cinderella jones

so was your boyfriend questioning his sexuality? How did you feel about this and what did you say?

HI, Some of you may have followed my threads in the past. I haven't written in a while but I had to this time just to ask some of you what your thoughts are on this matter. I have been seeing someone for the past year, and I decided to break up with him temporarily b/c I felt as if he was not being attentive to me as much as I'd like him to..for instance..it was my graduation day...I was getting my MA the first in my family. Knowing this, my boyfriend told me he could not attend the ceremony b/c he had just started a new job, so I understood naturally. However we met up afterwards and he didn't ssay anything to me except text me on my phone .."congrats"...I thought this was strange and this is not to say I expected him to make it a big deal however he didn't even get me a card...nothing .....time went on and I ignored this ..but I noticed how our sex life was never that great and overall I kept putting the pieces together and figured he may be gay and is not telling me this. B/c of all of this I decided to break up with him. During this break up I went to Aruba with my girlfriends (women who are married and have children) b/c i knew hanging with them would be a calm vacation where I can think. Upon returning he claims and shows me he misses me..and begins to spend time with me...at this point he is doing a 180 on me. ..I felt great about it temporarily... However, I find out later that he went to my parents while i was away and spoke to them about marriage. I had mixed emotions about this, and realized that although it seems romantic, why would anyone go to the parents knowing that they're broken up, and that they havent resolved anything?? In addition to that, he tells me suddenly a huge secret of his and claims that he is being honest b/c he feels a relationship won't work without honestly...what he tells me shocks me...he tells me he had a past experience with a transgender...he told me they met online...and then he met this person twice and according to him only fooled around a bit...but nothing to the extreme. He also told me he watched porn of transgenders but claims not to be gay...i was shocked and knew that this must obviously be the reason why our sex life is not great....with all said..now I feel like I can't go on with him..but he doesn't get why and claims that is was dumb of him to be honest....I don't want to hurt him..i care about him deeply and acknowledge that he was being honest...but truth is I am angry at him for waiting a year later to tell me this, and also to go to my parents knowing that they are dieing for me to get married which I view as him being manipulative. How do I break this off ...i just want it to be calm with no drama..and be mature about it....please I need someone's advice!

Yes you are right...thank you so much for your advice. I am glad somsone finally agrees with me telling me that this decision is difficult. My family thinks its easy....they are really upset at the fact that I am even thinking about my x....but they don't understand how well we clicked....my fault of course because when we had issues I only gave them the ugly aspect of the whole situation.... I only question why it is that my current love interest does not show his desire for me as much as I would like. I guess some people are just not as passionate....at least that is what he tells me. The weird part about his reaction ( my current love interest) is that he thinks everything is fine..but then again he is the only one being really pleased here physically...I mean I know that to love someone means more than sex...but isn't a healthy sex life standard for a healthy relationship?

yes I do believe I do love my ex.....I am just really scared to admit that becasue of all of the hurt and pain we went through..I am scared to be vulnerable with him again..and get hurt again ..and also I am trying my best not to misconstrue my emotions...the man I am seeing now..I do care about him very deeply...but sometimees I think that its just not passionate enough...and I hate that I may have to hurt this person...he is such a great guy....still so confused

ok so as most of you know my x has always been trying to get back with me..and I've been good in saying that I am seeing someone else right now....but he has been after me for two years and once again is really claiming his love for me.... he actually told me that he understands if I don't want him anymore..but he feels that he needs to try once more with me b/c he thinks I am the one that got away. He sent me an email with an article attached that was written about that very same thing.."the one that got away"...and it made me think about how short life is and in the end of it all ...who would you want to end up with.....now I know the person I am seeing is very sweet...he has a good heart...but I mentioned before how we have a chemistry problem in the bedroom....I have tried to talk to him about this and told him how I think that he may not be that into me..and that perhaps just because we really like each other..maybe he is just not crazy about me....I know for a fact that if this man and me had chemcial reaction in the bedroom I would not look back...but truth is we have a problem..and it doesn't look like it will get better...I am scared..b/c I think I may have to stop seeing him....and I guess I feel bad b/c he is sweet...but isn't a good sex life important? He doesn't even really go out of his way to see me as much as I would like him to either..just to note....which i think at this early part of our relationship..is an issue...there didn't ever seem to be a honey moon period...I mean he never really swepped me off of my feet so to speak..never tried to impress me really.... Now as for my x goes....it has been two years...and we had major chemistry...he claims now that he is so ready to be the man I want him to be...and that he truly feels that he will never find someone like me again...he really believes that he will end up with someone who really loves him..but that he feels he will not be able to reciprocate the same and that he will just be settling at this point of our lives....the article he sent to me I will attach for your reading......what do you guys think of him sending me this...should the fact that he has been after me for two years mean something deep?....also is giving him another chance...stupid....we broke up b/c of lots of drama...but it has been two years..is it possible that he is sincere..and is this something not to ignore? what doI do...I don't know if I want to lose my x...suddenly i am scared that he will settle for someone else...and eventually forget about me completely....i don't know what to do...I have never been so confused in my life...yes we had major drama b/c of his stupidity...but if he is willing to try again...should I validate that...especially b/c I too hurt him towards the end b/c of my vindictive nature....but he claims and admits to being at fault for my actions b/c he thinks he pushed me to that point..so he is basically admitting all of this....please someone help! see the article that I copied pasted........ The One That Got Away Source: The Manila Times By: Mark J. Macapagal In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away. Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person, with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person; there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequential, become deal breakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of th at fact. Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect. They might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It will work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, and you finally understand who you are and what you want. And you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids. It doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away is the first person you think about. You'll think about them because y ou'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is, the biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life. If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Beli eve me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment. One which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens. Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got aw ay" means that you'll always wonder what if you got that one. Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know. I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that ALMOST got away."

