LonelyLovelessLost

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. The first 4 months were rather temultuous ones as I was sill trying hard to get over my ex (of 5 years) And then, my mother passed away. She and I were VERY close and it really threw my emotional state for a loop. Since August.. I have changed. I am paranoid that my boyfriend will leave me (although he really shows NO signs of cheating... I always try to look for them) I have gained weight.. and with an already frustrating low self esteem - have become VERY depressed about my looks. I am grumpy and irritable. My boyfriend is 11 years older than I am and has led the rockstar life. He has dated supermodels and actresses.. and BEAUTIFUL women. We ran into one of these ex girlfriends last night who is now EXTREMELY gorgeous. My self esteem took a NOSE dive... and due to my current mental state, I became very quiet and sad. Now, My boyfriend is a workaholic. He works VERY VERY hard to get where he is. He owns 3 companies (which I work for) and told me - before I moved out here - that business ALWAYS comes first! My self esteem, he sees, as a weakness and this bothers him greatly. My paranoia.... self esteem issues ruining events and such have driven him the point of breaking up with me yesterday. Telling me that that's just the way I was and he wasn't able to put in the energy with negative people. He's right. He is very positive.. and my self esteem issues are getting him down! However, I talked to him and told him I would do anything to try to change this issue. That I loved him.. and I really want to make it work. So, now things are weird between us. I dont' think he trusts me that I can change... I think he is sick of all of this... and wondering if he should just erase me from his life to get out from under the drama. How can I convince him that things will be OK.. in the short term. This isn't going to happen over night. I can't magically turn on a switch and turn off YEARS of self esteem issues that have really surfaced lately. I want this all to work. Please help?

Cassandra, My grandpa died in his chair too. Just think!! At least he was in a chair.. and asleep, and not in the hospital sick, or hurt, or unhappy. I know it gives little comfort right now. But, just think that he went happy!!! I lost my mom about a month ago... I understand your pain 100%. If you need to talk/vent... I would be willing to lend an ear. email removed

I know where you are coming from. I lost my mother/best friend about a month ago now. I have my OK days and my really tough days. Nights are the worst for me. Know that nothing anyone can say will make those feelings go away. However, I personally know that chatting with people about it helps tremendously. So, if you want someone to talk to... feel free to IM me email removed or email removed. I'm almost ALWAYS online.. and know what you are going through!!!

I recently lost my mother to cancer. She was 58 years old. I was able to visit her a week before she passed. We knew she wasn't doing well. So, I flew up to see her for my birthday. I was able to hug her.. talk to her.. celebrate my birthday with her. I was there for a week. My mother and I were VERY close, even though I have lived FAR away since I was 17. We would talk on the phone EVERY day. Any little thing in my life, I shared with her. Any little issue I asked for her advice. Dad and I were never close. Never on the same page. He didn't understand me.. and never really tried to make an effort. Until now. There is SOO much that I need help with.. advice.. things to share. And now I feel completely lost. I'm lost... I'm lonely... I am loveless... and I need help..