sweetheart230

I'm appalled that I ever let a man use me for sex and lead me on and tell me we had something real when he wasn't being honest with me. I can't believe I let him treat me the way he did. But I have forgiven him. And I've forgiven myself for letting him. He called me the other night and I didn't return his phone call. It has been torture not calling him back, but I did it. I cried a bunch of times, but I resisted. It's been months since he called me last, and I thought I was over him, but clearly I'm still working on it. I realized, though, even though he put me through hell in the past two years (i can't believe its been that long) there has been good, too. Little things. Little smiles, touches, inside jokes. I miss that. I still miss the way he used to hold me. I used to hate him for hurting me so badly, but I realized recently that I hurt him, too. A part of him really really cared and liked me. It wasn't enough and I paid too high a price for it... but I learned so much from this experience. I learned what intimacy and tenderness feels like. I learned when to step back and let him come to you. I learned that being natural, spontaneous and completely yourself is the only way anyone's ever going to really love/like you. I learned hwo to make a man feel good inside (and i don't mean sexually). I put on this ice cold front with him because I was so scared of getting hurt. And when I let go and let him see vulnerability, let him see me be stupid and sexual and sweet and warm toward him, it felt so freeing to just let it go and follow desire. It felt good to give up control for once. He's trying to move on, too. He is really messed up and I found out that he was feeling a lot like I was (I don't know if it was b/c me or not). He's trying to get better emotionally. I don't know why he called and I think its best if I just let it go, even though I still miss him and want to see him. I'm glad I got to experience intimacy... however bad he was, at least I know what I'm looking for now and I know not to settle for less than I deserve. I know I'll love again and I know it will be infinitely better when the guy is right. I know it will come when its ready to. I'm getting much better with my shyness. And I love those little thrills you get when you flirt with a cute boy. I'm not afraid anymore. I don't know if I'm ready for another relationship now. I figure when I'm ready, the right relationshiop will just come, and that it will come soon enough. I don't know if I'll ever completely fall out of love with him. But I know there's better for me. But I am so grateful that with him, I was natural for the first time and how satisfying it felt to give in to someone. Its more difficult to let go of him than I ever imagined. But learning how to be comfortable with myself, and learning that being natural Ieven if you feel silly) is the most lovable and learning how to give and receive affection and learning how to make somoene feel desired and special and strong has been worth the pain. I'm not really asking anything... I just feel at peace with what has hapened even if i still cry about it sometimes and I wanted to put into words how I felt.

Well I mean I didn' tknow how to go somewhere... I found directions and tried to find it but got really really lost. It turned out I missed a turn. And it was right around where he lived so I called him and asked him how to get there. But I didn't wait for him to get off work and ask him to take me there. And I told her that guys should do stuff for you, but you have to return the favor too. And she said she's "nurturing"... although you wouldn't know it by the way she treats her mother or her friends. I'm nurturing, too, but I dont' just sit around and do nothing for myself.

Is there something else at school you could study that might interest you? I changed my 2nd major. you're so early in your college career that you can change easily most likely (depending on the school). You might try taking some summer classes or some other classes in the fall that sound interesting to see what you like. Even if you're good at something, if you dont' like it then you shouldn't have to do that for the rest of your life. Find out what you are passionate about in school and follow that. Take some different classes and see what interests you most... You might be surprised.

