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NewPhillyGuy

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  1. Oh my gosh, what you've written here is so beautiful and uplifting that I need to save it! Thank you so much! Hi! Yes, I remember you too. It feels like it was so long ago! I was troubled then and I have come a long way - I hope! He's 3. I'm so thankful for my wife and our little guy. 😃
  2. I hear you, because when they're gone, they're gone. For me, the most striking thing is not being able to talk to a loved one who passed on. I experienced this when my grandparents passed away years ago. I was close to them. Yep, I hear that too. No one can tell us what happens. You can read about near death experiences, but are they true? What if they are hallucinations? I distract myself by watching something on TV, reading something on my phone, or talking to someone on a different topic.
  3. Hi Rose, no, nothing like that. I remember the panics starting when I was maybe 7-8 years old, but no traumatic event like that. Hi Seraphim, I have a young son also, and I have similar thoughts about him being in the world without me. Yes, I'm considering therapy for this. I was in therapy 6 years ago for something else and it's been a while. Thank you both for replying. I appreciate it!
  4. Hi All, I wasn't sure where to put this. For all of my life, I've had a very strong fear of dying. It gets triggered by things l see on TV or read online like about someone dying. I can't understand the idea of ceasing to exist - not thinking, feeling, seeing my loved ones, the universe going on without me? When I get triggered, I have a panic attack. I had one the other night and it was very scary. This happens every few months. I calm myself down by thinking I will go to heaven and see everyone I've ever loved and stay there for eternity. Does anyone else have this fear, and how do you deal with it?
  5. Gosh, I haven’t been here in so long!
  6. I remember reading some of your earlier threads about this girl. I'm sorry that things are going like this. I'm going through a pretty bad breakup right now too. I wish you the best.
  7. Here are some just based upon my own personal experience. Sorry if this sounds more like a ramble. Still under cold medicine comatose. Sends text messages, answers calls during the date, pays more attention to the mobile than you. Definitely a sign that you are "good enough for now" while the person waits on someone else. Answering the mobile later on is no big deal, but initially, very rude as you are supposed to be trying to get to know your date. Makes you wait too long to plan dates. This happened to me alot with one particular girl, and I actually blogged alot about it on here. It drove me nuts. I'd ask this girl on a date, and she would give me some wish-wash answer like, "well, I'd like to, but I might have to do X, or I tried to make plans with Y, so let me get back to you." I don't think a person should take longer than a few hours ideally, ONE DAY tops to accept/reject a proposed date. This girl would keep me waiting for days (and were exclusive for two moths at the time even!), in the worst case 4 days to accept plans I had suggested. This made me think she was trying to fix up dates with someone else and I was 2nd place, so she wanted to keep me on the back burner if her other plans didn't work out. If a person can't give you an upfront answer, it shows that you are a good backup plan, but nothing more. If a person is excited about going out with you, they are not going to do anything to risk those plans or risk making you feel disrespected. They are going to want to confirm as quickly as possible to get on your calendar. If a person can't give you a timely answer (which is no longer than a day, IMO), move on and find someone who's more respectful of your time. In 3-4 days time, you could be making dates with multiple women or even just with your friends. There's no reason to be waiting around on someone else for that long. Cancels on you last minute without good reasons. This is an obvious one, but just wanted to put it out there since it has happened to me. If someone bails on your date at the last minute, they better have a damn good reason - they are about to be hospitalized or a family member is on the deathbed. This has only happened to me once or twice that I can remember. This is an ultimate form of disrespect, in my opinion. Talks about the ex excessively. A little bit is OK, but too much lets you know the person is not over the ex, and you are most probably a rebound. Gets drunk on date. I can understand getting buzzed after you know the person well, but getting drunk when you hardly know the person - not cool. It shows that the person is not at all interested in making a good impression, has no self control, and is quite possibly in alcoholic. Orders really expensive early on. I've always found it offensive if you take someone out, and they order the most expensive items on the menu, especially if it's during the first few dates. You don't know the financial situation of the person so early on, so there's no reason to be blowing their money like that. Also, it would make me feel like the person just wants to be wined and dined. Never offers to get the check or split the bill. Yeah, yeah, I know the guy is supposed to pay, and I'm all for that, but there does come a point where you gotta look at the situation more objectively and realize - it's not fair for one person to be footing the bill all the time. If I'm dating a girl who never offers and always expects me to pay, she comes off like a gold-digger to me and won't