Thanks for the advice...I am starting to think that either he is too into his own world....or is he someone that is just not that sexual of a person....I mean I can try and work it out with him if he is just accustomed to having that much time alone....just by simply talking to him about it..but if he can't talk about sex some more with me and continues with this depressive side....I may have to break up with him ... how doI approach this?

Thank you Princess...for someone younger than me...you seem very wise!

OK so those of you who follow my topics know that I am presently seeing someone....now we have had sexual problems..although this person won't admit to that...now I have tried talking to him how at times I feel ignored in that area..but that he has been sweet to me and tends to show me affection..He also says he loves me...but sometimes I am just not sure how deep his love is for me. I told him that I think this is a problem because I can't help but feel that he is selfish in that I should just be happy with what he shows me...but I can't help but feel like I am on the sidelines just waiting for him to show me those little points of effection...I am 32 and getter older and feel depressed becasue of this...if we break up I almost feel like I won't be able to find anyone else..I am very nervous about being alone..and I don't know what to do...we spoke about this..and at times he just gets frustrated with me..and acts like he can just easily do away with us....I have to admit I have been easily manipulated before...it is in my nature to have compassion for people...but I can't help but think that I am this bobble who just nods her head to him...its hard to really point out whats wrong becasue when he shows his sweet side...it is nice...but it is almost as thohgh he treats us like we have been going out for years ..when it is only 7 months or so....can someone please help me understand whats going on?

I know how you feel...I was in a relationship for about 3 years ..lived with that person for about two and we broke up on and off...a lot of drama...now sometimes i sit here and wonder why it is I still think of him...he hurt me badly...and when we broke up I hurt him by being vindictive even though I was officially single..I know I did that out of anger..but latino men especially can't get over things like that...now I am in another relationship...but miss my old one at times when i think about the fun moments we had....and now I feel like a dummy because he turned the tables on me and just stopped trying to come after me....but didn't give me that final good bye..leaving me hanging with confusion....I hate him for that..but realized that games will get you no where...truth is..it is really hard to move on...but you have to remain strong for your own sanity..i am trying my best and try to practice being alone..and not just lean all over the new man I am seeing...but it is hard...I think sometimes you really have to keep in mind why it didn't work and then decide if that person is worth worrygin over...and losing sleep over...everything is a two way street...you were not ready at the time because you had a right not to be ready....if God wants you guys together eventually you both will findone another again...otherwise ..look forward to falling for someone else who is great...mayeb the new man will bring out the best in you...stay strong!...I am in the same position...

see that is just it..I have confronted him about this..I have mentioned that I think he lacks intimacy with me...in a physical and "new relationship kind of way".....if you know what I mean....after we discussed this, he makes it seem that I am just a complainer..and that nothing makes me happy...in my response to him I tried explaining that I am just trying to understand how he feels towards me because it feels at times that he is not "that into me"....I do admit that he can be sweet by nature ....for example he will think of me if he goes to a store and will pick up something for me that he remembers I may need...but is that enough?...perhaps I am too passionate of a person for him..I even stated that perhaps I am not the kind of woman he is ga ga over...but his response is always the same..all he ever says is ..."well I don't know what else I can do"...it's almost as if he doesn't care"...but his sweet side that comes out every once and a while...makes me think that he shouldn't be capable of these things....he mentioned once a while ago that he battled depression..and that he can be very moody at times...so is there reallly anything I can do about that????

