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dan39

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  • Birthday 01/18/1984

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  1. After living at hers for 3 months now my gf is still in regular contact with her ex. It was her 21st bday not long ago and she insisted on spending a few hours with him during which he took her shopping and spent a few hundred quid on her, which makes me feel bad because I'm a student (we both are) and could only afford to spend £100-odd. She says that 'he's always bought me loads'. If I hadn't got so mad about it she was going to spend the whole day with him, but I managed to whittle it down to just shopping. I know they phone regularly and she's had secret meetings with him behind my back a few times now - admiteddly only for small things like lunch etc. He still texts her all the time, most of the times the texts say love u at the end. If not he's just texting her to tell her he loves her. I'm not happy about this. Am I being distrusting? I said she needs to cut contact but she won't. She said she would at the end of November but hasn't yet because it's been a tough month (her bday which she wanted to see him for and its his dad's anniversary of dieing next week which she's always gone with him to (to the church etc)). However I'm not sure she's going to do it. It's ruining us because I can't trust her at all. She says she just finds it hard and can't be mean to him. Should I cut her some slack and let her meet for coffees etc sometimes? She says the feelings aren't reciprocated but I'm not so sure of this. Help! ](*,)
  2. what sort of anxiety are you talking about in particular? what are you anxious about?
  3. honestly, dont worry about it. uni is a life experience more than worth gettin into debt over. plus, as already mentioned, you don't pay it back once you're earning a fair amount, and even then its only a tiny proportion of your wage. if you're going uni to study for a worthwhile degree, its likely you'll get a job where you'l be able to pay the debt back easy.
  4. variety!! lick all the nooks n crannys, an occasional kiss on the balls, some straight forward bobbing up and down on the head (trying to get as much as comfortably possible in your hmouth), and odd lick of the shaft from the base to the tip (real slow). the most sensitive bit is the bit just below the head, where that little flap of skin is. lick that gently and repeatedly for a few mins. basically, just mix it up is my advice (but dont change what you're doing constantly). with regard to choking, i guess that's something u just get used to not doing, i wouldn't know about not choking specifically lol
  5. right an update on the sitaution (for those that are still interested!). she wants to meet up with me after she comes back off holiday whilst STILL WITH her partner. she said this is because she can't just cut him off after 6 years, she needs to talk with me first about how things would work out. am i being stubborn in insisting that she is single before i meet her again, or is it reasonable for her to wanna have a chat before she 'makes her mind up' i guess. im stuck what to do. theantibarbie your 'humble opinion' is valued, thanks. its just sometimes u feel u need to learn for yourself, and i *could* be throwing something good away here (even though its unlikely i guess)
  6. Following on from my last post , say if the affair partner wants to leave their current partner for the other person, is it ever possible for it to work out? I know there are lies and trust issues, but is it ever possible to sort these out, rebuild trust and build a relationship from an affair. Is it even worth trying?
  7. she's txt me saying she's gonna break up with the bf, she has been crying loads on holiday and now they are continuing the rest of it as friends. i told her she needs some time alone before we talk again to sort her head out. i kno its not a solid foundation to build a relationship on but i said to her dont contact me again unless you find yourself single, which is what she has done, so i feel i have to give it a chance. im not sure im doing the right thing but i think it'd be unfair on her to say stop seeing the bf and ill see u again, and then change my mind.
  8. Thankyou lonestar that was helpful
  9. Thanks for all the advice, and pagan unashamed for not making me feel like my life is doomed because I've been part of this! Onwards and upwards.
  10. Thanks for the replies Ailec and RayKay. I am trying to regain respect and honour. RayKay you make it sound like I will burn in hell for 'willingly being part of an affair'! I know it was 'bad' but now that I am ending it, am I still 'tarnished'? I guess this is almost a religious question. Then I think to myself, since being involved with this woman I am a changed person for the better. I was very shy before and although I still am, I am much more confident and 'out of my shell'. I am more ambitious and want a good career. I have had a taste of what its like have the nicer things in life. I have had the experience of love. And sex. I feel I would be able to get a girlfriend now, whereas had I not engaged in this affair I don't think I ever would have been able to. Do/can affairs ever have a function/purpose? Or is this just being selfish?
  11. Firstly some background. I am 22, she is 20 and her boyfriend is 23. They had been going out 6 years and recently got engaged, me and her met at uni and have been having a 'relationship' for about a year and a half, quite intense, my first relationship She went on holiday a few days ago for a week with her now fiance. I've decided I want to end our affair. I guess in the back of my mind I hope that this will make her realise how much she likes me and maybe split with her partner (although I know this is unlikely, and this is not the reason I don't want to see her anymore, its because its just not healthy for it to carry on..). I've sid to her I think its best we don't contact each other anymore, to which she said we can see each other every once in a while as 'mates' how we were before. I said no since all the old feelings will come flooding back (including the negative ones relating to the situation). Anyway, here is the problem. We go to the same uni, on the same course, with the same circle of friends. This is how we met in the first place. So how is it possible to have no contact between us? We don't go back until October now, so I'm hoping by then we will have 'healed' enough so that it won't be too uncomfortable. Or will it? I've said we can still be 'uni mates' as I don't see any other way. I don't know how it's gonna work when we go back. Any advice appreciated thanks. ps she just text me asking me to go round when she comes back from holiday, again. when you've tried initiating no contact and other person keeps contacting you, what dya do? "hey how r u i was thinking when i get bk i could pik u up im cookin that nite for my mum so wud 2 u 2 up2 u tb plz!"
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