aren't compatible. And I don't feel like I should EVER be responsible for supressing someone's bad qualities. Kinda sounds like getting into a motherly role which I want no part of.

I actually prefer someone who DOESN'T have a spotless past. After all, most people's past history isn't exactly squeaky clean. Besides, wouldn't you want someone who's already gone thru and made normal mistakes early in life rather than have them wondering what they missed out on down the road and possibly taking a path that should have been taken earlier on?

Wow, I would've dumped this girl IMMEDIATELY after she told me she'd cheated.

Hmmmm, then perhaps he knows where I can find some of these "feelings."

What are these so-called "feelings"???

I agree with Chai. I'm pretty much a one and done kinda guy. If I really like the girl then maybe 2 calls. And that's only if I've received some kind of positive result. But if you've gotten nothing after that it's best to walk away. I disagree with constantly calling and hounding a girl, even if it's made into a joke. Either way, if the girls not into you it's not gonna be seen as funny (though she may be laughing AT you). Best to give it a shot, or maybe two trys at MOST, and then have some dignity and walk away if no positive results were produced.

Personally, I wouldn't have called her after she already told you she would call later. Now I would simply write her off and move on. But if she calls you be cool and don't give her any signs that she got to you. And do not ask her out again.

I was recently in the same position as the OP. Dated this girl for about a month, had some of the best dates EVER. Passion, chemistry everywhere. She told me numerous times she really liked me a lot. I was never too pushy or needy. Then the contact starts to drift off. She stops picking up when I call, which wasn't even very often (like once a week), and doesn't return my calls. The last conversation I had with her we had planned to go out the next weekend. I playfully made fun of her by saying that making a date with her was like scheduling a doctor's appointment. In hindsight that may not have been the wisest thing to say... but whatever. I called the next week to set up our date but she didn't pick up nor has she returned my call. It's been almost a month now since we've last spoken. I've known long ago that it was a wrap but I refuse to boost her ego in any way and call her out on it. Simply walking away with some dignity is the best option. One of the most important lessons I learned from my breakup a year ago is that the "whys" don't matter. The only thing that matters is the point. And the point is that she doesn't want to be with you, just like this other woman doesn't want to be with me. Maybe she could give you an answer why. But even if she was honest would that really satisfy you? Learn from the mistakes you've made but don't let that get you down. Keep your head up, keep marching forward. There's plenty more women out there.