I am not married..but I am having trouble in my present relationship due to intimacy problems ..I think it is important that you tell your wife why its important for you to have her love...I know that I have been trying to spark up my relationship..and the truth is..I am not sure why I am doing it...it is not like I have a committment like marriage..however, I do know that it hurts when you don't get your needs met...because you don't want to hurt anyone...I get you...but the truth is..your needs are your needs...so I say try your best to talk to your wife..and if she doesn't get how she is hurting the relationship...and how this has effected your integrity as a person being in a committed relationship...then by that point I say move on..and find happiness..you have a right to that!...maybe I should be telling myself this....

ok so lately I have been feeling down and for those of you who follow any of my posts...well you know that I obviously sound confused. I guess lately I have been trying my best to move on after a bad and hurtful relationship...anyway, I spent the weekend with the new man in my life and again I tried my best to get him to intimate with me. I flirted with him, I kissed him..was really affectionate..and although this was a busy weekend for me...being that I just moved into my new place and all....I figured in my mind that this weekend I wanted to show him my sexual side and really show him how attractive I find him....I was hoping that by showing him this side of me..it would liven things up and allow him to be comfortable with me enough to be confident and be sexual as well....anyway...he and I were in the bathroom fixing my tub and he fixed it..so I felt relieved and just became really affectionate with him and told him that I wanted him. Now at this point he smiled..replied with the same thoughts and lets just say he physically seemed excited. That night..we went to bed and became really effectionate with one another...but then...after he got excited ...he just decided to stop and went to sleep...now I know it was a long day..but after day of me telling him I wanted him and pretty much showing him my truest desire for him...he was selfish and didn't even care that I was satisfied per say...now once and a blue I know that sometimes one can be tired and not perform their best..but I don't like the fact that he could go to bed without even trying for me....especially since we only get to see one another but so much because he lives an hour away.....and also since this seems to be a pattern with us...I am always pleasing him..and he doesn't please me....I don' t get it...I know he is loyal..I trust him..so why doesn't he miss me physically to the point that he shows me how much he wants me??? Is he just lazy?..He claims he is really attracted to me..so what gives then?...He even said that he thinks I am great physically...so wouldn't he just want me and have as much desire? He claims he masturbates so I know he has a sexual side.... i don't know what to think...can someone tell me their thoughts on this?..oh yeah ..and he left today and has yet to call me...I know he is home but yet he doesn't even call me to say he misses me?..now for a new relationship..isn't this not the way to act towards a new woman in one's life..shouldn't he be trying to impree me?

I am not sure what to do about how I have been feeling. I am 32 and I feel like such an old person..simply because I can't seem to find that deep connection with anyone. I am presently seeing someone, and although he is a nice guy..he just doesn't seem to act crazy about me..I don't think he really goes out of his way for me at times..and I feel like there are times that he seems like he is just going through the motions without really paying attention...I am not sure if I make sense..but I feel really down about this and I am not sure what to do...I feel really down about this and I am tired of going through bad relationships...I tried talking to him about this but he reacts as if he doesn't get it...I even told him that perhap she is simply not in love with me..but that i didn't want to be settled for...his response always makes me feel silly for wanting that kind of passion in my life...so because of this sometimes I wonder if the problem is me...am I asking for something that is ridiculous?

thanks for the advice. Yes I have mentioned this guy before on the forums. I guess I am feeling this way because I am not completely happy with my life presently. and although I should count my blessings for the things I have..I am feeling down and out with everyone getting married aorund me..and basically just tired of hearing about everyone's lives changing..and yet my seems stagnant. People always say I am lucky actually that I am not married..and then also think it's great that I have this nice apartment and I live down the road from my job which makes an awesome commute...but my love life is so so...nothing really exciting...and I feel stuck...I hate to think about my x becasue it makes me feel weak...but those good times with him make me miss him...which then tends to make me forget about the bad times...I don't know what to do about my feelings...I wish I had better mind control over my emotions...

I feel for you. I know what it is like to think of an Ex especially when you are down and want that familiar person to be there for you. I know I have fallen many times and made attempts to call...but when they don't call back it leaves you feeling screwed up...and then you kick yourself for calling... I know it's tough...life is not easy when changes are happening...hang in there...all of this turmoil is happening for a reason...it will only make you stronger....well at least this is what I think about when I am feeling lost. People always tell me that when you are at your strongest and feeling confident that is when positive things begin to happen in your life....including your love life.