I was just wondering if this is attractive to men. Do men like it when you can't really do anything, like go places by yourself or drive a car or cook or figure things out? My friend continually tells me that she can't do anything. She's incapable. Her mom waits on her hand and foot. She cooks for her, cleans her room, brings her stuff, caters to her, drives her everywhere. Our moms and us had lunch together once and my mom told me if I ever ordered her around like my friend orders her mom around then she'd kill me. Basically, her mom follows her around, drives three hours just to bring her food to her college (where she is on a meal plan!). She's never had a job... except for a summer job she quit after 2-3 weeks. The guy she's with right now yells at her for not doing her homework. My ex was protective and "fatherly" in some ways, but it was more like- don't wear that top with all that cleavage when you go out or when i was sick he told me to eat something. He never yelled at me for not studying! Now, I've been spoiled my entire life by my mom, my dad, the people who sold stuff to my dad's company, my dad's family when I was growing up, but I am still relatively independent. I'm pretty adventurous... I like to do new things and when I broke up with my boyfriend instead of waiting around for a new guy, I invited all my friends to do stuff with me that I hadn't done before (that he promised he'd take me to do). My mother and father expected me to be able to do things on my own. They always made me feel special and loved and spoiled. But they also made sure I knew how to be somewhat independent. I mean I let guys do stuff for me. I ask them for advice when I need it. I had to call my ex at work once cause I was lost in his city. I let them take me out, and treat me well, open doors, pay for stuff, fix stuff for me and I let them drive when we go out. I mean I let them take care of me and take the lead on things and open my bottles when I can't get 'em open. I love a man who will take care of me... But I'm not helpless! If I don't know how to go somewhere, I figure it out, even if I get lost in the process. But I can't help but think that being independent makes guys not want to do stuff for me... like if I can do stuff for myself they won't want to. I mean there's lots of stuff I can't do, obviously... but there's lots of stuff I can do, too. I don't expect a guy to do EVERYTHING for me... I expect him to be strong and mature and treat me like I'm special and be a man, but I don't expect to be dependent on him for everything. But perhaps men find this endearing... any comments?

I just realized how conceited I sounded in those two postings. Let me clarify.. I'm not full of myself or narcissistic. I'm not some blond hair blue eyed gorgeous model. I'm just pretty. I sound like I think I'm Heidi Klum in these posts... sorry if i came accross wrong.

Depends on the guy. I thought my ex was scary looking at first but I grew to find him enormously attractive (my mistake lol). If a guy can make me laugh, it instantly upps his attractiveness rating by a lot. Most guys can't do that.

I took a final today so I'm in for the night. Here is what I have to say. Number 1... I am a very pretty girl and I like the sweet, sensitive type of guy. The only problem I have with this kind of guy is that he doesn't pursue me. Why would I want to put myself on the line for a guy who hasn't given me an indication of interest? Do you think you can't be "sweet and sensitive" and still be direct about your interest in a woman? You are wrong. I met a man who did just that. He was genuine and incredibly nice and sensitive and gentle. But he asked me if I'd like to sit next to him on the city bus (I was really confused and didn't know how to ride the city buses then). And he started talking to me and flirting with me. And gave shy as all hell me the courage to flirt back. (But I almost missed my stop and ran off the bus as he was trying to tell me where his band played... oops!) So you can be sweet and sensitive and still show interest in a girl. The key is being confident in yourself and not being afraid. What do pretty girls (all girls, really) want? We want a guy who can make us smile, someone we feel a spark with (attracted to), someone who treats us well, someone who is fun and someone who likes us? I'm sure you can fulfill the first three, but do these girls know you like them? You're probably not letting them know enough. Number 2... I've known a lot of not so attractive girls who have good, quality boyfriends and I've seen pretty girls settle for jerks. It all has to do with how you feel about yourself and who you are. Don't write off "ugly" girls... I know some girls who are really great people and aren't all that attractive. And they'd probably be a lot better girlfriend than I would. Number 3... I used to be an ugly kid. My mother insists otherwise, but I was ugly in my early adolesense. And as the proverbial ugly duckling, who used to be avoided by men who now gets stared at in the streets, has everyone telling her she's really pretty and has to deal with jealous friends... the only difference between ugly ppl and pretty ppl is ugly ppl are a lot less used to the attention. I'm more likely to reject someone because when guys hit on me, after a while it all seems the same. If you come accross as genuine and sweet... it will seem different and real. The only thing with pretty ppl is you have to come accross as different to get their attention b/c they're used to smooth stupid lines. I am not intimidated by a man just because he's hot. Just because he's hot doesn't make him better... just because I'm pretty doesn't make me better. Who defines pretty, anyway? You shouldn't be intimdated by a girl just cause she's hot. Maybe she'll shoot you down, maybe she won't. She's the same as the ugly girl. And lastly... if you think that these girls not bothering with you makes you feel bad and bruises your ego... how do you think they feel when you sit back and expect them to do the purusing? Maybe you hurt their feelings by not purusing them. I saw your avatar pic before. You look fine. You are attractive. I do think maybe you should stop focusing so much on looks. I wasn't intially attracted to my ex, but one day I looked at him and thought he was really gorgeous. I think you just need to relax. You said a lot of things that helped me in the past, about taking the intiative and showing interest and believing you are beautiful and deserve the best... well my advice is... follow the awesome advice you gave me.

