For years, I feel like my life has been a see-saw. From humilation to ridicule, I feel like my life is a hecitc story. Now, I'm 20 years old and I still feel the pain of people. I have tried many roads in life. I have tried the 'never fold' approach in high school, standing up for myself and always being defensive. Then, I tried to be social, to be outward, which put me in situations that I do not know how to operate in (ie. not a strong conversationalist). Now I do not know where I am. I can still be set off at a drop of the dime, I feel that most of my friends are not really my friends. And I still have the same lonely, sad feeling, similar to my high school years.
I hate how I was treated then, maybe it would be easier for me to relax around people if it never happened. Now I'm at the point where I'm practically tired of the same drama. I want a permanent escape, but there's complications. I have managed to become the Vice-President of a student organization, and a mentor of a summer program. I cannot escape from the world without leaving all of this behind. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have done this search for the real me, but all I have found is more headache and more drama.