get many more dates. While I do make good money, I have other goals that I want to meet, and I refuse to date someone who would be so inconsiderate and disrespectful of me. I think always expecting one person to pay is a BIG RED FLAG that the person is just using you. Too physical too soon. - I bet alot of guys are looking at me cross-eyed on this one, but I once dated a girl who would turn every situation into a makeout session. Not trying to sound prudish here, but if that's all you want when you are with the other person (esp early on), makes you wonder if they actually want to get to know you or just want a piece. With this particular girl, if we weren't making out, she didn't seem really interested in me - talking, getting to know me, etc. Sure, I'm a very physical/affectionate person myself, but there's a line that was crossed here. I felt more like a piece to her than anything else - not a good feeling. Means there's no long-term potential to me. She'll probably be off once she finds a guy who's more willing to give her what she wants or simply she finds a guy she considers more attractive. Always makes you go the distance. Since alot of people are into internet dating, people are meeting people that aren't around the corner. I've dated some people who constantly expected me to come to them. In my mind, this is equivalent to always expecting one person to pay. Gas is not cheap, so the other person should be understanding of that and willing to do the traveling 50% of the time. I can understand the guy coming to the girl initially, esp if met online, cause going far away to someone you don't know/an area you don't know can make someone nervous, but eventually, enough is enough and it's time to put in your half of the effort. If you find that your date always wants to do things close to her, makes excuses as to why she can't come out your way, forget it. If she's not willing to drive an hour for you now, she's most probably not going to do it later on. I think the expectation should be set early on that you are not going to do it all, and a 50/50 effort is expected. Talks negatively about family/comes from disrespectful family (This is one I learned from my own family). If you run into someone who's putting down parents, siblings, etc to you when you barely know the person, it's not a good sign. You want to put the best foot forward and cast yourself and your family in the brightest light possible, because you are a product of your family and upbringing. Not many people think about this....Also, makes me wonder how they would treat my family...? Would they talk about them like that behind my back when they hardly know them? Would they be so quick to judge harshly? This could also clue you into some family problems that you don't want to touch with a 24 foot pole. If the person doesn't come from a loving family with good parents, siblings that care and respect for each other, you may run into a situation where the family treats you and your family as badly as they treat each other. Been there, done that myself. When you marry someone, you marry the family too. No matter how great your SO is, if their family treats you bad, you can almost guarantee you are in for a very bumpy ride. Yeah, you can't choose your own family, but you can definitely choose to not associate with someone from a bad family. More times than not, I think it's a good idea to avoid someone who disrespects their family. You can pretty much write on the wall that the person will eventually treat you with the same disrespect. I'll add more if I can think of any others.
  8. I have no problem paying for dates. I think it's a nice gesture that a guy should extend, especially when he begins dating someone new. However, I don't think it's right for a woman to expect it, especially constantly. Let's be honest here. We all have ends to meet and bills to pay. If the dating turns into a relationship, I don't see any reason that one person should be footing all of the bills. It just makes more financial sense to meet eachother half way. Of course, every so often I will say let me get this one. I would hope that she would get me next time. Speaking from my own experience, I have dated women who have that expectation that the guy should pay all the time. If I sense that a person is like that, I take her much less seriously. If she's that selfish, it usually does not stop with money, and that's not something I want to deal with in the long run.
  9. Isn't the drinking age 18 in Australia? Why are you getting drunk then? Let this be a HARD LESSON LEARNED for you. There's nothing wrong with having some drinks, but you need to be responsible about it. Think about not only how it will affect you but others around you as well. Also, now you have some idea of how you act when drunk. I hope you will think about this next time, since you know now what you might get yourself into. What do you mean when you say you started abusing her? Some people are more forgiving than others. Depending on what you did and her personality, she may or may not wish to continue the friendship. If she does not, you just need to accept it and move on. I know that you liked this girl. You should realize that getting drunk and acting like a moron is not at all attractive to anyone. Women are more forward-looking than men, and they will gravitate to people around whom there's an air of safety and security for them. You are showing quite the opposite - instability and immaturity. I don't mean to be tough on you. I've learned some difficult lessons myself as well. I just hope that if I can tell someone else, they won't make my mistakes.