Agreed... pretty girls don't have to do the pursuing. Of course I've only dated really hot, rich, or otherwise desirable player jerks who hit on lots of pretty girls and see me as little more than a piece of * * * * * until they find a new flavor of the month. But because these guys are so direct and obvious, when "sweet and shy" guys like you come along I think you're just being polite. I get lots of nice guys who look at me and try to talk to me, but come accross as uninterested. And the whole ppl dating within their attractiveness thing? Well not really true. I saw statistics on this that said most ppl marry/pair up with someone who is within 2-3 points of their own range on a scale of 1-10. 2-3 points? What the hell is that? That means if you are a 6, these statistics are arguing that someone who is a 3 or a 9 is the same level as you? So those theories are complete bs. You can find a way to "statistically" back up any theory.

the guy i was involved with was seriously into games. i hated it. then i played the game too. then i got really good at it. it sucks. games are stupid, and you can only play games with ppl who are willing. i mean if you like her that much then you gotta deal with it. but if you see a future here, you have to realize that these games just keep going on. I'd say, focus on other things to keep her off your mind... easier said than done. Not that I want to give advice on how to play mind games with ppl, but I used to make things really uncertain. I wouldn't always agree to see him when he wanted and I wouldn't always be certain if I could see him at all. Drove him crazy.

Well I just read somewhere that white men place a very high importance on "slim" figures. Which depressed me a little bit.

I'm glad you've decided to concentrate on yourslef and getting better. When I think back to all the potential relationships that i messed up b'c of my obesession with a really bad guy, itmakes me sad too. But the fact that I learned from it and won't let it happena gain makes me happy for the experience. I'm glad you're moving on.

a guy once told me he was coming over to my place at 2AM after I told him that I didn't want to see him. I told I'd slap him in the face if he came over. He told me it would just make him want me more. but he didn't know which apartment i lived in and i refused to tell him so luckily none of that happened. But to answer your question... I think disrespect is the line that no man- or woman- should cross. It happens, but as a rule anything that shows intended disrespect is crossing the line in my opinion.

When I said curvy, I meant hourglass shape. Gently curvy. I guess I still got attention from guys when I was 40 lbs bigger... perhaps more. I'm just a perfectionist about the way I look. It annoys the hell out of me.

ok thanks... I guess I just dont' want to be in the "fat" category that was just mentioned, because my bigger boobs sometimes make me feel kind of bigger all around. And my ex called me "thick" once when I was about 10 lbs bigger. So I guess I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be labeled as "thick" in most rational ppl's opinion. Like having normal guys avoid getting to know me cause i'm too big. but i guess i'm ok. thanks for the responses!

I was just wondering... I know guys like girls who are skinny, but how thin? I guess I'm just wondering. I'm contemplating losing weight. I am a bit curvy but fit (I am really active), but its really easy for me to lose weight when i get lazy and gain a couple of pounds... so if I wanted to lose 10-15 lbs it wouldn't be too bad I don't think. I have a perfect waist/hip ratio (its like .7 or .67 or something... yes I measured b/c I'm crazy). But I still feel kinda big. I'm 5'6" and about 135-140 depending on the day and I'd like to get down to 125ish. But I can see my hip bones, and I have really beautiful breasts so I'm not sure if its good to lose more weight. Is my weight ok or do guys like thinner girls? I know it depends on the guy, but in general would losing more weight attract them more or am I ok? I'm moving to a new city and meeting lots of new ppl soon so I want to look good. I don't want to buy new clothes, but losing 10 lbs isn't too big a deal (I lost 40 lbs in the past).