  10. Melis, been here. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Such is life. I'm really glad that you came to this site and are posting about your feelings. Keep it up. We are here for you. I read farther up this page the suggestion to write down things you dislike about your ex. It's really a good idea. When I was going through a REALLY TOUGH breakup, I had a list that I carried in my work bag. I would be doing just fine, but all of a sudden, I would be on the verge of tears. This is where the list helped. It helped to stay focused on the realization that this person was not good for me. I kept the list for months. I waited until I reached the point that I wasn't thinking about her at all. One day, I opened up a particular pocket in my bad, and thought wow look at this. At this point, I had not read the list in a couple months. I knew it was ok to throw it away then. I was over her. It felt great. Wishing you the best of luck. Breaking up with someone is a very hard thing to endure. It's a terrible feeling. Right now, you are probably scared that you will feel this way forever. You won't. I promise. You WILL get through this. Here are some things you can try aside from the list. 1) Go to the gym and work out. If you don't belong to a gym, consider joining one and make going a part of your routine. 2) Talk to members of your family about your feelings. This is something that you may not be comfortable doing. Maybe you have never before and are not sure how they would react. Don't be ashamed. You might try to talk someone you are not extremely close to, and you will be surprised by their understanding and compassion. Remember, plenty of people have gone through these situations! Call up your friends. They will understand. Call up someone you haven't spoken to in a while. They will understand and want to help you. Like I said, you are not the only one who has been here. When my fiancee left me, I called up an old friend from high school I hadnt talk to in several months. He drove a good distance so we could hang out and just talk. 4) Whenever I got upset, I would just get into my bed and lay there miserable. Eventually, I would fall asleep. I did this alot, so I could just sleep and not deal with my feelings. Don't do this. Get out. You need to take your mind off the situation. Keep looking for ways to distract yourself. 5) Alot of people say jump right in and date someone else. I don't think this is a great idea. You may just be prolonging your recovery, because really what you are doing here is rushing to recapture what you just lost. You need to take the time to process what happened and how you might learn from it. 6) Treat yourself. Don't go overboard though. Some people will go on a shopping spree and spend irresponsibly because they are emotionally off. Don't do this. Debt will just be another problem you have to deal with. Go out and get your favorite dish. Maybe just go to lunch or dinner at your favorite restaurant and bring a friend. This is what I mean. 7) It's OK to rethink the situation sometimes, but don't get into "analysis paralysis." Some people (me....notably) will kill themselves rethinking every situation and conversation over and over, and try to figure out - would we still be together if I didn't say this or do that. This is not healthy. The relationship ended for a reason. It just wasn't meant to be, and that's OK. It doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Maybe something is wrong with the other person or maybe you two just weren't compatible. That's ok! Someday, you will find someone with whom you are compatible. Until then, you have time for making your mistakes and learning, so things will be great once the right person comes along. I just remember what it was like. My plan was just to throw in my two cents, but it got alot longer than I expected. Good luck to you and keep on fighting. Remember - you WILL meet someone and if the person mistreated you, realize that EVERYONE gets back what they dish out.
  11. Nah, don't think so. Granted, I will give you that I can obsess over some things. That's just my personality. I didn't do that here though. I met this girl online, and we were talking for a few weeks before I made the move to ask her out. I try to get a grip on their personality a bit before I waste my time and money on a date. I kept it very low-key - just talking to her online and rarely calling her before we met in person. First date was great. She asked me on the second date and was really into me. As far as what happened after that - dunno and don't care. I just think she was self-absorbed and immature, and was hoping I would buy into that and keep chasing her. Sorry, not interested. Already working on another girl at work =)
  12. I told her bye bye last night actually. She became suddenly busy this coming weekend although we had started talking about a date. Communication from her went from normal and flirty to sparse. She hasn't shown any interest or promise otherwise, and the forward momentum and spark I saw from her last week are just gone. She went from contacting me fairly often to maybe a short communication (a txt, IM, etc) at the end of each day, perhaps to hold me at bay for some reason. Since she didn't return a phone call from 3 days ago, I just figured why bother and wrote her a quick email explaining that I didn't want to see her anymore and briefly got into my reasoning - essentially what I said above. Nothing was obviously happening here. I expect alot more from the people I date. I felt she should have been more respectful and mature in her dealings with me. End of story. Next!
  13. What you need is to focus on is yourself. I know that's going to be hard, since you are used to focusing outward - worrying and caring for others. I am not saying to become selfish! This quality of really caring about other people is really wonderful, and it will work great once you meet someone who will reciprocate. Please do not lose it - If boy takes care of girl and girl takes care of boy, we are good. If girl takes care of boy and boy takes care of himself, who takes care of girl??? As far as whether or not you have a problem, what do you think and feel? Do you think that seeing a psychologist would help? There are also some books on co-dependency you can read. If you decide to get a book, I would recommend speaking with a therapist at least a few times, so you can talk about, synthesize, and apply what you've read to your life and these situations. I feel for you and I understand where you are. I was there. I wish you only the best. =)
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